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Free or someone that can help w/ dv please, - mamaC
October 9, 2006
9:03 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Hi Kasie,

Well the husband news sucks, but hopefully he'll just screw himself with his bad behavior.

Good that you have ID'd the bad boy at work.

Your powers of perception are growing young Jedi...

October 9, 2006
9:11 pm
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kasie919
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Ah yes my wonderful WD defender, i am learning...

how are you this evening??

October 9, 2006
11:15 pm
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Hi Kassie-

Keep up the fight girl. Did you get any responses to e-mails?

He's gonna try to get your son. It's what they do.

What do you mean you make too much money? keep a tight budget. Rent first, food second. Coupons, shop specials. meals like Spaghetti, hot dogs and mac-cheese, top Ramen with eggs (it's really good!). Inexpensive meals. Eggs are cheap. so is pasta.

Electricity and gas can't be shut off. You can always call the companies and tell them you have a minor child in the house. Make payment arrangements. Crdit cards and debt are the last bills to be paid. Worse comes to worse, you file bankruptcy.

If you make too much money for aid, then you can make it somehow.

Hang in there Kassie. Tis gonna be a long haul.

free

October 9, 2006
11:36 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasiegirl....

LOL I love the name you were thinkin but that's the name my dad gave my evil x and he's been called that for 16 years now. can you imagine... 16 years later.

Glad the daycare was alerted. Now. if you still have the statutes site check the area of stalking and see if you can help weenie fall. Is is still weenie or do we call him lucifer now?

You go girl. You are doin great.

October 9, 2006
11:38 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Armyleo...

There are lots of us like you and Kasie here. I think it's great you and Kasie lean on each other. Do keep writing and w/ your two heads together along w/ others you just might get business taken care of.

You hang in there Armyleo. You will become strong as you grow.

October 10, 2006
12:51 am
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hi kassie!

checkin in on ya.

I was trying to find armyleo on the support side- you'd mentioned you were over there with her last night. I can't find the thread. There are so many.

Armyleo- what's going on?

free

October 10, 2006
1:12 am
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mamacinnamon
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My story - but graphic - I feel **** ( I forgot the rest).

October 10, 2006
1:48 am
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armyleo
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Free I was on the following 2 threads

"What's the first step for getting out of abuse & Co-dep" and "My Story - Graphic".

Basically I'm a freaking mess whose life is out of control. I went through the worst kind of abuse ~ 2 weeks ago, and the last couple of days I just wanted to end it all.

Just found this board, ~ 3-4 days ago.

mama -....Why do people keep telling me I'm strong? Kassie is strong, I'm still terrified, fearful and afraid.

October 10, 2006
3:52 am
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mamacinnamon
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Armyleo:

We don't see things in ourselves sometimes; specially when our self-esteem is so low.

Folks can be terrified, fearful and afraid and be very strong. In fact, my thought is those states of mind cause us to be brave qnd strong. i'm sure you have heard of the "flight or fright' thingie. The mechanism deep within that tells us to fight or to run when danger is iminent. (lost my dictionary).

So Armyleolady... when we are afraid, terrified, hurt, etc., we then look frantically for a way to stop the pain, to get out. That's where we find our strength.

Not like your case, but have you read Jigsaw's Story? It is about a 12 year old little lady we have here that has survived grampa's molestation and rape, mom's drug abuse, abusive gramma is guardian, and now leukemia. Read her story and you will see how strong the adverse things in our lives can make us strong.

YOU are strong. I'll bump the story to the top in support side.

October 10, 2006
3:27 pm
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kasie919
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Army< Im not strong, not in no means, heres what has happened today, Lucifer was suppose to agree to a visitation order, and custody, so I am thinking im going to a lawyer,when im finding out he just wants to talk, BOY did I get pissed!! we pull into FRIDAYS parking lot, i get out and start walking towars where i had pakred my truck, he starts telling me that i need to hear him out that i have jumped the gun, blah blah blah... So i go in have some lunch what the hell he was paying, and lisetend to his bullshit.. The whole time there I kept hoping it would be over soon, just like those nights i layed in bed knowing he would do something, I had to go into the bathroom and vomit, , my stomach is a mess, i could say no to him , ,what a jerk.. ' So I listen to him tell me how I feel and what I think, and What i really meant, blah blah blah,, I felt myself sinking more and more... Finally i just looked at him and said "are you done yet?" he asked if i heard anything he said, NOPE NOT ONE WORD, well maybe a few, but i tuned him out, could hear him..Just my head saying I AM AN ASS!!! HE did agree to sign a paper saying if he had little man for visitation he would bring him bcak and wouldnt take off with him, So i will look into preparing that, to make sure legally it upholds in court and with the policem but until i have something legit, hes not seeing my son, period... i cried all the way home, feeling ever so stupid, ever so dumb.. Why can i not just tell him to F*#@ off??? Im not as strong as you think, im in fear of loosing my son, although i wont cave, i just tumbled down that freakin hill again.... YOu will be ok, i promise, and so will I, but right now, i dont have the courage to go on, im gonna go take a nwp and check in later... Love Kasie

October 10, 2006
4:18 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

I'm sorry you are having a bad day. They all seem that way don't they. I'm sorry. and yes... you will be ok IF you choose to be ok. Don't let him break you.

Kasie, I know the paralysing fear of the thought of loosing your son ot sooming oike him. I held on for dear life to my kids until my son decided he wanted to live w/ his dad at 16 and then i had no choices. It is a horrible fear, but you can rise above it Kasie. You truly can.

One day when this is behind you; when you have gotten thru the valley you'll be tellin someone the same thing and they'll be thinkin you are full of sh**, and you'll be saying "hang in there, it will get better. You can do it".

Kasie... keep your eyes on the goal. Forget what weenie said. He's full of sh** anyway. Hope your nap was peaceful.

October 10, 2006
5:29 pm
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armyleo
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Kasie -

I need you not to give up, because your almost up the hill.

One of the other reason's I stay is becasuae he says he's going to take the girls away from me.

please stay strong, I caved in today as you see from my new thread. Maybe if he see's i'm drinking and scared he won't be mad.

October 10, 2006
9:23 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Armyleo:

WHAT????

Maybe if he see's i'm drinking and scared he won't be mad.

No honey he won't be mad. He'll just have enough ammo to take your kids away. Honey, you must be as saintly as possible while going thru this. Don't give him any reasons he can use against you.

October 10, 2006
10:32 pm
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Kassi-

Stupid? You? You were very smart today!

Your soon to be ex is gonna have visitation. No judge is gonna deny a child the right to visit and know his father, unless there is substantial physical and/or sexual abuse of the child. don't matter if there is to you.

So, what you did today- smart, smart, smart! Now you've got HIM worried. Scared. Comin to the table.

Keep your smart hat on. You did GOOD!

Still be looking for an attorney.

Any responses to e-mails?

free

October 11, 2006
7:07 am
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kasie919
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Well, Free,

You are so right, I found out he never even call a lawyer to get custody, once she told him how much he would have to pay, he said forget it...

I knew he couldnt part with his precious money..

After i got home, and he thought about what I had to say, he called, I guess a few people talked some sence into him he said he would sign the papers, its not like I want full custody and no visitation, I want my son to come home, where he should be, I nver said I didnt want him to see his dad, hell if that was the case I would have just went back to Pa, and let him figure it all out..

Ine important thing I have learned and ARMY Listen up, he tried to get me to drinnk with him.. He was on his lunch break, imagine, he was going to have a few beers and then go back to work, and wotk on other peoples cars, But I would have been behind the wheel, intoxicated, BUT BUT BUT!!!! I was on my way to pick up my son,

THINK ABOUT THAT !!! I WOULD HAVE BEEN DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE..

October 11, 2006
7:20 am
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kasie919
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Sorry hit the enter key...

I couldnt sleep last night, really coulndt be online, just sat in my rocking chair, thinking...

A friend of mine told me I think to much, I over think and then i feel the pressure, the threat, the sadness, He was right, I found myself doing just that..

So i thought about my son, and did I want him to be like his dad, no i didnt, but i do know that as he grows up, i will do the best that i can to teach him good morals, good, love, not to abuse, not to be angry hatefull and spitefull, I did it with my daughter, and I know i did somewhat a good job with her, Her own eveil father told me so..Imagine that...

Lucifer will be just that LUCIFER>> and until he gets help on his own and tries to be a better human being and get s rid of those evil horns , he will be just that LUCIFER!!!!

Evil, unhappy, angry, .....

Im standing my ground have written a contract,intend on having it notarised, and making him sigh several copies, so he cant say i forged his name, if he doesnt, well, no visitation, see ya..

Oh yeah and FYI..
My landlord come over last night, rememeber i said her mom lives across the street?? she is having a house built three doors down from me,,anyway, her mom saw the police here, and my land lord came over to see if i was alright, she also stated if LUCIFER was giving me trouble, she would GLADLY get a restraing order to keep him off the property...

Guess what????

Her nephew was the officer that was in my house.....

HOLY CRAP!!!!

well, im gonna go to work now, take my son to school, and have a much better day then i did yesterday..

Army, if your here, Im worried about you, but it was good to see you open up on the other side while you had your party, think about how you forgot everything else around you and allowed yourself to smile and have fun....That my cyber sister is what this place is all about...
Your getting there, and you dont even realise it yet...
Dont worry those bells and whisltes will be going soon, like a freaking earthquake....

Lots of love to you all...

Kasie

October 11, 2006
9:35 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

Does God not give us blessings in our times of sorrows. lol. I love it. Now you have a police officer watchin out for you as I had and free had. I smile at the wonder of it all.

Does lucifer (i miss weenie) drive w/ an open container in this car? IF yes or IF he ever shows up to get little man w/ the smell of alcohol on his breath say "Oh, hang on I forgot something for little man" then walk in the house and call the police and tell them your husband is there to pick up his son for visitation and he reaks of alcohol. Can they come check it out. Be certain tho that he does smell of alcohol and if he has an open container in the car... hmmmm. bummer.

My kids used to come home and tell me how daddy went in and out of the ditch coz it was fun. I tried to do something about it and got NO (ZERO) help. The police couldn't sit and wait for him and they couldn't stop him w/o a moving violation. So, check him out before he goes. My evil x never drank hen coming to pick the kids up it was always when coming home.

Keep your head about you. I don't think thinkin things (whoo) out is bad unless you are obsessing. Keep your lists, etc. etc. You know the drill.

October 11, 2006
9:06 pm
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Hi Kassie!

You wrote: Im standing my ground have written a contract,intend on having it notarised, and making him sigh several copies, so he cant say i forged his name, if he doesnt, well, no visitation, see ya..

Will a contract like this hold up in family court? Or do you have to have a court order?

I'm suspicious of anything that is not a court order. Law enforcement can only enforce a court order, not a contract.

that thinking wheel in the head- it exhausts me at times. tylenol p.m. is wonderful.

free

October 11, 2006
10:10 pm
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kasie919
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Free:;

When I went to DSS they actually told me to do this, the I can take it to the courthouse and have it put into a court order..

He's mulling it over now, not sure he wants to sigh it, i owrded it so I have full physical custody.HA..

Im not really thinking about it much, I dont think he will continue, but i have all my duckies in a row..

lucifer is lucifer, with his little weenie and all, he will some how someway, start it over again..

I havent given up the fight, little amn is here with me, as long as i have noithing inwriting through the courts screw him, he just cant see him and like i said hes to cheap to spen his money..

Im just waiting for the next,

Kasie

October 11, 2006
11:12 pm
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Hi Kassie-

I wish I was knowledgeable about things on the other side of the country.

I'm in Calif. here, custody is split into two divisions. Both parents get joint legal custody, meaning they both have equal say in schools, medical and dental care, religious upbringing, etc., and if there are differences, then the parent with whom the child is with at the time makes the decision. Then there is physical custody. One parent gets primary physical custody, and the other parent gets visitation rights. Usually visitation is one night per week and every other weekend, holidays split.

Full custody is rarely granted as it deprives the non-custodial parent of his/her parental rights. i know they do this in New York, and since you said DSS I'm suspecting that's where you are from.

Read up about PAS, parental Alienation Syndrome. It's interesting reading when your mind is racing and you can't sleep. East Coast judges are all over this, and it's a bunch of crap. Your STBX, if he gets a lawyer, may try this crap in court.

I'm a bit surprised he hasn't gotten a lawyer, as abusers love to use them to hurt us. Mine spent every penny he had on one, and now he spends his new wife's money. So be aware of that. Knowledge is power.

You're doin such a good job Kassie. I wish I would have been as strong as you are, as I wouldn't have suffered as long as I did. You've much to be proud of.

free

October 12, 2006
11:01 am
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risingfromtheashes
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Kasie -

I haven't written much on your threads recently - but know that I am here, keeping you close to my heart....I have followed your story from when you first arrived here.

I am glad to see you got out, sad to see that the battle still rages on for you.

I am keeping you in my prayers and hope that this war ends soon - and that you will find the peace and quiet that you so desperately deserve.

sending you big cyber ((((HUGS)))).

do you still keep in touch with sito? I haven't heard from him in a while.

October 12, 2006
11:11 am
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Hey Rising...

Thanks for the hugs..
Im glad you are here..

Ive not been on the site for a very long time,sito and I lost touch but i know he is free and happy..

I have made good and bad steps but im learning..

I hope you stay around for a while..

Love kasie

October 13, 2006
1:19 am
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Hi Kassie!

Did you get any responses to e-mails?

free

October 13, 2006
3:35 am
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Hi Kasie,

My only criticism of you is that you call him Lucifer...Which in a way is giving him too much ower...and maybe giving him too much credit.

That was a joke and a half as well as an suggestion of entry to
"spirited" comparative religion conversations, which I suppose we indulge in too often. No I indulge yoo often. That would be me.

Hey wait a minute, are we talking about custody? I like that subject.

October 13, 2006
3:43 am
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Wait a minit... are we talking South Carolina? Sheesh, I have too many arguments going to keep em all straight.

I've read the custody statues of all 50 states, but cant find the darn disk. Best I recall, in most states there is basically a "rebuttable presumption" that joint legal custody is in the best interest of the child. Kids seem to do better if they have 2 biological parents, unless one of them is a total tool.

Certain things can tip the bal;ance towards a rebuttable presumption against joint custody...mainly DV.

It confirms your basic wisdom and good character to me that you don't want to keep the kids from having a father.

You just don't want the damn fool flitting around with the kids and using them as...tools to hurt you with. That always hurts kids.

I'll come back soon. Be safe.

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