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Free or someone that can help w/ dv please, - mamaC
October 7, 2006
2:15 am
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kasie919
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Gosh someday I will learn how to proof read!!

Sorry about all the spelling errors.

Dah...

October 7, 2006
2:28 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

Tell me about this new law....
The shelter cannot relocate you because of flight risk? Does weenie have orders by a judge saying he has custody?

I know a shelter cannot take your child in if there have been court papers and they state he is teh residential custodian. I am unaware anything has been filed w/ the court. Has there???

October 7, 2006
2:36 am
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kasie919
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No we have no custody order, The advocate was new to the law as well, it was just passed,

I know im stupid, should have ran long ago, i feel the sence of loss, but im standing strong until the end.

Im gonna call the shelter, once again and see if they have this new information,

its just hard to keep going, and going...

I love little man, never thought ahole would do this.. but then again, im talking about a very abusive, very vindictive, jerk

October 7, 2006
3:04 am
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mamacinnamon
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Shoot I just posted a boatload and lost it. Let's start again.

I spoke w/ a lady in your state. She said you cannot take little man outside the state just as you said. She also said she knows of NO shelter that will take you and make you disappear. She also said to call the Shephards and Safe Harbor houses, they are some of the better ones.

The safe house cannot take little man in if weenie has papers from the court stating he is the residential custodian. You need to know that if he does file you could lose little man till the case is heard before a judge. You need to file for custodian papers or a separation agreement if not divorce papers. Make sure it states in there that you are the custodial parent until the case can be heard before the judge. IF weenie were to take little man at this point and there are no papers filed, I am sorry but he could keep him till heard by a judge.

If you go to a safe house now then weenie should not be able to find where you are. They will help keep you and little man out of sight w/n the state. The will help you find an attorney and get you a job when it is safe. Honey they are there to help you.

Kasie keep making calls, leave no stone unturned. LOG EVERYTHING. Have the boss get phone records showing incoming calls so you have evidence. You get copies of your statements showing incoming calls and texts so you have evidence.

I am going to post the list of shelters in your state in case you do not have a phone book handy.

South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault P.O. Box 7776 Columbia SC 29202 803-254-3699

Coalition to Assist Abused Persons, Inc. P.O. Box 1293 Aiken SC 29802 Business #: 803-649-0480 Hotline/Crisis: 803-648-9900

Barnwell County CAAP P.O. Box 262 Barnwell SC 29812 Business #: 803-259-5396 Hotline/Crisis: 803-259-3333 Toll Free: (800)273-9770

Citizens Opposed To Domestic Abuse P.O. Box 1775 Beaufort SC 29901 Business #: 803-525-9165 Hotline/Crisis: 803-525-1009 Toll Free: (800)868-2332

Sistercare, Inc. P.O. Box 1029 Columbia SC 29202 Business #: 803-799-5477 Hotline/Crisis: 803-765-9428 Toll Free: (800)637-7606

Pee Dee Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Assault P.O. Box 1351 Florence SC 29503 Business #: 803-669-4694 Toll Free: (800)273-1820

The Womens Shelter of Greenville 301 University Ridge Suite 5500 Greenville SC 29601 Business #: 803-232-2434 Hotline/Crisis: 803-271-8888

Greenwood Shelter for Abused Women P.O. Box 3410 Greenwood SC 29648 Hotline/Crisis: 803-223-7867
Safe Homes P.O. Box 1091 Laurens SC 29360 Hotline/Crisis: 803-682-7270

CASA (Citizens Against Spouse Abuse) P.O. Box 912 Myrtle Beach SC 29578 Business #: 803-626-7595 Hotline/Crisis: 803-448-6206 Toll Free: 803-248-2244

My Sisters House Inc. P.O. Box 5341 North Charleston SC 29406 Business #: 803-747-4069 Hotline/Crisis: 803-744-3242 Toll Free: (800)273-HOPE

Sisters United P.O. Box 2554 Orangeburg SC 29115
Tri County CASA/Family Systems P.O. Box 1568 Orangeburg SC 29116 Business #: 803-534-2272 Hotline/Crisis: 803-531-6211

Sister - Help P.O. Box 10876 Rock Hill SC 29730 Business #: 803-324-5141 Hotline/Crisis: 803-329-2800

Worthouse, Inc. P.O. Box 812 Seneca SC 29679 Business #: 803-882-4800 Hotline/Crisis: 803-882-4800 Toll Free: 803-654-5800

Spartanburg County SAFE Homes Network 163 Union Street Spartanburg SC 29301 Business #: 803-583-9803 Hotline/Crisis: 803-583-9803 Toll Free: (800)273-5066

YWCA of Upper Lowlands 246 Church Street Sumter SC 29150 Business #: 803-773-7158 Hotline/Crisis: 803-775-2763

Keep us posted if you can and if you cannot we will know you are safe. You are in our prayers.

October 7, 2006
3:18 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie check out this site... I think you can learn lots here.

http://www.womansdivorce.com/s.....e-map.html

October 7, 2006
4:39 am
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bonita1
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((((((kasie))))))

mamac, you are a wonderful person.

~~bonita

October 7, 2006
3:08 pm
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Hi Kassie

She who screams the loudest gets heard, if she's lucky.

Here's an idea: type up and e-mail about your situation. Try not to go too long. Are you afraid he might kill you? Kill you, your kid, and then himself? be honest with yourself, kuz ya know what- the signs are there. If you think this might happen, put that in the e-mail. Save it.

then....

google things like domestic violence, help for domestic violence victims, etc. click on every link, and then the contact for that website, and send your e-mail.

I did this. I think it saved my life. a group in New York, Midhudson Vocal, something like that, even called my police station here on the West coast.

Kassie, I don't know how to break this to you.

The only person who can really help you is yourself. When you stop screaming and fighting and calling, then the war is over. You will lose. There is nobody out there who can rescue you.

Toughen up, Kassie. You need divorce papers and custodial papers. Do you have a credit card? If not, get one online today so you'll have one to use in a few days. It is indeed the case that you may not be able to pay this debt back. You can't worry about that right now. You need a retainer fee for an attorney. You need at least 1500 dollars. Period.

You must make a decision to divorce him. Stop the separation crap. right now, that is ammunition for him. See, you wanting but a separation, not a divorce, tells the court you are playing games. It tells the court there is no domestic violence, that you are not afraid of him, that he is not hurting your child, and that you keeping your child from him is a game that YOU are playing.

Kassie, in the legal arena with domestic violence, the judge is NOT going to sympathize with you. Understand this Kassie. You can and will recieve the legal system's support if and only if you are making a serious attempt to break away. Otherwise, you are but another couple playing childish games with a kid caught in the middle.

I hope this e-mail isn't too harsh.

You gotta get angry Kassie. He is trying to take your child away from you. You gotta get smart. use your head. Do whatever you need to do short of robbing somebody to get 1500 dollars. Sell something. Credit cards. A loan. Re-finance a car. Something.

Get an attorney, file for divorce, file for custody. Like, yesterday.

One doesn't divorce lucifer without the fight of a lifetime. If you don't have it in you for yourself, get it in you for your little man. Kuz if you don't, he will be raised by his father. Make decisions and follow through with them.

Hugs to you Kassie.
free

October 7, 2006
7:07 pm
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kasie919
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Free:

thing is I am not palyimg those games, he is, I dont call him, i keep my phone off most of the time now..

WhereI live, you cannot get a divorce unless you can PROVE physical violence, you proove hes a drunk, he has an affair, or that he has abandonded you, other wise, you must wait a full year, to get a divorce..

Lucifer is smart, VERY VERY smart, and I have been the brunt of his hyjinx, but lately I HAVE been Taking a stand, I HAVE LEFT HIM!!! I HAVE Gone to lawyer after lawyer, I dont have the money, I cant even get a loan from my own dad, pathetic as it is, although he sent some money. ive used that already,
cant refinance my car, get credit cards atc..as my credit went straight to hell, when i was awnting to leave before..

I understand you being harsh, I have woke up alot, an i have gotten tough, the police led me to feel i am doing the right thing, they could see right through lucifer,, im just trying to get some help.

I said before Ive apllied for legal assitance, legal aide pro bono, and even thought i make 9 lousy dollars an hour its to much, to much to evewn get health benefits for myself, Im diabetic, i have been skipping needles to save for emergencys, I make sure i have food for my son, but i go for days without, until i can get to a pantry..

Im hurt because I feel as if your telling me im encouraging him , Im not, I layed the law down when i left, he knows im divorcing him, he knows i will go for custody, but he just wont leave me alone..

What more can i do??

I going to take your advice and write that email, i pray it will help...

Im a good person and a very good mom to my son, I dont want him,learing the traits of his father, I just want him to know his father, but Im guessing that will never be the case..

Im sorry i have failed in your eyes, i am trying. very hard...
If you knew me months ago you would know just how far i have made it..

October 7, 2006
7:13 pm
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kasie919
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sometimes I just wish he would beat me,

to death.......

I love my kids, they are all i have, ,

I live for them

October 7, 2006
7:30 pm
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Matteo
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kasie919 ~ there is no need to apologize to anyone that you failed in their eyes. You are the one who know what and how much is possible and safe for you and your child in your situation, and I am sure that you are doing everything what you can. I think you are doing great job and considering hardship you are experiencing, I don't see what else can you do, except perhaps that e-mail which was suggested. Leaving an abuser is so difficult and seems that you are not getting much help from perple around you and your family. You are doing great, just keep strong. What you are going through will pass and there will be better days ahead. Hugs to you.

October 7, 2006
7:52 pm
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kasie919
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Thank you Matteo,

Im trying very very hard, I am 750 miles away from my real home, my daughter, my grand daughter, and my best friend, and I cannot leave the state,

Im so sad at times, I know I have made much improvement, and I know you have to take 3 steps forward, and two back,

Its a game to him, how he can hurt mr ther most, my son is the only way,

But I promise you he will not win..

October 7, 2006
8:12 pm
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Matteo
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((((kasie919)))) ~ You already are a winner and he is bothering you because he knows that you are slipping from under his control. I wish you all the strength and best of luck, just believe in yourself and know that despite all pain and difficulties you are experiencing, despite that sometimes it feels like you are loosing a battle - keep in mind that you are winning a war.

October 7, 2006
8:27 pm
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Worried_Dad
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kasie,

Please remind me, how long have you been living apart?

October 7, 2006
8:30 pm
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South Carolina Grounds for Divorce

The Complaint for Divorce is the initial document filed with the South Carolina court. It is in this document that the filing spouse will request the court to terminate the marriage under certain specified grounds.

No divorce from the bonds of matrimony shall be granted except upon one or more of the following grounds:

No-Fault Based Grounds:

(1) Living separate and apart for at least 1 year without cohabitation.

Fault Based Grounds:

(1) Adultery; (2) Desertion for at least one year; (3) Physical cruelty; (4) Habitual drunkenness or Drug abuse. (Code of Laws for South Carolina - Chapter 3; Sections 20-3-10)

I hear Saudi Arabia is nice this time of year.

http://www.divorcesupport.com/.....e-726.html

October 7, 2006
8:37 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Kasie,

I'm pretty sure you don't have to "prove" anything per-se. But your claim needs to be supported by "preponderance of evidence."

Hmmm. Since he is accusing you have sleeping with someone there is a good chance that he is. All you need is a leetle teensy bit if evidence...a friend who saw a car or something....

October 7, 2006
8:39 pm
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Domestic Violence

The Protection from Domestic Abuse Act is a law in South Carolina to protect wives and husbands, former spouses, children and other close relatives from physical harm, threat of harm or criminal sexual conduct by providing help through family court to get a protective order. Physical abuse occurs in various forms - being kicked, punched, slapped, shoved, sexually molested or harmed bodily in any way.

The person who has been abused or threatened with abuse can ask for help from family court under the civil laws. If the abused or threatened person is under age 18 another family member can ask the family court for help.

You do not need a lawyer to get a protective order. Go to the clerk of court in the county where the abuser lives, where you last lived together or where you live if you cannot find the abuser. The clerk of court can give you forms to file your own papers and will schedule a hearing on the matter. If you cannot afford to pay the filing fees, the clerk will show you how to file without a fee.

During times when the court is closed, you may go to a magistrate to get a protective order. A protective order issued by the family court can tell the abuser to stop abusing you and to leave the home. Family court orders can also order temporary child custody, child support and visitation rights, and possession of your personal items such as clothes and medicine. Protective orders issued by magistrates are more limited and can only tell the abuser to stop abusing you.

You do not have to file for divorce to get a six month protective order. The parts of the order about support, custody, visitation and personal property last only 60 days if you do not file for divorce or legal separation.

If you have a lawyer and have already filed for divorce or separation, your lawyer can ask the court for an emergency protective order if you need it.

When you go to court for the hearing, try to take with you witnesses, pictures of your injuries, police reports, medical reports, your financial information and any other evidence you have to prove that you were abuse.

A copy of any protective order issued will be mailed to you, the abuser, and the local law enforcement agency where you live. The sheriff's department can help see that this protective order is enforced.

If the abuser violates your protective order, immediately contact the police, the clerk of court or your lawyer. It is a crime to violate this order; the sentence can be up to 30 days in jail or a fine of $200. It also could be contempt of court to violate a protective order; the punishment is up to one year in jail and/or a fine up to $1500 and/or 300 hours community service.

In addition to the relief discussed above under the Protection from Domestic Abuse Act, separate criminal charges for criminal domestic violence may be filed against your abuser. This relief is available not only to family members but also persons who live together or who live together but never been married. To file criminal charges, contact your local magistrate. If convicted, the abuser can be fine up to $200 or imprisoned for up to 30 days. Repeat offenders face greater penalties.

http://www.scbar.org/public/la.....olence.asp

October 7, 2006
8:41 pm
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Kasie,

You wrote:

"Police arrive...they are now looking fo him, he had made a threat on me,,,"

"police listen to cell phone calls, about 5 into the million there they had enough, funny thing is in thi state, if you curse at someone over the phone thats a terrorist threat, HHHMMM... he said the F work about 50 times....

...they knew i was petrified of this man..."

October 7, 2006
8:42 pm
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Kasie,

I think you are real close to having a preponderance of evidence for a DV protection order giving you custody, support, evrything.

October 7, 2006
9:33 pm
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kasie919
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Thanks WD:

I have only been seperated 2 months, already tried the divoce thing, cant until one year,

Tuesday I pan on going to the court house to file my own custody papers, I dont ive a rats ass about divorce, if he wants one let him pay for it, custody will be my own issue,

After a year I can get a divorce with or with out his consent..

In order to get a PFA here PHYSICAL eveidence is the key,

But..

The officer who was here, told me to send him a certified letter, asking him to stay away from me and little man until we can agree to custody,, The officer says, if i have the card with his signature saying he recieved it, and he shows up, see ya bye bye....gone!!

I have been home about 3 hours and I have seen several officers drive bye, they make me feel much better,

Its hard for me because i have no money, he makes way much more than i do, but he refuses to support little man, but thats ok, soon the courts will tend to that..

IM just tired, i hate fighting, and I hate for people to think im not trying, I am , I have come a long way in a year, Im stronger, moe independant, and i know I ahve to do certain things, but its all about the money...

Thank you for all the information, you truly are a wonderful man,

even if you think not...

I love you,

Kasie..

October 7, 2006
9:36 pm
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kasie919
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The Protection from Domestic Abuse Act is a law in South Carolina to protect wives and husbands, former spouses, children and other close relatives from physical harm, threat of harm or criminal sexual conduct by providing help through family court to get a protective order. Physical abuse occurs in various forms - being kicked, punched, slapped, shoved, sexually molested or harmed bodily in any way.

I have no signs, never mind the fact i was shaking like a leaf when the police arrived, even my son couldnt speak..

This state is VERY strict...

October 7, 2006
9:39 pm
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kasie919
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WD

did you read the law about once a year men in SC can slap there wives on the court house steps????

to date, i have 49 saved messages, all for the judge, court who ever wants to hear....

October 7, 2006
9:44 pm
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kasie919
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I hear Saudi Arabia is nice this time of year.

Yeah I wish!!!!!

thanks for the giggle

October 8, 2006
1:53 am
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Hi Kassie

you write:

"Im hurt because I feel as if your telling me im encouraging him , Im not, I layed the law down when i left, he knows im divorcing him, he knows i will go for custody, but he just wont leave me alone.. "

No Kassie, I'm telling you you're encouraging him at all. I'm trying to tell you that the courts will see it this way kuz that's what he's gonna tell them.

Kassie, you're not "failing" in my eyes, and if you were, so what? It doesn't matter what anybody thinks of you other than those you need to lean on.

I gotta read the rest of the posts- I jumped on real fast to see if you had responded yet, and there are alot of posts to go through. i read yours and wanted to respond right away.

You can't fail in my eyes Kassie. No matter what you do or don't do, you can't.

I'm just trying to tell you what it's like so that it's not so shocking and bewildering.

But fail?

You can't.

free

October 8, 2006
2:02 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

Take the act of terrorism thing to the max. It is out there but you take any avenue you can grab onto.

I don't think F'ree was telling you that you failed honey. I think free is trying to give you a wakeup call. Free is trying to make you see how serious this is and how you need to grab onto and push to the max on everything. She is right honey, there is NO time to restl

You are doin great. I DON"T want to ever ever again hearyou say... "sometimes I just wish he would beat me, to death......."
NEVER

You must stay focused here. I know the feeling and have been where you are. Honey the fight is just beginning. Stay strong and don't give up. You can and you will do this. I am so Proud of how far you have come... Now, lets take it home.

October 8, 2006
2:23 am
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Gosh, Kasie, I feel terrible. Please don't think I don't believe you're trying. I wish you could know just how much I DO know what you're talking about. A woman leaves her abuser an average of 11 times before she leaves for good. I'm not different. And I'm not judgemental.

For me, I heard for so long about all this help that was out there. For me, that was not a reality. there were alot of cheerleaders. And I need them, but they couldn't make things happen. It had to be me, and I didn't have alot of fight left. I don't know about your husband, but mine is the energizer bunny. He only recently let up. I filed for divorce in 1997. And only recently has he let up. He was tried and convicted of stalking me in 2003. I thought for sure he was going to kill me and our kids. I sent out an e-mail kuz I wanted people to know that if I died it was not a suicide, most likely my ex-monster. this e-mail is what led to the investigation for stalking. Not trying to scare you here. I just wish, so bad, somebody would have told me how little, actually, of help is out there. I don't know, maybe I didn't know where to look.

I've been trying to remember what I wrote in my e-mail that I sent out. It grabbed attention. The attention it grabbed was shocking. I had to fight to not push those who wanted "in" away.

I told my full name, where I lived, and that I was trying to escape an abusive marriage. I'd never had him arrested, and his recent arrest I was sure infuriated him, and I was terrified. he'd spoken of how easy it is to make a murder look like a suicide and I wanted the world to know that I'd never kill myself. he ran over my rabbit with his bronco, my front lawn doused with gasoline, bullets with my name carved in them left for me in a ring box with a crucifix. I'd find old mail in my mailbox that had been opened. My answering machine had been tapped into. he had threatened numerous times to kill me, sometimes subtly, sometimes overtly. My mating pair of Indian ducks had been gutted in my backyard. Sometimes I'd come home and my house would be open, wide open. he had fired guns before, in the garage, through the wall of the room where the kids and I slept. he showed me how a 2-liter soda bottle could be used as a silencer if he ever needed one. A judge kicked him out of the house and he moved 10 doors down from me across the street. he'd sit on his driveway with binoculars on the weekends, drink beer, and watch my house.

let the world know about you and little man Kassie. It takes his power away.

I don't know the laws in your state. you need an attorney. how can you get one?

how do other people in your situation get an attorney?

Kassie, please know I'm on your side.

free

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