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December 12, 2005
7:00 am
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Hi (((Restless))), Well, Monday is here and how are you today? I had a VERY busy weekend and had a rough time getting up this morning. Saturday night we went to the local AA/Alanon Christmas party and that was really a blast. Most of us have had to learn how to have a good time without alcohol and believe me, there is no better fun group that a bunch of recovering people. We had so much fun and ate, laughed and danced the night away. It was definitely the highlight of my weekend and it really helped R and my relationship…that was a good thing. We are definitely on better terms and R seems to be feeling quite a bit better emotionally. It is hard to just let her go thru this without interfering but I am doing just that and it is working so far. Yesterday I spent all afternoon in a business meeting and that wore me out. I definitely would rather have been chilling on the couch or doing something around the house but that’s life. Now it is Monday morning and I am back here at work…yippee!!! So tell me how your weekend went. I have had you in my thoughts and prayers. I know you are going thru a rough time and I am here to listen. It still blows me away when I think of our relationship. We have never met one another, really know very little about each other yet we are connected. Only in this modern age I guess. I can be sitting alone meditating or just thinking and you will pop into my head and I ask my God to watch over you and be with you. It seems so unlikely that we have this connection. I do know one thing, I believe that I will meet you in the next life and I am sure looking forward to that. Now I’m getting sentimental and am tearing up…really I am. Thanks for being you Restless, you help me a lot. Well, take care of yourself today and write back if you feel like it…tell me about your weekend. Love you, Tryin

December 16, 2005
9:20 am
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Hi (((Tryin))),
This has been one heck of a week. Snow and crappy roads every day and I was sick and stayed home on Wednesday. Trying to get year end stuff done here at work because my last day is next Thursday and I won't be back in here until Jan 3rd. I'll still try and say hi from home. Thank you for saying the nice things about our friendship. I also think of you often and hope you are doing well. I'm hoping God will watch over and take care of the both of us. My so called friend has done a disappearing act after sending 20 messages on Tuesday. He's really an idiot and each time this happens I'm seeing it more and more. You know the other night while trying to fall asleep I compared myself to one of those women you read about our see on television. The ones who are in an abusive relationship and just keep going back for more. I always say to myself, "why in the heck don't they just walk away and leave the idiot". Well, I do believe I understand that sort of situation a little bit better. Not that I'm being abused, more like taken for granted. I understand how bad this relationship is for me yet can't seem to fully leave it. I just don't really understand myself right now. Hopefully with time I'll be able to get over him and "walk away". I think he just keeps testing me to see if he still has me. Know what I mean? No tears over it this time though. Christmas party with my in-laws this weekend. I'm pretty much all set with everything. Looking forward to just kicking back and doing nothing much over the Holidays. Thinking I'll venture into the big Windy City of Chicago with the kids for a day. Maybe take in a museum. Trying to talk my husband into taking a day off and coming along but that really isn't his thing. I'm hoping he'll change his mind. Anyway, sorry I haven't written in a while. Know I'm still here and thinking of you all the time. Write back when you get a chance. Love, Restless

December 19, 2005
11:36 am
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Hi (((Restless))), hope you had a good weekend. I just kicked back and pretty much did what I wanted to. I needed to relax, I have definitely been spreading myself too thin. I did a lot of reading…I have a lot to catch up on. I have Sue Grafton’s two latest books (R is for ricochet and S is for silence). I am devouring the R book and I like it because this one has a lot of romance in it. I get lost in Kinsey Millhone’s adventures and I am secretly in love with her but don’t tell anyone, OK. Anyway, now I am back to work and having a better start than last week. I actually sent my “ex-friend” holiday wishes in an email this morning and meant it. I believe I have forgiven her and that makes me feel better, it doesn’t really matter what she thinks of me. I’m so sorry that your friend is up to his old tricks. 20 emails in one day?? Is that what you meant? Then nothing. Sounds like manipulation to me or maybe he is just as screwed up as my ex. Anyway, I feel bad for you, I could give a damn about him but I do care about you. You need to take better care of yourself… but when you are in love, I know that is hard and things tend to go out the window. I am not blaming or criticizing you, believe me, I think I have been there too but I am praying that you will get perspective and release from his hold. I believe you deserve better. R and I will be leaving for Boston on Thursday morning and coming back Christmas day. I hope you have a great time off and a nice visit to the windy city too. Guess what?? I took R downtown Saturday and surprised her by leading her into a jewelry store and telling her to pick out what ever she wanted for Christmas. She was pretty much blown away by this because it is not like me at all and after she got accustomed to the idea, we spend a good long time looking. She settled on a beautiful Emerald ring (her birthstone). 18k gold handmade setting and a beautiful tear shaped rock. I loved it and loved buying it for her. I used the money I made on my car. It really made me feel good to do that and she felt pretty good also. Boy am I changing. Well, take care and write back before I leave town OK. Love, Tryin (almost signed my real name)

December 21, 2005
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Hi (((Tryin))),
Yes, 20 in one day. Psycho or confused or both. I haven't figured him out yet. In fact, I think I give up on figuring him out. I've never read Sue Grafton's books. I'll have to check them out at the library over vacation. I'm curious, did you get a response from your ex? Our ex-friends just don't have a clue, do they?? How exciting for R!!!! Oh my gosh, I'd be like a kid in a candy store! It sounds like she picked up something that I would like. Emerald is also my birthstone and I love it! I came into work today with a gift from one of the guys here on my desk. It was sweet. Some candy, a lottery ticket(I lost of course) and a pair of simple Christmas earrings. It's nice to have someone give me a gift! I do believe my husband is getting me something this year because one of my daughters let something about a jewelry store slip. 🙂 It's not really what the gift is, it's the thought that really counts. It's nice to feel special once in a while. I got him a Brett Favre book that I think he's really going to enjoy. It's a hardcover book and it looks really nice. I also bought him some other stuff but the book, in my opinion, is the special thing. I even wrote a little something inside the cover. I know it probably doesn't seem like much but after the Christmas we had last year where we each gave each other zilch this is a positive thing. Enough about me. Have a GREAT trip to Boston! I bet you are excited to see that grandson of yours again! What a perfect age. Well, all ages seem perfect but for this time of year, he's especially perfect. Have a really Blessed Christmas, my very good friend. I'll be home until Jan 3rd but I'll try and get on computer at home and touch base with you. I will be so glad to put this year behind me and start fresh. Take care and have a safe trip. Take a quiet moment to yourself and appreciate the true meaning of the season. When I do that, it brings me the most joy. I love you, my friend. Restless

December 21, 2005
9:41 am
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Wow!! ((((Restless))), what a beautiful post, what a nice Christmas present from you. I love it… I love you. I also wish you a very wonderful Christmas and hope your hubby gets you something nice. You are right about the gift, that isn’t important at all, the thought is what is important and you are very thoughtful my dear. You are right about our ex’s, they don’t have a clue nor do they know what they are missing. That’s their choice I guess. No, I did not get a response from S, I didn’t expect one though but to be honest, I had this little bit of hope inside thinking that I might hear from her. That is OK, I did what I thought was right and that is good enough for me. Thanks for the good wishes for our trip, I am sure it will be a safe and happy one and I am looking forward to it. Well, I’d better sign off, I have a lot to do today before I leave. I will take that moment to appreciate the true meaning of this season, thank you for the suggestion and I will check in over the holiday and see if you say hi. God bless you and your family Restless and I will talk to you soon. I love you too my friend. Tryin

December 21, 2005
12:07 pm
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Hi (((Restless))), R just passed this story on to me and I had to pass it on to you. I have seen it before and it always makes me cry. In the spirit of the season, here's to you Restless...Love you, Tryin

The Big Wheel

In September 1960,I woke up one morning with six hungry babies and
just 75 cents in my pocket. Their father was gone. The boys ranged from
three
months to seven years; their sister was two.

Their Dad had never been much more than a presence they feared.

Whenever they heard his tires crunch on the gravel driveway they would
scramble to hide under their beds.

He did manage to leave $15 a week to buy groceries.

Now that he had decided to leave, there would be no more beatings,
but no food either. If there was a welfare system in effect in southern
Indiana at that time, I certainly knew nothing about it. I scrubbed the
kids
until they looked brand new and then put on my best homemade dress.
Loaded them into the rusty old 51 Chevy and drove off to find a job.

The seven of us went to every factory, store and restaurant in our
small town. No luck. The kids stayed crammed into the car and tried to
be
quiet while I tried to convince whoever would listen that I was willing
to learn or do anything.

I had to have a job.

Still no luck. The last place we went to, just a few miles out of
town was an old Root Beer Barrel drive-in that had been converted to a
truck
stop. It was called the Big Wheel.

An old lady named Granny owned the place and she peeked out of the
window from time to time at all those kids. She needed some one on the
graveyard shift, 11 at night until seven in the morning. She paid 65
cents an
hour and I could start that night. I raced home and called the teenager
down the street that baby-sat for people. I bargained with her to come
and
sleep on my sofa for a dollar a night. she could arrive with her pajamas
on
and the kids would already be asleep. This seemed like a good
arrangement to
her, so we made a deal.

That night when the little ones and I knelt to say our prayers, we all
thanked God for finding Mommy a job. And so I started at the Big
Wheel.

When I got home in the mornings I woke the baby-sitter up and sent
her home with one dollar of my tip money--fully half of what I averaged
every
night. As the weeks went by, heating bills added a strain to my meager
wage.

The tires on the old Chevy had the consistency of penny balloons and
began to leak. I had to fill them with air on the way to work and again
every morning before I could go home.

One bleak fall morning, I dragged myself to the car to go home and
found four tires in the back seat. New tires! There was no note, no
nothing and just those beautiful brand new tires. Had angels taken up
residence in
Indiana ? I wondered.

I made a deal with the local service station. In exchange for his
mounting the new tires, I would clean up his office. I remember it took
me a
lot longer to scrub his floor than it did for him to do the tires.

I was now working six nights instead of five and it still wasn't
enough. Christmas was coming and I knew there would be no money for
toys for
the kids.

I found a can of red paint and started repairing and painting some old
toys. Then hid them in the basement so there would be something for
Santa to deliver on Christmas morning. Clothes were a worry too. I was
sewing patches on top of patches on the boys' pants and soon they would
be
too far gone to repair.

On Christmas Eve the usual customers were drinking coffee in the Big
Wheel.
These were the truckers, Les, Frank, and Jim, and a state trooper
named Joe.

A few musicians were hanging around after a gig at the Legion and were
dropping nickels in the pinball machine. The regulars all just sat
around and talked through the wee hours of the morning and then left to
get
home before the sun came up.

When it was time for me to go home at seven o'clock on Christmas
morning I hurried to the car. I was hoping the kids wouldn't wake up
before I
managed to get home and get the presents from the basement and place
them under the tree. (We had cut down a small cedar tree by the side
of the road down by the dump.) It was still dark and I couldn't see
much, but
there appeared to be some dark shadows in the car-or was that just a
trick of the night?Something certainly looked different, but it was
hard to tell what. When I reached the car I peered warily into one of
the
side windows. Then my jaw dropped in amazement. My old battered Chevy
was
filled full to the top with boxes of all shapes and sizes. I quickly
opened
the driver's side door, crumbled inside and knelled in the front facing
the back seat.

Reaching back, I pulled off the lid of the top box. Inside was whole
case Of little blue jeans, sizes 2-10! I looked inside another box: It
was
full of shirts to go with the jeans. Then I peeked inside some of the
other
boxes. There was candy and nuts and bananas and bags of groceries.
There was an enormous ham for baking, and canned vegetables and
potatoes.
There was pudding and Jell-O and cookies, pie filling and flour. There
was
whole bag of laundry supplies and cleaning items. And there were five
toy
trucks and one beautiful little doll.

As I drove back through empty streets as the sun slowly rose on the
most amazing Christmas Day of my life, I was sobbing with gratitude. And
I
will never forget the joy on the faces of my little ones that precious
morning.

Yes, there were angels in Indiana that long-ago December. And they
all hung out at the Big Wheel truck stop....

THE POWER OF PRAYER. I believe that God only gives three answers to
prayer.

1. "Yes!"
2. "Not yet."
3. "I have something better in mind."

December 22, 2005
2:47 pm
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(((Tryin))) I have tears running down my cheeks. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story with me! God certainly does work in mysterious ways and sometimes all it takes is a little patience and faith in Him that things will eventually work out for the best. Thank YOU for this wonderful Christmas gift. I couldn't ask for anything better. Love you, Restless

December 26, 2005
11:33 am
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Hi (((Restless))), I am glad you liked the story, it definately makes me cry too. We are back from Boston and had a really nice time, it definately made my Christmas to be with Liam and the kids. All of us being together was very special. I have a hard time remembering a better Christmas since we lost Matt. This is really good!!! Still, it is nice to get home and I have today and tomorrow off from work. How was your Christmas? I hope you had a wonderful time with your family. If you read this before you get back on the job, let me know what you are doing for New Years. A wild party perhaps?? We will probably be spending it with some friends...that will be nice. I like the kisses at midnight. I like to kiss, its one of the best things for me. Anyway, I hope you are doing well this week and check in from home if you get a chance. God bless you and your family Restless. Love you, Tryin

January 3, 2006
9:20 am
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(((Tryin))),
I avoided the computer (not you!)like the plague while I was off. I just really really needed a break from work and everything associated with it, such as the computer! I did have a nice time on my vacation. I can't remember the last time I had that many days off in a row. It was very relaxing and nice spending time with the kids! I did a lot of baking and cooking and cleaning. I got a lot of the icky cleaning projects that I have been avoiding done (such as cleaning out the pantry and other kitchen cupboards) and now the house is white glove proof. Well, almost that is. 🙂 I really like things neat and clean and it seems like lately there just isn't time to keep things that way! We took one trip into Chicago on the train and had a lot of fun playing tourist. We even went up into the Sears Tower and did that whole expedition. Kids had fun and it's really good for them to be exposed to that. Especially because we are so close. Never mind the fact that I truly feel like a country bumpkin in the big city. I'm glad to hear that you had a nice Christmas. I did also with my family. New Years we did the same as we do every year. We went to a fondue party at friends. Played some games and got totally silly while playing them. It can get "out of hand" but it is always a good time. What did you end up doing? I bet the girls line up to get a New Years smooch from you! Fill me in when you get a chance. I hate the first day back to work after a vacation. Piles everywhere!
Love, Restless

January 3, 2006
11:46 am
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Hi (((Restless))), so good to hear from you and even better that you had a good holiday. Mine was really good also and I’m happy that you took some time away from the computer. No, I didn’t think you were avoiding me. I like our relationship…we both seem very patient, open and respectful of each others lives and it doesn’t get much better than that in my opinion. For New Years Eve, we went over to our friend’s house and we had a fondue party also. That is so funny (sometimes I wonder about us and our similarities). We had a beef fondue and then a really yummy chocolate & fruit one. We also had tossed salad and some steamed veggies. It was the best and we all ate like pigs and talked about our old drinking days when we would get absolutely trashed on New Years and not even remember it. Boy am I glad I don’t have to do that any more…it is such a freedom and no hangovers either. We also laughed a lot and that was great. We watched Dick Clark and I thought he was very brave to do what he did. I fell asleep somewhere before midnight and woke up in a start with the others chuckling at me for snoring. I thought that was pretty funny. In my defense, I was up since 4:30 that morning. At midnight, the only lips to touch mine were R’s and that was really nice. Overall, I had a really good holiday and actually feel good about coming back to work. R and I are doing very well and had a good time together. I even had a very nice conversation with my friend after a meeting and she actually hugged me and sent me an email later. Nothing has really changed between us but I think that was a healing and now the tension is not there when we see each other at meetings. I feel pretty good about that because at this point, I don’t want to resume a relationship with her but it is nice to be friendly anyway. I hate those unspoken tensions. So, I am excited that you wrote to me and I look forward to hearing again. Happy New Year and happy first day back to work, I hope things go well. Take care and I’ll talk to you soon. Love, Tryin

January 6, 2006
2:22 pm
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Hi (((Tryin))),
I'm glad you had some sort of peaceful closure with your friend. I'm still amazed at your ability to let go. I only wish I could enjoy that peace as I am still struggling with that same old issue. He doesn't know I'm struggling with it though. I'm really just in one of those moods today. Feeling sorry for myself blah blah blah. Thing is that I really know that deep down, because of the way things have happened and the way he has shown his true colors a number of times, I know that I don't love him anymore. Yet I find myself falling back into the same old habits of communicating like we did in the good old days (haha). Anyway, I'll figure all this out sooner or later and be able to find some peace and move on. Just baffles me that he really doesn't see how he's hurt me. I know his game of reeling me in just to make sure I'm still there and then when he's comfortable with the fact that I am he seems to be able to just turn his back for a while again. I just don't know why I continue to fall for it!! Ugh! New topic...how was your week? I am so swamped at work and there have been a lot of moments lately where I want to tell everyone here to "kiss my ass". Oops..sorry. But I am getting really frustrated here and I don't want to do this job anymore. Life necessitates I stay so I guess, like every other life aspect, I will have to learn to make the best of it. Wow...complain complain. Thanks for listening to me. Any fun weekend plans?
Love you, Restless

January 6, 2006
3:17 pm
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Hi (((Restless))), good to hear from you. I figured your week back to work was probably crazy. I am actually having a pretty good week even though very busy…it just doesn’t seem to be bothering me this week. Someone at a meeting last week said that “True serenity isn’t when everything is peaceful and calm, it is when one can remain peaceful and calm in the midst of chaos.” I really liked that saying and I will aspire to that because it makes more sense to me. Life is never going to be completely peaceful and calm so this gives me something that is realistic. I’m not saying that I can do that yet but that is what I am shooting for. As far as my amazing ability to let go…yeah right!!! I’m about as obsessive about relationships as one can get but I guess when I experience enough pain, I finally give in and let go but it is never because that is what I want to do, I just have to in order to remain sane. I feel so bad for you Restless because I do know the pain you are feeling and I know how you want him to understand how he makes you feel and you want him to understand you period! and how his behavior hurts you. I have wanted all those things from others too, believe me. I can only say that you need to take care of yourself. It may not be fair that he treats you the way he does but you can’t make him be any other way…you can’t control his behavior. The big thing to understand is that no matter how loving, honest, attentive, etc you act toward him, your behavior may not change his. You can only change yourself, no one else. I can only change myself, my thinking, no one else. When I pray now about something I am going thru with another person, my prayer is always “God, please help me change my thinking about this situation” That seems to have been working for me and helps me become more patient and peaceful. I am definitely preaching now and I hope you don’t hate me for it but I have to tell you these things. I hate to see you suffer because I care about you and I know you can be happier if you just concentrate on changing yourself, no one else. Anyway, enough of that, we are having some friends over tomorrow night and then going to a party Sunday afternoon. Should be a fun weekend. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts as usual Restless. I love you and take care of yourself OK. Tryin

January 10, 2006
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Hi (((Tryin))),
I like that..."True serenity isn’t when everything is peaceful and calm, it is when one can remain peaceful and calm in the midst of chaos.” Thank you. You are not preaching and I could never hate you. I love every bit of advice and encouragement you give me. It all helps so much. Thank you my friend! (((hugs)))I do need to change myself and the way I think. And I also think I need to harden my shell a bit. I let him in emotionally way too easily. Sad that I have to do that though. He's missing out on a lot of great feelings I have for him. Why I have those feelings still I'll never understand. But that is in God's hands as to why. I know I never was nor will I ever be in control of my relationships. Well, to a certain extent I am, but you know what I mean. Babbling again here. How was your weekend? How about your week so far? My weekend was good. Got to see my parents again. It will be a while now before I get a chance to get there again because of all the kids activities we have coming up on the weekends. Pretty much booked up from now until Spring Break. Speaking of spring, it has been soooo nice here. Forecasting 50 on Thursday. I'll take that for the middle of January! My second daughter (middle child) had freshman orientation last night. Another milestone happening! She's excited and it's fun watching her excitement. Write back when you get a chance. Love always, Restless

January 10, 2006
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Hi (((Restless))), good to hear from you and thanks for your kind feedback. It is interesting how you put it…” He's missing out on a lot of great feelings I have for him” …I never thought of it that way but you are right, they are missing out. Too bad for them. I like the way you put that!! Sounds like you have some busy times coming up. Having kids does require a lot of energy outlay but it is sure worth it and they will always appreciate how much you gave to them during these years. I mean…they may not show it right now but when they get older and realize what an awesome Mom they had, they will surely appreciate it. You have the right idea Restless, good for you. My weekend was pretty good. We were very busy socially but it was sure fun. The party we went to Sunday afternoon was such a hoot!! The white elephant gift game was so funny, I couldn’t stop laughing. So many people there were such characters, I just loved the afternoon and was sad to have it end. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time. We also had fun with some new friends that came over Saturday night. We met them at an Al-Anon meeting and they expressed an interest in getting together. It was nice getting to know each other. My work week has been typical, very demanding and stressful. I had an asthma episode yesterday which bothers me, I need to calm down and take it easy. My asthma has not bothered me in years so I hope it isn’t starting up again. I started the preventative inhaler last night so I should be OK in a few days. Today my breathing has been acceptable, just a little pressure in my chest. I think I am on the mends. Feb 2nd, I am having my arm operated on to see if they can fix the nerve that controls my forefinger and thumb. I have been putting off the surgery but I have decided to go for it. I will keep you up to date on that. Other that that, things are actually pretty good for me right now and I am grateful for that. Take care and write back when you can, I always love to hear from you. Talk to you soon, Love, Tryin

January 13, 2006
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Hey (((Restless))), haven't heard from you in a few days...You OK?? TGIF for me, work has been hell this week, everything else OK except for what is between my ears!! Hope to hear from you, Love, Tryin

January 18, 2006
4:36 pm
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HI (((Tryin))),
I am so sorry! I've just been so swamped with everything lately. Main thing that is occupying my mind is staying away from "talking" to my "friend". I'll fill you in more tomorrow. At least I'm hoping to have time at work to do that. I feel bad that it's been so long since I've written. How are you?? Anything new?
Love, Restless

January 23, 2006
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Hi (((Restless))), Happy Monday. I have a cold and felt pretty crappy the last few days. Other than that and craziness here at work, things are OK. I have been able to maintain some serenity in the midst of it all. Things with R and I are good and that is the main thing. Sounds like things are pretty tense on your side, especially with your friend. If you get a chance, tell me about it if you want to. Hope you have a good week and take care of yourself. Love, Tryin

January 24, 2006
10:28 am
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Hi (((Tryin))),
Good to hear you are doing good. I'm doing ok. The struggle continues but I feel I'm improving my outlook. Whatever that means. 🙂 Been really busy with work and kids. My youngest daughter's volleyball club season has started and that means tournaments every weekend. And also her first basketball game is this week. She's one busy gal! The other two are involved in different things also and it keeps me hopping. I'm doing good and trying not to dwell on things. Trying to do some sort of workout every night. So far, so good. It just makes me feel so much better when I eat healthy and exercise. And I really like doing it if I have the time. I'm ready for winter to be over. Getting cabin fever. We are talking about a family trip to Mexico in November. One last family get-away before we lose one to college. Thought about doing it this winter but time is just getting away from us. Better get back to the tasks at hand today. I'm sorry that I haven't written much lately but know I think of you all the time. Thanks for sticking with me. Will write back again a.s.ap. Love, Restless

January 24, 2006
1:13 pm
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Hi (((Restless))), Thanks for the note, I get worried about you sometimes so I appreciate it when you check in, even if it is just a word or two to let me know you are still with us. I still am amazed how much I can can care about you when I have not even met you. I suppose we really have met though, a meeting of our minds and our spirits and I guess that is the most important part of a relationship anyway. I still am sick, worse today. I hate colds but it will pass eventually. I had a dentist appointment today and canceled it, I was supposed to have dinner with my AA co-sponsor and then go to a meeting but we are both sick so we cancelled that also. He blames me for the cold and I blame him, we bust each other’s “chops” a lot and it is all in fun. He has been good for me, my first close male friend since I was a teen. It is a good thing and we compliment each other in lots of areas. Where he is strong, I am weak and visa-versa. So far our relationship is working out well. I will probably go home from work early today also. R is going out with her girl friends tonight so I will have the place to myself and just read and relax in the quiet. Sounds like your girls are really busy and that is keeping you busy too. I remember those days. Good memories. A trip to Mexico sounds good right now…where will you go there? I have some business associates in Mexico City, they are really nice people. We met 20years ago when they were up here for a month working with me. We have stayed in touch ever since. They used to come to our house for dinner and then they would get out the guitars and sing Mexican folk songs to us. It was a wonderful experience and especially for my daughter, she loved it and never forgot it. Anyway, I am rambling. Hope you are having a good week and a good day today. Write back when you can, I understand you are busy.
Love, Tryin

P.S. What winter??? We haven’t had any yet. Last weekend it was almost 60degrees here. Yesterday it was almost 50. Must be global warming right over our fair city, it is usually below zero this time of year. I am not complaining though, believe me.

January 30, 2006
9:08 am
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Hi (((Restless))), Hope you are doing well. It seems like you are backing away from this site and I think that is a good thing. I was finding myself disappointed when I come here and you had not posted but then I really thought about it and realized that it is a good thing that you don’t need to come here for encouragement or to vent. I am so proud of you that you are working on your stuff and making so much progress. I think at this point I am going to take my leave. I will always remember you and have you in my thoughts and prayers. We have helped one another a great deal but maybe now it is time to say goodbye. Sometimes people come into each other’s lives for a purpose and I believe we have met ours. For now I am just going to concentrate on my relationship with R and my family. That is the right thing to do for me and it seems as though you are doing the same. I love you Restless and wish you the best life ever!! You are a wonderful gal and it has been a pleasure knowing and communicating with you. My intentions here are not to upset you and I hope this note does not do that, they are to acknowledge what a great job you are doing with your life. I will never forget our intimate conversations in the cyber world. Love always, Scott

February 1, 2006
4:50 pm
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Hi (((Scott),
I understand. I haven't been able to get here as often as I would like to. I do think of you often though and will continue to do so. This is a sad moment for me though. I will miss you a lot. But I understand your need to concentrate on your life and I am so very happy for you that you are continuing to grow in your marriage. Enjoy life and all it has to offer and I also wish you the best. I have learned so much from your support and I can't thank you enough. It continues to be a day to day struggle with me but I need to learn to be strong and count on myself. I'm sorry if I've disappointed you. That was never my intent. Thanks again for everything you've given me. I'll never forget you either. Love, Sue

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