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Friendma.....................................
May 14, 2007
9:00 pm
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cyndra820
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((((FriendMa))))

I can't imagine the pain you feel not being with your kids all the time.

Each time you talk about your kids your words are so descriptive. Each time they visit you are so excited to see them. The love you have for them is very clear to me.

Is there a way you can visit with your children during the week? I know it will never be the same as having them with you each and every day, but it is better than nothing. Are you allowed to modify visitation at all?

I hope it gets better. I have no words of wisdom to get you through this. I send you my love and lots of calming vibes.

Try not to be so angry with yourself. You did what was best for your children. It's not always an easy thing. Yes, I know that I have no kids and can't possibly understand, but you are a good woman.

Love,
Cyndra

May 14, 2007
9:14 pm
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Friendma
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(((((CYN))))) I have had weekday visits with the kids but it upsets the kids. As long as we stay normally on an only every other weekend visitation they adjust and deal with it but when things have come up and they see me more than that they get too attatched and cry alot and don't sleep and my x and I discussed it and had to decide to limit the visits to what they are except for occasional additions. I would love to see them more and I am hoping one day to try more visits as they get a little older but for now if they see me just for a short visit during the week they start crying when I try to leave and hold on and won't let go. It breaks my heart and theirs and I just hope one day things can be different. Thanks for posting to me, it means so much. Thanks for the kind words, thank you for you! You don't have to have kids to understand pain, and I value you and what you feel and think. You are a wise and wonderful woman! I'm sendin ya lots of love and hugs!

May 14, 2007
9:17 pm
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Friendma
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(((GG))) Sorry I didn't post back to ya when I read your post, you touched me and it meant the world to me that you understand my pain. You and your posts mean the world to me. You are special to me and I'm sendin ya lots of love and hugs! Thank you for bein there for me!

May 14, 2007
10:58 pm
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Friendma
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((((((((((NEED))))))))))

May 16, 2007
12:58 am
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smarterone
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friendma: how old are the kids? I ask because if you know my name fromt he other sites i have an inconsiderate "31" yr old kid. He still lives off of my disability, has been on and off drugs and cant get him out cuz i have no spine. I have moved all over fla. to run, and take him back. So i think how lucky your kids are to have someone like you. Your day will come, i dont know your situation. I wish your well

May 16, 2007
12:20 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Friendma,

I just read all of this, and it breaks my heart. I hope that you are feeling a little better. I wish that I could just wrap you in my arms and squeeze you. Your love is VERY evident around here. I can see your heart, and I can feel it in your posts. I love you girl, and I feel for you. Being as codep as I am, I would give ANYTHING to be able to find you, snatch you up, and hold you until you can't cry anymore. I love you girl. (((((((((Friendma))))))))

May 16, 2007
12:23 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((((((((((((Friendma)))))))))))))

Just felt like maybe one more hug wouldn't hurt you.

I know that i could use one too, especially right now.

May 16, 2007
12:26 pm
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ggfred4
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(((fm))) (((mich)))

May 16, 2007
2:13 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((gg)))

(((friendma)))

I understand SO much of what you are saying in here. I just want you to know that I love you and I am thinking of you, and holding you close. Girl....you are a great person. You have to start believing in you. I KNOW that is tough, and MUCH easier said than done..but it is true. Hold your head up honey. You have support...right here. Keep talking. You are wonderful.

Mich

May 16, 2007
2:53 pm
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Friendma
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(((((SMARTERONE))))) (((((MICH))))) (((((GG)))))

May 17, 2007
11:29 pm
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ggfred4
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(((fm))) I want to thank you for what you posted on my thread today. You made me feel very special...You were so wonderful to mich yesterday too. You are one compassionate, loving woman...

Love you, gg

May 18, 2007
7:58 am
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Friendma
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(((((GG))))) I hope my post yesterday on your thread didn't stir up bull for you. I meant no harm to you or anyone with what I posted. I felt the post from the other person was not meant in kindness and I needed to address that. I tried to be kind and respectful but firm about how I felt. I apologize if I took it wrong and caused you any grief over the situation. I do believe anyone can post anywhere but it came across to me that he was posting to you and I didn't feel warm and fuzzy from it. I have read other posts from this person on the Lib side and yes he does like to debate and that's fine and all but I also feel after reading some of his posts that he stirs up bull and after reading others posts back to him they seem to see it the same way I see it. Of course that doesn't make me right and it's not about being right. You are my friend and I love you and care about you and I felt I needed to express what I felt from the post. In the thread about Muslims if you read his posts I think you might see what I'm talking about. I just need you to know that I'm not trying to stir up anything but if I caused you any grief or worry or anything negative due to my post please forgive me. I would never try to intentionally cause you any problems. Have a beautiful day, Sweetie! ((((((((((GG))))))))))

May 18, 2007
8:06 am
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Friendma
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Guest_Guest If I misunderstood your post over on the Tump thread I want to apoligize to you. I wasn't trying to attack you or be mean, I just felt the need to express how I was feeling about what you posted and how it came across to me.

May 18, 2007
8:15 am
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bevdee
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Friendma

I can't see anything in G_G's post that seems (to me) like an attack. What is it about the post where he joins a discussion about the personality type test that seemed threatening to you?

*I dont need to take the test.

"Do you know how to relax?" No :([email protected]

On the other hand... "do you know how to become nervous AND make other people nervous?" Yes *

May 18, 2007
9:11 am
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ggfred4
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friendma,

Please do not worry okay! You were a kind friend and I appreciate it. Please do NOT allow this to keep you from posting. You have finally started posting more and I am proud of you for doing it. This is all part of the healing process, however tough it may be...

Love you fm!

May 18, 2007
12:15 pm
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Friendma
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(((((BEV))))) First I need to start by explaining that I have been reading some of his posts on the other threads and to follow some of it on the Muslim thread. As I kept reading the banter between posters I feel that at times Guest_Guest was stirring up stuff, disrespectful and attacking. I didn't feel any need to address to him on a thread that was for debate, that I was not a part of, to express how I felt. I read and re-read the posts and each time continued to feel the same way. A few days passed and when I saw what Guest_Guest had posted on the Tump thread, which I know is what GG calls you. I considered it to be GG's original thread since it is asking Tumper, where are you or something like that. Any-who, I again read and re-read Guest_Guest's post and each time felt the same thing. It came across to me as he was saying to GG, since he did not specify who directly he was posting to, that he was telling GG that he didn't need to take the test, since if I remember correctly that she was the one that first took the test or was tellling you to try to take the test or I may be remembering it wrong but anyway, I then took what he was saying of, do you know how to relax, as though he was asking GG that and then do you know how to make people nervous, again as though he was asking GG that and I felt after all the other posts I have read of his that he was just coming over and picking at GG. I may have very well of taken him wrong, it would of helped I'm sure if he would of addressed to whom he was directly speaking, I may have assumed too much and if I was out of line to him I have apoligized and I will also apoligize to you if what I posted upset you. I meant no harm in what I posted. I tried to be kind and respectful but firm. I have even went back to the Muslim thread and I still get the same impression and I have re read his post on the Tump thread and now that you stated he may have been posting to you and not GG, I can see that but again it was too general for me to know for sure and so I felt the need to express how it made me feel especially in regards to it being directed to GG. I truly never meant to cause any trouble for anyone. I am protective of those I care about and GG is very special to me and when I believed that it was aimed at her and not meant nicely, I responded. Unless Guest_Guest chooses to respond then I will never know for sure what exactly was meant. He may not feel comftorable to post back to me and if he doesn't due to what I posted I am terribly sorry. I hope he will post back but other than offer an apology and explination like I have given to you I don't know what else to do. I hope some of this makes sense, most times you just have to be in my head to understand where I'm coming from but hopefully this helps. I'm not mad at Guest_Guest, I was frustrated at what I thought his post meant and it's over. Hopefully I have not caused him any harm but if I have I am truly sorry for that cause that was not my intention at all. (((BEV)))

May 18, 2007
12:31 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Hey Friendma, are you around?

May 18, 2007
7:19 pm
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bevdee
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Hey Friendma

No problem. But I feel I should explain why your post bothered me. Not that it was to Guest, but what did bother me was that another poster made "I" statements - NOT *GG -you make people nervous.*

When you responded to him, telling him he was a trouble maker and a bully, in response to the one post with *I* statements, not naming anyone, that seemed to me like an attack. When you said you didn't appreciate him in the thread - I was floored. That bothered me because I have been (essentially) told in a thread I was butting in where I didn't belong, and I will never feel comfortable posting to that poster again, other than maybe a perfunctory greeting.

Another time, I was called a trouble maker (in some other words) and it turned out the poster was really zonked on some new meds- and came back the next day and explained and apologized.

I was triggered last night by the names called, and it reminded me of my feelings when that happened to me. Those names don't seem to me to be about what the site stands for.

That's why I posted back to you.

Those debates? Like the Muslim debates? The religion discussions? Those kind of debates have been going on for a long time, and the players are essentially the same. It's my opinion they enjoy the game, and know which buttons to push with each other. (Just my opinion- from sidelining) Sex, politics and religion are really flammable to people just joining the site- people hurting.

My understanding of Libs is that it was created for discussion and debate- to remove touchy topics from the support section, where new posters, those early in recovery don't have the discussions in their face. I like to read and join sometimes because it's a good way for me to recognise my triggers (anger), and figure out what causes me to feel angry or threatened. I havae figured out loads about myself from the religion debates. I'm very thankful for those, because they helped me.

The discussions get pretty heated, but it has been a good way for me to learn I can disagree with someone and still communicate with and learn from them.

Talk to you later-

May 21, 2007
11:58 am
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Friendma
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Bev, I'm sorry that what I posted to Guest_Guest caused you to feel what you felt about how you were treated. My intention was not to attack, I have re read what I posted and I will admit I could of handled my concern differently and I'm sorry that I didn't. I'm not sorry that I tried to stand up for my friend GG when I truly felt she was being attacked. I do want to say that I tried to be respectful and didn't' just say you are a trouble maker, I said In my opinion you seem to be what I would call a trouble maker. I don't mind anyone responding to anyones threads, what I do mind is if the only reason there is a post it is not made for a nice reason, and again I took Guest_Guests post as just stirring up trouble. I support and respect his right to post as I do anyone elses again in the way I took it Itwas not made to be nice and what I said was I don't appreciate you comin over and startin trouble with her. I didn't say I don't appreciate you posting period. I also didn't just call him a bully, I said I'm standing up for what I consider to be bullying on your part towards GG. I tried to be respectful but firm. I agree I could of stated things differently that would of not come off so harshly. I, at the time posted to the best of my ability and now after what you have explained I see what I could of and should of done differently. As soon as I was informed by you that I had probably misunderstood his post I apoligized to Guest_Guest and I have tried to explain myself to you. I am truly sorry for any upset to Guest_Guest, you, GG or anyone else that I have effected by my post. I did the best job I could and I do feel that I did do it with a respectful intent, and I could of just blasted him but that wasn't my intention. I am not sorry for expressing myself but I am sorry that I didn't do it in a more appropriate way but it does hurt my feelings that I don't feel you are giving me credit for the effort that was made on my part. I tried to use I statements and in my opinion statements and I consider statements, etc. I am sorry for how you were treated on another thread, I am sorry I brought up those memories to you by what I posted. Thank you for explaining what you have and I will do my best to take this situation and apply what I need to myself so that I do a better job next time if I am put in a similar position. I know better than to assume and I should of asked first what was meant before I responded and that was wrong on my part to assume and I am sorry. I still don't know what Guest_Guest meant for sure and unless he posts back to me I will never know for sure what exactly was meant. I am trusting that you know him and your assumption of what he meant by his post is correct.

May 21, 2007
12:13 pm
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bevdee
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FM-

"it does hurt my feelings that I don't feel you are giving me credit for the effort that was made on my part."

I'm sorry you feel that way. I was just trying to explain why I responded to your posts to G_G.

I wondered when you posted this "(((((BEV))))) First I need to start by explaining that I have been reading some of his posts on the other threads and to follow some of it on the Muslim thread. As I kept reading the banter between posters I feel that at times Guest_Guest was stirring up stuff, disrespectful and attacking."- if your preconception of him from the Muslim threads caused you to jump to that conclusion? I've seen Guest offer some really sweet support. Once, during the porn wars, his post to another brought tears to my eyes. If you ever have time, you might read his diary on Libs. He shared himself there. The silly, the serious, and the scrapper.

I don't want to drag this out. We could both be wrong and we could both be right- and it really doesn't matter.

(((FM)))

May 21, 2007
12:25 pm
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Friendma
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Bev, I very much am admitting that after reading the banter with him and others on the Muslim thread, yes it effected how I took what he posted. I assumed and I should of asked first. I'm not interested in if I am wrong or right, regardless, I wanted to stand up for my friend and I also wanted to do it as respectful as I could and I failed. I should of handled how I felt and how I approached Guest_Guest differently. I meant no intentional harm to Guest_Guest or GG or you. I have tried to take responsibility for my actions and I'm not upset with you for explaining your feelings and your side of this. I am thankful that you have shed some light and I have seen my failure and can try to work on how I communicate with people. I am a work in progress and I welcome anyone's post as long as it is done respectfully to shed any light on my areas that need improvement. I truly did try to be respectful but I see now that I should of done more. I didn't come off respectful the way that I had wanted, firm but not attacking. I appreciate your time and explination with me on this situation. I will do my best in the future to apply what I have learned and I have sent an apology to Guest_Guest and I hope that he believes that it is meant sincerely and from the bottom of my heart. I don't ever want to run anyone off, or make them uncomftorable to post or take their feelings for granted and it kills me to know that as I tried to stand up for my friend I did to Guest_Guest what I was upset that was being done to GG in my opinion at that time. This is a place to express ourselves and I am learning how to express myself in a way that stands up for what I believe but doesnt't rip someone apart in the process. (((BEV)))

May 21, 2007
7:57 pm
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Friendma
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(((((MICH))))) Thank you for the hug on my apology thread, I really needed that. I'm sendin ya lots of love and hugs!

May 21, 2007
8:03 pm
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ggfred4
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(((fm))) I am worried about you because you just finally started opening up and I don't want this to be in anyway a setback. I tend to do that and am hoping you are not like me there. Please keep talking!!!

Love ya!

May 21, 2007
8:17 pm
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Friendma
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(((((GG))))) Thank you so much for your post. I really needed the hug! I feel like I screwed up big time, not for standing up for you but for how I approached the situation. I try very hard to be nice to people and treat others even when I am hurt or upset in a respectful manner. I failed and I have effected others so yeah I want to run and hide but I am truly trying to just roll with it. I will have to wait and see if I will do what I do so well and that is to run and hide or if I can just hang tough, suck it up and try to forgive myself for my mistakes and move on. It truly helps to know that you support me and that Mich supports me and Bev was very respectful to me in her posts. I don't deserve that, I didn't show that to Guest_Guest, and I hope he knows I am sorry. I hope that if presented with the same situation in the future that I will be able to handle my communication in a better way. I love ya, and I'm sendin ya lots of love and hugs!

May 21, 2007
8:34 pm
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ggfred4
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fm, quit beating yourself up! You spoke from your heart and that is a good thing...okay, it was nice having someone take up for me when I couldn't hardly speak. This site is a learning experience, believe me. I have said things I would like to take back, not spoken up when I should have spoken, etc. Regardless, I am still learning and still here. I tend to run and hide when confrontations arise, but I am trying to change...a tad slowly in that dept.!

Let it go, my friend, you spoke your beliefs along with the many here. I am proud of you. I am trying to do that myself.

(((fm)))

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