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How Do I "Love Myself Like My Life Depends On It"?
January 6, 2014
1:03 am
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NorskerSword
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January 5, 2014
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While rereading another post I made, I was inspired to make this post. I am a 30 year old guy that has always had problems loving myself.  Recently, I came across  a self-help book called “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It” by Kamal Ravikant. The author describes the solution to loving yourself as just saying, “I love myself” over and over to yourself in the mirror until *poof*, you love yourself.  I have found this to be easier said than done.

The author also says to just forget the past. This also seems like magic. Everybody’s story is different. My loser parents handed me over to my grandparents at age 1, and at age 5, my grandfather was the only one raising me. He is an extreme, type A, drill sergeant of a guy who always put me down and never showed any indication of loving me, let alone appreciating my company.

My actual father has always been indifferent towards me while he struggled with his own self-love problems (raised by the same guy). My mom was crazy from drugs and died when I was a kid. I have been overweight since I was about 7, which always led to plenty of bullying growing up, not just at home.

To this day, I still receive resentment in workplaces for seemingly no reason at all. It seems like, just like as I was growing up, people will always hate me for breathing. And the nicer I try to be, the more they hate me. I have been told that sometimes I come across as being sarcastic, when really all I want to do is get along.

The concepts of “self-love” and “self-esteem” have always seemed completely foreign to me. I just read another post reminding me how important these are, but how do I learn to love myself? How do I build my self-esteem? I’ve gone so far as to try to define what love is, which I believe is a "deep appreciation for someone’s company and existence". I do not believe you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. I know, because I love my wife.

I guess you can say it is hard for me to love myself because I don’t have anything to build upon. I don’t have any base to take root from.

I had a therapist for a couple months, but I didn’t find it helpful. I felt like I was getting nowhere. I didn’t want to tell her this when I quit (to save her feelings) but I told her that I was better. I could tell she didn’t believe me.

One day I woke up in the hospital and was told I had a severe seizure. I had more after and was diagnosed an epileptic. The doctors are baffled as to why, and I’ve never done drugs, but it is enough to make me feel like god, the universe, or whatever, has hatred for me. Some of my friends think that maybe it is my emotional problems that may be the cause of my epilepsy. But really it is a mystery.

What is self-love and how do I learn to love myself? I have lost 50lbs, half as much as I should, but it has only helped my self-esteem a little. I worked in a community of over a hundred people where I became very popular, but one single, jealous person was enough to ruin it all for me. I am back to square one. The a-holes of the world will always remind me how I was taught to look at myself, and they are numerous and everywhere.

Can anyone give me any advice? How do I love myself when the world never taught me how?

I believe that there are few things more selfish than taking your problems out on others.

September 19, 2014
5:27 am
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ambulatory49
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September 19, 2014
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Pressing
Care Centers are open on weekends and nighttimes making any non-life
debilitating crisis totally sensible.

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