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I love my family but . . . somthing's not right
March 13, 2005
8:00 pm
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littleturtle
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September 24, 2010
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I am in my early 20s and the only child at home still. I am very close with my parents and love them very much, but I think we may be an issue with boundaries.
Both of my parents suffered from alcholism before I was born. My mother has suffered from depression off and on my entire life. My older brother and I often say that it's very difficult to live up to her expectations. We constantly seek her approval. I feel very responsible for them. My parents aren't affectionate with each other. They have separate bedrooms. I have had trouble with relationships for the past four years. My ex-fiancee was contronlling and I tried meet his demands. My next boyfriend was clingy and irresponsible. I am aware men find me attractive and often get involved physically without knowing my partner properly. Over the past two years I have found it hard to be with one man for long periods as I often choose men that are emotionally unavailable. Usually when a men says they love me I can't leave quick enough. I have been prone to depression over the past few years and this affects my relationships as well. I am involved with a wonderful guy right now and I am scared that I'll screw things up again. He's moving 3200km to be with me. My parents are concervative Christians and disapprove of me living with someone. I am afraid of loosing their love, but I feel I need distance. My brother left the country for space, but he fought with my mother tremendously. I am afraid of leaving under bad cirrcumstances. I think we may have a codependent relationship, but I'm not sure. I feel that living in a remote community have made the relationship worse and I feel depressed again. I don't know if I should leave home now or wait till I'm done school or wait till I'm married. Please help.

March 14, 2005
12:46 pm
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Cici
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You should leave home, but not just for love....you should move for yourself. YOu need to establish your independence. Every younger person does this. Are you in a different country outside of the US?

Move out for YOU, not directly into a man's house.

March 15, 2005
12:31 pm
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eve
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I second Cici's opinion. You are old enough to move out. Get a place for yourself, I found it very important to get out from home for my personal development.

From there you can comfortably decide how you want to proceed with the relationship.

March 15, 2005
4:42 pm
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mamacinnamon
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September 27, 2010
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Glad you are here w/ us.

You mentioned waiting until you are out of school. College? Are your folks paying for it? If that be the case you may want to consider the ramifications if you move and have to depend on them for money.

Otherwise, I'd say you need to have a place of your own to get to know who you are, how to handle finances, what living on your own is like.

I'd not suggest moving in w/ the boyfriend tho. Not till you've had time to live on your own and see what that is like.

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