Guest ~

I can think of a couple.....

When you are doing something you don't want to do JUST to please another person - you are not being yourself.

When you compromise your beliefs to fit in with a crowd - you are not being yourself.

I think forgiving ourselves is also a good one. We are only human, if you mess up, learn from it, forgive yourself and love yourself. That too helps us to remain ourselves and not get lost.

Sometimes for me, I start to loose myself when things get hectic. I get stressed, I take on too much, I get little sleep and stop taking care of me so that I can take care of work and kids and my house, etc. I can always sense when this is happening and I pull myself back in. Sometimes it just means a quiet night to myself to regroup and reflect and pull my energy back inside me, instead of it pouring out of every pore and spilling onto the floor.

t

When you do things to impress someone - you are not being yourself.

When you pretend to like something you don't - you are not being yourself.

When you put someone else's needs before yourself - you are not being true to yourself.

When you are too "giving", and making sacrifices that hurt yourself - you are not being true to yourself.

When you refrain from saying what's on your mind - you are not being true to yourself.

When you compromise your beliefs and values, morals and such - you are not being true to yourself.

I think the reason we go haywire is that we believe that IF we impress this person, they will in turn love us, and if they love us, it makes us feel good, and so we ARE doing something good for ourselves.

But the reality is - we want someone to love us EXACTLY the way we are - no changes or compromises needed. And there IS someone who will love us the way we are and the way we deserve. We just have to be patient and find them - not settle for the first attractive person we meet.

We can look at someone and think "they are perfect for me - that's what I want"...but in reality - WE need to be perfect for THEM in return - it has to be a match. a NATURAL match - not a fake or forced one.

I think there are BAD habits we should work on changing, correcting and supressing - like being needy and codependent and having low self esteem - those are NOT things that someone should love about us - it is something unhealthy that needs correcting.

But putting someone else's needs above ours is NOT good self care.

I know, I used to rationalize - if I give up this need/want, then he will love me, and I will get what I need in another way. That's bargaining and NEVER works.

things that show you are NOT being yourself - saying no when you mean yes, saying yes when you mean no, agreeing to see a movie that you hate, just to make the other person happy, buying the other person gifts and not being able to pay your own bills, going out of your way to run errands for the other person and not having enough time for your own errands, staying up late to spend time with the other person, even though you desperately need the sleep, skipping going to the gym to spend more time with the other person, not spending time with your other friends so you can spend more time with the other person, wearing different clothes to impress the other person, changing your cologne to make the other person happy, changing your hair to make the other person happy, offering to take on the other person's responsibilities to "help" the other person, spending all your time thinking about how to "win over" the other person, spending all your time thinking about how to "keep" the other person interested

all of these are part of codependency, low self esteem and low self worth.

it's all to impress the other person, so we can win their love - so that we feel better about ourselves.

How to be yourself - well, when you are about to do something - think to yourself "if my BEST friend was about to do this - or my sister or brother, or someone you love - would I tell them they aren't being true to themselves - would I tell them not to do it".

Alot of times we do things that we would tell others NOT to do.

That's a good indication you are going against your own values.

Hi Guest,
Growing up in a dysfunctional family, I learned that I was not a separate individual. Through the years, I am developing a sense of who I am. Learning my likes and dislikes, accepting myself, and setting limits for myself in order to not be abused.

Its a daily thing for me. I am learning when I am anger it is because something isn't working. I am learning that when I feel sad, it is because of some loss. I am learning that thoughts I think maybe habitual and not healthy.

How to be Myself is a daily challenge. Some days I lose myself but find myself a lot faster than years past. Be Gentle, explore, and listen to how you feel and accept it is ok to be who you are Today.

Guest:

You are being yourself, you are showing what a deep compassionate person you are, you dont need to feel as if you have to change for someone, why should you??

Like Alis has said and everyone else, be true to you, let you be you, it is wrong to think you have to change for someone else..

I feel so bad for you..

Kasie

Kathygy,

You could have been describing me. I've sought to be the 'nice' guy all these years and am just starting to break out of that.

You've blazed a path I'm now treading on. I'm some distance behind, but following nonetheless.

Thanks for your post.

guest,

"Now that we've had sex, kissed and all that, looks like things are settling down a little which is good. I know if I'm myself and grounded, she's all mine. "

You are totally deluding yourself with this thinking. She has already told you not to get too emotionally attached to her.

I have learned over and over again that having sex and kissing does not mean a man is interested in making a committment to me. It has never been the case unless the man fell in-love with me BEFORE we had sex.

This woman is not in-love with you. Having had sex with her does not change a thing for her based on everything you have said.