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I don't think my God would do these things. Confused and hurt by Him.
January 22, 2008
12:43 am
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I have prayed for my marriage; but he isn't answering. I am ready to take my own life. He isn't anwering. Wny?

In two previous marriages, I didn't even give a damn. And, I left happy.

I cared this time. Loved him and prayed for the strength to have a more christian marriage.

This is the worst I have ever felt.

I am lying in bed, repeating affirmations that I should not willingly leave my kids on this earth alone.

Would my God really do this???
I mean, this is horrible. My heart is physically aching. Not to mention these young innocient children that he lets suffer. WHY???:?? Please, why? I am so desparate for an answer to a prayer tonight.

January 22, 2008
1:06 am
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Sweetheart i am so sorry that your going through such a difficult time. I have found throughout my struggles that sometimes God says yes some times God says no and sometimes God says Later. We dont know why these things happen sweetheart sometimes it does feel like were being ignored but we are not its just takes time and faith. Were on Gods time sweetheart and that is so different from our time. ((abandoned)) Hang in there sweetheart

January 22, 2008
1:12 am
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Hi abandoned.

I wish I could bear this feeling for you tonight. I know it's so heavy.

Tell me, what is the answer you are looking for?

Reread my question.

(((abandoned)))

free

January 22, 2008
8:07 am
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And, thats why I'm an atheist.

January 22, 2008
11:20 am
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Abandoned -

Please do not leave your children. They will never recover from the trauma of losing their mother in such a tragic manner. My late husband committed suicide. My sons have NEVER fully recovered, despite the passing of years, therapy, medication, etc.

This will pass...this pain you are feeling CAN be overcome. Please reach out for help to someone who cares for you. Do you have a close friend? A family member? A minister? A counselor? Someone you can entrust with the despair you are feeling? If you do not have anyone, please go to the nearest emergency room and request immediate help. Please do this...for yourself, for your children. Life is precious. Don't give it up. You can get past this.

- Ma Strong

January 23, 2008
5:39 pm
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((abandoned)) It is so horrible to feel that God is not answering. Sometimes the answer is not yes or no. but Not Now or Not in this way.

How has God answered your prayers in the past? is it through actions of others? Is is by a peaceful feeling? do you get a glow in your heart?

January 23, 2008
5:48 pm
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Oh Abandoned I wish I could give you a real hug. I sat in church for over two years praying "Dear God there is something wrong with my marriage, please fix it or help me fix it." It didn't happen and we divorced. There was a time in my life that I do not admit to anyone and would not admit here if it weren't anonymous that I thought of taking my own life. I was afraid to leave my daughter with the legacy of having a mother who committed suicide so in my sick twisted way I decided it would be best if I took her life first and then mine. Somewhere in the sickness I worried that if I killed her I wouldn't have the nerve to kill myself and I would have to live with what I had done to my precious baby. I called my sister in law and told her to come get the baby that I had hit bottom. She came and took her no questions asked. I made and appointment that day with a therepist who put me on Prozac. I thank God every day that I didn't follow through and asked for help. Is there anyone, a friend or friend of a friend that can take your children. Is there a family member? You don't have to tell them your thoughts. Just get yourself some help. I am so glad I did. I am miserable today, but I have my baby and she makes me happy. Don't end your life. Nothing is worth it and believe me when I say I have been in your shoes. Reachh out to someone. Do Something. Take your children for icecream. Get out of the house. Ask for help. Take care of yourself. Stay here and ask us to support you. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. Don't give up on God and don't give up on your marriage. I wish I hadn't.
We don't have a preview so I will trust that these words came from God to help you and if they didn't then I will take full responsibility. Bitsy

Bitsy

January 24, 2008
5:25 pm
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guest_guest

On the 22-Jan-08 you wrote:

"And, thats why I'm an atheist."

Oh ... you are a very naughty, mischievous boy - aren't you.

Remember how much you were hurting when you were abandoned by Ms Cutie Pie?

Doesn't that painful memory make you feel like giving 'Abandoned?' a reassuring, comforting hug rather than implying that her God doesn't exist?

((((Abandoned?))))

January 24, 2008
8:26 pm
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Thank you Tez. I was going to say something to that nature as well. Its good to see you back.

Its hard to understand God sometimes. I too have felt such pain and have asked these questions.

But you must remember, God NEVER wants us to take our own life. It is not ours to take. It is God's decision. We are His. We are put on this earth for a reason. Sometimes it takes Him yrs to reveal this to us. Sometimes we may never know the answers to why things happen or why He didnt intervene, until He calls us to heaven. But when we dont understand, when we can't see His plan, when we can't trace His hand, trust His heart. He loves you no matter what you are going through.

I find it comforting knowing that God knows how many teardrops we shed every time we cry. It makes me realize that He cares enough to not let us cry alone. I sometimes picture His hand catching my tear drops as I cry. You are not alone. He loves you and grieves with you as you go through this time. And He grieves for His child (your husband) who is not following His plan right now. But He created us to make our own choices. Sometimes we screw up. And when we screw up, and turn our back from God, we can sometimes hurt and mess up other peoples lives too.

Sometimes God places people in our lives for a reason. Sometimes that person is there only for a short time, for the soul purpose to accomplish a specic task in our lives, such as bringing a friend to Christ or helping that person through a difficult time. I've had several of these friends in my life...there for a mission, but move on all too soon. Sometimes people are meant to stay in our lives forever.

I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. I will pray God will send you a friend that will be there for you, to offer you guidance, comfort, and prayer support.

A big christian hug and prayers,

the wall

January 27, 2008
4:25 pm
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God didn't promise us a rose garden while we were on this planet and in this fleshly state. He tells us that there will be "trials and tribulations" because of Him.

However, he makes promises, do you know what they are?
Do you know WHERE they are?
Are you following the given guidelines?

Begin in the Gospel of John.

Read the proverbs and Psalms.

Pray

Seek Godly counsel.

Here are a couple of websites:

ChristainAnswers.net
(Relax and watch the videos.) 🙂

GotQuestions.org
Ask your questions and find numberous related ones listed at the bottom of each answer too.

Its a start 🙂
Good luck and God Bless.

January 27, 2008
4:31 pm
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January 27, 2008
5:08 pm
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Tez, what I meant was that its better to not depend on an imaginary God for any support because its never going to come. Yea I know I'm not the best 'empathizer' but I think realizing that there's no God and no divine help is going to come and if there's any help coming it can come from this earth including ourselves only, its more helpful than depending on imaginary help from an imaginary God. What support can I give to someone about suicide when I'm suicidal myself? I'll say to them, hang in there, it would get better. This is a tough time and it will definitely pass.

January 27, 2008
6:07 pm
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But guest, you are not the final authority on whether there is a God or not. You have no right to convince someone there is no God. You can believe it for yourself, and thats your choice, but you can not and should not tell someone else how to believe.

For me, I believe very strongly that there is a God. Faith and the Bible are just some of my "proof" for myself. If we are convinced we believe a certain way, we will find evidence to support our beliefs, either way. But just because we believe a certain way, doesnt make us right....and sometimes it doesnt make us wrong.

January 27, 2008
6:33 pm
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You are right, guest_guest. It IS best not to look toward an IMAGINARY god.

It is better to get to know the real One.

🙂

Good luck, and God speed.

January 27, 2008
7:34 pm
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Tez, another thing: part of Abandoned's confusion comes from the fact that her God is not helping her and stuff. I dont think she'll loose faith. But if a person lets go of religion and God they dont have to be confused by things like this. Then its only bad luck or just how things turned out to be. It was no fault of hers that her 3rd hubby turned bad.

Abandoned if you think only you suffered, God lets people suffer everywhere all the time, e.g. the Tsunami and other disasters and everywhere where children are hurt, like the guy who threw 4 of his kids (all below 5 years old I think?) over a bridge. For me an athiest, its just bad luck and its nature. Some lion cubs get killed and mauled by the new male lion who joins the pride. There's so much injustice and cruelty in the world. Its just how it is. Again for sure, times will get better than what you have right now. Believe in whatever works for you. I feel your sadness and helplessness and anger and confusion. Things will become better.

January 27, 2008
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thewall, thats ok, I'm not convincing anyone, I was only telling why I dont believe in God becuase yes, he doesnt listen to any single person and he doesnt care and he lets living things be hurt and all he does is watch. Its like he's not even there, which is what it is. Believe in whatever works for you. Thats what we all do. Its soothing to believe there's someone who is watching over us and who will take care of everything.

January 27, 2008
8:55 pm
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God doesn't ever abandon people. We are His children. This life is a test. We knew Him before because we lived with Him. Here we have to survive on faith. It's not easy and sometimes we are hurt in horrible horrible ways because someone in our lives has made evil choices.Why doesn't God step in? Because he is giving us a chance to step up and show what choices we can make. Do we suffer? Yes. So did Christ.

January 27, 2008
11:19 pm
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Tiger -

Amen. And amen.

January 28, 2008
12:35 am
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G_dude!

Good point - It is soothing to believe there's someone who is watching over us and who will take care of everything.

I have observed this here at this site, and in my life. In the times of the greatest pain and fear come the greatest conversions, e.g. jailhouse conversions, deathbed confessions.

I wonder if this is more true for specific personality types? Hmm - I think I might google and see if there is any research being done in this area. Thanks, G_!

January 28, 2008
11:15 am
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I have also sat in church, several actually, and felt so alone, so isolated and abandoned that I have to leave...several different denominations and congreatations, cause I just did not fit in...people never warmed up to me, I mean I got the fishy handshake, the how do you do and I am fine and then they kinda of vanish deal...I tried to be active and volunteer, attend other functions only to be alone again...I cried to god and he is silent, never felt him, just my crazy mind thinking it was him and could not tell who he was and who I was..so i stopped praying and feel better now.

The bibical god is not kind or loving and he is coming back to murder and slaughter those of us who I guess were not faithful enough, or kind enough or whatever here...I am done trying. I see faith as really more as positive thinking, if anyone thinks this way, better things come their way...but remember its economics too, if not for my husband I would be on wic living in a slum with child, but because he is a professional, we live in a very nice upper class area and we have a safe and comfortable lifestyle, did god have a hand in this? NO...my husband is atheist, a smart one and that is why we do not strave or struggle as much as most others.

just writing this makes me sad with anxiety and fear of death from him, that he will strike me dead, its not out of rebellion or hate or etc, its just how it is for me and most others I think...

I cried for a friend who would have a cup of coffee with me, for what a decade and it never materialized, guess I deserve to be alone too?

January 28, 2008
5:30 pm
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survivor,
I have sat in congretation and felt alone. I've been a member of the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints all my life and I have felt so isolated. I felt like no one cared or understood my problems.
I think faith is a positive feeling. Like knowing the sun will keep shining. even though sun could explode and we wouldn't know for at least 8 minutes because that's how long it takes sunlight to reach the earth......where was I going with this. oh yeah. All postive feelings are good.

Have you ever cut out pictures or drawn pictures of what you want out of life? the subconscious mind thinks in pictures better than words. focus in on pictures of what you want.

-stronginhim thanks for the amen.

January 29, 2008
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thanks bevdee, my trusty infidel! Yea, its soothing to think there's some higher power up there. You know when I was in the process of leaving my faith, I was pained that this same higher power was not helping me at all, had put me in a well of filth (bad parenting) and was not getting me out of it. I was angry. He put me in this mess (i didnt ask for it) and he wasnt doing anytyhing about it? I was getting angrier and angrier until I found out defects about the religion. And that was it. I knew it was all wrong. All that I had believed in and depended on, had something seroiusly wrong with it. I thought I was the only one who knew this. Later I found like minded others to my relief and delight.

It was sad. I had that "father" in the sky who I loved and feared and what not, depended on him for everything. To see him not care and not do anything and to walk away from him knowing that its a hoax, was an experience. I'm glad I did it. To face the truth is better is any case than to be living with false hopes and a hoax. Now I'm not confused if I or someone else undergoes some tradegy or mishap. I recognize it as a property of nature and life. Its random. Stuff happens to everyone, all the time. If its not me, its the guy next door. Its just a matter of statistics. Which gazelle gets mauled and eaten by which lion is not a matter of God deciding anything, its just a random statistic and bad luck. Life is like, its random and some of it is in our control, some is not.

Now we can understand the Tsunami. It wasnt God ignoring the 250,000 people who died, it was a natural event like the dinosaur extinction. Bad things happen sometimes and sometimes we cant stop them, thats just nature.

Again in Abandoned case, abandoned, your situation will get better. Just wait it out. You'll see.

January 30, 2008
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Guest guest,

I feel your pain and your anger at God. I've been there myself..been hurt by God, questioned God, gotten angry at God, felt left by God, felt ripped off by God, picked on by God... but...

My God did not create the world to be so screwd up. In fact, in the garden of Eden, he created it to be perfect. He created man to be prefect. But where did things go wrong? One could blame God or one could blame Adam and Eve.

God created us to have a choice in life. He didnt want us to be forced to love him. So he created us to have a free will. I guess in a way I can understand it. Love isnt love if its forced. Love isnt love if the person has no choice in the matter. He wanted people to genuinely love Him, for who He is and for what He has done for us (dying on the cross).

In a way I wish He would have just created us like little robots...program us to love all and do good always. Would have saved me a whole lifetime of heart ache. Mom wouldnt have beaten me day in and day out from the time I was 2 (and she was a sunday school teacher).

Dad wouldnt have been a drunk and chased me at the age of 5 with a hammer, or with guns, trying to kill us. He wouldnt have kidnapped me at age 5 either. Why did He make my daddy die when I was 12? Bc after he died, we were left in poverty and I was left eating dog scraps the neighbors gave to my dog.

Uncle pervert, Mr church going man, would not have molested me for 6 yrs.

Mommy dearest would not have sexually abused me.

Boss dude, mr chruch going man, would not have raped me.

Sister and aunts would not have stolen from me after mom died, or so loudly claimed that my mother died hating me and will always hate me. Such sweet church going people, arent they?

And thats not even my whole life story of bad things happening to a good person. But I'll spare you the rest of the story. You get the picture.

But nooooo... God created us to make our own choices, which, ok, does have its advantages most of the time. But damn it if Adam and Eve didnt screw up the whole thing for all of us. At the moment they disobeyed God by eating the apple, the world instantly became imperfect, and so did man. Thats when the s*** hit the fan, and it hasnt stopped since. Pisses me off.

So where was God in all of my life situations? I didnt always see it at the time, but He was there keeping me sane. He was there providing supportive people in my life to help me through those times. Sometimes there were life lessons to be learned. Not that God wished those times on me, but lessons were learned anyway.

You see, tough times can make us bitter or better. We get to choose that. Because why? yea thats right..because God created us to make choices. yippee!

I dont believe for a minute God wanted those things to happen to me. Never. Thats not the loving God I believe in. But bc we were created to make choices, sometimes the choices we make can royally screw up and affect the lives of other people around us. Thats all the more reason why we need to think through our options before we make choices...BECAUSE ITS NOT ALL ABOUT US! It hurts other people too!! (yea mommy dearest!).

But throughout the times I was going thru all of my stuff, I believe God was up there with His heart breaking just as much as mine was. getting angry at all the perverts and sick-os in my life, probably sometimes wishing that He would have just chosen to create us like little robots instead of royally screwing up the perfect world that He spent 6 days creating, all bc of our selfish behaviors, wants , desires, and hang ups.

I just came from the funeral home of a woman who hung herself. Her stupid act has now left 2 teenage children motherless and wondering why their mommy did not love them enough to live. Stupid selfish choices can royally fuck up other peoples lives. Those poor kids.

My favorite story in the bible is found in Genisis. Its the story of Joseph. Read it sometime. In a brief nutshell, The brothers got jealous of him, told dad Joseph had died, when actually the brothers had thrown him in prison.... bad things keep happening to poor innocent Joseph for yrs. Crappy stuff. False accusations, prison, abuse, you name it.

But in the end, a famine had taken place in the land where the brothers lived. By then Joseph had become king of another land and had all the wealth and food fit for a king. He had two choices... keep it all for himself, or share it with his brothers.

He sends for them to come to him. They do not recognize him bc he is in his king clothes and has a beard, is several yrs older, and is in another country. Besides, they think hes in prison for life where they left him.

So they all show up. He wants to see if they have changed their ways or if they are still as dishonest as ever. So he puts a gold cup in the sack of food he gave one of his brothers just to see if the brother will return it. Sure enough brother returns the cup, saying it must have gotten here by accident, this isnt mine, etc. Joseph realizes the brothers have a changed heart, tells them all who he is, and feeds them well and restores the relationship. When the brothers are facing Joseph, they fear retaliation or punshment, or anger.

But Jospeh's response to them was this .....(I love this part)
"YOu intended to harm me, but God intended it for Good, what is now being done, the saving of many lives" Genesis 50:19-20.

What Joe was saying here is that God had a reason why all this bad crap was happening to him, God had a lesson to be learned for Joseph and in the end rewarded him 10 billion times better life than had all of this not happened to him. He got the opportunity to help his brothers in ways he may never have been able to before all that stuff happeend. We just have to be patient with God long enough to reap our rewards, or learn our life lesson or self improvement. See, Joe chose to become better , not bitter throughout it all. It took God many many yrs to reveal those life lessons and joy to Joe but he stuck it out and reaped the rewards.

God did not want his brothers to mistreat Joseph, that was their CHOICE based from their selfish sinful nature, but God made something good out of it bc Josephs heart was still honoring God and trusting Him throughout the whole painful process.

MY life is very rewarding. I dont have alot of money but I got extra every month, middle class income, house, vacations, car, etc. My whole family is either dead or off in their own dysfunctional perverted lifestyle. But Ive got the best husband in the world. And boy do I have joy and faith and contentment, and a happy life now.

I never believed God MADE those things happen to me, but I have always believed that He allowed them and that He would make something good out of it, in HIS TIME (slow as it is sometimes) just like He promised in Romans 8:28 "and we know that in all things God works for the good to those who love Him".

I'm living proof that God doesnt leave us when bad things come our way. And so is Joseph.

January 30, 2008
9:09 pm
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I think it was Satan's plan that we all be robots and never hurt each other or learn to repent or forgive.

January 30, 2008
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thewall, thanks for sharing that story again. Its about impossible that you survived all you did. I dont know how you did.

As for belief in God, you know, its a personal belief in that, none of us get convinced by anyone else so we believe what we want to. Since the beliefs in question are not tangible, it is maybe equally likely to believe in them as it is, to not believe in them, considering an average human being. By average I dont mean degrading but rather, take us all up, add up and divide.

No one disputes the sky is blue. There's no one that says "its red", because we can all see it. Since belief in god is not tangible, it is fairly easy to go either way (repeating myself mm, but in another way).

Ok I still dont know how you survived all that. I cant understand how anyone could. I wish scientists did a study on your life to see how you survived through all this.

You're right though I guess, we make choices, just like I made the choice to come to this board, or made the choice to go to my psych doc.

I dont know about these Bible stories. Who knows if they were really true or not. If they are parables and meant to "teach us" than I dont accept those things. One can use a parable to teach anything (e.g. Once there was an apple who had worms in it but it liked the worms, so we should like worms too if we have them - you know, stuff like that). Thats why I only like real life examples, stuff that actually happened. Who knows what happened thousands of years ago and what part of it was really true, due to the transmission errors.

I did read the joseph story now, but yea, I dont believe it really happened. It sounds too good to be true, like a fairy tale so, its not of any interest for me. Much more perplexging though ofcourse is your own story i.e., I cant understand how your self-esteem survived, how you still knew how to happy and stuff. Undergoing the hell you did, would make it impossible for anyone else to lead a normal life. I dont know what the different variables are of your story and how it exactly worked and why but its amazing.

Anyway, me will still a disbeliever in God. You know it, thewall - happy athiests exist. Unhappy believers exists. Happiness, quality of life and contentment has zero to do with your belief system. It has nothing to do with it.

Meanwhile I take my Prozac and hope to get a restful sleep, heh! I'm finally on it, what I thought I would never ever take, I'm on it, willing to give it a a try. Hopefully I wont give up before the doctor tells me to.

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