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Friendma with love ya'll!!!
October 1, 2007
10:22 pm
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Friendma
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I have finally got my computer back and up and runnin! It got a virus and my windows program got destroyed and well, it's been hell not bein able to be in touch with all ya'll. I've missed ya'll so very much! I looked up old posts and I appreciate ya'lls support about my surgery and all. ((((((((((GG)))))))))) ((((((((((BEV)))))))))) ((((((((((MICH))))))))))
I am so thankful to be back up and running! I'm sendin ya'll lots of love and hugs!! I am startin to feel a little more normal but it has been rough. The doc did alot of lasering because of endomitriosis. My right ovary was attatched to the wall due to scar tissue. I sure hope this works. They are also gonna send me to a urologist sp????? They think I might have a bladder disorder but I will have to wait till Oct. 16th to find out more about that. Well, that's my update......so, how are ya'll? I have missed ya'll more than ya'll will ever know! I have thought of ya'll daily! I sure hope ya'll are doin well, I look forward to hearin from ya'll real soon....... Love and hugs, Friendma

October 1, 2007
10:39 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Friendma....I am SOOOOOOOOOO glad to see you.

Love you girl....

October 1, 2007
10:48 pm
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Friendma
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Mich, I am soooooooooooo glad to see you tooooooooooooo!! : ) Love and hugs to ya!!

October 1, 2007
10:54 pm
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needtoheal
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Hi Friendma.. I am glad to hear that the computer is up and running... I know that feeling.. I hated it when I had to get mine fixed...

Love--
NEED

October 1, 2007
11:20 pm
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Friendma
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(((((NEED))))) Wonderful to hear from ya! I hope you are doin well! Bein without the computer was awful, I missed ya'll so much. Take care of you!

October 2, 2007
12:00 am
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bevdee
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Friendma!! Perky!!!

I'm glad you got your "connectivity" back! It's good to hear that you made it through your surgery. Great to see you!!

October 2, 2007
12:32 am
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ggfred4
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((((((((((((((((fm)))))))))))))))))
I thought about you today and then tonight, here you are!!! Take care of yourself.

Love, gg

October 2, 2007
10:45 am
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Friendma
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((((((((((LADIES)))))))))) It is so nice to get up and check the computer and find messages from ya'll!! I hope ya have a beautiful day! I can't wait to hear how you've been doin. Love and hugs!

October 3, 2007
12:10 pm
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Friendma
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((((((((((GG)))))))))) Just wantin to check in with ya and let ya know that I'm thinkin of ya and sendin ya lots of love and hugs! How is school goin? My daughter is in 6th and my son is in 4th, what grade do you teach? I know you told me before but I have forgotten, sorry bout that. My son is playin football this year and loves it. It makes me nervous cause I don't want him to get hurt but I know this is just the beginning of me havin to let him do the guy stuff which is hard cause he has always been my little boy and he is growin up. He looks like a little man in his pic. this year. He still lets me love on him publicly but not sure how long that lasts. My daughter as you know stopped public affection last year. Do ya know if boys and girls stop at about the same time frame? GG, I hope that you and yours are doin well! I love ya, and I have missed ya so much, and I'm so thankful to be back. Take care of you!!

October 3, 2007
11:51 pm
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ggfred4
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FM, I teach 7th grade, but taught 6th grade for years. I told you about the public affection; they have to look "cool and independent". This is all just a growing stage. Boys and girls are SO different. Girls worry so much about image and having friends. To be honest, raising my son was so much easier than raising my girls.

I am so glad you are back. I have been busy with school and don't get on as much.

Take care...(((fm)))

October 4, 2007
12:18 am
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needtoheal
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Hey ladies.. Glad to hear that all is well.... My sons are in 5th and 2nd grade this year. And it sure has been busy now that they are back in school.. My oldest, as you know, has ADD and also a learning disability. He is struggling right now. He puts a lot of stress on himself because he is disappointed in the grades that he has been getting....
He wants to play basketball for the school team this year. I know that it is going to be good for him socially but it will be difficult for him academically. The team does not return home until after 6pm.. which is going to be hard for him to sit down and eat dinner then start his homework.. Plus, he has to keep his grades up for him to participate. Time will tell with how he does in the first marking period...

My youngest is enjoying second grade; He has the same teacher that he had for pre-K and Kindergarten. He really likes her a lot... and he is familiar with her routines and discipline.
SHe talked to me today about him having to go to the bathroom A LOT in the afternoon. She wanted me to talk with him so I did when I had the chance without anyone else being around... especially his brother.
I told him what his teacher said to me since he was right there when she mentioned this to me. He said that he often does go to the bathroom in the afternoon. I asked him how does he feel... I asked him what subjects does he have in the afternoon. He said that he does get a little nervous. He found first grade to be easy and now he is getting a lot more homework. He even said tonight that he does not have any difficulty with math but some other subjects "bother him"....

Just want to say hello. I miss all the chats that we used to have here.

love to you both---
NEED

October 4, 2007
12:36 am
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armyleo
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Hi Need,

My son had learning difficulties too. When he was in middle school he tried out for a sports team, and made it, however, in the middle of the season his grades dropped and they took him off the team. It was very hard. It hurt me also.

What he did was play sports outside of school, AYSO soccer and little league.

When he was in HS, he tried out for sports again. This time, he was able to maintain his grade point average.

Take Care,
Army

October 9, 2007
8:23 am
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Friendma
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((((((((((NEED)))))))))) Hey, lady! Wonderful to hear from ya! Sorry that I didn't respond sooner. I hope that you and yours are doin well! I miss all the chatting too! Are you ready for fall? It has been like summer till yesterday here in Mo. How are the temps. where you live? I just hope to experience some fall weather before winter hits. The ice storm last winter makes me very uneasy bout winter comin but most of all I can't take the bitter cold. I get cold during the summer so winter and I don't get along real well. I hope basketball goes good for your son and I hope his grades stay where they need to so he can continue to play. I hope your youngest finds peace and is able to become less nervous in the afternoon. Take care of you!! FM

October 9, 2007
9:09 am
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needtoheal
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thanks girls for posting... Yes, Friendma it does seem like summer here in NJ... temps have been in the mid 80's... it is supposed to get cooler later in the week.. We still put the air conditioner on at night.

I am hoping that things will work out with the boys. I know that my oldest will be disappointed if he cannot maintain his grades in order to play basketball. Have to just wait and see what happens the next few months.

My youngest is getting nervous in the afternoon I think because he does not like the subjects that he has in school after recess. I think that it is getting more difficult for him when it was so easy for all subjects last year. I don't know... unless he has had a bug and it has been bothering his stomach. have to keep an eye on it...

Hope all is well..

thinking of you all

NEED

October 10, 2007
12:04 am
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Friendma
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Just needed to vent......I just got off the phone with a good friend of mine that I care deeply about that I haven't spoken to in several months. She got married and moved 2 hours away. I don't have long distance service and my computer had been down so I had to just wait and see if she would call. I love her dearly but she and I used to be drinkin buddies, we did the bar thing together and so that was when we really bonded, we spent lots of time together hating men but wanting love and acceptance so badly, we have been together thru some pretty tough times. Once we didn't go to the bar much anymore we didn't stay too close. She doesn't usually reach out to me unless she wants to drink again or cause she is in crisis. I'm ok with that to a point but it does hurt. I used to do all the calling and emailing and such just to say hi, how are ya, etc. but when we talked she was usually the topic and when topics were on me she usually changed them back to her. I know I am co dependent and all and it probably isn't a healthy relationship, but I care about her and she is one of a select few that I consider my friend. I do not share the real me to her, I can't trust her with my inner self, I have tried in the past and gotten crushed. I have learned how to blend with her and others. I become whatever they need, say what I think will be good for them, I know, I'm a mess. Anyway, with all that said, she just called, in crisis. The man she married after only knowing him a couple of months is now being verbally abusive to her and is being very controlling. She and I share the same experiences of abuse in so many of our relationships and the one she is in now, I know to well. I guess I have said all that to say that in being there for her in a 2hour phone call, it has brought up lots of crap that I have tried so desperately to stuff. I feel like I could throw up! I will probably have to take a xanax here shortly just to be able to sleep. I know she needs a friend and I want to be that friend and I'm not complaining that she called or that she needed me just that I wasn't prepared for this flood of emotions and issues from my past and present. I do so good at stuffing that I get myself to a place that I think I'm just fine till some one says or does something that triggers a flood gate to open up. It can be something as small as a sound or smell or like tonight just listening to her situation and trying to be strong and supportive to my friend. Her issues opened something up in me and I'm just scared and frustrated and just needing to vent and maybe get a hug. I love her and she is a good person we just don't have the most healthy relationship. I know what it is like to be in her shoes and not have anyone there with ya, for support and God forbid I not try to be there for her. I just don't want to get sucked back in just to be shut out again when her crisis is over. Is that terrible of me? I feel so selfish by even writting this but I'm not gonna delete. I feel like how dare you feel this way, she needs you and all you can think about is yourself. I feel like a terrible person and ugh....................Oh well, I will suck it up and tough it out, I don't want to be a pussy like my step dad has always called me. I just want to be normal and get to the root of my problems and weed it out and become healthy and normal. I'm sorry bout this post, I just want to delete it now but I'm gonna try to be brave and post it and see if it is ok just to be me....does that make any sense??????????

October 10, 2007
12:10 am
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Friendma
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Hello, is anyone out there? I feel so terribly alone right now. I feel so guilty feeling my feelings. Everyone has issues and life is not easy for anyone, so why should I complain? I feel like such a puss.....ugh......anyone, please someone just let me know that you are there................

October 10, 2007
12:13 am
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Friendma
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I try so hard not to need anyone,and I know this is not the support side, I know it is late, I guess this is my safe place and right now I'm ok showing my vulnerability....I think....maybe not....oh well....to anyone who might read this....just ignore me, just had a lil slip but I think I have got the lid on it again. Thanks for listening and sorry I've been so needy!...........

October 10, 2007
10:19 am
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Anonymous
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Friendma, there is nothing wrong bout wanting friends and wanting someone to talk too, I know how you feel and if you need to step back here from this friend, then do it, don't feel as if you have to be there, all the time, no one can be there all the time for anyone, its not humanely possible to do that and its not healthy...she was prolly lonely when she met him and wanted to be married, sometimes being alone does that to a person, they just want to be with someone, cause they are very much alone...I would go slow and take care of you here first, and if you have time and energy, go slowly with her, if she is a real friend, and a healthy friend, she will understand you need time out, esp when you feel triggered here, that happened to me last week...I just met someone who told me alot of things, and it hit me and made me cry and shake...we hugged each other and talked bout getting together and etc, but I am not able too, I just don't want to go there, in face to face with someone, its too much, even on here, it gets hard and i have to go away for awhile, you know?

October 10, 2007
10:39 am
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Friendma
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(((((SURVIVOR))))) Thanks so much for your input. I wasn't prepared last night for the flood of emotion. I know that she needs me and I have a hard time steppin away from anyone that I consider close to me. I know that you are right and that I need to take care of me first but how to do that is a mystery to me. I just wouldn't feel right bout it. I am workin with a new counselor and I know she will say the same thing but she and I will have to work on me changin the way I think bout things. I have so very few people that I kinda can open up to, it's just hard. Everyone except for my counselor, I end up putting on the other me, the one that hopefully no one will have to be there for me, the one everyone thinks is fine, the one that I don't have to trust very much to interact with, the one that protects the real me. I have put the real me on and too many people went away, and I take all the credit for losing them and so I don't know anymore who the real me is and I know I hate bein the fake me but you couldn't pay me enough to step out in anything other than the safe me, does that make any sense? I sure hope that the counselor and I can get things resolved and let the real me come out. Well, I better go, thanks again for responding, I truly appreciate it! I hope that you and yours are doin well! Take care of you!!

October 10, 2007
10:46 am
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Anonymous
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Your welcomed Friendma...your be ok and yes I understand you very well and your making sense..your also very wounded and need time to heal, to take care of you here, I see that, I see myself in you and how you feel here...Take it slow, try not to look at the end result that you want here, try to just do it for a hour, then a day...go slowly, breathe, your be ok:)

If someone does not understand that you need space and time away, for whatever reason, then your better off without them in your life, you really are...

October 10, 2007
11:05 am
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Friendma
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(((((SURVIVOR)))))

October 10, 2007
11:12 am
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Anonymous
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Thanks Friendma...back to ya my friend:)

October 10, 2007
11:39 am
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bevdee
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Friendma (((Perky)))

I don't have very much time, but I wanted to say that I hope you feel stronger today. I'll post more later.

October 10, 2007
3:06 pm
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ggfred4
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(((fm)))...I want you to know that you are NOT alone in the feelings myou had. Many people share them, including myself. I react the same way you did. We have to remember my friend, that these are our feelings and we are entitled to them. I am learning to try and figure out the "whys" to my feelings and that is helping. I don't always have the answers, but I try to figure things out now. Ex. Why am I sad, anxious, etc?

Being lonely is a very sad feeling and I am sorry you felt or still feel that way. I am working through this myself. I have written notes of things to try and do during those times like reading or doing a project. I know it is hard to push yourself when you are feeling low, but sometimes I just make myself and then other times I just can't.

I wanted to send a great big hug to you sweet girl...love ya, gg

October 10, 2007
3:06 pm
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Friendma
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((((((((((BEV)))))))))) I do feel some better today but I know it's probly cause I got the lid put back on my inner stuff. Hope you are havin a beautiful day, love ya, FM

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