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Go ahead, diagnose us
December 26, 2010
12:00 am
It No Longer Matters
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
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don't know what to tell you Bevdee. Who was it said it's too bad
you can't pick your relatives like you can your friends.


December 26, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
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Sounds as if your mother is finally beginning to draw healthier
boundaries, especially where Trudy is concerned.

Small wonder
remaining at home to eat mac & cheese sounds more appealing to
you, than traveling to visit the "fam." What a nightmare. Drama.
Drama. Drama. Trudy sounds really toxic.

I vote you stick
with the mac & cheese, till she is out of the picture. Judging
by her poor eating habits, that won't take too long.

- Ma

December 26, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Stronginhim, you made me laugh. Sitting here at working
throwing my head back and laughing.

December 26, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

know that most of the people currently posting don't know me. I
don't post a lot of personal stuff any more, having done so much of
that several years ago. But, I would appreciate any and all
opinions about this. I welcome all of them, I won't argue or
disagree. Throw around the word codep all you want. If you want.
There might be some truuth in it, and I will consider all of it.
Long family history here. Generations and generations of ......

Also, let me say
that I rarely go home for Xmas. The reason I give is that it's 359
miles, and that I usually have to work weekends and holidays. Not
entirely true. Sometimes I lie - I have spent holidays watching
Lifetime movie marathons eating macaroni and cheese, giving thanks
that I am not home for the craziness. But my daddy's wife died
earlier this year, and he needs his family to be there. He is not
the problem. My mom's family has problems. Theirs is a long line of
disorders, the most commonly discussed one was suicide, although
only in whispers. Pardon my bluntness, but they are all nuts,
running around not getting treated. My mom is on meds for
anxiety right now, and I can see why.

My mother's big
sister, lets call her Trudy, 70, lives with Gramma, 92. Aunt Trudy
moved in with Gramma shortly before Granddad died 15 years ago. She
had no job. She took odd jobs here and there, so she would have
spending money. Gramma still cooked, cleaned, and did Trudy's
laundry for her.

Gramma got sick
once with a bad strain of diarrhea, e. coli, and Gramma had to be
admitted to the hospital with isolation precautions . You could
smell it the minute you opened the front door, Gramma was barely
conscious. Trudy was immersed in doing her genealogy for church,
had left the house a couple of times to go out for breakfast, then
to the mall. So she didnt notice. Trudy used to come in from temp
work or wherever, and ask Grandma what was for dinner. She asked an
80 year old woman this. I also heard her snap at Gramma because her
dainties weren't white enough. Trudy is diabetic, but never
restricted her diet. She ate whatever she wanted and adjusted her
meds so her sugar never went under 300. She feels weak if it gets
lower than that. (The norm is 80-120). She skips meals before
family get togethers so she'll be really hungry, and gorges herself
on a pot luck meal she prepares nothing for. Ever. Then she finger
pricks to check her glucose, wipes her fingers on the cloth
napkins, pulls up her shirt and injects her meds. At the dinner
table. SIts back and eats more pie while everyone else starts
cleaning up. Sighs that she feels "funny".

Gramma had to have
a pacemaker put in about 10 years ago. She was getting along real
good, then had a stroke Trudy was involved in her care, because she
was in the house, but forgot to give Gramma meds. Gramma had
another one, about a year later. She gets around real good now, but
only because of the efforts of Mom, and her younger sister, Aunt
Patty, helping her with exercises in bed, getting her to outpt PT.
After they got home, they had to visit her daily to make sure she
got her meds.

Trudy had to have
heart surgery about 7 years ago, and while on the OR table,
suffered a stroke. The hospital staff did not notice her lethargy,
lack of responsiveness, post-op. Mom did. She had her husband call
in the head of the cardiology group to look at her. Yep, stroke.
So, Mom and Patty alternated nights at the house, to watch both of
them. Gramma's boyfriend came over every day to sit with Gramma.
Their husbands worked on all the paperwork. The only affect of
Trudy's stroke is a drooping left 5th finger. She is able to use
her pc, email, and network with her church genealogists, walk to
the waffle house twice a day, to eat biscuits n gravy and hash

Mom and Patty's
homelife were affected by this too. One week Mom took four nights,
the next, three. Their husbands lost their wives half the time for
over a year.

On the nights they
cooked for Gramma, AUnt Trudy would tell them she didn't like this
dish or that, don't bring it again.

My stepdad quit
going, because the moment anyone steps in the house to see Gramma,
Trudy is there, asking favors. She needs a ride, she needs this she
needs that. Any time anyone asks Gramma a question, she will cut
off her answer with some non-sequitur, to bring the attention back
to herself. It strains my patience when I am there. I've tried to
mention it to other family members, but they just look away. This
means, better left unsaid. BUT I HAVE LEARNED, because I
press it, always always because I yam who I yam, I press it...
Everyone has to push themselves to go to Gramma's to check on her,
because of Trudy. Oh they hate her, too!! I'm not the only one with
the non charitable feelings. Demanding attention, pouting when she
doesn't get it, interrupting people when the attention is off her,
getting ugly to people when they don't stop a conversation to talk
to her. She has always been like this, but it's getting worse. She
has the audience at Gramma's, because of Gramma, that she would not
have had, if she hadn't lost all her money in a loony pyramid
scheme, and gone to live off Gramma.

When I was 16, 34
years ago, I stopped doing anything for Trudy. She dumped her sons
on my mom, me to babysit, or their dad's mother, never raised them,
let one of her husband whoop up on her oldest boy. She would come
to the house when she knew Mom and Step were out of town, help
herself their food, sometimes taking it with her, sometimes cooking
it there, leaving the mess for my sister and I to clean up. I would
not do errands for my mother, if it included doing for Trudy. She
always managed to get money from people, free meals, something. She
rips her family off to this day. They grumble about it, but
continue to do for her. Sometimes I laugh when they tell me what
she's doing to them, and how it pisses them off. I know it's not
very nice, and I know.. who listens to a sixteen year old, but I
was right!!!!

But here it is.
The latest in the Trudy tales. I called my mom Wednesday, from down
here, to ask about a gift for my stepdads granddaughter. My niece.
She told me that Aunt Trudy broke her arm. She got up in the night,
dizzy, and fell backwards. She tried to brace her fall with her arm
and broke it. Surgery was scheduled as an outpatient the next day.

I laughed. My mom
said, "I know" All I could say was "That damn Trudy". My mom said,
"She topped herself this time, dint she" Now, this is just sad.
Most people would be horrified, and filled with compassion that a
human being was hurt, and at Xmas!!! You would have to know the
woman 50 to 68 years, like we do, to appreciate it. No one in my
family is unkind. It's just Trudy, (and my sister) that won't
reciprocate. Always needing, never giving. Long history. My mom had
me coming in from Texas, My 2 nieces from Illinois, my Stepniece
from St Louis, and my stepbrothers and sisters, all at different
times. She does a buffet, for each family dinner, but tries to
prepare a couple of fresh dishes for each one. She had to clean
house, wrap gifts. The day Mom took Trudy to the orthopod, she had
to run all over town, and it's a big one, to get pain meds for
Trudy, while Trudy barked out orders. Every time my mom hit a bump.
Trudy screamed at her. I know my aunt. The broken arm was just a
great excuse for the screaming. She would have done it anyway.
Trudy insisted Mom get Gramma's wheel chair from the house to
travel from car up the long walk, since she had broken her arm. Mom
did this,and once they got inside, Trudy told her to cut her pills.
In half. When Patty called, and Mom stopped to talk to her, Trudy
screamed at Mom to hurry. But that's not the pain, it's how she is
all the time. Ugly.

The next day, the
23rd, they couldn't do the surgery because Aunt Trudy's glucose was
500. She had not taken her 24 hour meds the night before. She said
she forgot. She also told the nurses she never let it go below 300,
because she felt sick when it got that low.
She was admitted, so she could be given IV meds, to bring it down.
If she doesn't have the surgery, she will lose the use or her left
arm and hand. My mom was waiting for the surgeon the next day, Xmas
eve, to catch him after the surgery. She wanted him to order
intermediate care for Trudy, so they could monitor her glucose and
her meds, control her diet. It was explained to her that because
she only had Medicare, it was doubtful that could happen. They
couldn't leave her in as an inpatient for no reason, and to order
intermediate care required a stay of 72 hours.

The hospital
called about 3 in the afternoon, to tell Mom Trudy could be picked
up at 8pm. My mom had duct taped a string around her cordless so
she could wear it around her neck. She has a 3 story house, and
runs up and down stairs constantly. My stepdad is 20 years older
than her, can't hear the phone, or when she hollers that the phone
is for him. He was getting lots of calls from his kids, sister,
etc. Of course, they only have one phone...she doesn't like the
cell cause it's so small.....duct tape....
So she hits the speaker on the phone so she can keep using her
hands. This time she was kneading bread. When the nurse said 8 ,
Mom grabbed a towel, and sat down on the stairs leading into the
kitchen. She looked at me with her mouth open, just a little
perfect O. said, "She'll have to stay, there's no one to pick her
up" There was a long silence and the lady on the phone said, "Is it
a matter of transportation? We could call her a cab?" Mom -
"There's no one there, my sister is caring for my mother. Her
pacemaker is the only thing foring her heart and she has to have an
undergarment changed twice a day. I don't think Trudy should be
alone in the house with high sugar and anesthesia on board, do
you?" Nurse - "no, i agree. Let me call the doctor, and I will get
back to you" They called back a couple of hours later, and informed
Mom that Trudy would be held overnight to monitor her very high
glucose levels, which read at 305. So, Trudy had to stay an extra
night in the hospital, due to her blood sugar. We learned that she
had refused her insulin. Her food was being controlled, so her
sugar was getting closer to normal, but the insulin would have made
her feel funny.

That night, my
stepsister Robin came over to help with cooking. My mom was telling
her the whole ordeal, and Robin knows the history - she lived with
us for a while when I was in high school and she was finishing
college. She is a very good listener. Mom was explaining why she
was not going to continue to beat her head against the wall for
these reasons.

Trudy always did
what she wanted, and warped facts and information to suit her
She never watched what she ate.
She refused to take the meds according to the dr's and dieticians
The anesthesiologist told her if she lost a leg due to diabetes,
they couldn't operate if her sugar stayed as high as it had been,
and she would die. Trudy said she didn't care.
She sneaks pie.
My mom stated if Trudy doesn't care if she lives, doesn't make any
effort to stay healthy, why should she? And why should she stop the
world for someone that doesn't care either way? Trudy's arm is
broken because of her eating habits, her refusal to adhere to the
guidelines set out by her physicians. My mom rearranged her entire
Xmas, rescheduled dinner times, didn't wrap presents pretty like
she always does. Aunt Patty cancelled hers because Gramma was in
their very small house, and it's hard for her to get in and out of
cars because of an old knee injury. And. She's embarassed aobut the
diaper and the smell. And. Shes 92. Patty's house is too small to
have more than 5 or 6 people over at once. And it snowed, and some
of the roads were bad. Aunt Trudy has one son living that refuses
to see her.

During all the
coming and going my mom was trying to arrange intermediate care
(three weeks) so Trudy's glucose levels can be monitored by staff.
So her meds can be administered by staff. Hopefully, in this time,
if her glucose levels reach high normal, it won't feel funny. She
won't forget things, she will make healthier choices for meals and
snacks. Not eat secret stash pies. Mom said that when she sees 2
results to her A1c, spanning 6 months, and sees that Trudy is
trying to save her life, cares about her own life, and takes
responsibility for it, she might consider helping her. But not
until then.

Robin said, "It
sounds like you are planning an intervention. Her addiction is
food. She's not changing her habits, but her decisions are tearing
the rest of the famiy apart."

I pointed to my
nose then back to Rob. I hadn't thought of it that way, in those
words, but yeah.

What happened
after that was interesting. The surgeon said that he couldn't
justify recommending intermediate care, even with the high sugar

Now they are back
to trying to figure out schedules for round the clock care for
Trudy. Aunt Patty called, and I had to hear this convo, because of
the speaker phone hanging round the neck. Patty was telling Mom
that they were gonna have to check Trudy's blood sugar daily,
adjust the meds, and continue to counsel her on diet. My mom said
no. She told her she would sleep on a cot in Gramma's room, 4
nights a week, but she was done with Trudy.
"i'm not going near her room, until she takes care of herself"
Patty said, "Kay, she can't, she doesn't understand"
Mom said, "Then she needs to be in a facility"
Patty got very flustered, and repeated that they would have to
check on Trudy as well. Mom kept saying no. She told Patty what Rob
had said, and Patty glossed over it. Ignored it, repeating that
"we" would have to work together to care for Gramma, and that
included checking on Trudy. So my mom threw this out. Lets figure
out a way to get home health to recommend a psych eval since she is
obviously suicidal. My aunt gasped. better left unsaid.
Patty said, "oh lovely", then went into this tirade about all the
work she had done to coordinate the schedules, work with the
medical staff, that SHE was the one who waded through the paperwork
when all this happened. My mom looked at the phone, looked at me,
looked at the phone and said, "She told the anesthesiologist she
doesn't care if she dies. Her actions and decisions about her food
and meds tell us she wants to die. If she doesn't process what
people are telling her, there's something wrong. If she does
process and understand it, she's suicidal." Suicidal!! MY mouth
fell open. We don't say that word. We said, in whispers took his
life We dont say addiction, alcoholic, intervention. We just
Aunt Patty kept her temper, sort of. She started telling my mom
that she was undermining all the work that she had done, and
bossing her around. That she would not be minimalised. My mom sat
there and smiled, and said, "I'll care for Mama, I'm done with
Trudy" Patty tried to start again. I went to the front door, opened
it, and rang the doorbell, like 5 times.
dingdongdingdongdingdongdingdongdingetydong, the way my stepbrother
always does. My mom was able to end the conversation by saying he
was at the door. Old trick, works sometimes with some

Ok - any and all
opinions, speculations, perceptions about the dynamics will be
greatly appreciated. Even mine. I know, I know, I lurked at home
this time!!! Sidelined. lol. My stepsister Robin has gone back
home, I'm home now, too, so I don't have anyone to sideline

December 27, 2010
12:00 am
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline


After all of the
personal attacks that you made against this site and the people who
post on it at
and at
why would you come to this site and ask people here to: “Go ahead,
diagnoses us”? I mean after the last time someone allegedly
diagnosed you Paul Elam posted on his site: “This same member,
after posting that she felt the instigated conflict helped the hit
count of the site was reportedly told publicly by site management
that she was “delusional, sick and paranoid.” Hmm the only one I
recall this happening to was you after you said something about
someone that was not true. Which leads me to believe that you are
not posting this here because you value this site, the management
or the opinions of the people who post, but to cause

Are you trying to
say that after you said all of the following insults about people
who still post here: 1) “One thing that really bothered me was the
judgment passed on dv victims. The site allowed it. The judgmental
posters justified it, were applauded by others, became victims, and
those who came seeking support - left. here are a couple Mother
unwilling to remove self & children from physical
abuser...Please help!! [MA STRONG” 2) “On Support, there were
caring people talking to each other, providing real food for
thought. Those who came for support got it. They were welcomed by
people offering more - more than a quick diagnosis, more than
advice to get counseling immediately. More than an invitation to go
to the Coffeehouse to get pastries and latte. More than posts by
ANAMCARA that are cut and pasted from English tourism
advertisements. Visit Bath.”, and 3)“Every time someone disagrees
with WORRIED DAD or the "other" Site Coordinator, they claim abuse.
I have never been able to figure out if they are for real with
this, or if they are trying to garner sympathy and rally the site
into a gang to distract from the topic.” 4)”If they are for real,
it could be said that CARAWAY was the first to "abuse" the new
poster, Style 89, in the thread - *Site needs to be updated*,
accusing him of lashing out, but the "site" is turning it around to
Style being the abusive one and misbehaving. Beause Style went
against the norm? Threatens the security of the site? Waawaa” That
you want their support and diagnoses? Why? So you can chumm these
vulnerable people into diagnosing you then turn around and say
“maybe they have been consulting with the State of Ohio, and
lawyers? Or “Oh, AAC - caincha do no better?”

Do you think you
might still be here posting for the same reason you accused others
of and I quote you “Some people are jerks, just because they are
posting on a "support forum" with tags like recovery, healing
journey, etc. doesn't mean they aren't” or for your other reasons
and I quote you “They do it for attention, they do it to control.
They control situations with their drama. They thrive on drama,
especially the drama and the ensuing fallout they create by
claiming victimization”.

This stuff really
makes me cringe, makes my whiskers twitch. Just sayin ?

December 27, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

inappropriate rage Barbie


December 27, 2010
12:00 am
chelonia mydas
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline


Sorry you have had
to deal with Trudy. It seems to me that your mom is finally saying
no. I agree with Ma that this is a good thing.

I also can relate
to why you would prefer holidays alone. I am right there with

This year I went
to a friend's house for Christmas since my closest relative is 1000
miles away. Her family is just as messed up and instead of being
part of all the drama, insults and sarcasim, I got to watch it
uncomfortably unfold through dinner. I found myself yearning to be
alone on Christmas and wishing I had declined her

December 27, 2010
12:00 am
chelonia mydas
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline


ignoring your post but decided to let you know that I don't care
what your accusations are and it doesn't belong on her thread
asking for support. Your actions destabilize the safety of this
site and jeapordize others from seeking the support they need. You
come across as someone with a grudge for Bevdee or someone who has
read distrubing things on another website and lacks the skills to
deal with the information effectively.

If she is here
looking for support she will get it. I don't care what anyone posts
on other websites. Its not my business and it certainly doesn't
belong on a thread seeking support.

If you have some
beef with her, then deal with it on this other website where you
allegiedly read her "other" posts. But don't slam her here. If
others care to follow this other website then that is what they
will do. We don't need or want you on a support thread making such
hurtful accusations.

If you need
support, then we will be there to support you on your healing
journey too. Since I'm not sure you are looking for support I will
simply encourage you to start your own thread on support side if
you need help and support. If you want to debate then take it to
Libs side and post away.

December 27, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Let me just say that 1) I don't think that I've ever heard a family
story where you and your mom were on the same side - THAT in
itself, is quite amazing. :o) AND! ... this may be one of the first
family get togethers where YOU (and your date/boyfriend) weren't
the topic of discussion or the source of drama. HA! Anyway... I
feel ya -- we have a couple of Trudy's in our family. I never
thought I'd say this - but I have to hand it to your mom for
standing her ground. Not that she has ever had trouble doing that -
but having been burdened with someone just like Trudy, I can't tell
you how many times I just wanted to bail out. Good for your mom. I
hope you all had a decent holiday, aside from the Trudy

December 27, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 124
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

just think your mom might be right bevdee- Trudy might be best
served in a facility. Do you think things would change if she was
in a home? Sending lots of hugs to you, you deal with alot of


December 27, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 124
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

That's a friggin hilarious staement bevdee! ROFL!

December 27, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

inappropriate rage Barbie


December 28, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 124
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Bevdee? How are things going?

December 28, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline


Thank you for
responding. There are so many triggers for me at family (Mom's)
Xmases. Her house, the relatives, the memories. The decorations. I
wish I could just rise like a phoenix. haha. I much prefer other
peoples drama - as an innocent bystander, detached third

Shaney hey!! Yes,
my mom is standing her ground. She's been getting practice with my
sister, who is living in that town, rehabbed from crack, but still
drinking., still pretty BPDish. She still has big problems, and
lacks the sweetness she used to have to manipulate people to get
what she wanted. Having spent time away from the whole situation, I
am seeing things more clearly. I see the similarities in Aunt
Trudy, and my Sissy.

Y'all, I saw from
Aunt Patty, the dynamics of the family, the training to "Take care
of Trudy" Patty thinks she is honoring her parents by continuing to
take care of her. Patty is putting pressure on my mom, who cries
after she stands her ground. Since Gramma is all but gone, pardon
my bluntness, but she is... Patty is the last of Mom's nuclear
family. Also, if Mom doesn't help her, it puts all the
responsibiity for Trudy on Patty, and Patty has always relied on my
mom to take care of things for her. Big sis thing. They are looking
at each other across a rift, they've been yelling at each other. I
can't believe my Aunt Patty yells!!! Never heard it, not in 50

One other thing
happened on Xmas eve. In one of the conversations my mom was having
with Patty about Trudy's hospital stay, the subject of baths and
being escorted to the bathroom came up. Trudy wanted one of her
sisters to stay with her all the time, because she didnt want a
male attendant or nurse to help her do either. She is a very modest
person, possibly more so because of her latter day saint training
since she married at 18. She wore that underwear and everything.
Anyway. I told Mom that she could emphasize that her religious
beliefs, and the hospital would have to try to respect that, as
much as possible with the staff. (thinking of holiday staffing).
So, Patty asked Mom to explain that to Trudy, and Mom pipes up, "I
was going to have Bevdee talk to her" I was digging in my purse
while this convo unfolded. I had pulled out my cigarette pack and
found it empty. When I heard her say that, I got up to get my coat
and my keys, and said, "NO!!! I'm not talking to her about
anything" then went outside to get another pack from the carton in
the car. I heard my mom say, "Ohmigod she's leaving". Haha. Cut and
Run is my specialty.

We talked about
that later. I apologised for raising my voice, and she told me she
wasn't offended. She said she spoke out of habit, without thinking,
and didn't realise she was volunteering me without my consent. She
used to make me so mad when she did it, and she did it alot. This
time, I said no. Maybe too loud, but hopefully I'll acquire some
finesse, if I practice it.

I called my mom
yesterday and told her I was proud of her for standing her ground.
After we chitchatted, I thought about my sister's crack addiction,
and what we have learned in the last 5 years, that both my mom and
I are stronger, learning to stand our ground. We have that in
common. And the sister situation. And she accepted me standing mine
to her. wowtotallyfreakmeout. :~)

Andii, thanks for
checking on me. I'm really busy right now. Before Xmas, I got a new
floor in the kitchen and washroom, got the walls patched and
painted. Now that I'm back, I'm working on the other rooms. I'm
doing it by myself, so it's just taking forever, and I HATE
LADDERS. There's so much to do, it's hard to stay

I think it would
be better for Aunt Trudy to be in a home, but Mom and Aunt Patty
like her being in the house with Gramma, because she changes the
undergarment Gramma has to wear now. Her doing that, and being able
to call if Gramma needs help, keeps them from having to go over
there every night and sleep the way they did 7 years ago. It was
very hard on them. No one lives in the same neighborhood, Gramma
lives on the outskirts of the pretty big town. They don't expect
Gramma to live much longer, and they always thought that after she
is gone, they would have to help Trudy by getting her placed in a
good assisted living facility.

I also have to say
that all this kind of rocks my world, because if my mother's older
sister is facing this, this makes me feel REALLY OLD. Trudy is only
20 years older than me. eeek.

The update
yesterday was that the doctor did recommend intermediate care for
three weeks. My mom hopes that in this time, Trudy's glucose levels
will go down enough that she can make rational decisions about what
she eats, what meds she administers, and be able to understand the
diabetes education she is given. I hope so too. I've always thought
the woman was nuts, but if her sugar is vascillating like that, it
would definitely make her nuttier. That explains a lot.

December 29, 2010
12:00 am
Golden Horseshoe.ca
Forum Posts: 104
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline


That's a lot of
drama in this thread. HA! I never thought discussing our feelings
or experiences openly was wrong.Some of it can get scary or ugly.
Didn't know we aren't allowed to form opinions or question
anything. HA! Nevermind. :0)

Chelonia. I for
one appreciate what you posted to riprap.:0)

It amazes me when
i read about families who are communicative to a fault, then
compare mine, which is uncommunicative to a fault

I for one wouldn't
care for or help someone who was so unappreciative, relient and
selfish. Trudy sounds like a glutton and a burden on anyone who
helps her. But if this pattern has existed for so long, what can
you do? That's a woman's burden right? We do the dirty work at home
and the men go to the mines, or to war. Is it the American self
reliance and pride thing? Lots of people like Trudy get
institutionalized here because families CAN do it.

You're in Texas,
they are there...you didn't mention much about your Dad or the
relatives you get along with better. So the sabotage was a

This rocks your
world? Mid life to where?

You and Trudy have
one BIG thing in common. Diabetis, but you take better care of
yourself. This is probably why your so shook up over the whole

But you're not
like her AT ALL....push that fear aside.

You're in there
now communicating with Mom.Is it working better now or do you feel
yourself being consumed again? Has Mom really changed or does hse
see the benefits of what you did? Cut lose the burdens?

Who am i to say? I
have a communication vacuum with my family. None of this happens
with us but I'm not going to post about it. I don't want to get
sucked into the guilt, question my worth or blame myself. I don't
really know what they think so it would be me wrestling with my own
thoughts. Perhaps stimulation of any kind is better? Not

The cut n run
thing is huge with me too, but i think i do it now in situations
that aren't healthy for me.

I feel kinda
"stunned" by the lack of consideration or drama. But it's better
than adrenaline drips of conflict.Feeling like i am of use within
that kind of dynamic is a cheap fix. Mostly servitude or gratitude
they put up with ME!?LOL Maybe it would work better if i had some
form of power? I could inject myself into there lives and create
friction. Make them pay til the end of time? Or accept the little
corner they shove me in?Is that the kind of power I

I feel fortunate
my sibs have let me go.The next move isn't mine to make..but your
family is SO different than mine.

IT does sound like
you have more insight now and dealt with some of your old
patterns,not feeding the family MO.

No matter what
kind, Holiday Hangovers SUCK! How long u going to let yours last
bevdee? ;0)

You're home and
there's lots of work to do. My bathroom needs painting. Thanks for
reminding me!


December 29, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 39
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline


December 29, 2010
12:00 am

Bevdee, well, thats right. if Trudy doesnt take care of herself
because she's lazy etc, then she doesnt deserve anyone else taking
care of her. How's that.

Maybe I didnt get
the problem. Whats the short summary of it?

I'm not doing
good. Still have sleep issues and waiting for my sinuses to heal
after the surgery and nothing seems to work. Not at a good point in
life. Doesnt look good oh yea.

December 29, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 124
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Guest! Good to "see" you but I'm sorry your sinuses are not
healing up. You inspired me- I had surgery on my shoulder. It's not
"normal" but I'm not in constant pain anymore, I can actually sleep
on it now. It's just stiff- no flexibility and a bit weak. The
surgeon found massive amounts of calcium under the rotator cuff and
"growing" on it. He couldn't believe I still had mobility. It's a
world of difference- I thank you for the inspiration to go get it
fixed! What is going on with your sinuses guest? What did the
surgeon do and what's up with taking so long to heal? ARe you
smoking? I know that's a killer for sinuses.

I think the short
summary of "it" is that bevdee has very complicated and exhausting
family dynamics. Sometimes talking about it all helps to put it
into perspective and not feel so overwhelmed or

Saw your post on
the other side bevdee and wrote to ya, I'm glad you wrote back. I'd
bet money that once Trudy's glucose levels are stable she won't be
as nutso, but from what you've described, i'd bet money also that
she's not going to do what she needs to KEEP them levels
stable.Looks like Trudy's diabetes gets her alot of attention and
keeps her front and center stage. You think she will give that


December 29, 2010
12:00 am


long time no chat.
Am in transit and haven't read your whole post... but just wanted
to shout out that I've been learning some about adult ADD these
days, and it's shed a lot of light on some past relationship issues
I experienced.

Check out Gina
Pera's site, and her book Is It You, Me, or Adult

AD/HD manifests
differently in adults than in children. Some of the earmark
behaviours are oppositional/defiant behaviour, irritability,
impossible to please, negativity... and more that I can't call to
mind just now.

Maybe not relevant
to your situation... but might shed light on one or two relatives,
and I know how you love research :o)

Anyway, gotta
catch a plane. All the best of happiness and health in the new
year, old friend.

take kare,
kuddles from kroiks

December 29, 2010
12:00 am


Well glad I
inspired you to get surgery. Really? thats cool. At least I made a
difference in one person's life. Nope, I dont smoke. I have one
last apt with the doctor before I go back home. They were good
doctors to be sure. Glad I travelled here across the country. I'm
going to keep working on it. I might have to lose 15 lbs. I'll have
to see.

Yea just writing
stuff out helps.

December 30, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
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Spitfire and skoolgirl stopping in with some love.... hugs all

December 31, 2010
12:00 am
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September 27, 2010
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December 31, 2010
12:00 am
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Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline


Lol (C

December 31, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 39
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline


January 2, 2011
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

and Kroika!! I almost missed y'all's posts!! Good to see

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