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Good Friends
October 12, 2005
11:15 am
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Hi (((Restless))), E-alarm is pretty cool, I can’t even come up with anything today. I have had better days. Work is really high pressure right now and my other problems with the people in my life are just overwhelming. I have to keep remembering that the only person I can change is myself but it is hard to keep that in the forefront. I met with my AA sponsor last night and he gave it to me good!!! He pointed out some things in my character that drastically need to be improved and the thing that pisses me off is that he is 100% right. It is always hard for me to face things in myself that always cause me pain but If I am going to grow, I have no choice. He is a great guy and probably the only person I know that can be 100% honest with me and I love him for that even though it hurts sometime. Anyway, I will be working on those issues in the coming weeks and hopefully will get out of this funk. Truth is, I may not completely get out of this until R comes home. I never imagined how much I would miss her. I have been getting emails from her a couple times a day now and she “sounds” much better. She found a internet café close to her apartment, just a 5 minute walk. They charge 1 Euro for 20minutes which isn’t that bad. I am excited that she is doing better and I am not really letting her know how I am doing. I don’t want to lay some heavy negative thing on her while she is on vacation. I am managing fine I have you to talk with, my sponsor and my therapist so I am OK. Tonight I have to do grocery shopping, pay some bills and do the laundry YUCK!!!!! When I get home, I really don’t feel like doing much. Oh yea, I am going to a meeting tonight also. So, you have made contact again with your friend? How is that going? Feeling like a rollercoaster again? Did he contact you or did you did you contact him first? (you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to) What my sponsor confronted me with last night sounds similar to what you are doing with your friend but I will not judge you, our circumstances are completely different so I will let it alone. I will share what we talked about last night after I have sorted it out and have a handle on it, that is of course if you want me to share it. It may help you or maybe not, I don’t know. Anyway, I have tons to do here so write back if you get a chance OK, it helps me a lot when I read your note while I am lonely at home in the evenings. I appreciate your support and willingness to be open and honest with me. You are a great friend Restless. Love you, Tryin

October 12, 2005
2:10 pm
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Hi (((Tryin))),
You sound better! Even though you say you've had better days. Amen to telling ourselves that the only person we can change is ourselves. So true. Even that is quite the task though, isn't it? Good to hear that R is doing better. Emailing you 2x a day is great! Hard to imagine it wasn't that long ago and that form of communication wasn't an option. Then again if email wasn't an option I wouldn't be in the mess I've created with my life. :0 He contacted me first. Just wanted to know how I was doing. I couldn't resist writing back. I do miss what we had soooo much! I know I can't let myself go back there and just getting this small "taste" of communication with him makes me want more. It's an addiction and I realize it. To answer your ?..yes it feels like a rollercoaster again. Yet, I do believe he was sincere in only wanting to know if I was ok. Am I just naive? Please do share with me what you talked with your sponsor about. Every tidbit of help you can send my way is greatly appreciated. Enjoy your chores tonight! And don't let work get to you. It's hump day already! Love, Restless

October 14, 2005
11:23 am
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Hi (((Restless))), I't totally stressed out today. Yesterday at work was CRAZY and today I am really on edge. I just cleared my afternoon calendar and I'm going home. I will check in from there but just wanted you to know I have not forgot about you. Hope you are OK and having a decent day and on to a wonderful weekend. Write back if you get this. Love, Tryin

October 14, 2005
11:46 am
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(((Tryin))), What's going on? I'm sorry that work is making you so stressed out. Good for you for taking the afternoon to yourself. Get yourself a good book. A good juicy novel is always my first choice! 🙂 Just started reading Richard Paul Evans latest.."The Sunflower" and really am enjoying it! He's the author of the Christmas Box, The Letter, etc. I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about! teehee Another idea is to get outside and go for a walk and enjoy what God created. It's a perfect time of year to do that. I love fall. Especially when the temps are going to be like they are around here this weekend. TGIF because I feel cooped up and ready to get out of this office too. Tell me more if you are able to when you get home. Love, Restless

October 14, 2005
3:44 pm
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Hi Again (((Restless))), well, I am home and feeling a little better. I decided to mow the lawn!! Sounds crazy but I do some of my best thinking when I mow and today was no exception. Just so happens that my company is offering an incentive for early retirement. I am not sure if I am eligible but I could be. I have no plans of retiring but from what I have been hearing, I could get a year’s full pay continuance with benefits. That is sounding pretty good to me today I’ll tell ya. I am on a project right now that is having a lot of problems and I am point person for the #1 problem. It is getting a lot of exposure and I really don’t like being under the bright lights if you get my drift. Normally, this wouldn’t throw me but I think I am emotionally brittle right now with R gone and everything that is happening with my “friend” who I have not seen or heard from since last Wednesday and that is OK with me, I really don’t need any additional stress in that area right now. So I guess I just have a lot going on including what my sponsor fired at me Tuesday. I will tell you about that I promise but don’t feel like going there right now. Hope you don’t mind. What is a juicy novel anyway? Something hot, sexy and romantic?? Is that what you mean? Maybe I should get one of those, it might get me going, I could use some of that these days seeing that I’m pretty lonely. I have never heard of Richard Paul Evans but I am pretty sure if you like it Restless, I probably would too. I know you are from Venus and I’m from Mars but I have a hunch that we are a lot alike. Anyway, I definitely am feeling better and so glad you posted today, you are a big part of my feeling better. If you have time, “hit me” again today OK!! Love you, Tryin

October 14, 2005
4:01 pm
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Hi (((Tryin)),
TAP TAP ~or smooch smooch ;)~ That's my version of hitting you again since I could never do that! I love to mow the lawn too! I know just what you mean by doing some good thinking without distraction while mowing. That and the treadmill are what works great for me. Hope you are feeling better. Early retirement even sounds good to me today and I'm a long way away from that. I'll pray that your project begins to go smoother for you. Mr. Evans isn't exactly juicy, just romantic, but if you ARE looking for some hot and juicy novel try Sandra Brown. Especially her older books. Those can get pretty wild! Want to hear my latest with my friend? Yesterday he frustrated me again to the point I cried again last night. Not good, I know. So today I set up a "vacation response" so when he emailed me at the yahoo account it would tell him that I was unable to return his email at this time. I just didn't want to deal with it today. Well, he just emailed me at work (surprised the heck out of me, figured he wouldn't even know that address anymore)instead. Told me he didn't think my yahoo account was working. Duh! He doesn't get it at all, does he? haha Well, I didn't respond to that email of his which was basically just saying he was really busy (same old blah blah blah) and telling me to have a nice weekend. I waited 2 hours before I realized that I was playing a game that I hated when he played. I wasn't going to stoop to that level so I replied wishing him a good weekend too. UGH! I tell you, when you called it a rollercoaster you were so right. I'm doing better with it though. I realize what it is and what it isn't and what it is never going to be. Funny, a song just reminded me of something he said once. How we, as soulmates, could live on love. Literally just take off and travel and live off of each others love. What a crock of BS that was! 😉 Wow, what a mood I'm in! I do have to wonder if he has realized yet that I'm not under his control anymore. At least I hope I'm not. Enough about that? What's your weekend plans? I don't have too much going on. Hoping to get out of here in an hour or less. Going to try and fit in some ME time this weekend. Write back when you get a chance. I'm glad I'm willing to help just a little bit. Always here. Love, Restless

October 17, 2005
7:01 am
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Hi (((Restless))), It was so good to get your note on Friday from home. It is always nice to hear from you even if you are in a “mood”. Actually I loved it when you get wound up and spout off, you are just being yourself and that is always good. Sounds like you are still hanging on some though. I recognize it because I am still hanging on some with my friend. Sometimes deep down, I would just like to get a note from her saying that she misses me in her life and that she understands what I had to do to focus on my marriage and that she would like to still be friends, just not as close, Blah, Blah, Blah…. Trouble is, that is not going to happen for me so I just have to deal with it. When I look at it practically, I can see that I am so much better off with things the way they are but there is still that empty space where she used to be. I will never be able to fill that space with anyone or anything else so I have to close it up somehow and open another space that I can fill. (Like I talked to you before about the boarded up mineshaft) I am doing my best to open that new space with R and she has been doing a great job filling it lately also. We have been emailing each other several times a day. She found an internet café close to her apartment and we have had some real fun communication. We both miss each other very much, it is really obvious and so we are like a couple kids with our notes. She will be coming home this coming Wednesday and I can’t wait to see her. I never imagined that I would miss her so. This separation has really helped me appreciate how fortunate I am to have her in my life. So how was your weekend? Did you do anything exciting? It is really cold here and windy, how about where you are? Saturday, a good friend that lives in the hills not too far away called me and invited me up for an overnight with him and his wife. I decided to go and we had a really nice time. His wife is having bad back trouble so I brought dinner and took care of everything so she wouldn’t have to do anything. She really appreciated it and was totally surprised. I liked doing that, I think it helped me more that it helped her. My friend “M” and I had a good time. We are both in the AA Program and have a lot in common and our wives are both in Alanon so they have a lot in common also. We get along great and the three of us missed R a lot. Now it is 7:00AM and I am back to work. I feel much better than I did Friday and will probably have a good day. So write back and tell me about your weekend OK. Hope you are having a good day Restless and I’ll talk to you later. Love, Tryin

October 19, 2005
9:01 am
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Hi (((Tryin)))
Sorry it's taken me so long to write back. Absolutely swamped at work. The only good thing about that is no time to think about stuff I don't want to be thinking about. Anyway, today is the day R is coming home, right??? Yea! I bet the homecoming will be fantastic. 😉 Glad to hear that you had a good weekend. Mine was good also. Spare of the moment decision to go visit my parents on Sunday. Really had a good day with them. Wanted to get this note off to you first thing. Perhaps you are off today to pick up the misses though. Will check back later and try and write more. Love, Restless

October 20, 2005
11:14 am
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Hi (((Restless))), I was here yesterday, just didn’t have a chance to write you. I picked up R last night at the airport and boy was I happy to see her. We had a special reunion last night and it is just so nice to have her back home. We talked a lot and both decided we learned a lot about ourselves while separated and also appreciated how fortunate we both are to have one another. It is a very special relationship and the more people I get to know, the more I see how special ours is. I am doing quite well today even though I am very stressed in this place called work but I’ll get thru this tough period, no doubt. My outlook is bright right now and that feels good. How are you doing. I sense from your notes that you are struggling some and that the “hamster wheel” in your head may be starting up again. I hate that place of uncertainty and I wish I could help you more than I do. In my case, I do have a really good relationship with R and I am sorry you don’t have that with your hubby. I know you long for a close relationship and I always pray for you that you will find that in your life. I like the way you think and the way you express yourself. I like your honesty and sincerity and I like the way you are willing to talk about things. These are rare qualities these days Restless and you are blessed to have them. I don’t know if this helps you but if I were looking for a mate, you would definitely be on top of the list, even though I have not seen you or met you in the flesh, that doesn’t matter. You are a sweet and good person Restless, God made you, therefore you are good. I am lucky to know you even in cyber space. So I am sure that when the time is right, you will find that soul mate, that “just right” person for you. Just a warning though… once you meet him, it may take some work to tweak the relationship. In my opinion, no relationship is perfect but hard work can make it fulfilling and meaningful as it is in my and R’s case. It hasn’t come easy but it is worth the work. Anyway, I am preaching so I am sorry and hope you are not taking offense. I just want what is best for you that is all. So write back you busy person and tell me how you are doing today. Love always, Tryin

October 25, 2005
2:57 pm
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Hi (((Tryin))),
Yikes, I'm back! Son was home sick yesterday so I stayed home with him. I just didn't feel like logging onto the computer. NOT that I wasn't thinking of you, because I was. How are you? How is it to have R home??? Nothing much new with me. Same old same old. Haven't heard much from my friend lately. He emailed me a joke yesterday, that was it. That's ok. Although I'm still working on letting him go, I know I have to. 🙁 Just such a sad thing to have such a good thing ruined. Oh well. Anything new with you? Fall has finally arrived here in the midwest. bbrrrr I think I'm getting cabin fever already and that can only mean trouble! I apologize for not being here more lately. Thank you for all the kind things you said to me. You are at the top of my list too. R is one luccckkkkyyy lady! She knows it. We just all struggle with different things. Work going ok? Write back when you get a chance. I have missed you my friend. Love ya, Restless (It's been so long I almost signed my real name...again!)

October 26, 2005
8:35 am
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Hi (((Restless))), good to hear from you again. I am doing OK, things at home are OK, things at work are crazy like usual and I think it is getting to me. I have been a little down lately and it is just a bunch of little things. I am feeling better today but don’t really know what the change is although I am grateful for it. I think it is just normal ups and downs if you know what I mean, I kind of go thru these cycles. R started her new job after she got back from Mallorca and that kind of sucks. She has to work late, sometimes till 8:00PM and at first I didn’t think it would bother me but it seems to be lately. I don’t want to discourage her or make demands either. I want to give her space to pursue whatever she feels she needs to do. It was just nice having her home and being there to share our days when I got home. It is certainly going to take some adjustment but we will get used to it I’m sure. I have been cooking dinner on the nights she works but it is hard to plan dinner when she really doesn’t know when she is going to get home. Sometimes it is 6:30, sometimes 8:00 or anywhere between. I guess I will just have to make bologna sandwiches for supper from now on (just kidding) Maybe I am experiencing what many women have experienced thru the ages in regards to their man getting home for dinner. Poor me!!! I’ll bet you don’t have much compassion do you?!! Anyway, like I said before, I will get used to it and I am happy to do this for her, she has done so much for me. So I guess that is all that is new for me. Hope your son is doing better. Burrr, it is cold and damp here in the Northeast. It has rained everyday since I can remember. I have never seen as wet a fall as this one. It is supposed to clear for the weekend. So tell me what you do when you get cabin fever?? I’m all ears. Write back when you get a chance.
Love, Tryin

October 27, 2005
9:32 am
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Hi (((Tryin))), How are you doing today? You are a good man to not tell R what she can and can not do. I have a feeling that she'll come to the same conclusion as you with time. I would hate to work that late. Although, maybe she's enjoying those bologna sandwiches! I have a suggestion for you...the crockpot (slowcooker). It's a wonderful tool that I use often! Such a great feeling to come in from a long day and have a hot meal waiting. It takes some planning and work the night before but I find it worth it. I use it a couple of times a week at least. Had beef stew the other night. I had everything ready to go put the potatoes the night before. Cut up the potatoes and threw the rest into the pot the next morning. mmmmm Now I'm hungry! What's for breakfast Chef Tryin? You cookin'?? FINALLY some sunshine here this morning. Had a hard freeze last night but the sun is a very welcome sight. I don't have an answer to my cabin fever. I am getting an "itch" to take a trip somewhere. Anywhere! Another family vacation. I feel as if I blew the last one thinking ahead about the trip to see my friend. I know I didn't really blow it, just wish I had put more into it and not into emailing my friend (past friend??) while I was with my family. I'm breaking one of my mottos..no regrets. Anyway, anything new with you? My husband had to go out for business last night with a couple of guys that have been here from another state and working with him all week. Guess what??? He wanted me to come along! Wow! So I did and had a really great time. Me and 3 men. 🙂 Was thinking that most men wouldn't ask their wives along in a situation like that. It made me feel really good. Things are going well with my marriage. I know that it will never be that whole romantic soulmate type of relationship but maybe I just need to accept what it is without wanting more. As hard as that is I feel maybe, just maybe, I may be inching my way towards peace with what I have and not wishing for what will most likely never be. Make sense?? I'm sorry I haven't been on much lately. I still have a hard time coming here and not then immediately feel like I have to send my friend something. I know that probably seems a little crazy to you. Same today and tomorrow. I know he's not at work. He didn't tell me that. I'm sure he's thinking he's pulling a fast one and making me wonder whats up. Games again. But I have my sources and ways of knowing his schedule. Yep, sneaky but I call it survival tactics. HA! OK, Enough babble from me. I still think about setting up a yahoo email to give to you as but this really isn't a bad way to communicate either. Just a thought that crosses my mind everytime I get one of those good email jokes forwarded to me and think that you would get a chuckle out of it. Better get started on my work here. Write back when you find time and have a really great day my friend. Love you, Restless

October 27, 2005
9:36 am
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I just read what I wrote. I don't think part of it made sense. I meant my friend is not at work today or tomorrow so he won't check mail. That makes it easier for me to come here without wanting to write to him. 🙂 My mind was working faster than my fingers in this message I think.

October 27, 2005
2:05 pm
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Hi (((Restless))), Nice to hear from you and thank you for reminding me that it is sometimes hard for you to come to this site, I have a short memory. The crockpot idea is a good one and we do use it now and then but this is a perfect opportunity to make better use of it. I will get creative with it and we’ll see what happens. Last night I packed her a “lunch” and we met at an evening Alanon meeting. She did actually have a bologna sandwich last night…well, I did put a slice of provolone on it so that was not too bad. She did appreciate it and the meeting was good. I am glad to hear that things are a little better with you and your hubby. Ya know, it was not always that good for R and I either but it is so much better now. I must say, it is different than being with someone new and fresh but in many ways it is better. We don’t have to go thru all that “stuff” we go thru with a new romance and we know each other very well after all these years. The amazing thing is that we are really getting more emotionally intimate with each other and I sure like that. That is what I have always missed from a woman but R is trying very hard to meet that need in me and she is finding that it is not so bad for her either to take the chance to be open with me. There is always hope I think so hang in there Restless, you never know how he (and you) might change for the better. I like what my AA sponsor always says to me when I have an issue with a person or a situation, he says: “You know Scott, if you have a problem with someone or something else, the problem is ALWAYS with you” He is ALWAYS right about that also because the only thing I can change in that situation is myself. I cannot change anyone else, they have to do that themselves. I am constantly having to be reminded of that but ya know, it gives me great peace when I look at it that way. Enough out of me, I am preaching. Anyway, it is good to get your post and I have been thinking about the email thing also, it would be nice and is very tempting for me but I am not sure if that is the right thing to do. I feel very close to you as it is, I would probably just want more and I don’t think I could handle that right now. One thing is for sure, I don’t want to loose contact with you and that is a possibility on this site. You have been such a good friend, we both should think this through don’t you think? Anyway, I’d better get back to work, got tons to do. Take care Restless, love you too, Tryin

October 27, 2005
2:12 pm
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(((Restless))), oops!!! Was just reading my last post and I guess I let the cat out of the bag!! My bad on the Anonymity side.

October 31, 2005
2:21 pm
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Hi (((Tryin)))
Happy Halloween! Trick or Treat?? Don't worry about your little slip up. I like knowing your name but I won't mention it again. How was your weekend? Mine was ok. I'm a but bummed again today and when I feel like this I just get so angry at myself. I hate the fact that I just can't let that other relationship totally go. Like you said, the problem is with me. One of these days I'm going to wake up a complete person again. Sigh. Sorry, on and on again about my whoas. How are the bologna sandwiches coming along? Love you, Restless

October 31, 2005
4:05 pm
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Hi (((Restless))), Happy Halloween to you too!! I think would take either a trick or a treat!!! Oh boy that didn’t sound too good. Anyway, I will be passing out candy tonight because R is at work. Boy she sure snuck out of that one. She did last year also but that is OK. I like to see the kids and how excited they get and their cute costumes. It will be fun. The weather here is nice also at least for today. Hey, guess what??!! Its crock pot soup tonight. I am taking your advice and we will be using the CP at least once a week…good idea, thanks to you. I know it is hard to let go, that is about all I can say about that and I am always willing to listen to you talk about it with me. It is good for you to get that stuff out, even if it is with your cyber friend, please never hold back with me OK. I will think of you tonight while I am passing out candy and try to send positive energy your way. I hope you have a good night and feel a little better tomorrow. Take care Restless, love you, Tryin

November 1, 2005
1:26 pm
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(((Tryin))),
Hello, did you get my trick? How about my treat? How many tricksters did you have to treat last night? I only had about 10. How was the soup? What kind?? I'm full of questions today. Thanks for saying you are always willing to listen. It does help to get it out and it is very easy to share with you. Sometimes it's just hard to talk about. BUT I am doing better today. How is your day going? Love, Restless

November 1, 2005
2:08 pm
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(((Restless))), Hi, I WISH I got your trick and your treat too!!! Did you get mine? I was thinking about you last night while I was passing out the candy. I had a good time, I was alone with lots of time to think, all those cute kids coming up and they were all very nice and polite. There were these two girls…say about 11-12yrs old, they were dressed up like fashion models, real cute and the one girl is fooling with her blouse and says to me…”I’m so sorry, my costume isn’t behaving properly” I really got a chuckle out of that. Kids act so grown up these days. It was nice to be alone doing something nice for someone and thinking about you doing the same. You were my companion last night and I liked that and didn’t even feel guilty about it. I had about 150 kids and I also ate quite a bit of candy myself, in fact, I am having a Hershey’s miniature special dark chocolate right now as I write this. YUM!!! I am glad you are doing better today, that is good to hear and I hope your day is going well. R got home last night after most of the kids were back inside and we had a nice dinner of soup and bread. It was all made, that was so nice. It was a mushroom soup with mushrooms, chicken, carrots, celery, onions & garlic. It really hit the spot and I was surprised that I was still hungry after eating that candy. Oh I forgot to tell you…I am going to have another surgery on my forearm on Nov 15th to fix a nerve problem that is preventing my forefinger and thumb from working properly. I have had the problem since June and will be glad to get it taken care of. So pray for me on that day OK. I will remind you as we get closer. Take care Restless and write back when you can.
Love always, Tryin

November 2, 2005
1:30 pm
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Hi (((Tryin))),
I got yours! I'm not telling you how or where I got it though! 😉 I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed the holiday. Eat some chocolate for me! Never mind...I've had enough of it myself. I might as well just glue those miniature chocolate bars right to my hips. Your soup sounds yummy as I head off to lunch and my cold salad. Fettuccini primavera in the works in the crockpot at home as we speak though! I'm praying for you already. Is it just an outpatient surgery? I hope it gives you some relief. Nothing new here. Sun is shining and it's a beautiful day. I think I'll stick my head outside. The only bad thing about that is that I don't want to come back in. Enjoy your afternoon and write back when you can. Love ya, Restless

November 2, 2005
3:31 pm
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Hi (((Restless))), I like it when you are playful with me! 😉 Especially today. I am having a very stressful day and this is the first time I got a chance to check our string. I was so stressed this morning, I just locked myself in my office and wrote in my diary until I felt somewhat better. There are just a lot of things hanging right now and they seem to be piling up and everything felt overwhelming this morning. There I go again, looking at the BIG picture instead of taking things one at a time. It gets me every time…someday I will learn. Last night R told me some things that she had been holding back and they really upset me but I am glad she got them out. It just took me by surprise, big surprise!! Our relationship is really on a rollercoaster sometimes but it will get better, I know that. She is dealing with a lot from her past and I just try to not react when she lets stuff fly like she did last night. It is just hard sometimes and I blame myself a lot for her pain. Some is my fault, some is not but I tend to take it all on. That is my co-dependant behavior coming out. I want to make it all better for her but I know I can’t. Anyway, enough of that stuff. It is a beautiful day here also, I can’t wait to get out. I know what you mean though about getting outside at lunch time and then not wanting to come back. I love cold salads, I could eat them every day. That Fettuccini primavera in the crock pot sounds yummy. So go home, enjoy your evening and write back when you can. Take care of yourself, Love, Tryin

P.S. It is outpatient and shouldn’t keep me down too long. My elbow and arm will have to be immobilized for about a week but after that, I will be able to bend it and move OK.

November 3, 2005
1:04 pm
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restless
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Hi (((Tryin))) Hope your day is going good. At least you found a postive output yesterday! (your diary). Some people would have shut the door and started firing stuff at the walls. I think we have that in common also. I mean the fact that we are not physical people but prefer to talk about (or write about) what we are feeling. If you care to talk more about what R said, I'm listening. If not then I totally understand that also. It's supposed to get up to 72 today so I'm going to go outside and walk at lunch. Tonight I have a volleyball game to go to. My daughters team is in the sectional finals. Should be a good one. Have a great afternoon and evening. Write back when you can. Keep taking those baby steps. Love ya, Restless

November 3, 2005
1:57 pm
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Hi (((Restless))) Yes, I am definitely a non-violent person and would never get physical with anyone. I would much rather talk about an issue but ya know, it seems like it is hard to find someone who is willing to just “get it out there” and talk about it. I am beginning to see that I am the strange one for wanting to do that. Even with R, that was pretty much what this was all about. I did something last week that she said really hurt her and made her angry. Instead of telling me right away, she even told me that she liked the way I handled the situation. Then, Tuesday night, she got all over me about how much I hurt her and didn’t consider her in what I did. I was totally taken by surprise. I was flabbergasted!!! It all could have been resolved when it first came up. Oh, if people would only do everything MY way!!! Do you think that is a little unrealistic. YUP!!! I still need to learn that I don’t know what is best for others, I really don’t. I hope you had a nice walk at lunch time. It is almost 70 here but very windy. Still nice though. I went out to a meeting at lunch and that was a good thing. I feel really good today. Had my therapy appointment this morning and that was good too. I am doing well right now. I wish you a good time tonight, hope your daughter’s team wins. Take care of yourself,
Love, Tryin

November 3, 2005
2:48 pm
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restless
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Hi again (((Tryin))),
We are so much alike! I also find it hard to understand why people dont want to talk about things and get it all out in the open. Wouldn't it make life so much simpler if people could just be upfront and honest with each other?? But you are right in saying that's unrealistic and also self-serving in a way because that is the way I like things. Everyone does handle things differently. And in their eyes they are doing what's best for them, not me. Glad you are having a good day. I feel like my messages to you have been so boring lately. I really don't have much going on. But my motto is always no news is good news! Boring, although I'm not quite sure that is the right word, is ok for now. Not quite peaceful but I've sort of accepted things are what they are. Where have you heard that before? Was just trying to figure out where the peaceful part of the roller coaster is. Visualizing myself coasting around a corner not knowing if I'm going to go up a big hill or drop down an even bigger on. How's that for a visual?? 🙂 Have a great night. Love always, Restless

November 7, 2005
8:08 am
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Hi (((Restless))), how was your weekend? I spent Saturday painting our bedroom and yesterday we spent putting it back together. I didn’t like doing that very much. For some reason, I just don’t have much passion for household jobs like I used to. I used to always have a project but now I am more interested in relationships and people. I think I used to run away and isolate with my projects. I am even selling my old VW that was once my passion. It is a nicely restored black 1956 in almost showroom condition but I just have lost my connection to it and really no longer enjoy it. I listed it locally with no results so I put it on a national VW website (thesamba.com) and maybe I will have better luck. I already got a couple response emails, one from France, so we’ll see. It was just my luck though…a day or two after I listed mine, some guy from Connecticut listed an all original ’56 for just a little more than my restored car. We’ll see how that goes. I am also going to sell my slot car collection on eBay, I just really want to clear out some stuff. Oh, yea, I think I am going to cancel my surgery because I am gaining just a little movement in my finger tip. That is really good news so I think I will wait some more time to see if it will resolve itself. The surgeon said that is possible so I think I will wait. What did you do this weekend? How have you been feeling? Things just so-so? That is kind of how I feel. I actually think I am a little depressed or maybe it is just lack of interest in much of anything, I am also feeling kind of lonely for some reason but that baffles me because I really have no reason to feel lonely. Oh Well, let me know how you are doing and write back when you can, I would love to hear from you. Love, Tryin

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