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I often feel lost
July 2, 2000
3:03 am
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mehuerta
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September 27, 2010
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I am a 39 year old married to an alcoholic, mother of a 17yr old and a 13 yr old. I have been a codependent for 20 years. I am still a codependent, an that is what hurts my heart so much. At my age you would think I should know better and take charge of my life. But to me that is the hardest thing to do. I know that this feeling of hopelessness can be dealt with, but why can't I. I have tried everything to make "our" lives more tolerable. At this time we are going to weekly couseling sessions, but I don't see any results yet, he is still emotionally detached from me and physically attached to a can of beer. Funny thing is that everyone thinks he's such a nice guy. He would bend over backwards for anybody. He's tremendously gifted in his line of work. But folks don't know him like I do. He can be cruel and very rude. He has told me that he is tired of me, but he doesn't leave and neither do I. His words have hurt our kids to the point where they have told me that they don't love him, and that makes me sad for him. I sometimes ask God what I did to deserve my life. I don't understand why he is so unhappy with me. I am not a bad person and I feel that I am a good wife, just not a perfect one.

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