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Hurt People Hurt People
June 28, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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MSG
-

not for nothing,
but there is no THEME to your thread - period...I kinda guessed at
who you were talking about - and went back and read your thread -
which goes back TWO YEARS - and rambles about alot of different
personal issues back and forth between a select group of
people.

This IS a public
forum, for starters.

Secondly, if I was
looking to say "hello" to SD, or Lolli, I would go looking for them
and drop in on a thread....IF that thread was a run-on thing (like
the sex thread used to be), I can't see how it's hijacking a
thread.

You cannot, in a
public forum, restrict who posts what...sometimes the original
intent of a post evolves into something COMPLETELY different -
which is fine on many levels....and if you, the original poster,
want to bring it back to the original intent, you have the power to
steer it back there, reasonably and politely.

But I saw NO
"theme" other than run-on ramblings and rants about everyone's day
to day/week to week issues....love, sex, money, legal issues,
etc.

You likened it to
sitting in a restaurant, taking up space at the restaurants
dime.

This is a FREE and
PUBLIC forum - nobody's "dime" is being wasted here...it's not
different than sitting at the park, taking up a bench for hours at
a time...sure it may be polite to get up and let someone else use
it, but there is no law saying how long you can stay...it's a
public place.

Anyway, you struck
a nerve with me...and to top it off, your post here had not much to
do with the original THEME of THIS post, or did I miss
something?

And the reason
this struck a nerve was that it could very well have been ME you
were posting about...and to also bring up an old issue you have
with a poster on THIS thread is like talking behind her back...bad
form.

gotta run...just
my two cents.

June 28, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
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and
on some level - your post DID have a "theme" of addiction and abuse
- as SD went on for a long time about her AA meetings (tho I don't
see her as an alcoholic), and she WAS abused, albeit by a
stranger.

You guys went on
for a long time supporting her on this - so how is that not part of
your "theme"?...just different variation in my mind.

June 28, 2010
12:00 am
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_anonymous
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bevdee- you have a kind way of putting things.

June 28, 2010
12:00 am
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andii
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"Bitsy: Healed people heal people"

It IS catchy! 🙂
And I think it's true. When done by example.

andii

June 28, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Thanks I am working on it.

Bitsy

June 28, 2010
12:00 am
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_anonymous
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rising- You are an intelligent stand up woman who spent a great
deal of your time helping me out in the past. I really appreciate
that about you. I am really proud of you!

June 28, 2010
12:00 am
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_anonymous
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MSG-
I have never disliked you either. Thank you for sharing your
thoughts.

June 28, 2010
12:00 am
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MsGuided
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rising..no actual theme? Somewhat true. Well there were a few
and it involved the issues that were in our lives. OUR similar
Family Conflicts, abandonment, Working out NO Contact, relationship
issues, WORK issues, present problems that pop up and I posted
about my partner and son.

U just included
Sd's posts in your summation too.Everyone that contributed
there.

One thing I'll
never do is disrespect what she posted. The rambling, lite stuff or
the painful stuff. That would be pretty f'd up. From your post My
thread falls under the category "Not Important." Tripe i
suppose.

So it "runs on",
rambles at times. So what?

TYVM for your
lovely summations.I think I'll crawl under a rock now. NOT LIKELY!
:o) I didn't start it. Didn't try to control it all the time
either. There were times that the stress in my life transfered to
my posts and appeared insensitive.

But the situation
i posted about was one time i needed to say something.

I wasn't talking
behind Destinys back. I posted to her here where she is
contributing. I posted to her directly back then. I didn't and
haven't done anything clandestine in regards to her. Ha! it does
fit with the theme. Hurt people Hurt people. Trying to learn
better. It's really difficult to work out conflicts in this forum
without it spiralling into bad feelings. I am sticking my neck
out.

( it's wonderful
to see how others who aren't involved react)

It has nothing to
do with you 'cept you feel a need to put me in my place with your 2
cents?

(Gee I'm so glad i
don't shit on peoples lives like u did mine here.)

Lots of that going
on lately and it isn't aimed at helping either.

You did miss
something VERY important and it is the glue to having a better life
in general.

I spoke of
boundaries and they exist EVERYWHERE. Here and the outside
world.This place doesn't function on the Chaos you romanticise
about.

Public Forum? That
doesn't transplate into Realm of Chaos! LMAO

Post anything,
anyhwere, anytime? WTF is that? Yea it happens but it usually gets
checked. It doesn't go on long and isn't encouraged. Not
anywhere.

You want to
interpret my post as some ego trip, or total lack of perception go
right ahead. Take this opportunity to say " your life doesn't
matter". It mattered enough to you to get angry with me.

I posted about
something that happened between us. Destiny and I. Took a risk for
clarification or growth. because she is contributing on this
thread.

I admitted i need
to work on the same issues at the end of that post.

YOU haven't
posted on this thread til now. Just airing a grudge about something
that didn't involve YOU! You wanted to run with it as if it were
you. It ISN'T. The fact that you get triggered isn't my
fault.

It makes me wonder
where that all comes from?

Deal with your
stuff here and I'll deal with mine. Is there any vulnerable stuff
posted by you recently? or u showed yer soft belly a long time ago
and grew out of that?

It's all good
times now?Fun at our expense. U think about that sistah!

I guess those who
are here now, exposing our weakness are up for critisism and
scrutiny from those who "bin there done that?" AND we can't attempt
to deal with past conficts with the involved parties?

yea. you run. Stay
the F out of it.

If Destiny wants
to give me shit I'll take it cause I may deserve it. I haven't
heard how she percieved that situation and want her to tell me.
That is completley above board and honest. Better than lurking and
striking ONLY when there is conflict? Bitsy? If she doesn't like
what i posted she'll say so. At least with these two i have formed
some relation.

BUT YOU!? U never
posted to or with me, never offered support. I wasn't involved or
watched your threads. I don't really know you. I'm not that
controlling or paranoia

I find it
interesting that some of the people who posted their issues here in
the past, made their mistakes, are passing such harsh judgement on
whats going on now.

When i joined here
i witnessed old grievances being aired and people trying to work it
out. I saw some members make comments about how the "new" posters
are ruining things.

Ruining what? I
came in when anonymity was a rule. YOU and many others were here
when it wasn't.

Lots from that
time still post here and I don't see any grudges or indication they
lurk, waiting to strike.

Seems our hands
are tied from making contact now and that does leave the
communication wanting. Kindof gives us truly anonymous folk a
disadavantage in a way. Lots of "you" who don't invest much lately
but like to hit 'n run with not so subtle grudges to feed? You just
gotta give someone the boots and that person is me?LOL For us
posters who came later? Our issues just don't hold a candle or the
value ya'll shared in the past. YOU come back and post to the
oldtimers. That's IT!?

Oh yea. And put
people like me in my "place". I'll leave it to you to figure out
why you react to me this way.It's purely my fault.

Good luck with
that.

June 28, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
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also
- for further clarification - you said "I saw it as not being
responsible for her life, or decisions and trying to dump it
somewhere else".

I am also a
"victim" of being stalked online - the ONLY responsibility I had in
that situation was choosing him. After that, HIS actions, HIS
decisions, HIS behaviors, HIS stalking was HIS responsibility - NOT
MINE.

How can a person
take responsibility for being stalked online????

Yes, I made a bad
decision by choosing him, as did soulsister (let's not beat around
the bush). But it ends there.

If you meant she
was choosing B again, after his past record...well, many of us here
have done it - over and over again - if we hadn't - we may not have
a reason to be here. Many of us are "victims" of our own bad
choices - choices we are working hard to change. Me and soul
included. I spent many days trying to get soul to see the potential
for disaster (as many did for me when I was in the same boat) - and
sometimes you just gotta wade thru the shit to see what happens for
yourself. It's almost human nature. Many of us choose bad partners
because we don't know any better. Many of us see the red flags
(myself included) but gloss them over, ignore them, deny them, and
so on. Destiny had a better outcome - some people don't. We all
make bad choices in a lifetime - but we don't need our noses rubbed
in it. Most of the time, we are living in the fallout of those
choices and are WELL aware of the mistakes we made - and don't need
to be held accountable for our actions.

The sex thread
does not exist anymore - why resurect it?

From what I saw,
your thread was VERY VERY similar to the sex thread - in sooooo
many ways. Why would (or SHOULD) anyone NOT feel welcome to post
there?

Trying to
reconnect to a support group again, after an absence (which is
probably in part due to shame and embarrassment over our choices -
which should NEVER happen here), she was pushed aside for trying to
reach out to the people she felt most comfortable with?

And don't we ALL
do it? Didn't BFG just post about how she feels comfortable with
some people but not others, yet because this is a public forum, has
chosen not to post because of the inability to "hear" it from "all
sides", good and bad, when someone outside her comfort zone
posts.

We all want to
feel welcome and "safe" here...for many the sex thread did that -
including myself - and I think your attitude towards "MY" thread -
"MY" theme - is unwarranted - and perhaps not even within
guidelines (tho I am at a loss to cite anything specific, so don't
ask).

I don't think
ANYONE should feel ashamed, embarrassed or anything about choices
they have made - or this site would NOT exist...we are all here to
deal with it - and sometimes we just need the "safety" of people we
feel comfortable with, knowing it's public and open to whatever
else trickles (or storms) in.

Frankly, I don't
see how she was "dumping it somewhere else" or not taking
responsibility for it. She was stalked, so in that, she should not
post anymore? or should she post and deal with the fallout, should
her stalker continue to read and harrass her about it? curious what
you think taking responsibility means in your mind.

Soul has not
posted here for fear of criticism - and frankly, I have withheld
information too - for the same reason - and it's a crying shame
that this has to happen on any level.

I am very
outspoken about this because, as I said before, this could easily
have been me - and quite honestly (so nobody can sling it at me
later) - I am close to soul and SD and lolli and H-gal and a few
others - BECAUSE of the sex thread - I trust them and their
opinions. Nobody EVER coddled me - EVER - especially Lolli!!!! -
and I love them for it.

I do not NEED to
come here anymore - I have my shit pretty well together - tho I
have my days, like anyone. I come here now to pay it forward to all
those that came before me and supported me while I made a royal
freaking mess of my life....and I intend to stay and keep paying it
forward.

Including
defending those whose feelings get trampled on in the "spirit" of
helpfulness.

You don't have to
like my post here - nobody does - but it's something worth thinking
about.

June 28, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
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oh
and one more thing - I have no grudges.

I have been
vulnerable here - shown my soft belly - had it ripped apart - grew
from the experience...been there done that.....but frankly, my
issues these days are so trivial, they aren't worth talking about -
I worked on my major issues - and I am working to deal with the
small ones - but not on this board. It served its purpose when I
needed it. As I said, I am just here to "help", and have had many
people thank me for being there - but I can't expect you to know
when all those times are or were.

And my post above
had NOTHING to do with destiny and everything to do with soul - who
was the one that was hurt by what went on....destiny stuck around
and dealt with it - soul didn't. Destiny CAN speak for herself -
Sould can too, but won't....too painful. And I know this because of
the lack of anonymity once - of which I was part of (so nobody can
dig that up and sling it around)....and it's sad to see things like
that happen (people not feeling supported).

I did not
trivialize anything on your thread - I only made mention that it
was not titled anything except your nickname - which gave the
thread NO direction, NO intent and NO focus - I never said it had
no purpose or merit...I was on the sex thread - and tho it rambled,
it was as valuable as any other thread here....and your
contributions, your post, your opinions, your ideas all matter -
just like the rest of us.

we all have our
ideas, opinions and motives - nobody can take it away from us - and
nobody can devalue it unless we let them. I wish everyone had the
strength to continue to post when they are hurt, cuz that's when
they need it most...but some don't have the courage - and other's
lack the compassion (even I, who have my moments and perhaps am
having one now).....it's sad to see them leave cuz of
it.

I have no grudge,
like I said...I don't know you....I don't follow anyone here....I
read the posts when I can, contribute when I can, and in this case,
I am only triggered because I know the parties involved and know
how it affected them....I am just supporting those I care
about.

sue me.

June 28, 2010
12:00 am
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MsGuided
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rising.

Sd's experience
and life are not the same as Destinys or Soulsisters ( there's the
other nic.)

Totally different
context and the involvemnt in that thread was ongoing with her not
them. It's not that simple or the same at all.

I don't feel good
about what happened with Sd.I want to respect everything that was
shared and revealed there. I said my door is open and I'm not gong
to put her down just because we had a falling out.

I don't feel
completely justified in how i dealt with SS and Destiny. I am
simply not that magnanimous, don't want to take on a rescuer or
martyr role either. I am having issues with generosity and
forgiveness.

You weren't
involved, or contributing so your motives now come across as
spiteful toward me. TY Destiny. I just wanted to work a few things
out. It is so damn hard on this forum sometimes.

TY Bitsy for
letting things play out ;o)

I wish i had
bevdees skills when it comes to that. LOL

I'm not healed
yet. I never said i was.

June 28, 2010
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risingfromtheashes
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No,
nobody has the same experiences - however - we all have a need to
feel safe, comfortable and wanted - and SD and soul have an
undeniable connection due to the sex thread....and quite simply -
she felt "safe" to jump in and post, reaching out to a familiar
face - without realizing there was an unspoken rule about what was
ok to post about and what wasn't...going back to lack of theme or
title or obvious intent. Because destiny DID have a common ground -
she posted in reply...but you have that worked out with them
already.

as the title
states - hurt people hurt people - we are all hurt on different
levels - we all make mistakes - we all can learn from them if we
try.

June 28, 2010
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MsGuided
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Oh
COME ON!

U can't pin SS's
exit from here on me. NO WAY! Her fear, life history and reactions
is my fault? YOU came up with soulsisters nic BEFORE i did so you
can spin, and deny you watched or read the MSG::: thread. U seem to
know exactly who, what and when.

I didn't start the
MSG::: thread so how do i get lambasted for the Sex threads demise?
I entered when it was less active and people faded off. My fault?
Nobody let me know i was a problem then. AT ALL!

So this is pure
BS! I didn't initiate the break off AND I was absent for all the
bonding that took place between ya'll before.

It ran it's course
AND it came to a hault when Hep and sd had their falling out. Sd
started the MSG:: thread.

Figure out why,
and if there was total goodwill there. I'm wondering
myself.

SS's exit was due
issues in her own life. Her own troubles she wasn't willing to deal
with. So some of her troubles at home came here and "stalked" her.
It wasn't pretty and I DID post to the stalkers to leave her alone.
She left due to those issues and frankly, if she wanted
help, almost 6 months later, after not posting here AT ALL then why
didn't she post YOUR nic, or someone who was really supporting her
for a long time?

So SS or you want
to blame people here now? It's always somebody else. Time to wake
up and realize her life is HERS, this is LIBS side, time to face
her life and deal with it. We all need to do that.

It's not up to me
to fix it or take it on. I can't help that i wasn't here to imbibe
the whole FRIKKEN HISTORY.

I think your
expending a lot of energy, looking to blame me, or someone for
something they are not responsible for.

It's not up to me
to carry on EVERYTHING the sex thread created or mimic the support
you all had ( sd, Honolulu, lolli ) I did offer support to all of
them except when SS's situation felt like dumping on me, troubles
she needs to deal with herself, or with someone who was there for
her SOLID.

BTW. Only Destiny
stepped in. I just didn't want to take on SS's stuff and I
suggested she start her own thread. U can make excuses , protect
her all you want, but she has to learn to protect herself! All this
"sticking up for friends" is fine but some of it comes across as
not respecting other peoples boundaries, who aren't invested in the
same friends.

I don't have to
take on everybodies problems on their terms when they want
it.

THAT is healthy.
What is also healthy is keeping in mind this forum is about fixing
our lives at home.Use the tools for HOME. I see a LOT of disrespect
for those tools or gifts people offer sometimes.

Some peole want us
to carry their whole LOAD! Not me. Forget it!

A whole other life
is created here and becomes the most important thing? The
importance is larger with YOU because anonymity hasn't kept you
apart.

I am an anonymous
poster, posting to others in the same boat.

That is not a
level playing field at all. Lots of us keep getting reminded of
that.

June 28, 2010
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risingfromtheashes
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MSG -
gonna answer you point by point so I don't get off
track...

Oh COME
ON!

U can't pin SS's
exit from here on me. NO WAY! Her fear, life history and reactions
is my fault? YOU came up with soulsisters nic BEFORE i did so you
can spin, and deny you watched or read the MSG::: thread. U seem to
know exactly who, what and when****************I have only been
back on AAC since later winter, and I don't follow all the threads
- and when I am bored, I read old stuff. I only RECENTLY read SOME
of your thread - but when you posted what you did here - I went
back and reread it all - trying to figure out who you were talking
about. I had read THIS post fast and did not see that you had
addressed destiny. I knew right away that you were talking about
soulsister, and before I said anything, wanted confirmation. I know
her history and know her story with B - and wanted to make sure I
had the facts straight - I NEVER read your thread before
today.

I didn't start the
MSG::: thread so how do i get lambasted for the Sex threads demise?
I entered when it was less active and people faded off. My fault?
Nobody let me know i was a problem then. AT
ALL!****************WHERE did I lambaste you for the sex thread
demise??? frankly, it died it's own death. The people who used it
regularly faded away - some people came into it later, but
eventually dropped off, and eventually SD was the only original
member still posting. I don't even know WHAT went on to kill it
totally - when it did die (when?? I don't know) it was when I was
living my own life and had no internet access. A thread dies for
many reasons - and I don't subscribe to the idea that people kill
it. They die cuz it's their time - circle of life I
guess.

So this is pure
BS! I didn't initiate the break off AND I was absent for all the
bonding that took place between ya'll before.******I NEVER said you
were responsible for the ending of the thread. All I was referring
to was how one thread ended and another picked up kinda where it
left off....in some similar fasion, in my mind at least, even if
not in yours. What got discussed was nothing different than the sex
thread (and you CAN resurect it and read for yourself if you
wanted).

SS's exit was due
issues in her own life. Her own troubles she wasn't willing to deal
with. So some of her troubles at home came here and "stalked" her.
It wasn't pretty and I DID post to the stalkers to leave her alone.
She left due to those issues and frankly, if she wanted help,
almost 6 months later, after not posting here AT ALL then why
didn't she post YOUR nic, or someone who was really supporting her
for a long time?**********she didn't post MY nic because when she
logged on, I was nowhere to be found, as I said, I have not been on
this site since I lost internet connection - instead, she found
SD...and SD DID support her all that time and continues to, so she
reached out to the first familiar face she found....we both support
her...in our own ways.

So SS or you want
to blame people here now? It's always somebody else. Time to wake
up and realize her life is HERS, this is LIBS side, time to face
her life and deal with it. We all need to do that********SS is
responsible for her own feelings. The only thing we can be
responsible for is making someone feel welcome, safe and free to
post....libs side or not - site guidelines are site
guidelines.

It's not up to me
to fix it or take it on. I can't help that i wasn't here to imbibe
the whole FRIKKEN HISTORY**********no, nobody asked you to fix it,
nor know her story - but you sure were quick to jump on her story,
weren't you? and if you didn't know her whole FRIKKEN HISTORY, you
sure did pass judgment rather quickly then. just sayin'. Someone
came onto "your thread" (which now you are saying wasn't your
thread but SD's - which makes this even more unbelievable) - and
you set up "boundaries" because you felt she was intruding with
non-theme oriented input that you felt was out of context of your
two year long thread. And it wasn't even YOUR thread...how
outragous is that????? amazing. You can set boundaries all you want
- call it in the spirit of good mental health - but good boundaries
are only as good as the spirit in which they were intended. Unless
a post has a specific title or message, it can't possibly be
"required" to stay on topic....especially if it goes on for two
years. How can you expect to set a boundary over such a thing. If
you didn't want to support destiny or soul in their situations, you
could have easily just kept out of it and let those who wanted to
help, do just that. You didn't have to approve, but you certainly
didn't have to make someone feel unwelcome.

I think your
expending a lot of energy, looking to blame me, or someone for
something they are not responsible for.*****not expending any
energy actually - this is nothing for me. Not looking to blame
either...other than giving you a rebuttal - I don't even know what
I am doing in this anymore. Other than giving you what you want - a
good debate, and someone else for you to say is out to get
you.

It's not up to me
to carry on EVERYTHING the sex thread created or mimic the support
you all had ( sd, Honolulu, lolli ) I did offer support to all of
them except when SS's situation felt like dumping on me, troubles
she needs to deal with herself, or with someone who was there for
her SOLID.*********again, never said you were responsible for
carrying on the sex thread - only that from where I sit, you DID
carry it on, whether it was your intent or not...it happened. As
far as the support we had - we all contributed as we saw fit, and
nobody could expect anyone else to fill those shoes. Like I said,
had I been here, I would have stepped in and perhaps you would have
run me off too????

BTW. Only Destiny
stepped in.**********so, had I stepped in, you would have treated
me the same??? just curious.

I just didn't want
to take on SS's stuff and I suggested she start her own thread. U
can make excuses , protect her all you want, but she has to learn
to protect herself! All this "sticking up for friends" is fine but
some of it comes across as not respecting other peoples boundaries,
who aren't invested in the same friends.************SS clearly had
a valid reason for not wanting to start her own thread. A reason
that others could respect, even when you don't. Her anonymity was
compromised and not because of her own actions. And her choices
followed her. And truthfully, I don't think there is a site out
there she could post to and stay anonymous. If her stalker is
anythign like mine, she would be found...period. She came her
because she felt safe. I still do not "get" how she violated your
boundaries because she posted on a thread NOT started by you??? The
only "thread police" I am aware of is SC - and I don't remember a
guideline that states one must stay on topic - and how to know what
that topic is when there is no thread topic stated? You talk about
boundaries, but again, I just not how this is a healthy boundary
setting exercise?

I don't have to
take on everybodies problems on their terms when they want
it.************nobody asked you to - why not just let those who
want to help, do, and step back for a moment?

THAT is healthy.
What is also healthy is keeping in mind this forum is about fixing
our lives at home.Use the tools for HOME. I see a LOT of disrespect
for those tools or gifts people offer sometimes.*************as the
title states - hurt people hurt people. It's gonna happen...it's
that simple. There is alot of things this site is supposed to be
about - but it often gets off track - but manages to survive
another day - and some people actually get something good out of it
and go on to be healthy, productive people. Quite honestly, many of
us here could use a good round of qualified professional help. But
that's not always possible for a variety of reasons. Some come here
looking for answers, looking to identify with someone who has been
thru the same, looking to identify what exactly IS wrong...to put a
name to it. Many reasons - and there is no true way to manage it
all without some pain happening. With growth comes pain.

Some peole want us
to carry their whole LOAD! Not me. Forget it!******* do don't! I
didn't ask you to carry Soul's load - just that you step back and
allow someone else to pitch in when you won't, can't or don't want
to...not run them off your thread in the spirit of setting
boundaries. I know MANY times where I told soul that she needed to
consider therapy and where I thought she might find good qualified
help. I cautioned her about many of her situations. And then I let
go and let her figure it out on her own. Just like lolli did for me
when I got here. I didn't like it, but it was phrased in ways that
made me evaluate things differently and realize she was right.
Sometimes it was in hindsight. But I accepted my choices and
decisions. You could have easily had your say, in a healthy manner,
then backed off to protect your boundaries. Sometimes setting
boundaries is about doing the right thing for yourself WITHOUT alot
of fanfare and pomp and circumstance. Sometimes NOT announcing your
boundary is just as effective as saying it. Could you have not
gotten involved simply by staying out of it? and would it have
avoided hurt feelings? probably. Would your thread been overrun by
her issues? who knows...maybe maybe not..perhaps it would have spun
off into another thread (like you suggested) once soul felt safe
enough to do so.

A whole other life
is created here and becomes the most important thing? The
importance is larger with YOU because anonymity hasn't kept you
apart.**********even when we were anonymous, nothing kept us apart
- we made the effort to log on and stay abreast and continue to
support eachother. my life here WAS the MOST important thing AT ONE
TIME - before I breached anonymity. I was at my breaking point and
this site was THE ONLY thing that kept me from committing myself to
the psych ward - and that is NO joke, NO exaggeration and NO lie.
What I learned here, LONG before this bond we have now, kept me
from going over the edge.

I am an anonymous
poster, posting to others in the same boat.*******and other than
four or five people here, I am anonymous. I paid my dues for
breaching it. I lost priveleges, but was allowed back. Even tho I
have breached it, my relationship with SD or soul is not what you
may think it is.

That is not a
level playing field at all. Lots of us keep getting reminded of
that.**********no, it's not, but not for the reasons you believe or
are blaming. I have based all of my thoughts, comments, opinions
and ideas on what I see here, what I know of soul's situation FROM
OLD POSTS, and from what I read in your post. In fact, I was not in
contact with soul until this week....and only knew of what happened
here from YOUR thread. And I guessed at who you were referring to
based on THIS thread. In fact, I did not even know she had gotten
back with B - I knew from the fall that she was intending on it. I
knew her stalker situation from that time period too.

So, the playing
field is fairly level in that respect.

Oh, and one more
thing - I would have gladly spun this discussion off onto other, as
not to hijack this one, but one of my biggest problems is that when
you start a new thread, but refer back to another one, it gets
awfully confusing and hard to follow for everyone involved, at
least in my mind. I am sorry to bitsy for going "off topic" and
hope she will not be too upset with me.

I really don't
want to keep debating this. And I am not saying that cuz I am a
"hit and run" kind of person either....but honestly, we aren't
going to get anywhere. I feel you could have handled your boundary
setting differently, in a way that did not make another vulnerable
poster feel unsafe and unwelcome. Had you come to a thread, hurt
and vulnerable, and someone made you feel more hurt - you would
have three choices - cry foul, stand up for yourself in a healthy
way, or slink away. Not everyone knows how to stand up for
themselves in a healthy way (that's what we are here for)....not
everyone has the backbone to cry foul....and so some leave. It's a
shame - everyone deserves a chance to get the same attention as the
rest of us do.

Like I said, I
don't want to debate this - cuz my goal isn't to get you to agree
with me. I can't see that you would agree with me...so the only
healthy thing **I** can do is step away and let it go. I think I
have said all I can say (tho I have been known to say alot more and
may even think of more)...but part of my healing has been to
practice letting things go.

If you want to set
boundaries and dictate what the content of your posts should be, or
who should post in them - there may continue to be hurt feelings.
And I understand their feelings are NOT your responsibility. BUT -
I would hope that within your healing journey, you don't lose touch
with whatever compassion you have within you. You can avoid taking
on someone's problems and still be compassionate to it and them.
Telling them (effectively) to take your problem to another thread
is not what I would call compassion....and that is probably the
only point I am trying to make in all this rambling. (and I have
never been known to get to my point very quickly - sometimes I
don't realize what my point is....until I get there).

and that really is
my point - how compassionate are you being by telling someone to
take their problem "elsewhere"? in your journey towards wellness, I
hope you don't lose your humanity in the process.

June 29, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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I
read this this morning and thought of several of us here. Barefoot,
if you are lurking I hope you see this. I really used to feel this
way and sometimes still do.

I CAN HANDLE
CRITICISM WITH EASE

I am entitled to
my own thoughts, and others are entitled to theirs. When people
form opinions of my behavior, I feel calm and at ease. I can choose
how I view the opinionns and judgements of others. I will not use
the opinions of others as ammunition against myself.

In the past I let
criticism from others trigger my shame. The negative reactions of
others seemed to prove how bad I really was.

No more. I will
not let the response of others control my behavior or my feelings.
Today I will simply notice, without anxiety or shame, that others
have opinions. If I choose to change my behavior, it will be to
please myself--not anyone else.

What I have
noticed about my hurts is that what triggers and hurts me comes
totally out of left field. Yesterday you could have made a comment
that would have rolled right off my back but for some reason today
the same comment has cut me to the quick.

Hurt People Hurt
People. Could it also be changed around that Hurt People ARE
expecting to be hurt again? Do we need to change our whole way of
thinking?

I don't
know...

Bitsy

June 29, 2010
12:00 am
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Hepburn
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Feel
better rising?

I wasn't sure
which thread to post on, since it's now split up. Funny how that
happens......and it will probably split even more, so the
communication will become even more deluded. Which seems to be the
theme around here lately.

By your own
admission, you don't need to come here any more. Congratulations!
But you come back here to "pay it forward". Pay what
forward?

You read ONE
thread, and you've got it all figured out? What about all the other
threads that were happening at the same time? What about those
posts? How do you know SS wasn't posting on those too?

You read a thread
with over 1000 postings, and you say you have better things to do?
Not to mention you have or had OUTSIDE contact with SS? I'd say
that's quite a disadvantage to the rest of us.

Since you're such
the veteran, and don't NEED to be here anymore, I'm surprised by
your rant.

Yeah, I'm
defending MsG.

As you put it, sue
me.

June 29, 2010
12:00 am
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I
have learned in life to pay attention to anyone that I am attracted
to who I think needs to be controlled or I think needs to be set
straight. In the name of self care I realize that if I allow myself
to be drawn to someone like that then the person who needs some
self control and straightening out is me.

Being serious
about my recover means not choosing to engage with unhealthy
people. Once I choose to engage it is proof that I am as bad off as
they are.

June 29, 2010
12:00 am
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_anonymous
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Bitsy- I love your brand new attitude. Your positive vibes are
having a good affect on me today.

June 29, 2010
12:00 am
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MsGuided
Golden Horseshoe.ca
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yea.
I love Bitsy's new shtuff 2. Well i think she just had to dig it
up, got tired a few times, then resumed.

"I can handle
critisism with EASE"

That mantra is an
excellent tool.

I like all of your
new Shtuff.Hep, Destiny also

U both have dealt
with situations in your lives that were harming you.
YEAY!

( My shtuff here?
not so much that i engaged at that length. I felt REALLY
attacked)

All i can say is
I'll try to do better next time. Be Well!

June 29, 2010
12:00 am
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I
felt it for you too, MsG.

There's a grey
area between "setting someone straight" and
"accountability".

Like your Mantra
MsG. I'm stealing it.

June 29, 2010
12:00 am
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Dudettes, Good stuff.

Came home for luch
today & am waiting for my son whom Im working with this week to
finish up & then it's back to work. Had some time to kill so
thot I'd check in.

Yea Bitsy - this
new attitude sure looks good on ya.

Had a store clerk
who came across as a bit short with me yesterday so I responded in
kind. Didn't need to tho I realize. Guess I took it personal which
of course I shouldn't have. It was her 'shite' as they'd say &
not really about me. My son was there with me & saw my being
curt as inappropriate & afterward told me so. I responded by
defending my position but ultimately realized my mistake. He was
right & I knew it inside. Somewhat humbling but ultimately it
feels good to just own my part in the exchange & fess
up.

It might sound
petty in the whole scheme of things but thot it was an important
reminder for me to just strive to be decent when dealing with
others. Who knows what they are experiencing in life, We're only
human & bound to make mistakes. Hmm..reminds me of the lyrics
to that Rick Ross song - 'I'm only human'.

Later kids - be
well!

June 29, 2010
12:00 am
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MsGuided
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Hey
CC . Good to see ya drop in.

My son puts me in
check at times too.hehe

I wonder how he'll
be at my age? I hope he has kids to set him straight
too.

Later dude.
;0)

June 29, 2010
12:00 am
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andii
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Yup I
felt for you too MsG. That was pretty gnarly. You done good!
(taking lessons here) Glad your boat is still right side
up!

🙂

June 29, 2010
12:00 am
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MsGuided
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yea
andii U jester!?

U don't want to go
there or use the lesson.I would understand if the same thing
happened to u tho.

I've been bailing
my entrails out of that boat most of the day. It takes a while to
hoist the sails and get back up to speed.

[email protected][email protected]

June 29, 2010
12:00 am
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MsGuided- Thank you.

Hi Craig
co.

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