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Hepburn
November 28, 2008
7:06 pm
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MsGuided
Golden Horseshoe.ca
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I haven't abandoned you.

You and sd are my cyber-budettes.I have no power whatsoever to change whats happened.Sd makes her decisions and chooses for herself.

She took a break for a while and came back to another thread that i was in.So I responded to her about "finger painting", inviting her back to the thread, but she chose to post to me directly. Glittered and i tried to smooth things over to no avail.

There has been no mention, innuendo or discussion about the disagreement you two had...she hasn't mentioned or carried it on. That's pretty commendable. We all are posting about personal matters. You think I don't feel a little uncomfortable because our little spot has changed? It bothers me, but I don't have control, nor try to control people.

However you made a few comments in lollis thread....like you're blaming...not feeling safe? Holding on to the conflict.

You also mentioned hypocrisy. That is a word that hits at the core of a persons character.It made me wonder if you have expanded some discomfort my way.

What doesn't make me feel safe is when somebodies X starts posting, upsetting the whole dynamic.It's happened twice, and recently. That's what i was referring to when i responded recently about "crazy stuff" going down in AAC. That was on the support side.
This is libs, and we all have to be strong enough to take what happens here.

I am willing to put my weakness's out there. Presently in the N thread.....the goal for us there is to learn about the disorders that we were exposed to as children, be responsible for our weakness's, what we picked up, recognize, learn about them, and try to get better. It's also about knowing who is dangerous, and how to protect ourselves from harm.
I just want to discard the elements in myself that have held me back.

Sure i get frustrated with MrD, but i also am aware that it may be totally my weakness's that are preventing me from being content.

So that's where my head is at. It isn't easy doing that since anyone can choose to use it against a person for whatever reason....most of the time it is due to their inside flaws and triggers.

You are welcome in the thread sd started for me....I understand if you feel uncomfortable ....but just know I am unbiased, and still there for you if you need me.

I'm sorry if you are hurt by a few things going on or that happened in the sex thread.

You have a lot of friends here also, and are leaning on that.

What's important is your personal life, 'cause that is where you reside.

But you have friends here too, so don't let one conflict ruin that.

hit send! yipes!

:0)

December 3, 2008
1:07 pm
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Hepburn
Los Angeles, California
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Hi MsG,

I JUST saw this thread this morning. I have some thoughts about everything, of course. ha

Thank you for your post. I really appreciate it. Sometimes we just don't know what the best course of action or non-action (as it were) we should take.

I was hoping to be able to work out with sd what "my" issue was with her. Which is why I wanted to leave you and G out of it until it was worked out.

It's pretty obvious that I trigger something in her. Considering how long we've all been together, I expected something less harsh. You don't really get to know someone until a difference of opinion or a conflict comes up. I found it interesting at how easy it was for her to just dismiss me and move on.

To be honest, after getting blasted by her, I don't think it very commendable at all that it was just left that way. But that's jmo.

I don't have a "tough shit", "take no prisoners" type of personality. At least not any more. That didn't work for me. And to be honest, I don't want that type of trait. But I'm not in this to try and figure anyone else out, I'm in this to look at how "I" deal with things. But I also care about other people's feelings. I want to offer support too. Sometimes too much, but that's part of the codie in me.

Yeah, I felt abandoned when G and you moved over to the other thread. (And due to the fact that THAT'S exactly why I came to this site, was very hard. ha Did I ever tell you that I got abandoned, when I went to my first Abandonment Meeting? By the the person hosting it? True story. HA). Which just goes to show ya that whatever you're trying to work on, the Universe will present all sorts of opportunities to practice!

Even tho you 2 tried to keep the original going, it just felt like it was forced. And I know that you and G were in a tough position. But I could see it was going to be too much (duplicating the same info), so I took myself out of it.

No, I don't think you're a hypocrite Ms. G. Anything but! ha I've always said that things happen for a reason.

I've always read the N Thread. I find it very interesting. I've wanted to participate in it too but didn't really have too much to say. HA I've just been reading along.....learning.....reading.....

Thanks for caring MsG, I do have other threads to go to, and yes there has been some nice support, despite all the weirdness going on on this site! YIKES! And I can always start one of my own. But I'll think I'll wait on that one, what if I get abandoned? LOL

Hey, we all have weaknesses. I'm glad I'm not perfect. And I'm glad L and MrD aren't perfect either. I like lnf seeing my vulnerabilities and weaknesses, kinda takes the pressure off of me for a change. HA

Hitting send......

Peace.

Hep

December 3, 2008
2:04 pm
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MsGuided
Golden Horseshoe.ca
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((((Hepburn))))
I'm so glad you answered.
I was kindof hurt. Wondering what the Hep'n Hell??heehee
I chose not to lash out or feed into my fears though.

I care about all of you, plain and simple.

As for my thread..I answered a friend..you're all my friends.
I totally understand you felt left out. That's why I started this one.

That sort of thing has happened to my all my life with friends at home.Triangulation.....
(Three situations with 3 friends....AHHH!)

I had one women, who was jealous of me and a high school friend, having babies around the same time.
The other woman was like a lifelong mother figure to my HighSchoolBGF, she was her older brothers GF for 12 years, then he dumped her due to the fact she couldn't have kids.So she went off the deep end when this brought us together.....guess who got pushed out? I also was fresh split from my x, my company closed, had no job, I didn't even lean on her that much ( went to therapy instead) and she, my BGF, just dumped me.No explanation. She started acting all arrogant and said some really cruel hurtfull things to me, so i didn't even want to repair....and the other woman at that point, would've caused trouble. She was the whole time anyway. They both scapegoatd me, projected on me...it wasn't like they had no problems or haven't been abused.

But babies need a lot of care, so something had to give. I had no way of getting to her since she lived too far.

Part of what brought me here was i realized all my relationships were based on codependence, power control issues, everyone had power over me, just like my family, and my needs went unrequitted.Absolute same dynamic.

Maybe that's why i am so diligent about expressing my needs now.

Yea.you learn when conflict arises.

My HSBF needed a mother more than a friend ( she was adopted)and she was affluent also.Married a very wealthy guy.

The poor HSGF< just didn't fit her coke crazed, heli_ski lifestyle anymore. Yea...there were too many drugs around too, and i had given it all up. Abandonment issues, yea..not very comforting to hold onto the past or have it happen now or in the future. I am going to be here for you still Hep.if you continue in lollis, or reds, wherever, I will put in my support if it's warranted. I do hope LNF works out for you. As long as he gets more responsible, takes control of his life, he has the character to keep around. Yea, we aren't perfect, But we're pretty damn sweet! and luckily contain just enough humility to see the big picture, and hit send!LOL I'm still open for another brainstorm, or angels reunion....ya never know!Or even a cyber cocktail party, hehe. Be Well!

December 3, 2008
9:42 pm
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red blonde
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(((((HEP..MSG)))))

Both you will always be welcome on my thread...I hope you will continue to post to it...and feel safe to do so on it.

Msg and I both know that sometimes the site goes 'off-kilter' at times..but there are some of the 'old' ones that try to let it just roll off their backs.

I hope you don't mind me posting that on this thread...just wanted to let you know that I appreciate and care about both of you and I do enjoy your input!

December 3, 2008
9:44 pm
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red blonde
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Plus, Hep, I really DO need some help in the 'manifesting' department!!!!

December 4, 2008
1:05 am
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Hepburn
Los Angeles, California
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Thanks MsG, I know you'll be around and I know I'll be around too.

Red, you've always had open arms, that's one reason why I like you so much!

Peace.

Hep

December 7, 2008
9:00 pm
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glittered when he walked
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September 27, 2010
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((((Hep)))

I'm sorry you felt abandoned babe. I certainly didn't mean for you to feel that way. I just wanted to keep in touch with all of the "angels" and that meant i was gonna have to double post a little.

Hep...you know I luv you as my cyber lady friend.

your friend,

G-man.

December 9, 2008
12:07 am
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Hepburn
Los Angeles, California
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Ah, G, Thank you. That was really sweet of you to post. (Sorry I didn't see it sooner) I know it was hard for you and MsG. The fact that you would do double posting.....I don't know what to say, except thank you.

You'll always be my "Charlie".

Love,

Hep

Ok, you can all gag now. HA

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