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Her
July 27, 2007
3:31 pm
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robbie2007
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as i have mentioned in some other posts, my relationships have been with both male and female.

my first experience was with a boy (age 17 or so)

next was the female school psychologist. after that, i was convinced i was gay.

we broke up some time during my first year of college.

move forward 2 years - the years is 1988 and i'm in summer school at college.

July 27, 2007
3:35 pm
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robbie2007
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it all started after getting addicted to sleeping pills and becoming very ill. i had been so sick prior to that, that i missed many classes and changed my major. i told my parents that i was now behind and wanted to go to summer school to catch up.

but, thats not why i went.

people didnt know i was sick from pills. they thought i had a disease and that the "pills" were my medication - so they thought nothing of it when i took pills.

the purpose of summer school was to straighten myself out and get better.

July 27, 2007
3:39 pm
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robbie2007
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i was not there 1 day when i met my dorm neighbor who told me about a disease she had had. we became instant friends.

i did not straighten out and get better. i got worse. i didnt even go to the 2 classes i had signed up for.

i really didnt think i was going to make it back to school in the fall. often we took walks around campus and i took in the sights, smells, sounds that had become home. i wanted them etched into my memory.

July 27, 2007
3:46 pm
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robbie2007
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she sat up with me many times as i was sick. sometimes helping me walk back to my room, or just sitting with me.

she nicknamed me after one of her sons (twins - who had died - but this one hung on for 2 days). later i would find out the twin story was a lie. but not until 15 yrs later.

summer school ended and she invited me to her parents cottage on the lake. that was a very strange time. we were growing closer and yet she thought i was going to die and i thought i was going to die too.

spent time in the big adirondack rocking chairs on the porch. sitting on the beach looking at the stars, or perched out on the jetty. she said i opened her eyes to life because at that time, i appreciated all the little things. the sun on my face. the feel of soft sand. the smell of a leaf. again, i wanted them etched into my memory.

July 27, 2007
3:52 pm
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robbie2007
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summer ended - and in the fall i went back to school. by then, she was a lot like a live in care taker.

although she was not my roommate, she would stay with me between classes and spend the night. i slept alot, and only woke to take pills. i survived on popscicles, soda, and an occasional chicken nugget.

i cant explain how sick i was - only that i should had died. i was in a lot of pain and stopped breathing twice in which she did CPR and mouth to mouth. it was after this that "things" started happening.

(thats all for now - more next week)

July 28, 2007
3:03 pm
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AQueen
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Hello I'm new to this side of the AAC. I usually post in on the support threads. When you say sick do you mean sick as in withdrawal from sleeping pills? You only felt some what functional and better when you were on them? Just curious because I've been addicted to various drugs that cause physical dependency like benzodiazepines and opiates and I recall being "dope sick" meaning physically ill due to being in withdrawal. Throwing up, sweats, chills, shaking, involuntary leg spasiams, watery eyes, runny nose, insomnia, depression, anxiety, heavy legs like lead, the throwing up would be so bad I would just retch and retch over and over even though nothing was coming out. My stomach muscles would ache for days from the constant retching. Glad I'm clean now.
Keep telling your story.
AQueen

July 29, 2007
4:02 pm
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Anonymous
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{{{{{robbie2007}}}}}

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