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Hassa10 Take Two
December 22, 2007
2:43 pm
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You still around?

free

December 22, 2007
4:47 pm
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Hassan10
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Free,

Yes I am still here. I am concerned about all the emoting on the other thread.

I had no idea that expressing an opinion that I thought was objective would generate so much....I'm not sure what the word is.

Thank you for the greeting.

I came here because I have trouble socializing with people since my wife died. My children and my colleagues are my only socialization. I thougt perhaps communicating with people online would help me with my reticence. I do not know.

Peace to you.

December 22, 2007
5:18 pm
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In my house we call it "hooplah."

No worries-

I'm sorry for the loss of your wife. I can't imagine.

I come here for socialization, too. I'm a high school teacher, and fortunately it's just "the career" for me, and so I have a tremendous amount of socialization in that area, lots of kudos, lots of positive interaction, both with the kids and adults. But something's missing.

Strange, though, I could go out and "interact", but it doesn't fulfill. last night I went out and shot darts at the local pub, had a wonderful time. I had to MAKE myself go though. I hide in my shell or something. I struggle with this urge to retreat from people.

Before I started coming here, I would not socialize at all. I divorced an abusive man, and social interaction only brought up all the issues that contributed to me getting into that situation. I'm very quick to believe words that indicate or state I am bad, crazy, psycho, mean, selfish- all that yucky stuff. So conflict is something I struggle with as well. Obviously.

But something in my life is missing. For the life of me, I just don't know what it is.

So I come here looking for it.

I'm glad you're still here.

free

December 22, 2007
6:19 pm
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Hassan10
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I am a research assistant. My colleagues and I go out for lunch, but we rarely meet socially. My wife died when my youngest was an infant. It was sudden and the adjustments required were difficult to say the least. I found myself thrown into the world for which I had no training. My father was not hands-on so I had no role model. Thankfully her family is not far away and they helped me a lot in that difficult first year. I had no idea how difficult it was to find childcare!

After so many years I think I’ve mastered a few things, but rearing children takes up a lot of time as most here know. My family would like me to remarry, but I don’t know if I am ready for that. Going out and socializing more are my goals for next year.

My oldest son wants to play baseball in the spring. I think I will sign his brother up for tee ball at that time. Meeting other parents will help me to socialize more too.

I miss my wife often. In many ways she was my strength. There were times in the beginning I wondered if I showed her how much I loved her. I hope I did.

Thank you again for the welcoming. Perhaps in the new year we will both be better at social interactions outside of work.

Peace to you.

December 22, 2007
10:01 pm
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Hi Hassan~

Baseball with kids is alot of fun, especially Tball. In T-ball if you just hit the ball a little bit, you can get a home run. My son once went to first, then second, and then to the pitchers mound. he thought he was done running bases because that's where his coach was, on the pitchers mound. Another kid went to first, then second, and kept going. It's so much fun. And there will be many parents there, single moms!

Are you wanting to meet somebody?

I've always wondered about the online dating things and if they work. If people truly meet and fall in love on those.

free

December 24, 2007
11:51 pm
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Hassan10
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Hello Free,

I do not know if I am ready to date. I often miss my wife. I do not think that would be fair to another woman, competing with a memory. I feel that a woman should be appreciated for herself and not compared to another.

I played soccer and do not follow baseball. My sons love the sport. I love them.

We are at my wife's parents vacation home. I hope you have a happy and safe holiday. My sons are excited about tomorrow. They are her with cousins, aunts and uncles. That was in order of imporance.

Peace to you.

December 25, 2007
12:10 am
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hi Hassan10~

I think that people can fall in love again. I think that the way we love people is different.

I loved and was going to marry a Marine. I was accepted into the University of my dreams at the same time he got orders. We broke it off, knowing that if it was meant to be, it would be someday. Years went by, and I learned that he had died. I'll always love him the same way and with the same strength I loved him the day he left.

Then I thought I was in love and got into a bad marriage.

then I left that and did fall in love again. It's different.

Sometimes I DO compare the feelings- they are different and I don't know how to explain it. This comes to mind: I love all my children with the same depth, but the love is different.

I bet your sons are very excited about tomorrow. These times, I so cherish. My children are growing older now, the thrill and magic of Christmas has faded.

I hope you have a truly wonderful day Hassan10.

Peace to you as well.

free

December 28, 2007
11:43 am
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Hassan10
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Free,

I hope your holiday has been enjoyable so far. We are still here at my in-laws and my sons are having a wonderful time. I am glad I decided to take a holiday at the same time they are out of school. It is the first time I have done this. They usually stay here without me.

I do not know if I want to marry again. I do understand what you mean about loving someone in a different way than another. I am hoping that socializing more will help me.

I told my father-in-law about it and he was very supportive. He told me that they worry about me being single for so long. He wondered if I had shut my heart.

How was your Christmas?

December 28, 2007
2:32 pm
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Hi Hassan~

I had a lovely Christmas, thank you. It was different, as my son is spending time with his dad now (after a year and a half), so he came home at noon and went back at 5. I miss him, the house is quiet without him here. My girls are older (17, 15) with active lives- one works and one is an avid athlete. Both are quite the social butterflies. So they are in and out, and they spent some time on Christmas with their dad as well (that's new also). So it was different. I'll probably always love Christmas.

How cool that you get along with your inlaws so well. I love my mother in law.

I wonder...are there women at work who interest you?

free

January 9, 2008
7:19 am
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Hassan10
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Free,

I must apologize for not responding sooner. I took the holiday with my sons and did not return until Sunday. They started school Monday and were not eager to return. They enjoyed being with family too much!!

There are no women that interest me at work. However, there is a woman that my brother and his wife have invited to dinner quite frequently. I suspect they are matchmaking.

She is a wonderful woman, but she is muslim and looks down on Christians and their practices. She gave me a bit of a scolding for having the boys participate in Christmas when I told her we were going to my wife's parents home for the holidays. I did not like that.

There is a woman I see from time to time in the coffee shop that I have thought about asking to coffee. I am not sure why I hesitate. She is friendly and quite attractive.

How are you? Have you returned to school?

January 10, 2008
12:56 am
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Hi Hassan!

Good to hear from you. It's absolutely a delight to hear that your sons love to be with their family.

School started Monday for us as well, and nobody wanted to be back it seemed. Two weeks just isn't quite enough time to miss it. But we're back in the swing of things.

I say ask this woman to coffee Hassan. I imagine it must feel strange to even think of doing so, for so many reasons.

I say: ask. She might say no. She might say yes. Whatever she says, go from there.

The other woman who scolded you- I say no. It just doesn't sound compatible. Traditions, whatever they may be, establish family and yours and hers are clearly different.

I think I may have found a way to get along with my ex husband, and I'm really happy about this. I've been texting him about the kids. I know this sounds so juvenile and stupid, but it seems like as soon as we hear each other's voices, we go to war. I just hate that so I've always avoided him. This has hurt our kids. Our son broke his wrist in phys ed today- he went running towards the tennis net to jump it and his shoe caught- silly child! So I texted my ex husband as today he was supposed to pick our son up from school for visitation, and things went so well- it's like we're talking or something. I don't like this man, he was very abusive to me, but he IS the father of my children and that DOES command a certain respect. Our kids have suffered because we have not been able to find a way to commicate. But today we did, and he is going to take our son to get his wrist casted tomorrow. My ex has not been in our son's life for a year and a half, so I'm very happy about this. So is our son.

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January 10, 2008
12:58 am
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OOps not commicate. Is that word? I meant communicate.

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