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April 17, 2003
1:42 pm
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Anonymous
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SC i forgot to ask you how you think having a relationship or a girlfriend can help me in my aims. at times, i look at the world from a global point of view, as if i'm a satellite.
so i mean, doesnt having a girlfriend waste my time? i have to buy her flowers, listen to her problems and all that. there IS a conflict inside me, beucase one part of me really wants a girlfriend, the other part says "no.. its not worth it, its not good, it doesnt make sense"

April 17, 2003
1:49 pm
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Anonymous
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Guest-Guest a relationship works for the both of you not just one. Who knows she may buy YOU flowers or little gifts because she loves you. I tend to do that for someone I am seeing, I surprise them and try to treat them special because they are.

I know you asked the SC but I jumped in sorry.

April 17, 2003
1:58 pm
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also SC you can use me all you like, i dont mind at all. i beleive if i get hurt by what anyone says, the fault is in me, not in them :).
(i'm not sure if thats the right/appropriate/natural human behavior, but this is what i am right now).

another reason why i'm afraid of having a girlfriend is when i see many people have problems in their religionship (as some people discuss in this board as well), so that also stops me.
"shes like this, i think shes doing this, i cant take it anyone, her mom hates me ..etc.etc.".
i know i'm looking at the negative side of it, but thats all i see i guess? the few times i got near a girl, i lost control of myself, i.e., i went overboard and she got scared.

another thing: girls can go overboard all they like, but when the guy does the same, its a no-no and she runs away.
i think we have far many girls running away from boys who went overboard (were obsessing about her, bugging her too much) - than boys running away from emotional girls.
i'm trying to understand how it works

April 17, 2003
4:02 pm
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oops... that was supposed to say "relationship"

April 17, 2003
4:11 pm
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Hey Guest_Guest,

You're tossed about relationships, huh? That's a start!

I don't think people have to have one, but I know we're all human, and one of the ways we're built, or hey, maybe we're programmed this way, is to find a special someone and work as a TEAM.

Yep, a team. At least that's the healthy version of it.

So how can a girlfriend help you in life? She throws the ball up, and you do the slam dunk. I don't know how to spell what that's called, but it's "alleyoop?".

But yes, I do think that a relationship take time... so yes, if your goal is to waste no time, I'd say a relationship could "waste" you some time... but also think about the time she could save you? Think about how nice a backrub is at the end of the day (it puts you to sleep faster) and someone to vent with/get feedback from who knows you better than anyone?

How do those benefits stack up?

April 17, 2003
6:26 pm
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SC,
no.. the backrub and other stuff is'nt enough. i wondered how having a relationship can make me stronger.
maybe it does.. we'll see- another thing, i'm so busy i dont have any time for spending with a girl. so thats the other thing.

thought i've managed to fight off almost all other negative thoughts, the one that stays with me is "I cannot get intimate with any girl", or "i have trouble getting a girl trust me", or "i have trouble in getting close to a girl".

though they may be true, becuase i didnt have any close relation with my own mom, i have to change this, but i have to understand the male-female relationship first.
with my mom i have gotten better, but its not anything close and i'm hardened and closed up when it comes to having any friend (not just a girlfriend).
i always keep my distance- maybe its becuase i'm afraid of being vulnerable and hurt, if something happens.

most people are able to get the other sex close to them, but i cant do it, hopefully i'll learn.

April 18, 2003
12:55 am
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i guess the basic question is "what do i want from the relationship/friendship"

i'm just used to living alone, not depending on anyone a lot, not sharing with them.

so it seems i dont want much from a relationship, but i cant know what SHES thinking or expecting.
lets see how it goes.. shes here in the summer too, like me, i'll invite her to movies and lets see what happens.

April 19, 2003
4:27 pm
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hope things work out for you guest- guest, fingers crossed

April 20, 2003
2:04 pm
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thanks boland, i'm trying

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