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Growing together.....holding tight.....
December 12, 2006
5:43 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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hi cyn

December 12, 2006
5:46 pm
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ggfred4
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Well, he called and tears were falling and he knew something was up. He asked who was there helping and I had to say no one. He asked what was done, did I have lunch, etc. and I had to say nothing...He was frustrated. He knows what we have given to them...I would rather it come from him than me because it makes me feel like he loves me and cares for me and then I don't feel like a nag.

Maybe something will change tonight...let's hope....

So see, I didn't do anything except maybe tell the truth. Yea, I probably would have normally said, "I am fine."...but I couldn't today...

Love you cyn....thanks

December 12, 2006
6:01 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, is everything ok???

December 12, 2006
6:17 pm
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armyleo
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Just stopping by with a (((Hug))) for everyone here...

December 12, 2006
6:25 pm
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ggfred4
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(((army)))

December 12, 2006
6:39 pm
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ggfred4
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M I C H ?????????????

December 12, 2006
7:02 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am here gg. H is making dinner. Are you doing any better? I went to sleep when I put my kids to bed. Sorry about that. Love you

December 12, 2006
7:06 pm
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ggfred4
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yes, a little better now, love you...glad u got some rest....(((((mich))))))

December 12, 2006
7:10 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Glad to hear that you are doing a little better. Sorry if I sounded mean to you earlier. That isn't what I was trying to do.

Love you.

December 12, 2006
7:12 pm
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ggfred4
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I know, but when I didn't hear back from you, started worrying that you were mad at me...you know idle minds are not good...but then, I went back and read what you wrote, I believe you mich, I trust you....

December 12, 2006
7:16 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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No need to worry gg. I love ya. I told you I am not going anywhere. Thanks for being you. I am glad that I have you in my life.

December 12, 2006
7:23 pm
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ggfred4
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mich are u sure everything is okay?

December 12, 2006
7:31 pm
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ggfred4
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It is okay that things are good with me...you have feelings too...just feel like you are holding back...but again, maybe idle minds??????????

December 12, 2006
7:32 pm
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ggfred4
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okay, let me reword last statement, it is okay that things are NOT good with me....

December 12, 2006
8:19 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I will be alright...PROMISE

December 12, 2006
8:25 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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It is just one of those nights that I truly wish that things here were the way that they used to be. I could really use my sisters for encouragement that is all. Feeling down. No big deal...worry about me none. I will be ok. PROMISE. Love all my sisters...miss you too.

December 12, 2006
8:32 pm
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ggfred4
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We are so much alike aren't we mich? Here's a day that we both need that sisterhood...I love you Mich....

December 12, 2006
8:39 pm
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ggfred4
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Mich, I will always worry,care,and think of you...right now in a lot of pain, so just took meds, don't know how long I can be on...love you mich...

Love my sisters, miss my sisters....feel like lil shit for sure today!

December 12, 2006
9:39 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Thanks gg, I just feel alone right now. Kind of like you did. I am just sad. I feel like I have pushed a lot of people away, and I am sad about that. I just hate who I am and I want to be different so bad. I hate this time of year. I hate being cold, My family sucks, I miss my sisters, I am being mean to my kids tonight, I just want to crawl in a hole. My friend Jody and I talked about "cutting" last night for a LONG time and I don't know...I am just having issues. My h was really sweet to me today, and I am not even being grateful. All I want to do is cry. I am not at all interested in Christmas this year. I don't know what my problem is. I am so confused, and so lost. I just want to be normal. I don't want to push people away anymore, so I am afraid to talk. I miss people here that I did talk to but I am afraid to say anything to them, I am so confused.

December 12, 2006
9:55 pm
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ggfred4
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I knew you weren't talking, I knew it...I was trying not to believe it was me....Damn mich, why are we so much alike? I am still afraid to talk...Today when I talked and you didn't come back and no LL, no need, thank goodness for cyn and mama, I was sad...I need to go over the Afghan sisterhood. It will NEVER be the same, NEVER....

Listen mich, we are both DEPRESSED...too bad it is as the same time. But mich, we are sisters, we are not alone, unless you want it that way...I don't...I have had three bad days in the last five days and I need it to stop. We can help each other mich, if we are both willing....We can talk, listen, and even give suggestions....

Right now, I would like you to do one thing, just one little thing. You don't have to, but just would like you to try...I would like you to thank your husband for making dinner by either giving him a hug, or just saying thanks for dinner...that's it...force it if you must...You don't have to, just a suggestion...because I care...

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AS LONG AS I AM STILL HERE MICH....Your loving sister, gg

December 12, 2006
10:10 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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He even bought me a new pair of pretty tennis shoes today and a new pair of pants to wear to the gym and work out. He tries so hard to be helpful. I just love him. He deserves better to be honest. I am trying not to talk gg. My mom is really bugging me, and Bev was really helping me think about that, and then I pushed her away. My sisters are not around much, I haven't heard from Need in what seems like forever. I know in my heart it is a busy time of year for everyone, but you guys are all the family that I have. I just miss it. I know it has to be this way, I am just sad again. Just want to cry, just want to go on and on and on about what is in my heart. I don't think that it is fair, I don't want to hurt anyone, and I don't want to be hurt. But, I want to be able to talk, I want to be able to feel better. I don't know. I am just feeling confused, as I said before. I have to go to Jodys house in the morning EARLY to help her clean it, because her house is SCARY. And they are having a party there on thursday. I don't want to go over there. I just want to sleep. I am having a hard time getting out of bed and everything. I am just so depressed right now. Just want to know that someone cares. I know you do. I know that, I don't know, I guess I am feeling selfish too. Oh well, what else is new for me. (Oh if that wasn't a pity me statement, I don't know what is) I am sorry gg. I know that you are having a hard enough time. I was trying to be strong for you too. I love you and I want to see you happy. That is all.

December 12, 2006
10:17 pm
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ggfred4
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I UNDERSTAND MICH, but please read what I just wrote...We are NOT alone...We have each other...If I didn't have you now, I can't imagine what mindset I would be in. I need you and hope you need me to regardless of what I am going through. Did you think of my suggestion? My h would never have bought me anything like that...The good thing about going to clean house, it gets you busy...that is part of my problem now, I can't do anything, but sit and get more depressed...I think mama or cyn even suggested coloring in a color book...I thought, hey, I would like that, but then I would have to ask someone to go and buy one, yeah....

Remember mich, it is okay to feel...please don't apologize because of me, please don't...I love you mich, I need you mich, and I hope you need me too...

December 12, 2006
10:17 pm
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needtoheal
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Hi girls... sorry i have not been around that much.. I love you all.. and I do miss you all.. the way things had been.. I am here if anyone wants to talk...

December 12, 2006
10:20 pm
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ggfred4
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need, mich and I are both in depressed shit...you can go back an read...I am depressed over my health, my codependency with my family, and still mourning the sisterhood during these tough times...You can read about mich...

(((((sweet need)))))

December 12, 2006
10:24 pm
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needtoheal
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I did read through.. I understand.. I know that it is so difficult when you are recuperating GG.. and cannot get up and out of the house.. like you said, you would even have to ask someone to get a coloring book... It is very depressing.. I remember when I had to move in with my parents for a while when I had the herniated discs because I could not take care of myself and the boys too...

Mich-- I know that you are feeling confused and depressed.. PLease do feel that you are the one who has pushed people away... We all love and care about you very much..

You are both very special to me...

along with LL and Cyndra

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