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I just don't know anymore...
May 8, 2006
4:34 pm
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gardengal
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I was always so sure in my faith. Now I'm mostly confused. I believed that God would take care of me and my family and I wasn't afraid. Now I'm anxious all of the time and can't seem to focas on trusting God or even to have peace. My family is just not right. I have such pain about my relationship, especially with my daughter. It makes it harder and harder to make it day by day. Just when I think we are doing better about getting along and walking in a loving atmosphere with each other, I realize there is still so much that has never be resolved. We have just hidden it. Don't talk, don't tell, especially don't be real...I just don't know anymore...

May 8, 2006
5:23 pm
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on my way
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Hi gardengal,
How old is your daughter?

May 8, 2006
5:48 pm
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gardengal
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My daughter is 34.

May 8, 2006
6:05 pm
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on my way
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hi, i just read your post in support threads too.

It is so hard being a mom, sometimes a very thankless task. If we were paid for what we do, we would be so wealthy! But, we do it out of love...that lasts longer anyway! No matter how rotten they are we still love them...where does that come from?? Don't you wonder sometimes? ha!

When your daughter turned 18, you were done mom. Everything you taught her had been assimilated or not. After 18, she took what she learned and did what she knew how to do with it. And the rest is history and NOT your fault.

Do you want to share what sorts of problems you are encountering with her, and too would it be easier to continue this thread in support threads where your other one is?

Also, you mentioned God. He is always working, I believe especially when things that have been buried come to the surface and we have to take a good hard look. Just best to keep our eyes on Him though or like Peter and the waves we will surely sink.

I'm a mom too btw, 3 boys. Many times I felt like a failure and as if I could have done a better job, and had so many 'if only's'and "do-overs" I wanted to do, until someone pointed out to me that I did the best I could do...and that not only was it their turn to take what they had learned and do something with it, but that I had to let go and let them, and that they never belonged to me in the first place...they are God's and He has a plan for their lives and is working that out. I just pray they have ears to hear and love Him enough as they were taught to be who they are supposed to be. And I have to admit, they have their 'stuff', but they are awesome young men and I am very proud of each one of them.

Hang in there, and keep posting ok?

May 8, 2006
9:44 pm
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gardengal
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My daughter is a beautiful, bright girl who seems to finally getting her life together. She really had some problems growing up, including running away, drinking, in trouble with the law, and eventually going to prison in her middle 20's. She got pregnant at 16 and had a son, who is now 17 and mostly has lived with my husband and I. (My husband died 3 years ago.) My grandson's father had aids and died several years ago. My daughter has aids but my grandson doesn't. My daughter is in a relationship with a farely stable man and just had a baby girl who is healthy (miraculously) and 8 months old. We get along much better than we used to and she has changed most of her destructive behaviors. I get upset at her because she doesn't help financially with her son and spends his social security to finance her life. I,being a widow, have money problems and could use some help with my grandson's expenses. If I try to ask about it, we argue. My son just got married two weeks ago and I was sort of the wedding planner. My daughter voluntered to do the cooking for the reception. She did an awsome job, but it was a big job and I tried to get her some help, but a lot of the people who were suspose to help, didn't show up. She now tells me she is angry and hurt because she felt left out of the wedding, didn't have enough help, and didn't feel she was welcome to come to my house and get dressed for the wedding.She also resents that she wasn't a part of the wedding party and wasn't in any of the pictures. I really had nothing to do with who was in the wedding, it was my son and daughter-in-law's decision. I just tried to help them with planning,etc. I guess I'm just tired of never doing enough for her to be satisfied or always feeling like I have to walk around on egg shells or she is going to feel hurt or something. And I still have troubles with my grandson who has dropped out of school and can't keep a job. They don't get along well, and he stays out of trouble when he is with me. He has a lot of resentment towards his mother.This sort of hits some of the situations I am dealing with, and I'm sorry this is so long.

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