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Growing together.....holding tight.....
December 9, 2006
10:08 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG, there you go. I will bury the other thread. I struggled to think of a name for this thread, so this is what we have. I love you and we have to stick together. Jim says.

We can do this. Together. OK? Promise me. PLEASE. We have each other. We can grow together. We move about the same pace...we will be ok.

December 9, 2006
10:19 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Are you gone?

December 9, 2006
10:32 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Gg,

I am going to bed here VERY shortly...I am EXHAUSTED. I will get on here in the am. If I happen to get up in the night I will stop in too to see if you are around. I love you sweet sister. Hold your head up...we will get to where they are. We will catch 'em one day, and meet 'em in the airport.

I love ya.

Mich

December 9, 2006
11:23 pm
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needtoheal
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Sorry girls that I am so late.. But I want you both to know that I love you and I am grateful for having you all in my life...

Love to all of you

--NEED

December 9, 2006
11:32 pm
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sorry, mich...been grieving...had no idea how hard that was to know see a title about Afghan sisterhood...still crying...and then couldn't recognize this one at first and begin panicking....

Thanks mich for everything today...I mean it...what a tough day....

Thanks need, warning u to not go back and read old thread, okay...love you...

Love you mich...

December 10, 2006
4:10 am
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ggfred4
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Woke up at 3:00, can't sleep...I am going to have to change my vocab. here...hmm...hope my friend is sleeping tightly...

December 10, 2006
7:50 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Hey Need. How are ya honey? Good to see you. How was your night with scumshit? Ok I hope.

Love you too.

GG,

This doesn't have to mean that the "sisters" are over. I just think that we all need a break. And quite frankly one that could very well be positive for all of us. This is a VERY tough time of year for EVERYONE. Even if it is not emotionally, it is a very busy time of year for everyone. The dust hasn't truly settled for some of us. That is ok. We are still a little nervous. Maybe the older sisters need to know that we are NOT solely dependant on them. Maybe that is what they are trying to make happen. There is some truth in that too GG. We need to understand that we don't NEED each other to survive and move forward. Is it helpful? Absolutely. Is it easier if we have someone to help us? Absolutely. it isn't that they aren't there to go through it with us gg. They have their own issues and they aren't strong enough to bring us through ours too. I guess part of what I am trying to say is that what I have learned in all of this is that we have to get it from ourselves. No matter how hard I try to help you, and I will continue, I can't do it alone. It has to come from within you. The same as I have to want to be better, and seek out ways to get that way, but they have to come from within me. Does it help to have you by my side? No doubt it does. I love you to pieces. BUT, I think that sometimes we try so hard to help each other that we forget about ourselves. Part of what else I think has happened is that we have all gotten so close that that we won't let anyone else try to help us. I think that is not a good idea. I think that there are SEVERAL people here who are capable of saying a LOT of things to help us, and we have for 2 months limited ourselves, and blocked people out without meaning to. Does that make sense? It doesn't mean that we can't be close or that we can't be there for each other, or that the sisters as we know them have to end. Our sisters are ALWAYS going to be our sisters. I believe that with ALL of my heart. The love we shared and everything else that we shared in those several weeks was VERY special to all of us I believe. NOT just you and I. But you and I depended on it, and we can't. This has been a VERY tough decision for all of us. Don't you think that we have said a lot of things in the last three weeks that if we could we would take back. Things that have hurt our sisters. Is that truly fair to them? NO! They are still the same people. This lesson is just a little harder for you and I to accept. That doesn't make us wrong GG. It just means we have to fight a little harder. If we give up, that isn't fair to us or them either. I think that the several sisters threads served a GREAT purpose. It was a stepping stone gg, to help us get to a point that we could stand on our own. We can, but we have to try. Yes, I am going through some tough shit, as are you....we aren't alone. Our sisters are still there, and so are a LOT of other people. We just have to give them the chance.

Now, all of that said...I LOVE YOU. I am going to be here for you. But we have to fight a little harder. ANd being mean to LL and Cyn and trying to manipulate them into coming back isn't fair to them. We have to stop. We are only pushing them away. Does it hurt, yep, and they know that. But they have to do what is best for them too. They haven't deserted us. Though it may feel like it right now. They are still there. We just have to look a little harder to find them.

We are going to be ok gg. I promise. I love you and you are a VERY important person in my life. All of my sisters are. But we can move forward. We have to look at all of this as a growing experience instead of a dead end for us. I can go through and list SEVERAL good things that came out of these relationships....love, trust, and everything else. You know what that proves...that we can. Our ability isn't gone. That is a good lesson to learn. We are going to be ok.

I love you gg. You are VERY special.

Love,

Mich

(((GG)))

December 10, 2006
8:17 am
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ggfred4
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Okay mich, smarty pants!!!!LOL...

I'll admit that I was too dependent on the sisterhood. I know that what was many people were trying to point out. I know they have their own lives and issues and the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone, drag them down, keep them from healing, etc. That is why I was willing and wanted you to know that I was willing to have you take your break yesterday. I didn't want to hold you back because of my misery.

I know my survival and healing must come within. My leaning on, clinging on, neediness is something I have got to work on; in fact, it is vital. This has been a big problem for me. If I think someone truly may care or love me, I latch on, probably choking them along the way. Then they detach in order to survive. I have done this in my real life and I am very ashamed and embarrassed of it. I just don't know why I do it and need to know why. Then from there, I guess I need some strategies in another direction...Any help or suggestions, no matter how embarrassing, I would like, anyone?

I would love to apologize for my dramatic note to LL yesterday...I love you LL and am sorry.

Cyn and Need, I hope I haven't been choking your growth by the way I latch on to your love...sorry...

Mich, still if u need a break or think we should detach for our own growth, I will. I love you...Don't hang around for me, please....

December 10, 2006
8:28 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG,

I am not going anywhere. I just thought about it a LOT. I just think that we need to start searching within. I am just as guilty of latching on as you are gg. I "choke" people along the way too. That is one of the BIG things that Jim and I are talking about right now. What we have to understand gg, is that just because the people we love aren't there ALL of the time doesn't mean that they don't love us or aren't thinking about us. we do it because we depend on them to bring us through. In the meantime, our love for these people are VERY real to us. We are so afraid of losing them that we hold on with all of our might. In the meantime, we push them away. We have to stop...so with GG, I am also open to suggestion....from ANYONE.

GG, we are going to be ok. I promise. We have each other, and we are both holding tight enough to choke each other because we feel like we are all we have. Maybe there is some health to that. We won't push each other away like that, cause we won't let go long enough....LOL. But, we have to help each other through it. Maybe it is ok for us to choke each other for a little while...until we get it all figured out. We will. I have faith. Are you willing to take this ride with me?

Cyn, I did respond to you on my other thread. That tells you a LOT of what Jim says.

Ok gg. We have grown, we have loved, we have trusted. We don't have to let it go, we just have to keep moving forward.

I love you sweet sister...
Mich

December 10, 2006
8:57 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Going to church and will chat after. I love you and I am thinking of you. You should see the girls...they are so cute....they are dressed the same. The same black pants and the same white shirts.....Oh goodness they are cute.

December 10, 2006
9:22 am
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Yes, mich, I will take the ride...Right now, I see it as the only way forward, but lil shit wants to runaway and hide and forget...

Love you...

December 10, 2006
2:22 pm
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Good Morning Twins,

Mich~ I haven't abandoned you or the Sisters. I've been busy, just as you said. I know I haven't been around, but I've been so swamped I haven't commented like I used to or given advice, or just been a pain in the ass to you. Besides, I know you miss being able to fuss at me. 🙂

I've been trying to play catch-up, but sometimes it isn't possible. I think you and GG should write a book together. The two of you do think a great deal alike.

GG~ I know that this convalescing thing is taking a lot out of you physically and emotionally. Being dependent is a pain in the ass, no doubt about it.

You said your husband likes it when you're in charge. That's nice, but right now you need him to lean on. You need him to not be so disgruntled about your being ill. Tell him that. If he gives you flack don't take it. How many times did you take care of him? It's his turn now. Tell him so. I know, easier said than done, but well worth the effort.

Okay, now on to the way you two feel about the "loss" of the sisterhood.

You both know that we are all still here. We are all still reading and occasionally commenting. If we don't comment, don't assume the negative, whatever that may be. Assume that we're busy, tired, whatever, but that it has NOTHING to do with you.

Mandy, you put it perfectly when you said that it was a busy time of the year and that maybe we weren't strong enough to heal ourselves and assist you too. Now, that may or may not be the case, but realize it has NOTHING to do with you.

We still love you both and support you. That will always be there. When you need a kick in the butt I'll chime in. If you need something else LL and Need will be there. We aren't gone. We aren't distancing ourselves from you because of the wee bit of upset that happened. We are taking care of ourselves, our familie, our responsibilities. That NEVER means we don't care about and love you. PLEASE remember that.

As for me, the past few weeks have been hectic. I've got work obligations that have me working 10-12 hour days. I'm exhausted when I get home. The fact that I manage to say good morning amazes me. This is the longes post I've written in how long? Geez, I don't even want to think about it.

So now that we're clear on that, I love you two like you wouldn't believe. I would give a lot to be able to go to GG's house, kick her husband in the butt, and cook her some meals she enjoys. All that shrimp in the Gulf is just waiting for some butter and garlic! I'd cook all her favorites and leave her with healthy sweets to eat. I hate hearing that she's in so much pain and not being taken care of.

Mich, I'm glad that Jim feels the bond you have with GG is so special and would survive anywhere. That's wonderful. I marvel at the bond you two have since you've never met in person. I treasure it and I don't even have it!!

Mich, enjoy church. GG, get h to feed you. I love you both.

December 10, 2006
2:55 pm
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Thank you cyn, love ya...I think timing has played a part in all of this for me...It is like you left, then LL, then need seems so much better, even if it is with pondscum....That left two... Then the surgery with its complications and I just seem to be lost...I also had a friend (another one of my infamous one-way friendships) in real life who apparently pick this time to detach....

I struggle so much with trust and abandonment, still have not discovered why...When I feel like I find someone I trust, and I promise, that is not easy, I then cling on not wanting them to leave me...Yes, it is sick...at least I can admit it now. I have been thinking a lot about it lately and wonder why. I wish I knew why...Anyway, this is where I must begin working on myself. I am sorry that I did cling to the sisterhood, not wanting to let go of the love, trust, care, etc. that was there...So, I have been crying and crying, mourning the sisterhood...How babyish is that?....Come on gg, grow up, is what I am trying to tell myself.

Cyn, thanks for your honesty and care...I appreciate it so much and hope you can understand me....

The h is fixing me lunch now as I type....He probably can't wait to go back to work...I did tell him to get out and go to the movies today...(how codep. of me, right?)

Anyway, cyn, thanks, your post meant a lot....I sure have a lot wisdom in this family....

Love you gf.....

December 10, 2006
7:44 pm
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Having a hard, physical day here...most pain since first few days after hospital...haven't even skipped a pain pill....this recovery business is SLOW and way too PAINFUL...I have taken 2 naps, so hopefully I can sleep tonight. Oh, then was blessed with one of those headaches, haven't had once since b4 surgery...was hoping that part of my life was over....but after 2 hours, the head meds began working....

Until Sept. I got sick maybe once every year or two years with a sinus infection and that is it...I am falling apart down here now...

2007 has got to be better, but to make this post positive...I want to start a list of the positives of 2006: (No one has to read, need to do this for me.):

Last child graduated from high school

Afghan sisterhood

Good schedule at work/good classes

My children seem closer and hang out together socially (that makes me really happy since my siblings don't even talk outside of holidays)

Marriage seems better (hopefully)

Acceptance of codependent behavior and ADD/beginning education and work in these areas

aac.........yea, support!

Coda meetings

Completed hurricane damage

that is all I can think of now....

Love you,,,,,,,,,,,,gg

December 10, 2006
8:10 pm
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GG~ I love you, and I'm glad you understood what I wrote. Never will I abandon you. I'm here for you. I will make more of an effort to be supportive.

I'm glad h was home to make you lunch. Even if he can't wait to go back to work he's taking care of his wife. As for telling him to go to the movies, what would he have done otherwise? Sometimes a little escape is necessary.

I LOVE your positives for 2006. They are wonderful. Your children hanging out is so great. I'm glad you have so much going for you.

As far as healing, I know it is difficult to find a therapist you can trust. I was fortunate in stumbling on mine. I think you would benefit to talking one on one with someone who is good. I don't know how you find that person though. Do you have a referral system in your area? Sometimes patients call back and let health plans know if a therapist was good or not. It's worth a try.

You are doing what you can. Don't beat yourself up (NO MORE NAME CALLING!!!). I think you are brave for facing your problems. Not always easy. Recognizing and accepting them are the biggest hurdles we all have to face. The next step seems the hardest, but you've done the most difficult to me.

Okay, I'm going to get ready for bed now. I hate this schedule, but this should be the last week. Maybe I'll even get to study this week!!!

Love ya!!

December 10, 2006
8:25 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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OK girls....I am here briefly...

I went to church, came home, had lunch, set up our tree, and left to go with h to Christmas shop. Today is the first time we hae done ANY shopping at all. We had NO Christmas gifts until today. Poor Austin knows what he is getting....;o)

SO I love you all. Cyn, thanks for sharing your feelings. I do hope we here from LL eventually. BUT, we are going to survive this. And my whole point was that I know that you DO love us. You and LL both.

Right now, we need to get through the New Year, and see what happens. We will. In the meantime, lets ALL keep moving forward. On New Years Day I intend to start a New Sisters thread and just see where it takes us. I am looking forward to the new year.

God, I just love you all. You are all BEAUTIFUL.

Love to you

Mich

I am here for a few...

December 10, 2006
8:30 pm
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Mich,sounds like a good day...missed you...hope you got a lot accomplished.......gg

December 10, 2006
8:33 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am sorry that I have missed you today. I didn't expect it to go like this at all. But it was a good day. I will be around more tomorrow though. Promise....

I LOVE YOU GG. I hope your day is going ok. YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. Keep smiling...

You don't sound happy again, I am sorry that you are in pain....If I get the chance later I will make my list...otherwise I will make one tomorrow.

I love you much

December 10, 2006
8:44 pm
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ggfred4
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just had a bad physical day mich...

Don't ever apologize for not talking to me unless you did something wrong. Your family must come first, always!!!!

I am feeling better now...

December 10, 2006
10:04 pm
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lovinglife
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I see that the hood has a new location here...who else on AAC would have a title such as "Growing together...holding tight..."?!

I have been working & working...picking up whatever O/T shifts I can (used to refuse them-now I don't). Today I slept 12 hrs- and heading out in a bit to make some more $$$.

GG I read your positives list for 06' ---what a great idea--think I need to do that myself. Sometimes we forget about all the little kisses from our HP that happen throughout the year when were still dealing with some of the lingering crude of the past. But each little step towards growth, each little kiss... we become slowly the person we want to be and/or get closer to the life we want to live.

Wishing all of us a bright 2007... want to thank you girls for being in my life...Those 6 weeks or so I had with you girls is truly the foundation I'm ending 06' on, and what will be taking me into the new year. What we had as the 'Afghan Sisters' was very, very special and while its changed, change is not always bad.

Love you all...time to hit the showers and go make some more dough : )

LL

December 10, 2006
10:48 pm
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Love you LL,,,thanks...

December 10, 2006
11:08 pm
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hey Mich,

I am really liking the thinking and writing you are doing on this thread. Seems like you and Jim are forging ahead in some very productive ways.

You've come a long way in two and a half months... it's good to see.

sending a (((hug))) and good thoughts to you,

love, kroika

December 11, 2006
12:15 am
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needtoheal
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I love you all so much.. and I think that it is true that although the afghan sisterhood has changed change does not necessarily mean bad..

we are all grateful for those weeks that we spent together..

and we are all trying to move ahead..

I just want you all to know that I love you all and I do appreciate having you all in my life..

December 11, 2006
1:04 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Ok, I am telling all of you girls goodnight...I LOVE YOU ALL.

More to you ALL in the morning. You all have a special place in my heart, and I am blessed to have you all as sisters.

Mich

December 11, 2006
8:14 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Now I am telling you all good morning.

I hope that you are all doing well.

I will be around, and in and out.

Mich

Love to all.

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