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I need help...encouragement...something.
May 8, 2008
5:36 pm
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red blonde
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red blonde
8-May-08

Been really depressed lately. I mean - REALLY depressed - to the point where I am so confused and havign stomach pains and headaches. I have even had thoughts about just ending it.

I just am so discouraged and tired. I do not even know what I want to do anymore. Very discouraged. Very upset. Very lonely.

Bf, his brother and nephew are out of town on a canoeing and fishing trip. I will hear from him when he has the chance - and if service is available. I am not sure that even he could get me out of this hole and I don't want him to be dragged into it with me.

It isn't about him, though I miss him. This is about me.

My life is in such a mess right now. My house is a disaster area, not dirty - just cluttered to the hilt - to the point where I can't find something when I need it. It is maybe too big for just me.

My cats have been sick and doing things places that they shouldn't be doing. I have had to put them in a large cage because I am so tired of cleaning up after them when I get up in the morning.

My yard is a mess too - with unkept hedges, etc. I work odd hours and that is getting to me.

I have so many projects going on and not accomplishing one thing! I feel like tearing my hair out besides feeling like one of my feet is nailed to the floor and that I am just going around in circles. I can't concentrate or focus anymore on anything without getting a headache. As soon as I try to focus on something - I am either interrupted by someone or something else that - needs - attention.

I am not sleeping well, only getting 5 or 6 hours, if I do sleep. Not eating well - don't have much of an appetite and when I do eat, it is not the right stuff.

And I just start to cry. At anything or nothing at all.

I haven't a clue as what to do. I have been this way for quite sometime now...just got worse since Monday.

I was taught (or conditioned) never to ask for help.

I also have been having short term memory loss...big time.

Please help me...I don't know what I want to do or what I should be doing right now. I am like stuck in quick sand and going under!

OH, and my 'to do' list looks like Mt. Everest at the moment.

I am glad that bf is away at this moment. I don't want to be with him like I am right now. Running to him is not going to solve any of my problems at the moment. I am just so frustrated with everything - cats, house, yard, work....I just want to sit here and cry. I am not WonderWoman!

May 8, 2008
5:37 pm
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red blonde
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Damn! even screwed that up!

May 8, 2008
6:28 pm
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on my way
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Do you think yo have reached burn-out?

Do you have any down time, or vacation time to get away or just relax?

You really sound overwhelmed to me....I know this is about you, but boy can I relate!!

Are you compromising anything too much?

Thoughts are powerful red. They can control our moods.

Do you have a good friend besides your bf that you can get out of the house with?

May 8, 2008
6:50 pm
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Friendma
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((((((((((REDBLONDE))))))))))

May 8, 2008
8:51 pm
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needtoheal
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(((((( Redblonde))))))

May 9, 2008
8:25 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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((reblonde))
nothing really to say. I hate when people tell me they've been there and understand and I also hate it when people just tell me to hang in there so I won't say that either.

I'll just say I am sorry you are feeling so down.

May 9, 2008
9:40 pm
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free
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know you're loved rb.

(((rb)))

free

May 9, 2008
10:15 pm
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red blonde
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Thank all of you!

((((((((OMW, Tiger, free, Need, Friendma))))))))

I really do feel loved by the people on this site....you guys are wonderful! You listen when I have no one else to listen to me. And you put up with my mood ups and downs. I don't get this way that often...but when I do - well - they get out of control at times.

I put this on the support side as well...and have been responding mostly there.

Bike week here in MB, SC...

ROLLING THUNDER! and it is sure screwing up the traffic here. 100,000 to 250,000 or more Harley people on the road! I can deal with it now...but it is just beginning and won't be quiet again until the next week Sunday.

May 13, 2008
12:02 pm
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peace4all
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(((((Red blonde))))
It sucks when we get into one of those moods, I am sorry your there. I was just thinking..what a trip it would be to see all those beautiful bikes...However, i am sure its a pain as far as traffic, but wow, this old grammie still thinks it would be cool to see. Maybe if you look at it in a different light it can become something good and put a smile on your face ...love in recovery, Peace..... ps...just take it one day at a time, one step at a time, you will get it done eventually....and if not ..then so what..lol..its just a house and just a yard. smiling here. take care of you....

May 14, 2008
10:38 pm
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red blonde
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Thanks Peace4all -

Today I did alot of yardwork. Trimmed bushes, lopped branches, raked and raked...got sun. Wore a tube top for the old gramps on the Harleys! So many bikers in town...some of the bikes are really something to behold. Rolled x's truck tire on rim out of my shed. Now to see if I can get his other tireless rim down from the top of a rack!

Got alot of bagging of bush trimmings and pine tags to do.

May 14, 2008
11:29 pm
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red blonde
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Also snipped some sprays of Jasmine and put them in a vase. It is beautiful here now...around 78 degrees and a nice breeze...Jasmine is in the air...and I wish I could open my windows...but too much noise.

May 15, 2008
2:19 am
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free
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Don't ya just love working in the yard rb?

I like putsing around- picking a few weekds here and there, planting some seeds, that kind of thing.

sounds like you go for the gusto.

go girl!

free

May 17, 2008
2:19 am
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red blonde
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free -

Most of the time, I do love yard work. But for the past year, I have done only as much as my yard requires. Right now I have pine tags to bag...maybe four big yard bags or more. My rock garden next to my back porch was destroyed when they were trying to locate my sewer line leak..I am going to try and salvage as much as I can..fortunately most of it is sand (I live near the beach - alot of sand, very little dirt here)- so I will have to shovel stuff on to a grate to sift the pebbles that I had put down from the sand that they shoveled on top. Thinking about putting down pavers and making it a small sitting area.

I have accomplished alot, lately, around the house.

Did you ever have your students work on that birthday problem or paradox?

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