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I Bring You the New and Improved Bitsy
November 5, 2009
7:57 am
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Several things have happened this week that have made some internal shifts in me. It has happened over several threads, but on one someone said something about a person who wouldn't respect the boundaries of marriage couldn't be trusted to respect any other boundary. That struck a real chord with me given my history. Wow! I knew before I entered a relationship with R that he had been involved in the break up of at least one relationship. He is now in the third relationship where he broke up a marriage. Shame on him. SHAME ON ME for entering a relationship with him in the first place.

In another thread Destiny said something about "she wasn't a snake handler" and she gave up trying to handle her ex because she "was tired of getting bit". WOWSA! How many times did I get bit. How many times did I ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN????

On another thread I gave Robbie some "motherly advice" and she responded that Cat had a good mother. Ma Strong seconded the opinion saying she wished I had been her mother.

I AM a pretty damn good mother. I struggle with it daily but I am pretty good. I have a job I love (struggling financially, but who isn't) I am living in a nice house, that I have managed to provide myself. I have some money, not enough but is there ever. I have the Baby Boy Dog who is my heart and I have Kitten. Granted I am probably delusional since the two fo them have had me up and down since 2 am. But for all my wallowing in self pity the past two years about the injustice that was done to me when R cheated on me.... well today is a new day. I am attending Celebrate Recovery which is something that if any of you remember Drunk C that came to live with R at one point...well she found a meeting for me. She has been going for over a year. It has made a difference in the few short weeks I have attended. I have let all of my friends know that I am tired of being home alone. Tonight I have been invited to attend a friends Sunday school class get together even though I don't attend. Every day is a new day. Leopards don't change their spots and I am tired of "driving while looking in the rear view mirror". I hope you all have a great day. Feel free to post something here about positive changes in your life.

Bitsy

November 5, 2009
9:12 am
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Marika
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"driving while looking in the rear view mirror"

Love it; thank you!

Looking forward to getting back into my CODA meetings. My father passed away a couple of weeks ago and I've been out of town.

I started attending a grief support group. Yesterday was my first meeting and I reached out to a woman whose husband passed almost a year ago and his family has abandoned her (she is from another country). I offered to drive her to the cemetary. She hasn't been back since the funeral because she is afraid to drive. So I offered. And as I told my mother later, I felt good about because my dad would have been the first in line to offer this woman a ride.

November 5, 2009
9:35 am
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MsGuided
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Well ((Bitsy)) it is about what we allow, when we don't know any better.

I also read those comments and they just confirm what i chose to be a while ago.

This doesn't mean i don't struggle in this next stage.

We all have to learn to love ourselves and change what we were taught as children. Living doormats we WERE!

You are a smart woman and good mother. Don't doubt that.

List positive things?

I managed to keep my business going, bought a new slightly used truck, and still get by.

Bought a house the last year and have built a deck on it.WE continue to carry out repairs and are almost done one BIG one.

I've worked out some problems within my family (son and partner) and things are more peaceful and cooperative here.

We have a beautiful dog who had a health problem and have tackled it on our own without huge Vet bills.

My health is good and I lost weight.

I made a few new friends, more like aquaintances, but continue to reach out to others i feel are "safe".

November 5, 2009
9:38 am
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{{{{Marika}}}}} My father passed away on June 11, 2008. I miss him more every day. This morning Cat and I were talking and she was telling me that when she grew up she wanted to have a little boy. I told her all I ever wanted was a little girl, but if she had a little boy I hoped he looked just like her Papa. I had always heard that one day I would open my mouth and my mother would speak. No one ever told me that one day I would open my mouth and my father would speak...Good for you offering this lady a ride. What a loving tribute to your father that you are doing something he would have done. I did not attend grief support that was offered through hospice. Looking back I wish I had. I am glad you are doing this for yourself.

Bitsy

November 5, 2009
9:44 am
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{{{{MsGuided}}}}} Your thread helped me come to some of these conclusions as well. What is the saying? When we know better we do better? Hurt people; hurt people. R cannot help what he is. He is the product of how he was raised. Both of his brothers have cheated on their wives his father cheated on his mother. He will continue this pattern with whoever he is with until something changes in him. Not my problem. I am not a snake handler. I am past the point of wanting someone to share my life with. Yesterday someone sent me one of those getting to know you emails and one of the questions was "hugs or kisses?" I can get hugs from anyone I reach out to. Briefly I wondered what it would be like to experience one of those bone melting kisses again, but life is good right now and that is what I am chosing to focus on. I have 3 invitations for Thanksgiving. I am planning to have everyone over to help decorate my Christmas tree the Saturday after Thanksgiving. One day at a time. Thank you for being here for me.

Bitsy

November 5, 2009
10:37 am
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MsGuided
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(((Bitsy)))

We help eachother directly or not.

Lately i feel passed up by so many on here, but it's probably my own doing.

My beleif is helping others takes LOTS of energy. If people continually put themselves in harms way it is VERY disrespectfull of them to pull energy from others all the time, put themselves in crisis and not seek professional help without changing what is inside them that puts them in harms way.I've read this in Depression and codependency publications. Most tell you, if you are struggling yourself helping those who don't help themselves will drain you. Everyone has to take responsibility for their actions including myself.It's not that black and white for youth but at our age you either get it, are half way there or ya don't.

I'm not a Helper/rescuer co-dependent so i may come off as cold, but i think my bounderies are healthy.

A lot of us work our asses off to try and succeed; emotionally, physically and financially.

Don't we all need to surround ourselves with those on the same page?

I'm just not strong enough to take on more than what i deal with now.

Thanksgiving invitations.

WONDERFUL!

One day at a time.on to a better future.

I like that!

November 5, 2009
11:24 am
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StronginHim77
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(((((Bitsy)))))

November 5, 2009
11:43 am
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Terriberry
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((Bitsy))

Great thread ! Here are some of the changes I have noticed in myself this year. I am glad to here you have worked threw some of the things that were bothering you.

Postive changes:

Having a healthy support system, instead of isolating.

"Letting Go instead of being dragged".

Learning to enjoy life, as it is
instead of wishing for something better.

Chirstmas party to deocarte your tree, I love that idea. I try that one myself this year.

November 5, 2009
6:03 pm
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_anonymous
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Bitsy- Your revelation is refreshing.

November 12, 2009
10:31 am
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Lanigirl
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Bitsy,

This post has been swimming around in my head all day. I love the snake handler idea. Thank you.

Positive changes:

Recognizing achievements

Enjoying the moment

November 12, 2009
9:37 pm
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I can't take credit for it. It was Destiny. But oh how it fits.

Bitsy

November 13, 2009
6:48 pm
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So I treated myself to a couple of new outfits today. I am on my way to Celebrate Recovery, but I sort of pretended I had a very important date as I was getting dressed, fresh makeup, perfume, jewelry, hot rolled my hair. I must say I look OK

Bitsy

November 13, 2009
7:54 pm
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sdesigns
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Bet you look HOT.

sd

November 13, 2009
10:05 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Bitsy, WALK ON HOT STUFF!!!

I have reconnected with a dear ole friend of mine here. She is the one I
dresses up and went out with before.

Well, she wants to take to take me out again.......naturally she will pay. So usually I am slobbed out in thermols or rob with my hair sticking straigh up and not giving a shit.

But since I do Have a good haircut...I can operate on myself and I was amazed how good looked when I made the effort. All my pants are too big......but I will figure that out.......short shirt and tights....nah......I have one pair of jeans that might work with boots.

Anyway, I only have done it once in years and it made me feel good for a week.............gotta do it again.

Good for you Bitsy, Love. HF

November 13, 2009
10:30 pm
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I got lots of compliments. It felt good to look nice. I had on black flowy pants (think Chico's travellers) a black tank that I had that was Chico's travellers, a "denim" jacket that had lots of silver in it. Black dangly earrings and a black bead and rhinestone, silver, black ribbon necklace. It is one necklace but looks like ropes and ropes of different necklaces. Since I also sell Mary Kay makeup I went to the closet and got a sample of some glamorous makeup and used it. Berry colored lipstick.

I looked good and felt good. My evening out didn't cost and I am now back home. Thanks for understanding and the encouragement. I appreciate all of you.

Bitsy

November 13, 2009
10:45 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Bitsy, That is something else I have started doing........dragging out my old jewery. It made a difference to me.....I have lots of make my mother and a friend's mother gave me.

As you know.....I worked in barns so long......you just can't dress up....I just had those things....through the past few years I have collected more femine stuff....so I am working on it.

Glad you did it and you felt good about yourself. It sounds like you looked like a doll. Love, HF

November 15, 2009
10:47 am
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Lanigirl
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Good for you Bitsy. I bet you looked great. Do it again!

I have also started to randomly dress nicely for no special reason, just for me. Makes you stand taller.

November 15, 2009
8:26 pm
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Thanks for the support guys. I could use your input over on the other side where I posted why do I keep having these dreams.

Bitsy

November 15, 2009
8:41 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Bitsy: I read that but I know absolutely nothing about dream interpretations.

November 24, 2009
8:08 am
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Hello, everyone. I am back on Prozac for the time being. I am back in "fake it til you make it" mode. I damn well will be happy and successful. I am back world here me roar!!!!

Bitsy

November 24, 2009
5:52 pm
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Terriberry
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I hear ya! Keep on roaring sister !

November 26, 2009
11:23 am
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mamacinnamon
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Good for you bitsy. Proud of you. Wish you all the success.

November 26, 2009
12:13 pm
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Thank you Terriberry and Mama C

Bitsy

November 27, 2009
12:58 pm
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I am trying to be the New and Improved Bitsy again....

Bitsy

November 30, 2009
2:49 pm
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truthBtold
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Bitsy,

Sounds llike you are well on your way.........

Congrats!

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