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Free or someone that can help w/ dv please, - mamaC
October 8, 2006
2:57 am
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Ugh.

I keep checking to see if you posted Kassie.

I really care about what happens with ya.

(((Kassie)))

free

October 8, 2006
5:15 am
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Free:

I'm sorry for your pain and all the crap the jerk caused you. I too lived as you did.

Kasie.. I too lived as Free did. My evil x taught me how to pop a door open in under 5 seconds. I'd come home and he'd be in my house hiding or just sitting. He tried to kidnap my son. He pulled up and was coaxing him to the car. Thank God the neighbor saw and ran out yelling Jeff NO; STOP.

The police chief bought the house 3 doors down from me and told me it was the best option he had to still see his wife and watch my house also.

I lost my job coz he kept calling and threatening that I would be found dead. After all, I was the only one in the office most the day.

I don't know what else to say... I could go on for days. But I will say that even tho he still put me thru hell it was better then bein in hell living w/ him.

Kasie... borrow the mondy. Ask your pastor to take u a collection for you. I payed my attorney by going to work for him as the secretary's assistant.

There are ways Kasiegirl. You just have to find them. Leave no stone unturned. Do the email; I think that's a great idea.

One question... your hubby is such a badass. Does the law or would the law like to get ahold of him? This last girl I am working w/ "K" ... I called the prosecuting attorney in the county where he lives and asked if he would consider being "K's" attorney. He jumped on the idea and took only $500 where he usually requires $1,500.

Think Kasie... be creative.

October 8, 2006
8:06 am
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Free an Mama:

Im sorry I wasnt up to really being online last night, Im exhausted from fear..

I havent been able to use my phone cuz the minute I turn mine on he calls, and has left several messages.

Free:
you see I have been there, ive not told all in this post, this is my 3rd abusive marriage, and this time I know im trying to break the cycle because I wanted out so bad,
Ive made changes in my life that I knew were the right things.Im working hard with my therapist, she is sure im really breaking free..

My heart doesnt feel anything any more, I dont hate, I dont love, all I know is I do love for my children, they gave me life when my life was taken from me by other saddnes, I know you couldnt understand what I have been going through, IM sorry ive made you feel that way..

I am constantly thinking everything I do is wrong,

I have no contact since friday when the police were here, the other me, would have let him prove me to be wrong, but I am standing my ground this time until i get help, If i have to quit my job, go into hiding, or take the chance and leave the state, I will never let him bully me again..

Monday the courts are closed, I have taken off on tuesday to see about filing for custody, I also plan on seeing the prosecuter for the state, im not sure i will have any luck but, its worth a try..

Also while I am at church today, Im going to talk with the pastor, One of our pastors is an attorney for the church, maybe by some luck in God he will be able to help me.. I keep praying that wil be..

I know NOTHING Can happen unless i do it..I know I have to be the one to MAKE things happen..I have been trying,VERY hard..

I have had My puppy hung, my clothes burned, my jaw broken so badly i have bars for jaw bones, I have had my nose broke to the extent of surgery, I have been pistol whipped, raped, put through doors, windows,broken collar bones, ribs, legs, I have had my daughter kidnapped, and I have had all the pain in the world knowing I may never see my kids again..

My daughter is now 21, she knows her father well, she lives with him, he has admitted to the abuse i had to endure from him, she hates him for what he had done, I found a way to forgive him only bit becasue she didnt want to move with me here..
She has seen what damage has been done and now knows that I was the best mom possible to her, she now knows the full truth..
He has not beaten his wife(my ex best freind) but once.
After he did and she left he shot himself, but didnt do it right, as he is still here, I dont feel sorry for him, I just know what goes around comes around..

I am far from perfect, I know I have faults as well, but I have tried, so very hard to be a good mom, wife and friend, and it always seems to get shoved up my ass.

NOT this time, I have had enough, I want to be happy, I want to smile, love, care and be free of pain,

I KNOW I HAVE TO TAKE CHARGE...

If you were here with me you would know Im doing it...

I promise you..

Kaise

October 8, 2006
12:41 pm
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Kasie:

I think any of us that read your thread know you are trying the best you can. It doesn't happen overnight. Took me 7 years to get away the last time coz if I'd tried to leave I'd have been dead. I waited 7 years for my opening to run.

Honey, we are not saying you are not doing anything. We are saying don't quit, don't leave any stone unturned. We are trying to come up w/ options for you to try as well.

You KNOW we just want what's best for you and we are trying to empower you to do what you can. It's hard from this end also coz we are at a loss. We cannot do it for you or God knows you'd be sitting her in my front room and he'd be gone, but I have no way of doing it so I urge you to try anything/everything. Only YOU can make this happen honey. All we can do is help thru words.

Here for you.

October 8, 2006
1:56 pm
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Hi Kassie

I totally remember those days when I thought everything I did was wrong, and I so desperately wanted approval from others. All I could see was disappointment. My self esteem was just so low.

It doesn't matter if this is your TWENTY-THIRD abusive marriage. When you say no more, that means no more! You've every right.

Fear for me was paralyzing. I had to make a list of things to do the night before. Literal lists. Like this: Get up at the alarm. Get ready for the day. Beakfast for kids, lunches, off to school and work. come home. Clean kitchen, load of laundry, sweep front porch. Dinner. Dishes. Homework with kids. Bedtime routine. Read to kids.

that literal.

Custody fights are brutal with abusive men. it's really important the house be clean, plenty of food, and little man be clean and prepared for school, with homework done and completed. Read to him every day. Never leave him home alone. make sure he gets to a dentist and physical checkups are done. meet with his teacher to see how he's doing in school, get him on a sports team, or cub scouts, go to PTA meetings at school. For one, the parent who does these things is the primary caregiver, and usually gets custody. For two, expect visits from your child welfare services- he and/or his friends and family will be calling them on you. Establish a routine for little man, one he gets used to and will talk about. Don't trust mutual friends- keep them at a distance. They get really weird when comes time to testify about things and he will use them for information, never good information mind you, just anything that can be turned around. Dating invites fire, be careful- never have a man over at your home with little man there, and don't go to bars. Refrain from speaking badly about little man's dad.

I know you're trying really hard kassie. It's pretty obvious. You can do this. Try not to worry so much about what others think- stay focused on your goal- a free independent life for you and little man.

We gotta find you an attorney.

free

October 8, 2006
3:28 pm
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Free and Mama:

Just got home from church with the little man, something i do every sunday, even if i dont really want to i go, but today i was glad i went, i cried almost the whole sermon, it was about people coming to the church desperate for thye love of the lord,(exactly what i was) but it meant alot to me, I spoke briefly to the pastor, he allowed me to cry, and then asked for me to email him and let him know a good time for us to get togehter, so after i write this post i will be emailing him..

FRee:

I have a schedual that little man and i do everyday, its been like that since before i left, I make him home cooked breakfast, spend quality time with him before school and work, I take him to school, i pick him up, I make him home cooked dinners, making sure he eats healthy, althought to look at him you would think hes planning on playing football..

Any way, I bath him, I make sure he brushes his teeth, I make ure hes in bed every night by 9, hes only 5, and im new to this state, so i wasnt sure about sports, he will play soccer next year, he goes to private school becasue he missed public school cut off, so he has alot of attention and hes really above his potential, we read, we write, he can read on his own, he asks intellectual questions a normal 5 year old doesnt think of, i try my hardest to explain it to him..

he plays, in the house, out the house, we go to the park, like today right after church there is a playground there..

Dss can come here, I have nothing to hide, I assure you, My needles for my insulin are on the top shelf, ive got to get a stool to get them, and the insulin itself is in a lock box in a drawwer in my fridge..I clean my floors everynight before bed, and I make sure everything is cleaned up..

You see this is why i made the point to lucifer about me taking him, at lucifers house its nintendo, and he goes to a friends house, lucifer never checks on him, and allows him to come home whenever he wants, although I cant control what goes on in his house I can control what happens in mine...

as for the boyfrined thing, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!

I wont trust a man for a long long time, im not even thinking that far, oh i have male friends that all i work with, but i never have them at my house, and i already get accused of screwing them, ...

I have no friends here, i am alone, its very painfull to live like this, but if this is how it has to be so be it..

I know ive got to find some one to help me, and I promise you I am looking..

I have had no contact with lucifer, he keeps calling and calling leaving messages, soon he will only cut his own throat...

Im being very strong about this, any other time, I would have caved, felt sorry and called, so i KNOW im moving on.. Im proud of myself..

Sorry this was so long and winded, but i felt you needed to know,

Lots of love and hugs to you both,
Kasie

October 8, 2006
10:52 pm
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you go girl!

Your pastor may be willing to consider a loan. You could pay back 50 bucks a month or something.

Keep good ties with this pastor and this church. Your attorney will likely call him as a witness in your behalf at some point.

Let this pastor know everything that lucifer is doing to you, and has done. Evidence in trials takes many forms- what you say to somebody is evidence if they testify. It's not hearsay.

free

October 9, 2006
12:34 am
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Well, im hoping if anything the legal aspect might be good.

Im hoping if the lawyer cant do family matters he can find someone amongst the church who is willing to help, I know several attorneys go there..

I wrote that email, almost the same as the one like you told me yesterday, I am afraid he will do me in, and of course I made sure the pasore knew this fear..

funny, lucifer, pulls up, in front of my house, and starts beeping my car alarm, (he still has a key), i refused to get up, actually i was frozen in fear, but i kept on going with what i was doing so my son didnt pay any mind to it, but as i looked through a whole i saw a police car, hhhmmm he was told not to come back here, i wrote in my journal immedialty...

i find it hard to sleep, i get up many times in the night, i know im still scaired..

I will be so very glad when this is all over...

thanks for being here,

Kasie

October 9, 2006
12:54 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie still up???

October 9, 2006
1:06 am
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kasie919
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yeah

October 9, 2006
1:07 am
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kasie919
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ive been on the other side with army, she is in a life like mine, cant belive there is someone out ther like me...

cant sleep, lucifer is on drivebye

October 9, 2006
2:05 am
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Kassie, call the cops and tell them that he was told not to come by here, is now driving by all the time, stopped to beep your car alarm, and that you're scared he is going to hurt you.

(((Kassie)))

October 9, 2006
2:11 am
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did it!!

way ahead of you there!!!

October 9, 2006
2:16 am
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yay!

The car key- if his name is on the registration he can take your car, and it won't be considered stealing it. Take the registration out of the car and keep it in your wallet until you can change the locks on your car. It cost me a couple hundred to do that.

Have the cops come yet?

free

October 9, 2006
2:24 am
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Kasie,

Just read up on this - and I'm really short on time - but, listen to all that Free advises - she has lived through hell.

We too have been there with our daughter. I can get into that more later - but, she like you, Mamma and Free is a true survivor. I hate to admit that I feel this way - but, there is a sliver of pure mean-ness in my heart that would love nothing more that to write a letter to her ex - now sitting in prison to tell him of all the wonderous joys her life holds for her now. You see, although he almost killed her? Not only did he not succeed? He could not hold her down or back.

I agree with Free, call the police, keep calling the police and when he comes by again? Call the police.

Z.

October 9, 2006
2:33 am
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Hi Z!

thanks for the kudos- I've been hostile here lately, not meaning to, not communicating well, I don't know what the deal is.

I hope I'm not coming off in a bad way to you Kassie.

I'm really concerned about ya.

it took me a couple days to send out e-mails. Some are gonna come back with "bad link" messages and "could not deliver". Don't let that get you down- it did me. Just keep sending them.

I gotta go to bed- work tomorrow. You're in my thoughts. Gonna check in first thing tomorrow.

Have you thought about getting a dog? You'd have to keep him/her in during the day when you're not there to protect him from lucifer. Sleep comes easier when ya have a burgler alarm like a dog in the house. Have you changed the locks in your house?

Do you have a cell phone?

free

October 9, 2006
2:41 am
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- I know he's left you tons of messages- didn't know if it was on your cell or not.

free

October 9, 2006
4:41 am
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I totally agree on that burglar alarm of a dog. My in the house baby is 90 lbs and he's the best baby i've ever had. trained him myself so he looks to me before he does anything, and listens to me first. Nothin hubby hates worse is to tell the dog to go lay down and the dog look at me and I say go lay down and he does. lol

Also a great pal for little man as long as you teach him and dog proper child/dog etticate. There is a wonderful vdr tape made by a veterinarian, not my dad, that teaches kids how to act around animals and the warning signs to back away or be a tree or a rock. I'll have to get the name from my sister; she has my tape.

Lots of info tho on what breed, etc. So if you do want a good watch dog/kid dog let's talk. Until then i'll save my fingers.

Hope things calmed down for you today Kasiegirl. Tomorrow is a new day.

October 9, 2006
6:35 am
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Good Morning:

OK, yes I called the cops, yes they came out, the SAME cop from friday!!he said this begins the stalking patern, they sat up the road for most of the night..

Yes I have a cell phone, i turn it on only a few minutes during the day as the messages keep coming, his home phone was shut off,all he has is his cell phone, i unplugged my home phone...

As for the keys, yes the car is in both our names, and if he wants to come take it fine by me its about to get repoed any way, hes not supporting me, and i have that freakin alarm system, that costs bookoo bucks to have just one key made, cant imagine what it would cost to replace the locks.I am gonna call and see if the dealer can reprogram the keys i have so his is no good.. he can beep the alarm all he wants he wont be able to get in if i do that...

Ive been up most of the night, cant really sleep, I have a million things on my mind and im scared to go to work, the most pressing thing right now is I dont have the money to oay for the daycare, I had rent due last week and didnt have enough to pay both.. IM gonna try and talk to the owner, and i hope she understands...

Littl man has a puppy, lucifer bought it back in may, lucifer beats the hell out of that dog, its sad, poor dog pees on the floor the minute he sees that man.
I am not allowed to have pets, I wish i could cause i would go an get me a german shepard right away, or rottie, but im not allow..
cant afford an alarm,

nice thing is he has no keys to my house, he cant come here when im not home, the landlords mom, lives right across the street, and she will call the cops if she sees him and not my truck, plus i have a neighbor, and if he sees lucifer he will call the cops,

im hoping i hear from pastor this morning, im gonna make as many phone calls as i can, today is a holiday but are the post offices closed ??

Free, you are not harsh, you say it how it should be said, and i love you for that, im not a baby, although at times, i feel as if im not trying, its my own damned insecurities getting the best of me..
I have taken all you advice and printed some out, and i have taken action,

so please, im not upset or hurt, its nice you are here and care, i have alot to learn from you...

Love Kasie

October 9, 2006
11:13 am
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Hi Kassie-

Just checking in with ya. šŸ™‚

Stalking takes awhile to establish. this is gonna be a tough road, but you can do it.

Need some money. Welfare services, or emergency homeless assistance? WIC for little man? Something. You can't get homeless with little man.

Keep us posted.

free

October 9, 2006
3:56 pm
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Free & mama

Here is my tuesday plan, Ive got to go to the bread basket, need food cant afford it this week, , then Im off to the court house, to pick up custody paper and divorce papers, and find out process and fees..

I have to send lucifer a certified letter, staing to stay away from me and little man for a while..

then im off to DSS to find out what the heck happened to my child support...

I have apllied for, welfare, food stamps, wic(myson is to old), ive asked the redcross, united way, and anybody affiliated with some kind of organization to help...

I make to much money...sigh.......this sucks......

Ive got my apartment, im not homeless yet, if that happens i will go upstate, about 4 hours from him, he cant stop me from doing that right???

Im at work right now was just checking in..

Thanks for caring....

Love Kasie

October 9, 2006
4:14 pm
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Kasie:

You cannot remove the child from that state. You can move from one tip to the other tho to the best of my knowledge. Check your statutes to be certain.

keep up the good work. You're doin great. šŸ™‚

October 9, 2006
6:34 pm
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Kassie,

I didn't realize that as we spoke you were going through ALL, this!!!

You are so strong, and to have encouraging words for me, well it makes me cry, that your thinking of others.

I'm sorry I guess I was just thinking of myself, in the posts.

I can't help you anyway but just having positive thoughts/prayers for you today.

October 9, 2006
8:18 pm
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Army

dont feel that way, we have alot in common, we live in each others shoes, your helping me by talking things out together, bye allowing me to bring up the horrible pains, although i couldnt tell you the horrible, distgusting things ivie endured sexually, i KNow you are where i have been..

Dont you cry, dont feel that you have anything to be sorry for, your here like i am to get advice and talk and let out our fears, its ok, ive cried more tears than the atlantic ocean, and still, i feel that pain, it will never go away..

I made a promise to mama: she has helped me, as well as free, and others who were here, i promised her i would return what she has done for me, although im still going through all this, i felt so compelled to help talk with you, and beleive me, if i had the money, id fly right to CA.. hunt you down, beat the hell out of that moran you married to, and take you and your kids so damned far away he wont know how to get to you!!!!

Im here for you, we have alot in common, you keep talking with me, and others, you will grow strong, so strong you wont beleive it, its not easy and it takes a long long time, I thought i t would never happen, but what i realised, the whole time, I HAD to be the one ending it, I had to walk out that door, and look fear right in the eyes and move my self away from him...

Please keep writing, please keep thinking about you and your girls..

Lots of love and hugs to you..

Kasie

October 9, 2006
8:28 pm
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100sp_Permalink sp_Print

LUCIFER REARS HIS UGLY HEAD AT DAYCARE!!!!!

Yep, you read that right,, how stupid is he???? he parked two businesses down, and saw me pull in, i saw him walking towards me, i froze for about 30 seconds and didnt even realize the daycare had already called the police, they came flying in!!
Ok police report number 2 on stalking, tomrrow i go to the magistrate to see how long i have to go, it is so damned hard to prove this stalking crap...

all i kept thinking was ASSHOLE!!!

He claims all he wanted to do was tell me that he had mail at his house for me, ok so what, drop it in the mailbox as your driving bye my house seeing whos there!!!
Jerk!!!

I have to tell you, I have learned a great deal about myself and who I am these last few months, I am learning to know how to spot the assholes, and I can see that the badboys are my attraction...

I have a guy i work with, he's definaltey a bad boy, VERY bad at that, i took a good look at him, just watching his moves, listtening to his conversation and how he talks to people, he is full of himself, thinks hes gods gift to the world, that was the kind of guy, i wanted to date, marry be with, now I see him as a jerk, selfish, cruel, user, alcoholic, abuser, womanizer, I saw it, with my own eyes, he is EXACTLY the picture of all thre men I had been with, but i was able to see through all that sweetness he tries to shovel, YUK...

WHAT WAS I THINKING?????

geeze, i cant beleive i fell for idiots like that...

Im learning...

Well, ive got tomorrow to tend with, have to get my papers in order, Im gonna be on for a bit...

Love to you all,,

Kasie

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