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I feel guilty.
April 17, 2006
3:05 pm
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What happened twinky, what are you feeling guilty of? Share some more, bring it out.

I feel guilty of saying that I feel guilty of saying that I feel guilty of saying that I feel guilty. oops, sorry, I just HAD to do that.

Also you could write in the support threads if you wanted more support, but as you wish. I've broken that rule myself here and there.

April 17, 2006
3:11 pm
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"Twinks", sorry, not twinky: typo!

April 17, 2006
3:54 pm
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no really, I had "twinky" on my mind so didnt look carefully until after I posted. lol. ok sorry. I guess I failed to get out of it. This online dating thing is hard. I havent gotten past chapter 2 "Using nicks online". I guess I need to go back to chapter 1 "Typing mistakes and how to avoid them".

Ok well. I didnt know you opened this up for Seeker, I thought you wanted to talk about something yourself. Have a nice day...! With less typos than I do.

April 17, 2006
4:10 pm
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Yeaaa. Anyway, I recently called a friend kathy but should have said Katherine. I confused her with another friend I used to call Kathy. Then I wrote sorry and she wrote me thanks for being sensitive. The least you could do is bring me a sandwich too, if not a thanks. J/k oops. Not having a good day here, argh. But hm, its alright.

April 17, 2006
11:18 pm
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hi seeker,

how did your mom and dad treat you when you were small?

My mom beat the hell out of me physically and mentally. Thats why I now have problems in self-esteem. Its a very serious problem for me, it effects everything I do.

Right now I went out with this girl I like and I saw myself having issues there, like - anxiety, not being grounded. Sometimes were OK, a little bit good too, but it was not what I would say a strong mentally healthy person would have. Hoping to hear from you.

April 18, 2006
12:07 am
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guest-just thought i would let u know, that i am the one who posted to u on the other site u were on. couldn't stand by and watch u get your mental butt kicked by a miserable poster. u can't change those people. just be better than them and leave it alone. all he wanted was to take u down to his level. and it would only work if U let it. 🙂 (i was candy)

even though i am not posting here much anymore, i am watching your progress and cheering u on all the way!!!! :0

April 18, 2006
12:22 am
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it was just by accident i happened to be on the other site. a friend was showing it to me and low and behold i started reading the fiasco going on. i recognized u from here. all i can say is pondfish is a bottom feeder. not worth your time or trouble. be good.

April 18, 2006
1:09 am
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and guest-just to let u know...i managed to find my friend from here that we talked about once. Always hope for the best,,,u never know when it will show up!!!!

April 18, 2006
1:26 am
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twinks,

Hi, twinks! I'm sorry I haven't been here earlier. So you feel guilty about being a woman ... I just cannot fathom that. Women seem so pure, so noble, so lovely, they care and care and care until they just can't take it anymore, and then they care and care more.

One thought I have about men is that I wonder what they really do for women. They go off and work and earn money, but anymore so do a lot of women, and the women usually end up doing most, if not almost all, of the housework. So the women do more of the work. That's one reason I feel guilty.

I'll say more later. I'm too tired to say much more.

Take care,
Seeker

P.S. It's nice to be sought after!

April 18, 2006
1:27 am
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guest,

Again I appreciate your sentiments. Will get back to you later.

Seeker

April 18, 2006
1:28 am
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guppy,

It's good to see you again! It's been a long time. Why have you been gracing other sites and not gracing our very own AAC????? I miss your witty comments and clever insights.

Where have you been hanging out lately?

Seeker

April 18, 2006
9:38 am
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____guppy____, I left that site a couple of days ago by changing my password and email to something I couldnt remember so I couldnt login. That was the only way I could resist not logging in again. That pondfish was the biggest troll ever. It was a real sad scene where everything thinks pondfish is enlightening them by calling them monkeys and worse words. Gosh, how can people not see that? Some people were able to agree with me.

I'm real glad to have gotten out of that place, very toxic it was. Some posters said they could ignore the troll, but I cant. I think the negativity effects everyone.

Oh ok I guess you were the other mod nick. What a bad place. There are many other forums on self-esteem, I found out yesterday.

hey ____seeker_____,

First - you are not indebted at all to respond to me. Dont feel you have to respond. Ask yourself in a patient and accepting way "seeker dear, (or your real name when you call yourself like this), do you want to respond to guest_guest?"

If your authentic self says "no. I dont wanna respond to him. Maybe later. Maybe not in the near future or ever. Not now, for sure". Then its ok, you can not respond. This way you'll be true to yourself. So I wont mind if you dont respond. But I might read your progress and respond again. You can not respond and even then accept the advice you think will apply good for you.

>> One thought I have about men is that I wonder what they really do for women. << Try to personalize this message. Think about what you, seeker, have to offer to women. What you offer is not what other men offer, so speak for yourself only. By personalizing, you'll be able to get to the root of the issue. We're all different cases with different situations, so our problems are unique and our solutions unique. What do men have to offer for men? Healthy men can offer: Genuine love, understanding, companionship, patience and positive acceptance. This genuine love comes from their own self-acceptance and love. That means we have to love ourselves before we can love our partner. A lil about me now: I'm having a bad day here. Cant seem to let go of the negativity and pessimism. Ofcourse I couldnt sleep too so what a bummer. I think the sleep problem is the main problem for me. Its making me feel I wont suceed! But I just had a little faint hope of glimmer when I thought I'll read that self-esteem book. Oh wellll..... the day will pass. I will progress hopefully a little and will try to flex my mental muscles.

April 18, 2006
10:33 am
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hey seeker-miss me huh? 🙂 i am still in texas. dont know when i will be going home. not to worried about it either. am still seperated from spouse. yeeeeaaaa. i have got to know everybody that comes anywhere near the pool where i am staying.

where have i been hanging out? um, let me see....with philmore!!!:)( a little nancy drew on my part and bad timing on his and wa la!! i found him. ha ha) Actually , i am doing really good. no problemos lately. Except one; his computer has been down since the eleventh!! AAAAuuuGGGHHH!! as he would say!:0

i showed this site to a lady in the lobby of the hotel the other day and she showed me another site that guest was on. he was surrounded by bullies. glad to see he made it out alive!!!!! being a guppy myself, i couldn't stand by and watch some creepy ole pondfish wreck him.

seek-how have u been doing lately?

April 18, 2006
10:59 am
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guppy I might just have missed the "defense" you did for me since I had left that site and cant even read threads without logging in, which I cant do since I changed my password to something I dont know. but thanks for coming there and defending me. I know though I have to depend on myself for standing up. Thats a reaaaal crazy place, um.. not for me. Some can go there, but not for me. My last post was in the first sub-forum where the two doctors are having goes at solving problem. If you did a search for my name, you might see it. thanks.

April 18, 2006
1:27 pm
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no, i didn't search for your name. a girl here is already on the site, and when she pulled up one place there u were all over. i had to see what was going on......u know how guppies are nosey, nosey , nosey. and even though u feel like u should stand up for yourself guest; dont be so hardheaded and think u dont need friends. I NEED friends. and i welcome them. Just because one person mentally took u out as a child, doesn't mean the rest of the world feels that way about u. Actually, i am becoming a spoiled little shit round here. (in a good way) i wouldn't be doing as good as i am now if it weren't for close friends who intervened on my behalf when i couldn't. they actually showed me how to do it.....:)

April 18, 2006
1:41 pm
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guppy, are you saying that girl was supporting me? I dont remember anyone supporting me. The thing was, people were thinking that the troll is actually enlightening when all he was doing is calling them monkeys, fools, blabber whores, sluts and what not. Can you imagine? Anyone who thinks that troll is a Bhudda needs a serious kick in the pants and I'll be glad to give them that, many of those kicks infact. Then the morons had the audacity to say that I was being a troll and what not. That made me the most angry, so I said to them "What if you say to your mother, what this troll is saying to you? Are you going to tell her that its her that has allowed herself to be offended?". That made me so angry. Things like that. I take it to the extreme when making a point. I know the blibber blabber is useless and time wasting so I cut it short and get to the bottom.
Yes, there were some nice people on the site, but I feel they're the exception. Anyone who thinks pondFish is a Bhudda, needs their head examined. Anyone who thinks *I* should think Pondfish is a bhudda too, needs a kick in the pants from me.

Sometimes if I see someone real bad, I have to speak out. Their "evilness" just makes me go out because I get tired of other people being "nice" to them and wasting time so I try my straight technique which results in a climax because I dont waste time..

Anyway. its not a problem. I'm past all that. I left the site.

I know I need friends, I think I doubt my ability to make good friends and I doubt I have much exciting to share in a relationship/friendship, except when I'm feeling very good about myself and then my joy naturally spills out of me and effects everyone in a positive infectious way where I dont even have to care who I'm effecting.

I hope I can have more of those good times, first I need my sleep back. I wish I had it. I dont know whats wrong with me, why I'm not able to sleep, but I'll keep trying for myself.

Sorry this turned into another topic, and thats probably my fault as usual, heh. Hmm. Seeker might start a thread or join this one if he feels like.

April 18, 2006
2:15 pm
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Dang Guest, chill, i wasn't talking about the morons on the other site. u did end up with kathy did u not? look for the good......u did get a friend out of the chaos didn't u?

i'm going to take my guppy butt to the pool and swim my little tail off.

u can change the topic to anything U want to.

April 18, 2006
2:20 pm
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Yea, I found kathy, I'm in touch with her and thankful for that. But I didnt know what girl you were talking about so I asked. Anyway! Hmm. Have fun swimming.

April 18, 2006
3:18 pm
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Wow! Just not be on the computer for a day and see how the posts multiply, while my ability to follow them lessens. This just adds to my confusion and I'm totally divided on how to reply. This must be a "sine" of the times. (If the sine is codependent, it becomes a cosine of the times. But now I'm getting off into tangents.) I love math ... can you tell? lol

twinks,

It sounds like you're very capable. I'm impressed with all the things you can do. I can't do car mechanics apart from changing oil -- oh, yes, I CAN change the air filter, lol. I'm so talented. ;o)

I've been trying to figure out how to put my feelings about guilt for being a man into words. The closest thing I can think of now is that I feel that, even at my very best, I don't have nearly as much to offer a woman as she can offer me on a typical day. I've experienced how nurturing women can be, and I don't feel worthy of that. I don't feel I can offer enough back in return. Does this make sense to you? Maybe part of it lies in some abandonment issues I underwent growing up.

BTW, twinks, are you European? You said "crikey", which makes me think you might be.

guest, thank you for your concern, but I assure you I really want to reply. I just was not able to be on this site more than a few minutes yesterday, and won't again for quite a few hours after this, in fact I won't have much time on this site till probably Friday. In fact, I have to get off now. Aggh! How frustrating.

guppy, nice to hear back from you. I'm glad you're doing okay. So you're with Philmore -- I hope he's doing well. Tell him hi for me, please. And happy swimming! That's why you're "guppy", isn't it, because you like swimming?

Take care,
Seeker

April 18, 2006
6:53 pm
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no, seek-i am not WITH philmore. i am intouch.keep it straight.

yes, guppy and pool go together pretty darn good. 🙂

April 19, 2006
2:19 pm
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seek-just to let u know. phil's computer is down, so he is not writing to me anymore. 😉 u will probably have better luck catching him on here, just my guest anyway. oops. typo, i meant guess. cath u later.

April 20, 2006
12:39 am
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twinks,

Well, you are very resourceful, if not a certified car mechanic. I'd have never thought to use superglue there. And I'm impressed you would take in on yourself to TA in math. It's because the children need it, so you'll do it whether you want to or not. Am I right???? You women are so wonderfully predictable. :o)

I look forward to catching up with you on the weekend.

BTW, where in Europe are you?

Seeker

April 20, 2006
12:41 am
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guppy,

Hi again. I stand corrected: you are in contact with Philmore via computer, until his PC crashed anyway. I'm sorry you're separated from your spouse. So am I, and it's a real bear. Be careful the bear doesn't swallow up guppy, okay? Normally they prefer trout and salmon, but you never can tell with them.

Didn't you have an operation on your eyes? If so, how did that all work out?

Seeker

April 21, 2006
9:27 am
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seeker, in my bad moods I too feel like you that I dont have anything to offer. Its only in the bad moods though. How frequent are these bad moods? Maybe 40% of the time I dont know.

Recently I had some failures with the girl I like, all because of self-doubts and having a dysfunctional relationship with myself. I dont know what its going to take. I hope I get a call back from Dr Nathan so I can get counseling from him, that would be awesome.

Knowing what we're feeling, why we're feeling that way, feeling the feelings fully, acknolwedging them and then letting them go - thats part of a healthy relationship with ourself. I'll try to have a better relationship with myself today.

April 21, 2006
9:55 am
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hi twinks,

So it's the old hand-me-down-from-my-mother guilt, eh? :o) I just can't see why your mother would feel that way, unless she felt put down by the men in her life (such as her father and husband) and thought it must be because of something she did.

For the life of me, I don't understand how any man could put down the typical woman. Women are so nurturing, so giving, and willing to step outside themselves for others that I just don't understand how a man couldn't be in awe of them.

Maybe we could help each other overcome our respective guilts. I realized the other day that I feel guilty because of sexual impulses I feel toward women. I imagine they'd be angry with me if they knew I had them. I feel women already have life harder than men, and I don't want to add any more burdens on them. Does that make sense?

I'd love to visit England. So you're within a stone's throw of Stonehenge? Is that a Stonehenge-stone's throw (that is, a 100-ton boulder?). If so, you're a lot stronger than me! lol

Take care,
Seeker

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