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I feel guilty.
April 24, 2006
12:35 am
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i suppose guppy is pretty darn accurate for me. i love the water. i just spent the whole day at the beach!! but i didn't go out far enough for any ole shark to get me!!

April 24, 2006
9:51 am
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hi seeker, the bhuddist meeting went ok. It was more like a meditation group. We did a meditation for maybe 20 minutes. I dont know how benefitial it is sinc I'm just a beginner. I'll probably be going to more meetings if I think its any use for me.

April 24, 2006
9:12 pm
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Guest,

Your Buddhist meeting was like a meditation group, eh? I picture a roomful of you chanting, "There's no word like ohm, ohm, ohm; there's no word like ohm, ohm, ohm, ..." Can you tell I like the Wizard of Oz?

I hope your next meetings go better for you.

What did you do when you were all properly medicated ... I mean, meditated? Anything in particular?

Seeker

April 24, 2006
9:19 pm
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hi Seeker,

hehe.... Wizard of Oz eh. A friend of mind told me to watch it, because the concept of the movie she said was "what we're looking for, is already inside us".

Really, we did nothing. We just sat there, eyes closed or open (our choice), focused on our breath, herded back our mind to the breathing when we noticed our mind wandered off to other thoughts - thats about it.

No "revelation", no Nirvana or anything like that. If it did anything, it maybe made my mind a teeny weeny bit strong. I'm looking at meditation in a new light now, see the "Tez" thread where I talk about a mental workout.

Very interesting concept, I think that really may be the answer to our miseries. yay for the holy grail.. ! ha ha..... Yea.

April 24, 2006
9:19 pm
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guppy,

Well, you're an awfullly nice person, so I thought you should know that. I wasn't practicing for my next gf, but if I were, I couldn't have picked a nicer woman. :o)

Look open and happy, eh? It makes sense. I used to be good at conversing with strangers. I'd get sincerely interested in them and ask them all sorts of questions about themselves. In time, however, I got burned out as they consistently failed to show much interest in me, and I didn't know how to proceed after that.

When you talk with strangers, how much do you talk about them, and how much do you talk about yourself, and how much do you let them do the talking? I'm trying to find a happy balance. I want to connect again with people.

Seek

April 24, 2006
9:38 pm
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let me see, my mom would be the first to tell u, everybody seems to like to tell me their problems. i just listen. and show empathy. i can be sitting on a bench somewhere and somebody will sit down beside me and before i know it, they start unloading. esp. the elderly. it doesn't bother me. i dont take their stuff home with me. and i am like a kid magnet. i think they see the child in me and just always love me from the start.:) people in pain , or the very lonely often wont show interest in u because they need someone to talk to, not listen. if u stay around long enough for them to slow down, then there is my opening and i go for it. of course, the dryer guy startled me at first and i grilled him like an army seargent. and he answered every question. it was really funny. long story , short, i collect the elderly, kids and animals pretty easy. i was at a hardware store one day petting a rotweiler. the man that owned the store said i was the only person the dog ever let touch him. the dog was so mean , nobody could come near him. of course i didn't know that and obviously the dog didn't either. ha ha. perfect, i'm not seek, i just genuinely like people. and that comes across i think

April 24, 2006
10:26 pm
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i think what works best is just look like u are interested in them and most people will open up on their own. u notice u gave me an opening and i am blabbing. 🙂

like when i go to a bar. (i dont drink at all. too many alchoholics in my family. not going to take the chance) i dance with any man that has the nerve to ask me. i dont care what they look like, or what is wrong. i almost always end up on the dance floor all night. the woman who is on the make and waiting for prince charming usually ends up sitting at the table all night. know what i mean? i have had people make snide remarks about me doing that . but i figure they are the ones who miss the whole point. being kind is not going to hurt me, and i often end up with someone thanking me for dancing with his down syndrome brother. the pleasure is all mine. of course, the braggart,or the man who thinks he is all that because of his social standing usually gets on my not worth my time list later. who u are is found in your soul not your back pocket.....

that was one of the problems between my h and i. he was always trying to better himself by others. what everybody thinks is his top priority. i, on the other hand usually dont give a flip. it annoyed him to no end. and so I annoyed him to know end. and because he was all about show, i usally couldn't stand to be around him. we never did fit together.

April 24, 2006
10:30 pm
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guppy, I guess his initial "show" roped you in. In your opinion then, how did you end up with him? Maybe as it is, your heart was operating before your mind.

Its sad how affairs start with a spark and later end. I dont know what this means.

April 24, 2006
10:45 pm
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he was the typical charmer/abuser. after our first child, it all went down hill and only got worse. he acted all nice and innocent and i fell for it hook , line and sinker. but later when he thought he had me buried under responsibliies and my own love for my child, he started showing the real him. i think his biggest problem was he was jealous of me. intimidated by me, and at the same time wished he was more like me. what he couldn't be, he ended up hating. and because he couldn't be happy he tried his damndest to squash it out of me. i go around singing a song i heard once now- "i'm still standing better than i ever did" he brought me to my knees many times but he couldn't really take it out of me. he's still full of hate, and i am not.

April 24, 2006
10:51 pm
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alright, guest tell me some of your story. have u ever been married? what are your hobbies besides reading every self help book u can find.

and seek, i am all ears. how is it going for u since u seperated? r u dating yet? what do u do with ur spare time? bsides throw compliments my way 😉

April 24, 2006
11:21 pm
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guppy
you seem to have good solid grounded mental health. thats really good.

I'm single :((. Yea! hobbies? Internet, personal growth, music -thats about it.

I like this girl, she's totally sexy and irrestiable. But there's negative points in me and sadly, her too I think. I wish i could have her, but I know - my wishing her badly like this is not right. I should be happy 80% on my own, and 20% of my happiness should come from inside. If i mentally healthy I might have had her or other girls too. My mental health just does it for me 🙁 hm. oh well. thanks for asking.

April 24, 2006
11:29 pm
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yes, but be aware i have came out of a abusive relationship and am going to have problems with trust for awhile. and i know it is going to take alot of work on my part. so i guess we both have issues to work on. no? (just saying i dont have all my stuff together. ) but thanks for the compliment.

April 24, 2006
11:30 pm
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yes, but be aware i have came out of a abusive relationship and am going to have problems with trust for awhile. and i know it is going to take alot of work on my part. so i guess we both have issues to work on. no? (just saying i dont have all my stuff together. ) but thanks for the compliment.

April 24, 2006
11:30 pm
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yes, but be aware i have came out of a abusive relationship and am going to have problems with trust for awhile. and i know it is going to take alot of work on my part. so i guess we both have issues to work on. no? (just saying i dont have all my stuff together. ) but thanks for the compliment.

April 24, 2006
11:31 pm
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lol!!! my enter button stuck. sorry

April 25, 2006
12:00 am
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i think you got it more together than me atleast! you're able to play. aaaanyway, i will get there too one day.

April 25, 2006
12:45 am
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yes u will. no doubt about it. good night

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