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Free or someone that can help w/ dv please, - mamaC
October 13, 2006
4:08 am
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mamacinnamon
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I agree a child should know his/her mom and dad unless one parent is a present danger to the child.

Kasie, didn't you say the last straw that made you know you had to leave was when his dad almost beat him to death over a dropped sandwich? You didn't happen to take little man to the hospital ater tha did you? Not once you had somewhere for little man to go. Did you make a police report or have little man checked out at the hospital or have any witnesses or take pics of the bruises? Remember to build your case.

I'm sorry you had a bad day Kasie. I want to be sure you know that YOU can do nothing but encourage/empower Armyangel. (great name by the way) Only she can make her decisions as you know so you have got to calm down and remember where you are needed most. You must be on the lookout for anything weenie can use against you.

Let's get the emotions and such where it should be honey. Only because you have a lot on your plate and this will make you ill if you are not careful. I'm proud of you for your kind comments and your uplifting spirit.

Ok, mama lecture over... How ya doin today??

October 13, 2006
7:43 am
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Worried_Dad
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Well if Dad beat the boy that is another thing entirely.

I can't go for that.

October 13, 2006
8:13 pm
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Mama, Free, Wd, Army Angel, and anyone i Haved missed..

Im sorry I fI have upset you, its not my intention, and Army especially with you, as I feel we are so connected beyond belief, It wasnt you or anyone else that has brought me this low,

Im haveing a very very difficult fight right now, Im struggling with alot,and it isnt fair for me to bring this heartache to your table..

Yes, i have felt bad about ArmyAngel, Its wrong and I apologise, I stil feel some how responsible..

Army... I in no way ever meant to hurt you ok> I know you cant beleive this but Your living my life, you are walking in my shoes, I know your pain, I know what your feeling..

I feel as if I am a abig dissapointement to every one, although I only have myself to blame..

Im a nervous wreck right now becasue my son is at his fathers house.. I want to be sick but I have nothing in my stomache to come up..
Imso tired I cant keep my eyes open, But i needed to write because I wanted My cyber sister to know Im ok, Im here, numb as can be, but im here..

I have no one here, no family, no friends, no-one, I go to work and try to stay as long as i can so that i dont have to be home alone.

Tomorrow will be the same, my son wont be home until sunday...

i have no energy right now to write any more, I just want to sleep..

my body aches, i feel lost, and i cant even think..

Mama, please let Army know i wrote, and thanks for the lecture, its nice to know youcare...
I do love you...and im glad you are here..

Free: nope not a word on the emails, the all must have decided not interested.....

Wd:well, what can i say? you know me, and have never met, me, how can that be??
of course I want my son to see his father, it pains me to know he is suck a jerk, but i know by state law i have to let my son see him..

If you could see his horns you would know he is LUCIFER>>>>

Love to you all,
Kasie

October 13, 2006
8:54 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasiegirl... r u here?

Let's talk about your weekends.

October 14, 2006
2:05 am
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hi kassie!

You don't disappoint me that's for sure! I so wish I had your courage early in the game, like you do.

It's very hard when they're with their father.

Very hard. It's gonna be a reality.

I used to clean. then I got into gardening. making flower gardens in places that were, to me, plain or ugly. It did, and still does, something for me to see flowers bloom from the times I was hurting and anxious.

In time, you will come to welcome the time to yourself. right now, that alone time is difficult kuz you don't like yourself.

But I do.

hugs.

(((Kassie)))

free

October 14, 2006
11:50 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

Hope you and little man are doin well.

October 14, 2006
10:27 pm
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Mama and Free:

IM not doin to good, have been down for a few days, today just adds to it, Little Man is at his dads hose, as you know, I woked today, it was a very busy very long very tiring day,

Lucifer, called me several times, even after i discussed this with him over and over, he asks me stupid questions like, how to pre-heat the oven, or heat littlemans lunch, i have teo admit its really starting to piss me off now, Im so frustrated im about to vomit,
He knows what time I get done work, so he calls,and calls, and if i dont answer he calls my job, "what your still there?"" well wehre the hell else would I be??if im not at home, im at work, i cant get it through his fat thick head!! what the [email protected]#*???

Im so damned tired..

I get home, and all i want to do is go go to bed, my step mom, bought me a air bed, it was looking real good to not sleep on the floor tongight, so i was getting al ready to sete it up, when my son calls, mommy, will you come watch the race with me?? i say baby mommie is really tired, please mommy,

I know that LUCIFER put him up to this, what do i say? what do i do?

I go...

damn it whats wrong with me?? what the hell cant i say no??
then when i get there, lucifer is like wana get some??? ASSHOLE!!!

Im such an asshole, i am i am.. damn..I really hate myself, why can I not just get out of this?

please help me out,

I stayed about an hour, ive got my period, i wanted to die, so i left, little man was asleep, am i a bad mom for leaving him like that???

OIm gona take him to church tomorrow, but i dont want that 50 questions of can u stay, wana go for a ride, etc...

he just doesnt get it...
I want him to leave me alone, what more can i do???

Kasie

October 15, 2006
1:22 am
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Hey kassie.

It'll ease up with time. You are not an asshole, so stop that.

the only way you're gonna get some peace is to not answer the phone. that's gonna kill ya when littleman is with his dad, but ya do get used to it. I can't tell ya what to do Kassie kuz kids- they are seen as a weak spot in us, to abusive men. and, well, they are. abusive men exploit that.

You're doing your best, let it go. No harm done tonight. You watched the race with littleman, he went to bed. He'll be fine.

Many of the steps on this journey are about letting go of what we can't control. Many of the steps are recognizing what these things are. They're different for each of us kuz our situations are in one sense very similar, but the details differ.

Kassie, you're doing fine. All the answers to your questions are right in front of you. Have faith in yourself.

there's gonna be times when you look back and say "boy was I an idiot!". And ya know, that's really not a fair statement to yourself, kuz hindsight is 20-20.

this is a learing experience.

It was a few days before I started getting responses to e-mails, about a week I think before I heard from the police department. Ya never know.

hugs Kassie

free

October 15, 2006
1:42 am
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mamacinnamon
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OK Kasie:

Lesson 101 on dealin w/ the weenie....

#1 You DON"T talk to him about anything except little man.

#2 You DON"T accept calls at work nay more. I lost a good job to this nonsense. Don't you do the same. Tell him he can leave a message on your cell and you'll check them on your break and return them IF you feel it necessary. Or have him call ***** (a friend that will deal w/ his crap, maybe your pastor, i'm sure he'd be glad to accept calls for you during working hours). Make sure EVERYONE at work knows to not give you the phone, just say "you are to call ***** AT ***-*****" and then hang up. IF he persists to call at work then it is the bosses' problem. IF he calls and says it's an emergency then whomever answers the phone says "you are to call ***** AT ***-*****. I seriously doubt he's gonna be calling your pastor 10 times every hour.

#3. When little mister calls and says "mommy, will you watch the races w/ me and daddy" just say "I'm sorry honey, this is your time w/ daddy and mommy is not going to come over". Short; sweet; factual. If he beggs just say "I'm sorry honey, this is your time w/ daddy and mommy is not going to come over". Don't give him any excuses. He needs to learn that his time w/ daddy is daddy's time and his time w/ mommy is mommy's time and neither will be mixed.

#4. It is NONE of weenie's business where you are or are not. My evil x got really bulligerant w/ this one. He'd call my mom and say he had to talk to me where was I. She said. "I can take a message and have her call you" done yes? not hardly. He refused to bring them home unless I was there or at all and then I'd have to get the sheriff to go get my kids. Of course he'd answer the door and lie his a** off. "Oh but officer I took them hom e and she wasn't there." Thank God I knew someone on the force that told them I was not stupid. On several occasions I overheard one officer ask my friend "think the woman is a bit touched"? My friend said "hell no she just wants her kids, I know her". Made me feel so much better. Also.. BIGGIE HERE.. I had full custody so the sheriff had to meet me to get my kids. If you have joint custody then they tend to look the other way coz someone is just bein a shit.

Kasie... please don't take this wrong ok. IF you want him to leave you alone you MUST stop going over or taking him to church or talking on the phone etc. When he has little man you don't answer that phone. Get an answering machine if you don't have one. Then he has NO excuse for not informing you of things.

Check out the NO CONTACT threads in support. They will be of great help. NOW yo need to put the NO CONTACT screws to him. Don't expect it to go easy. See he is losing control of you and he does not like it one bit. My evil x would call my mom, refuse to bring the kids back, break into my house and be there coz "well the kids wanted to come home early and I was not there for them".

Kasie for each inch he loses control he will try to regain a foot. You MUST be strong. Be strong for little man.

October 15, 2006
1:51 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

Sorry I've been a bit distant for a few days. Having lots to deal w/ here, but I do check in and read. A few days ago you posted and I want to respond to that also.

What do you do while little man is w/ weenie. You sit and cry your eyes out; you don't know what to do w/ yourself; you can't sleep; you can't eat..... All very normal responses of a good mom.

My dad always told me when I was feelin sorry for myself then go do something for someone else. I called a good friend from school and told her I'd like to babysit her kids for her and hubby every saturday afternoon so they could go out and make their marriage work. They were very appreciative. And I had 2 beautiful girls to keep me busy.

Later I took a job every other weekend w/ a little lady in town that needed someone to step in and fix her dinner and clean her house and stay w/ her. I so dreaded that at first coz I cried a lot. Kasie it was the best thing I could have ever done. She taught me things about standing up on my own, she taught me cool things about cooking, she kept me better company than I kept her and she didn't mind if I cried. She'd tell me when I left to not take any crap and to call her and she'd come kick some butt if I needed her to. Always made me laugh since she was only 4'8"ish and was under 100 lbs.

If you are having a hard time while little man is gone go find something you cn do for someone else. Volunteer somewhere. Or if you need the money get a couple houses to clean on the weekends. Don't know about your area, but here they pay $12 per hour for house cleaning and $10 per hour for actual nanny work. Check out your options Kasiegirl.

I kno you feel like crumbling but don't. Stand up and grow some b****, ya know some of those thingies. Have you ever wondered how uncomfy that must be to have those things.... well, nevermind. I better not go there.

You hang in there Kasiegirl. You are doin great.

October 15, 2006
2:07 am
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Great post mamma

the hardest thing for me to learn was to be firm with my kids when they were with their dad. I had this need to rescue them from what I was certain was sheer torment and torture. It wasn't disneyland over there, that's for sure. I found that the more I tried to rescue or comfort them, the worse a-hole got.

free

October 15, 2006
2:13 am
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Free:

Thanks

I had a really hard time not just sending them coz he was a drinkin fool, but also coz he married his bimbo just as soon as her divorce was finished also. lol. She told me if I ever needed her she'd be there. lol. (in the end of course). I had a real hard time w/ the fact that she took the time to do things w/ my kids. She taught my daughter sewing and cooking. She got her ears pierced after we agreed not till she was 12. And the whole while she's spending this extra time w/ my child coz she didn't have a mom that was worth a crap. She found out different.

Looking back tho. Once I could get past that little bit of green in my eye... I was truly blessed to have her out there watching over my kids.

Goin to get some sleep. Have a good night at work.

KASIE: Hope you sleep well and enjoy that bed. Hey, it's ok to get down and depressed.. It's what you do while you are there that is important.

October 15, 2006
2:02 pm
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mamacinnamon
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KASIE WHERE ARE YOU

October 15, 2006
7:14 pm
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It's Sunday mama. She's dealing with drama. She took her son to church, so there's interaction.

My guess anyways.

Post soon, Kassie.

always checking in on ya.

free

October 15, 2006
8:38 pm
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armyleo
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Kassie,

Are you okay? I posted to your message.

I'm okay now I'm going to be fine. I'm not thinking of anything, I'm shutting down how I feel, my emotions everything. I'm hoping it all goes away.

I had a free moment, so I thought I would write you.

Your cyber sister
ArmyAngel

October 15, 2006
9:17 pm
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kasie919
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Mama, Free, and My Angel..

Thanks for your concern, I am ok, have been trying hard to keep myself busy,

Yes I took little man to church today, get this, Lucifer was sitting outside my hose waiting for me to call and say i was on my way, He was seeing if i had someone here, im sure of it, but he comes into my house went room to room snooping about,
Here is what ive realised to day, he's obivously obsessed with this situation, and now im starting to get scaired, tomorrow Im gona try and call the police officer that was here and see what i can do,

I went to church feeling mentally raped, if that makes any sence, My son and I had a really nice time, but i did see Free you were right I need to leave him at his dads, and not have any interactions with him.
I got an email from the christian school from my church and they are enrolling still, so if i can get him in I will not worry about church until i figure out a beter visistation plan.. I cant go through this any more..

I just got home from picking my son up, Lucifer claims he had no monmey for gas..so of course if i wanted him home i had to go get him..Im such an ass, i cant believe the things i do, stupid!!
PLUS>>>NOW GET THIS>>

again, he had no food, milk or anything to feed my son, so me like an asshole, bought stuff for him, I cant afford my own but did this,, why??? littel man.... thats all i can think of, he has a right to see his dad, but his father is responsible for him when he is there, why am i so stupid???

I came home from church today just extremely exhausted, to the point i layed down and fell, asleep, i slept 5 hours, couldnt beleive it.. I guess eveything caught up with me,,

I woke up to my phone ringing and it was him... telling me the above about no gas...

It felt good to sleep, i feel better right now, but,im worried about tomrrow, and what im gona, do..
Lucifer has again called, and asked for me to take saturday off to go to the flea market,,,what the F&**?? why doesnt he get it??

I know I will say i cant get off, im not going with him, I just had that long talk with him last week about him, doing this, i asked him to leave me alone, he wont, help me!!

What can I do?? I want him to just see his son and leave me alone..

I dont know how much more i cant take, im trying, but im about to just give up..

this hurts, im out of that hell, and im still being put through it, its never gona stop is it??

I cant go on, i cant do this,

October 16, 2006
12:02 am
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KASIE

You here?

October 16, 2006
12:08 am
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mamacinnamon
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KASIE:

His goal is to drive you over the edge. To still control you even tho you are not w/ him and if you won't be controlled then he'll punish you w/ his crap.

Look at my post above. This is how you deal w/ it. Cold as it is to little man; this is the only way I know.

# words... NO NO NO

Don't even say no, just leave the answering machine on. If he tells you he cannot feed little man then tell him he cannot have him.

I don't want to sound mean but I want to ask... You said the final straw was when he almost beat little man to death over a sandwich bein dropped. Yes? Then why is he seeing little man unsuperviced at all? Yes, he should get to know his dad, but his dad has to earn the right to be a father. He F'd up and now he has to earn it back.

Please read above. My hubby wants me to watch a movie w/ him and he's be b'n over me on the pc anyway. That's why I've been a bit scarce lately.

Read Kasie. Also there is a thread on support. Ladeska please help or something like that. Read it. It is long, but read it anyway.

I'll check back in a couple hours to see if you posted. I'm sorry this is hard, but honey you have a child w/ this weenie. Yes, you have to deal w/ him too. It's our sentence for ... i don't know what for. I cannot say that little man is a sentence. Just weenie is bein weenie.

Hang in there honey. Chin up and don't take no crap.

Later,

October 16, 2006
1:05 am
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mama, are you up?

October 16, 2006
4:14 pm
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Kasie,

I hope your feeling better today? I thought about you last night alot... I don't know how to help you...

I feel I should be saying something "earthshattering" or "waving a magic wand" for you to make your pain go away. But I can't..

I can only guess by your words how hard all this is...However, Mama & free seem to have wonderful advise...Reading it is hard but please stick to it. You are doing good.

Thanks for looking up that information for me....I've copied it and will read it. I just feel so scared and paralized to read all this stuff.

Today is a new day...give little man a hug for me.

Your cyber sister ArmyAngel

p.s. I only have a brother, alway dreamed of a sister...I guess the Lord puts special people in our life when we need them most

October 16, 2006
7:34 pm
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Mama:

Im sorry you have been spending to much time here, i feel as if its my fault..
I have been trying to figure things out on my own ,its hard, cant make good progress, seems like ive been turned away at every attempt ive made,its hard not to give up,,,

I dont know how much longer it will be before i blow a gasket, i feel it boiling in me, again today he calls over something stupid, to tell me Little man had left some toys out and someone put them in the mail box, what is it ??? they are toys that he left to play with while he is there..he could hear in my voice i was really annoyed, and i was, [email protected]!!!!

Im thinking i may have to just cut out all contact, i dot know what else to do, he just wont leave me alone, at all..

I have nothing to say, to him, other than go away!!!

Free:
so far all the responses were directing me to the viloence hotlines been there done that..still searching for legal help, immtrying very hard, i see now i will definately need a lawyer..

ArmyAngel:

I posted on your thread but if your here, im glad we have some kind of faith..
I read alot about the military and some of those things they offer now werent availabel when i went through it,,most of my life then was alone..

We all have our moments, and we all have good days and bad, im not doin real good so its best i just not say anything, you know how it is, i dont want to hurt any one, i just want peace,,
I know that you will be ok, and i know your coming to that point you just dont see it yet, you will be fine, i promise...

Take care of those girls, they love you with all their heart, dont ever doubt ok?

Love Hugs and butterfly kisses ,,

kasie

October 17, 2006
2:59 am
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Kasie:

NO CONTACT.. Find the thread on support side and check it out. You will benefit from it greatly.

As for me bein here to much... that's my problem; no, that's hubby's problem. Doesn't matter what I do it is to much as far as he's concerned. I quit watchin tv aug 05 coz I was tired of listening to him. He's made me feel bad about sewing. I've not done much lately. As for my coming here... I get my chores finished. My docs think this is a great place for me; they've seen improvement in my mood and outlook. So, Kasiegirl.... you don't feel guilty. You focus on getting you better.

😉

October 17, 2006
6:43 am
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OMG!!!!

Its about 630 here, i tried to go back to sleep after posting this morning, but at 33o this morning my phone was rining, thought for sure i turned it off, hes calling wanting t talk...get this..

he had a dream a re-occuring dream, more like night mare, he says in that dream i have met someone else that has torn us apart and thats the reason why we split up,
OMG!!
I wish now that was the reason, I have no ohter why would i want anohter after what i have been through, HELP!!!Im telling you the pot is about to over boil, as i sit here and write this im scaired he is gonna show up, then i will call the cops, but what am i gonna do??

WTF??? I dont care aboput his dreams, his night mares, whatever!!its just another way for him to get into my head, when he called again this morning i aske him if i could call him later, hes like when? what time? where? shit shit shit!!!!!

How the hell do i get out from all of this, i dont want to hurt my son and him not see his dad, but now im begginign to think its not safe, what the hell do i do??

Im so friggen stupid, should have left long time ago,

HELP!!!

October 17, 2006
11:52 am
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mamacinnamon
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KASIE:

NO CONTACT!!

NO CONTACT!!

Turn the phone OFF. Little man was w/ you last night, right? Turn the phone off; don't answer if you see it's him calling. Did you check out no contact thread yet???

October 18, 2006
1:13 am
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hi Kassie

he's stalking. There is no word that describes the toll this takes. All you can do to ease the exhaustion is to become aware of what stalking is, and what it does to the psyche. Google stalking Read.

You're not gonna be able to keep little man from seeing his dad. Kassie, my ex monster was tried in front of a jury and wound up pleading guilty to misdemeanor stalking versus felony stalking, and that doesn't even weigh in at a visitation hearing.

Little man is gonna visit and know his father regardless of what the father does and/or does not do to you. You are tied to this man for awhile. But not completely. thank God.
so.....

mamma is stronger and wiser than I. I can only echo her advice. Contact has to be minimized and it has to be done by YOU.

DO turn the phone off.

you're the only one who can minimize this Kassie. Read up about stalking- They have a weird mind. When you talk to him, it rewards him, encourages him, no matter what it is that you say- it reinforces their behavior. If you say anything to little man that gets back to him, that encourages his behavior. Don't have a voice message on your voicemail- just the default so it's not your voice he hears. He'll call over and over to hear your voice.

I found that in my case, get this, calling the cops reinforced my ex monster's behavior kuz I was emotional. Took some time, but I got unemotional when I called. Made the report, kuz "that's what I was instructed to do." This changed things.

You're not gonna control a stalker. But you can control your reaction to him as far as what you do. Emotions happen- this gets easier.

Turn the phone off when you don't want his calls. kassie, it IS that simple. Especially at night. When he has little man, let go. He can handle little man, and he will. Yep, little man might break an arm or something when with him. You can't stop that. Let him handle it.

Don't micromanage. Work on letting go.

Pat yourself on the back for how far you've come. Again. Again. And again. Kuz you deserve that.

A lawyer is gonna be necessary to draw up a visitation plan. At that point, you can learn to deal with him in a business like manner.

The way to beat your ex if you are angry?

Build a life without him. Take classes. Work out. Go out. This has it's drawbacks with a stalker. My ex showed up late to pick up the kids when I had class, so I had put the neighbor on standby and that ended that. I'd be at the gym and he'd show up to drop the kids off right there. So I enrolled them in the kidsgym and they loved it. Ended that. He came by the bar where I was playing darts and dropped them off in the parking lot- almost got the shit beat out of him by other dart players- he left quickly and didn't do that again. He showed up in my living room after I went on a date and that was really scary- I wrote about that one in my journal- what else am I gonna do?

STalking is horrendous.

But for me, freedom from the daily abuse was and still is, worth that price.

Not with it 24-7 anymore.

It gets better in some ways, worse in others. His behavior gets worse. Your sense of independence gets better.

hugs

free

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