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I need some insight
October 1, 2004
5:51 pm
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Workinonit

You said:

"Well Tez...Have I offended? I wonder if my last conversation about my encounters has put you off. I sure hope not but you are strangely silent........"

If I was over there with you I'd give you a big bear hug. Of course I'm not offended. Far from it. I love you all.

I'm involved in business activities that occasionally drag my full attention away from time to time. This was one such time.

Where the hell was I ..... 🙂

October 1, 2004
6:39 pm
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Cici.

I take your point. I never sit in judgment on anyone who is able to have casual sex and just leave it at that. Far from it.

It is just that the intimacy that sex entails usually results in emotional bonds being formed. Then the risk of suffering is very great.

Walling off our emotions to the extent that we are just getting our rocks off in sex entails the risk of isolating ourselves emotionally and the consequences of that - loneliness.

Very recently, when I had no woman in my life, I was approached by a woman, known to me from the dancing scene, offering me free, unattached sex. She explained to me that she had put a 'circle' (her words) around her emotions and only wanted 'shagging' and nothing else. Since she has a bad name with the women around the dance scene and I was horny at the time, I agreed that if she kept her mouth shut, I would shag her every Monday night and then disappear. I shagged her three consecutive Monday nights. I then noticed a gleam in her eyes that started to worry me. I saw the hurt that was coming to her. I realised that despite her words, she was out of touch with her emotions. I very kindly and thoughtfully terminated the relationship, thanking her profusely for her sharing of herself in that way. Since both of us were uncommitted to anyone else at the time, I have no 'moral' problem with that arrangement. But I fail to see how such an arrangement can not bring suffering to one or both parties in the end. I regard my fling with her a 'mistake' that I don't really want to repeat.

I had a woman friend many years ago who rang me asking me if I would do her a favor. I asked what she wanted and to my astonishment, she said:"I want you to come over to my place and to root me." I burst out laughing. I had never been propositioned so bluntly before in my life. The lady was a Pier Angeli look alike - very beautiful. I volunteered to only give her a massage and to see where it went - as if I didn't know. 🙂 We had sex several times before both of us realized that it wasn't working for either of us. I now realize the reason. There was not even a skerrick of the 'template' for either of us. I might as well have been 'pulling' myself - as might she.

So Cici, you can see that I am no prude - I don't take the moral high ground very readily. I was very good friends with two prostitutes in days gone bye. One was a 'Madam' who ended up running the 'prostitutes union' - an association formed by prostitutes to lobby politicians for enhanced protection of their members. I respect the rights of others to choose their sexual life styles as long as no one is hurt by it - e.g. paedophilia, rape, sexual abuse etc.

October 1, 2004
8:58 pm
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workinonit
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Cici, I think you are right about the generational differences but, I think you can teach an old dog new tricks. I am, out of emotional necessity learning to be satisfied with the act but, I agree with Tez that sometimes someone gets hurt. My only defense is to be upfront and learn from every encounter. The one time recently I was hurt I had an encounter of the opposite type shortly after and understood the feelings of the person I was having expectations about. Now, I can be his friend because I feel his space. Yeah, it was a good time but emotions do not have to creep in.

So Tez, good thing you are not here for that big bear hug, especially since you are attached...LOL

Thanks for the words Tez, I suppose I need to work on my insecurities next. Large undertaking but I am doing it anyway so why not do it in an aware state?

Cici, great conversation. I enjoy your cyberbabble. It makes me see thinks a bit differently.

Adios mi amigos! I am out with a girlfriend and will try to not worry about the encounters!!!!!

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