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Have a Love Affair with YOURSELF Chpt. 11 CNM
March 10, 2007
5:38 pm
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mj
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This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. William Shakespeare

"Love thy neighbor as thyself. The problem with many codependents is we do just that. What's worse, many of us wouldn't dream of loving or treating other people the way we treat ourselves. We wouldn't dare, and others probably wouldn't let us."

March 10, 2007
5:41 pm
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mj
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"Actually it doesn't matter when we began torturing ourselves. We must stop it now."

March 10, 2007
5:44 pm
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mj
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"WE are okay. Its wonderful to be who we are. Our thoughts are okay. Our feelings are appropriate. There is nothing wrong with us. If we have done wrongs, that's okay; we were doing the best we could."

March 10, 2007
5:50 pm
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mj
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"We have the right to be happy. We deserve good things."

"We are good. We are good enough."

"Guilt and Shame are not useful as a way of life."

"Stop the shoulds. We need to forgive ourselves. Take the fourth and fifth steps and be done with it. If people tell us directly or indirectly, that we ought to be ashamed, we don't have to believe it. Guilt makes everything harder.

We need to value ourselves and make decisions and choices that enhance our self esteem.

We can be gentle, loving, listening, attentive, and kind to ourselves, our feelings, thoughts, needs, wants, desires, and everything we're made of. We CAN accept ourselves-all of us."

March 10, 2007
5:51 pm
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mj
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Activity: How do you feel about yourself? Write about it. Include the things you like or don't like about yourself. Reread what you have written.

March 11, 2007
6:14 am
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Rasputin
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Wow this is so beautiful this chapter not to be missed. I am in for this chapter. Thanks hon for your perseverance. You are a real Angel & an inspirtation for all of us here, bless you!!!

March 11, 2007
10:47 am
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mj
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Thanks Ras!

I am still thinking about the activity. I think its hard for me to write about how I feel about myself. I have lots of old tapes that play in my head. I don't feel real good about myself generally.

March 11, 2007
3:14 pm
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lollipop3
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Thank you MJ for these quotes and affirmations.

I need them now more than ever before.

(((mj)))

March 11, 2007
8:27 pm
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Rasputin
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Don't worry Mj. In time you will start to like yourself.

When I was younger, I did not like myself. How can we if we were deprived from love, attention, care?I never felt I was special. I can honestly say and repeat that Spirituality saved my life. Knowing that God loves me unconditionally. He is not responsible for all the pain, abuse, lack of love and attention in my life.

Believe it or not...I only knew about this only several years ago when I went thru my emotional recovery. I was so angry at God, my family, myself. It was a hard road, but the outcome was fabulous and worth every trouble and effort of it.

I like you MJ and I am even proud of you. I really feel that you're being serious about your own recovery and taking sincere steps to change.

March 11, 2007
10:48 pm
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mj
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((((Lolli)))) I am sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. I know things have got to get better. Be Gentle with yourself and know that you have so much to share with a deserving person. You are loveable, Just like I am. Just like all of us are.

Thanks Ras for sharing what you have learned. After I wrote that I wrote my feelings in a journal and discovered that I am enough just the way I am today. Thanks for liking me and being proud of me and noticing that I do want recovery. Glad we are on this journey together and I appreciate your contributions to this book study. I am so glad you are making so much progress!

Love to All and to me too!

March 12, 2007
10:12 am
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mj
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Ok, I did the activity. I wrote it out and made two columns What I like about myself, and what I dislike as suggested in the book to include likes and dislikes.

I can tell you the likes column felt really good and the dislikes made me feel uncomfortable. I know that for me today, this is an exercise in seeing reality and knowing that I am enough where I am today.

I also reread the Chapter and highlighted new points that jumped out.

March 12, 2007
10:30 am
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mj
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HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF

What I like about myself:

I like that I am dependable and reliable. I can be trusted that when I say I will do something, I will do it and that I will show up on time or a little earlier.

I am loyal and protective of the people I love and care about.

I am compassionate and can empathize with others struggles.

I am Honest. If I am asked for my opinion, I will share my truth as I see it in a kind manner.

I am a good listener. I don’t like to give advice because I believe everyone is capable of finding their own answers.

I am creative and imaginative. I enjoy trying new things. I am good with composition and colors.

I am sensitive.

I am kind to others. I like hanging out with nice people. I am interested in others.

I like that I am a clean person and that I keep a clean, nicely decorated home. I like that I am a good cook.

I am curious by nature and interested in how things work. I am mechanically adept.

I enjoy nature. Whether it is seeing, hearing, or sensing my environment, I enjoy the tranquility of nature. I love flowers. I enjoy all kinds. I enjoy creating planters of flowers to accent my home.

I enjoy learning. I like the challenge of learning something new. I like learning to say No when I mean No and I like learning to set boundaries for myself.

I enjoy laughing with friends over silly stuff, or laughing at myself when I do something funny.

I like that I am not perfect and can make a mistake.

I am a safe driver and don’t take unnecessary risks.

I like that I am flexible and spontaneous.

I am learning that my needs and wants are important too!

March 12, 2007
10:41 am
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mj
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What I dislike about myself

I hate long-term commitments.

I don’t like being in pain and try to avoid it which sometimes is a detriment.

I can obsess and worry over things I have no control over.

I distrust others.

I fear rejection.

I personalize others reactions.

I don’t know how to deal with others rude remarks and avoid them in the future so it doesn’t repeat. I need to learn to be more assertive.

If I am ignored or forgotten, I feel hurt.

I am quick to anger in defense of others.

I am impatient with others at times.

I dislike others control issues, it’s a big trigger for me.

I don’t like my inability to stand up for myself.

When I am angry, I can be sarcastic and mean.

When I am upset with someone, my first response is to leave.

I put others needs before my own.

I have difficulty setting boundaries.

I get overwhelmed my others negative judgements.

Sometimes, I have difficulty identifying what I feel.

I am afraid to express my own anger. I don’t like feeling out of control.

March 12, 2007
11:05 am
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mj
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I have re-read what I have written and I see that I am okay just where I am today. I have things I can improve on but I am okay already! I will learn to love myself unconditionally!

March 12, 2007
11:21 am
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mj
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"Of all the judgements that we pass on life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves, for that judgement touches the very center of our existence." Honoring the Self, by Nathaniel Branden pg125 CNM

"The first act of honoring the self is the assertion of consciousness: the choice to think, to be aware, to send the searchlight of consciousness outward toward the world and inward toward our own being. To default on this effort is to default on the self at the most basic level."

March 12, 2007
11:22 am
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mj
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"To honor the self is to be willing to think independently, to live by your own mind, and to have the courage of our own perceptions and judgements."

March 12, 2007
11:25 am
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mj
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"To honor the self is to be willing to know not only what we think but also what we feel, what we want, need, desire, suffer over, are frightened by or angered by-and to accept our right to experience such feelings. The opposite of this attitude is denial, disownment, repression- self repudiation."

March 12, 2007
11:29 am
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mj
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She continues to say the following about honoring the self," Preserve an attitude of self-acceptance, live authentically, refuse to accept unearned guilt, be committed to our right to exist,and to be in love with our own life." To read the full version on page 126.

"Honoring the self is a practice in selfishness in the highest, noblest, and least understood sense of that word and requires enormous independence, courage, and integrity."

March 12, 2007
11:31 am
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mj
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"The love we give and receive will be enhanced by the love we give ourselves."

I encourage you to take the time to write about how you feel about yourself. It really helped me! Love to All

March 13, 2007
8:08 am
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mj
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I support myself because I am worth it 🙂

March 14, 2007
12:11 pm
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soprano2
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Mj--Your list is very inspiring. I am hoping to have time this week to make my own. I too, have a long list of both, but I know that I am a work in progress--especially when it comes to liking myself.

Here is a quote that I have found to be uplifting in figuring out how to love myself. I put it on my chalkboard at school because it is something that everyone should hear:

"No one can make you inferior without your consent."
Eleanor Roosevelt

How appropriate is that for all of us to hear????

March 14, 2007
10:40 pm
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mj
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Thanks Soprano!

March 14, 2007
10:46 pm
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ggfred4
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mj, I am so impressed with your lists and can identify with many of your answers on both sides. I am going to make my list tomorrow and post. Thank you mj for the persistance you have in recovery and helping all of us...(((mj)))

March 14, 2007
11:19 pm
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mj
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Good for you GG!

March 14, 2007
11:50 pm
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armyleo
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mj,

I'm sorry I have been AWOL dealing with family issues....

I do pop in every 2-3 days, and I read this thread...

Hopefully I will have time to catch up on reading the book...

Sometimes folks don't participate, but I'm sure others are reading, and I know for a fact, for me, I pick up good helpful stuff from reading...

I know you would get frustrated for lack of intrest but that is not the case for me...I just have overwhelming family stuff to deal with...time consuming...

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