Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Free or someone that can help w/ dv please, - mamaC
September 20, 2006
1:51 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I wish folks would do their job and keep their damn mouths shut. I had the lady I'm working w/ call to get the police report and to call and get her medical records from the hospital concerning her suicide attempt.

The reason is that we need to see how it was listed. She left the hospital instead of them admitting her into psych coz she said she thought she hadn't taken them and she had so she od'd. That bein the case I told her the word suicide needs to not cross her lips again and if ANYONE including the hubby says she tried to kill herself she's to say "ummm, no, I made a mistake in my dosage". It can happen; (I've done it but not landed myself in the hospital.)

So she calls the police and tells him she would like a copy of her police report. He asked her why and I am not sure whether she said or not. He persisted to ask her if there ws abuse in the house and she told him none that she could prove. (stupid move). He then told her that she doesn't want the report and that if she did get it and use it in court the Judge would take her kids and give them to her hubby. I am so pissed right now he'd better be glad my hubby just got home and said whoa chickie.

So, now she's hysterical and cannot leave him coz he'll get her kids and the cop will say it was a suicide attempt and they'll take her kids, and and and.......

I said STOP. They are gonna say it is a suicide attempt and that is why we zare getting the records to be prepared properly. If the papers say mixed up on med's time then that's what it will be but we need the reports and now she told him she doesn't want it coz she's afraid to see what it says. She's not at this point doin anything but falling to pieces.

The hubby so far didn't go to jail. He used the house payment money to pay for his attorney and she got a call today and their home is now in forclosure. Her mom, bless her heart, will come thru for her but only one time. I told her if she is not gonna leave him to stay gone then don't bother, but if he lays a hand on even one child I'll call ss myself. But the kids are still hearing all this crap and goin nuts. Oh and the best part...she slept w/ her daughter's dad. I wanna b-slap her myself. I told her she's screwin herself right outta her kids if she is gonna exibit this behavior. Oh, and she told her daughter. (how do i roll my eyes and fall on my face on the floor. Is there an icon for that one?)

Free, or anyone, advice would be greatly appreciated. I feel I should just throw my hands up and walk away, but I cannot. This is the girl that helps me w/ things and my house cleaning. And I cannot turn my back on those kids. (help?) HELP.....

September 20, 2006
2:40 am
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi mama,

Free, is one of the first people I would howl for, besides you.

MamaC, it is hard from your post to know just what you are talking about. You are kind of discombobulated here...lemme see...

I gather, you are acting as a patient/victim advocate?

Then a para- suicide with...Aid car? Er? Sounds like.

As far as the keeoing mouth shut part, you sound a bit angry about that.

Surely, no one here at AAC failed to "keep their mouth shut" about that one?

I don't have the background but I am guessing that if MmmaC is talking this way then it is an abusive relationship?

It helps me if you just put that at the beginnig so I dont have to dig it out.

Oh, ok, looks like a DV situation, right? Reading...reading.....

Oh, ok, there are about three lines of legitiamte advice here, as far as I can tell.

Damn, looks like batering.

Damn, that's the worse case.

Look, MmaC, you have been around a long time, even bu AAC standards.

So you know and I know and the FBI knows (It was the FBI who originally figured this one out, after all) that "suicide: is not the same thing in "normal" poplations as it is in DV populations, right? In fact, DV, may be the main primary risk factor for suicide attempts in American women.

So I am totaly for screwing with the Man in cases like these.

When you look into 'em, it's usually the man's idea, which is totallty screwed.

It's not fair that batterers make DV cases look like ordinary suicide cases. Since like, about 100% of voctims of battering feel suicidal at some times and since like, about 100% percent of batterers use brainwashing technology to convince their victime that hey really deserve to die. Batterer technology is about 400 years ahead of social work and pshyciatric tehcnology, isnt it.

So yeah, don't go for the suicide angle. The trick is to get the social work, medicne anlge loooking into it. And the forst step in that is to go for the "oops" accident angle, then to have social workers, shrinks , etc, look into it, and then to reveal the "oh yes, the man is a batterer who said the woman needs to die angle." It's actually the truth, but health care and social workers have to be led into that understanding slowly. Because of the Reagan era morlaity which says...bad things about all women who need help.

I think you know all that already.

But man, it's hard to get help for a woaman anymore.

Of course, don't even bother to try to get help for a man in that situation.

I pray for you and your freind,, Mama...

Super-tough situation.

(((mamacinnamon)))

September 20, 2006
2:57 am
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Your friend is a DV victim. Try to get social workers in on that angle first. Doctors mostly dont have the education.

If there is a woman Dr involved sometimes you have a chance, but usually not even then...Only Social Workers and Nurses and DV advocates even have the freaking education... Call them first. A good MSW could get in the right doector's faces.

Its so screwed up..

Sorry, it's such a screwy world...

Where I live, it's mainly all against victims, too.

September 20, 2006
3:23 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi mamma

slow down. her too.

Definitely a DV situation, as this is what DV men do. They all say they're gonna get the kids. It's what keeps the mother in check. That fear is one that must be faced in order to escape. If it's not the suicide attempt, it will be something else. But let's keep it the suicide attempt. Kuz he tipped his hand by letting you know what it is that will enable him to get the kids (not gonna happen). He won't make that mistake again.

He can't get her medical records without her permission. That's not gonna happen kuz she's not gonna give it. It will be requested, and the answer is no. Remember, judges are tryors of fact, not what might be. Ommitting things, like medical records, sways juries, not judges. They are impartial and try only the facts before them. So don't give the judge a medical record that can be used against her (and it will, regardless of what it says), by the oppossing attorney.

DO GET the police report. You're gonna be surprised. It's not gonna say attempted suicide. They can't draw that conclusion. They can only list facts. Most likely, it's only an incident report, and will say some thing like "called to house for domestic disturbance, domestic dispute resolved", or "called to house for attempted suicide, victim was non-responsive, transported to hospital", something like that. To which she responds "I did NOT try to kill myself, period, my meds were messed up, and it was unintentional." A suicide attempt can't be proven with fact mamma, if they could then they'd get prosecuted kuz suicide is against the law.

So slow down. What's important is that she have an answer as to what is happening NOW that she wants the kids to be with her. Like, her meds are now stable, there have been no problems for x amount of months, blah blah blah. And no, you do NOT need medical records to back that up. Her testimony is a fact to a judge unless it can be proven otherwise. Without medical records, it can't be.

Now mamma, about this rescue attempt of yours. Mamma, you know I love ya to death. Know this: a woman leaves her abuser an average of 11 times before she leaves for good. That's only counting the ones who leave for good. You can only give this woman what she is willing to accept and recieve. Do not go get the police report for her. Go with her, sure, but don't do it for her. She has to go herself. These are public record. She needs to ask not only for this report, but for any police report that has her name on it for the last couple of years. Kuz he may have filed others that she does not know about. The police have no business asking why and her answer was not recorded and the cop isn't going to testify as to what she said or didn't say to him. She's being paranoid (understandable, we all are when we think HE has all the power). If a cop asks her why she wants it, tell the cop her attorney asked her to get it. Believe me, conversation will end there as she will have "attorneyed out."

Arm her with her own smarts. It's none of anybody's business if she did or did not commit suicide. So tell her, if his attorney was to ask her "was this a suicide attempt?" she could respond "while being married to your client might in fact warrant one, I did not entertain that option due to my committment to our kids, I chose this option, divorce."

She's got to toughen up mamma. This is a fight for her kids. Time to bring out mamma bear, and roar over the fear. It's gonna be a fight all right. he views her as taking something away from him that he believes is rightfully his. Her and those kids are property. Independence is not an option in his mind. She will have to fight for it. It's the only way to escape a dv situation. Toughen up, fight, outsmart him. He will tend to tip his hand in an attempt to intimidate her. Use that weakness of his to her advantage.

I hope I've been of help. Mamma, remember, it's her fight. You can only march with her. When, and if, she chooses to march.

free

September 20, 2006
12:04 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for your replies.

Ok WD.. I got it. Original post was Sept 9, Desperately Need Advice Now, in Support. I thank you for your advice and yes, I know better than to just blow. I should have had my ducks in their row and in order to event instead of jumpin like I did. Mama sees red sometimes too.

I reread my post and I should be committed. I am jumpin subject to subject there. I'm sorry. So, in the light of day and in very short form here is the deal.

Remember, small town less than 1,000. Cops here are just out of school and for the most part jerks. But w/ the folks they have to deal w/ I'd be a jerk too.

I was "goin off" (sorry) coz the cop told her she didn't want the report, the cop told her what the judge would do and that would be say she tried to commit suicide, the cop told her she didn't have a chance of keepin her kids w/ a suicide on her record. The cop told her the hubby would get the kids. He should have given her the report and kept his mouth shut. But instead he calls it up on the computer and perists to tell her all the above. So he's got her convinced she cannot get out .

Ok, let's put things in order. Paragraph 1 stays, change 2 and 3 around, then go to 4 and 5. lol. Did that make more sense WD? lol

Paragraphs 1, 3, are regarding the cop, paragraph 2 re: her, paragraphs 4, 5 info on situation. Now my ducks are in a row.

correction: I said her daughter's dad, strike that.... it was her daughter's boyfriend's dadshe slept w/.

Hope that makes more sense. Yes, I know she has to do it. I don't think she is ready. All I get when I tell her she has to toughen up and deal w/ this is "I can't". I remember that feeling also. I just wish she'd get that fire lit under her heinie to get up and fight back. And, yes, it must be in her own time.

What I was lookin for ... I don't know. lol. I guess just venting (ranting) about the cop and what he did. There are some things that totally suck about small towns.

Re the rescue attempt. Free you are right.... I've done this 16 years, I know better. I think I'm just to close to this situation. I need to back out, but don't really know how to w/o leaving her crumbling further. Any suggestions on how to help her toughen up? I've tried most everything I know.

Thanks WD and Free for the reality check and advice.

Oh, PS, WD, yes I agree it is hard to get a woman help AND a man as well. I did notice and you know I am not biased. In my honest opinion on this one is that the two of them deserve each other, but the kids don't deserve any of this, all 6 of them.

September 20, 2006
12:06 pm
Avatar
lollipop3
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Free,

Wow.....the warrior side of you came out with a vengence, no?

Very nice.

Love,
Lolli

September 20, 2006
10:09 pm
Avatar
kasie919
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Mama,,

first let me say Hello and I am doing ok, been very trying times for me but im getting bye,,, I'll be ok, I havent even thought about anything but being so free latley..Even started goin back to church regularly, and i love it and so does little man, he goes to sunday school, he is awesome.

Anyway,
I have had the very same incident with my own situation, except my mother was the one who did commit suicide, and both of my ex's tried to use it against me and say I am a mental case and not safe for my children, WRONG!! yes im on medication and yes she did what she did, I HAVE NOT!! but yes the abuse and the hurt and pain casued me dispare, who wouldnt feel like that after being beaten for so long???
MY STBX is trying this one on himself and has gotten a serious lesson of openeing his big mouth, where i live they take no crap from either parent, and if they cant come to an agreement and keep tossing out accusations, they (DSS) come in and take your children and appoint them a gaurdian until the parents can grow up act like adults and figure it all out.. YOu see im learning, all from personal expierence, I wont let anyone take my son from me...
I have been quietly gathering my ducks as you say, and i have enough big ducks to sink his little weenie, so he aint gonna try that physco stuff on me..

As far as the friend, mama, your Gods Angel, and you are true to your word, but you cannot take so much responsibilty on your own, If she leaves she has to stay gone, and you know we go back for more until we cant take it any more, or our lives have been almost taken, this may be the wake up call she needs, but the poor children do not need to see this, it has been easy for me to change my son, he is only 5, he wont abuse me like his dad did, i wont have it..
But somewhere in that post i suddenly felt like she was wanting someone to push her, you have that way about you Mama, thats why your Gods Angel, but please take a breather, let her see, you cant do it for her, she has to..
You and others gave me the wake up calls, and i made it,and so will she, suicide attempts are not really what will take her kids away, what will is the abuse, and if she allows it to continue, she has that burden not you...

Your so full of love mama, im so gratefull i have the honor of knowing you, and enjoy every time we post...

lots of love...and give some butterfly kisses to jigs...

Kasie, im here in the shadows...

September 21, 2006
1:49 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

yeah, lolli, I guess I do have a warrior side. I met it when my ex monster threatened to take my kids away- it was more than a threat, he filed for a restraining order, kick out order, and custody of our kids. they were my entire life. sometimes it takes something really horrifying for us to be able to fight. DV just takes all the fight away. Pacifying is a tool for survival, and becomes habit, routine, comfort. With passive behavior, we can control potentially violent situations. The concept of fighting an abuser is just so bizzarre and unrealistic to a dv victim. but I believe within every mother there's a warrior.

mamma, friends like you are gold. I had and still have a friend like you. Would have never made it without her. You're doing what you can to toughen her up- it's gonna be her call. My friend worked for years on me as well. I don't know how she put up with me. My concerns for you are that your own life gets put on hold or is disrupted for her. That's not good. Emotionally, keep somewhat distant. Take care of yourself, your home, your finances first. You can't be a friend and advocate for her if you are not solidly grounded- she's a shipwreck. Kuz honestly, us dv peoples, we are pretty taxing on our friends. Tis part of the reason we find ourselves very alone. She is lucky to have you. I look up to you mamma, you know what you're doing. I just worry about ya kuz I know how draining this must be for you. So you take care.

free

September 21, 2006
1:59 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Kasie:

I am always so happy to see you and hear about you and little man. He has to be the most handsome 5 yr old out there.

Well folks I think she got her eyes opened bigtime today. And I thought my work was thru. This mid afternoon I got a call from a woman I worked w/ 3 yrs ago. I see her some, she lives here in town. Not much you don't run into in a town 1 mile long and 1/2 mile wide.

We'll call her K and we'll call my friend B. Need to keep these straight for WD. 🙂

K calls me totally hysterical and when she calms enough to talk she told me she was just served w/ papers for exparte, divorce, and parenting plan. I told her read them to me and she started and in the 2nd paragraph it said Petitioner was seeking joing custody w/ Petitioner as primary residential parent. I asked when she was served and she said about 5 min ago. Told her get the kids and get the hell outta there and go somewhere safe and I'd be finding her attorney. Hung up and thought better get there in case he did. I ran out the door and told the kids be back emergency and B pulls up just then. I jumped in and told her what was goin on and we got to the house and she was gone. We got there just in timet for the police and him to arrive to take the children.

Got her on the cell and she had taken them out to some folks in the country. Long story short... she's in hiding until we get what to do from her atty tomorrow. In the meantime she's in contempt of a court order order. This is K we are talkin about.

Little history on K. Her hubby is bigtime alcoholic. Three years ago he took their 2 yr old daughter and disappeared w/ her. After appx 3 weeks K gets her child back and the child is cursing, spitting, hitting, screaming, etc.

B was w/ me thru the whole process and so was her oldest dauhter. Oldest daughter asked me if this could happen to them. The answer was yes. She turned to mom and said then why are they not in a place like Hope house. B said because you'd not be able to see your boyfriend, go to school here, etc. Daughter said well it would be worth it to her. I did get to ask daughter if dad has done anything and she said they found holes drilled in the wall of the other bathroom so she quit using that one.

That's it for now.

September 21, 2006
2:24 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mamma. do this that I tell you. Type up a letter and print a copy for yourself. Address the letter to him from K. Keep it short. Tell him that in this letter that you are afraid of him right now and don't want the kids to witness any more violence, so you are going to stay with a friend a short distance away and will call him tomorrow. Sign with a scribble for K.

Like this:

"dear butthead (put his name here), I can't bear to fight anymore and I can't bear for our kids to witness this fighting. The kids and I will be staying with a friend of mine a few miles away for a few days as we need a break and I need some time to think without hostility around me. I will call you tomorrow."

Kuz....if he pushes with a contempt charge or kidnapping, you will say that you witnessed her leaving this letter on the counter for him, surely he must have a copy. It was written before she was served, and as a matter of fact, she was just leaving the house with the kids when she was served. She did not even read the summons until she was at her friends house. So, he knew all along that she did not kidnap the kids. He obviously found this letter when the police were not there watching. His claim of contempt and kidnapping are bogus.

Do the letter.

And then call the attorney tomorrow. She might need to get assertive with this attorney. She is not to relinquish custody. You've got a problem: school tomorrow. If she sends them, she'll probably lose them. If she doesn't, this will be used against her.

between her and you, what's in the letter is what happened. Stick to it.

mamma, when I said toughen up, I really meant it. Fire must be fought with fire, or it will consume all in its path.

this is what happens when dv moms try to escape. It's gonna be really, really ugly, and right now he's running away with the game.

How the HELL did he get a kick out order on her without her being pesent at the hearing? I'm assuming here.

free

September 21, 2006
3:00 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Free:

This is the exact same shit he pulled 3 years ago, but at that time he took of w/ the one child they had and it took her a month to get the child back. Where we live the town sits on the line of State A and State B. He has filed in StateB, as he did last time, and they have not lived in State B since 2002. You have to live in State B 60 days to claim residency. He was gone 2 weeks, came back for 1, and BANG.

There is other fraudulant statements made in the paperwork also. He set up joint custody and a parenting plan for the preschooler, but for the baby there is no parenting plan mentioned. Guess she's not to see her baby. (I could spit.)

Last time this happened, 3 yrs ago, I got her the prosecuting attorney for the county he filed in since he comes from a "bad" family and the p.s. was more than happy to take her case. He'd wanted inside info on the family for quite some time as they have money and keep skirting prosecution on other unrelated charges. He'll get it thrown out of State B and she'll turn around and file in State A where they have lived for the last 5 years.

She's in a safe place and her car gone. I called his cell and left a message to her that I and B had stopped by and I hadn't seen her in awhile so please call me when she gets home. My butt is covered. lol. We'll deal w/ hers as you mentioned. He's not staying at the house tho; he's staying w/ Ms. Bimbo.

Hubby got home and said "you are not gonna start doing this again, your health cannot take it. Then we sat and reminisced about whose cars we hid where and whose kids we'd hidden and etc. etc. etc. (have done this 16 years now) But as I said to my dad 3 years ago when he told me not to get involved w/ this family or I'd be dead in a ditch. If JESUS puts them on my doorstop who am I to turn my back. Dad doesn't usually get pissy but he retorted w/ what kind flowers do you want on your coffin. Told him I'd like violets on my coffin and he could pick the color. Ya know someday there is gonna be a huge blanket on my coffin. Mayne not for many years we hope.

Free, I'm doin good. Maybe not a tough as I used to be, but tough enough. 🙂

September 21, 2006
3:27 am
Avatar
kasie919
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Free, how do you know such stuff?? and where were you when i was leaving, damn you come up with some good ones, guess I had better stick around incase i need your fast talking, I have a gut feeling my husband wil try an do the same, but you know what, I am prepared, i will be gone.
alhough he will loose, like i sadi ive got enough big ducks in a row to sink the little weenie..

Mama,
please do what your husband asks, and watch your health, Gods watching over you I know, but alot of people would be upset if you took ill...

an yes little man is the most handsome out there,ha..and the smartest, strongest....etc....etc..
nah Im not a proud mommie...

I love you!!

Kasie

September 21, 2006
9:57 am
Avatar
Matteo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 2
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((mamacinnamon)))),

I wish you all the strength and safety for you, K. and her children.

I am reading this thread in terror, having hard time comprehending how unfair and anti-victim the laws of your land are, making nearly impossible to leave and have custody of the children for an abused, confused, brain washed and insecure woman without an outside help. Now I understand the saying: “God bless America!”: the blessing is desperately needed!

September 21, 2006
10:58 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Free:

Note will not work coz the officer that served her saw her open the paperwork and look at it.

She has appointment w/ attorney in State B where the paperwork has been filed. Attorney in State A, where lives, told her contact him after State B is taken care of. She is calling attorney in State A and gonna beg and plead and cry, if she need to, to see him today and get paperwork ready to file as soon as State B is taken care of; or if there is any way she can go ahead and file in State A since State B is fradulant and will be thrown out, and State A is the proper place to file, and she is scared to death for her children's safety and well being.

Best we can do for now. She may just have to stay in hiding till State B is thrown out. Hopefully, this bein the 2nd time, he will be held on criminal charges for filing in the wrong state a 2nd time. He cannot use the stupidity of "I didn't know" this time.

Any other suggestions appreciated.

Oh, PS... Jeff is not at Oxford house anymore. He got thrown out. But he swears on the Bible that he is still clean. Guess time will tell.

September 21, 2006
11:34 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

kassie, I divorced the devil.

mamma, isn't an ex parte hearing gonna be held today? that's an emergency hearing- if she's not there he will win. Somebody needs to be there to represent her, even if it's you telling the judge that she is trying to get an attorney to handle her situation as this is a dv situation. Ask fo this to be continued.

free

September 21, 2006
8:46 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Free:

On the Hearing date...the ex parte says until further notice. I am appalled. In State A it's 14 dzys. I did find reference to 15 days in the Statutes.

Here's a funny for ya. K had to get her bond from the bank snd get it cashed. I told her call W who works there and let her know in advance that you need to go into one of those little privacy rooms and conduct your business from there coz you cannot risk the hubby finding you. She got the ride to the bank and he walk in and sat down at W's desk and the ladies there pulled the blinds and locked the doors. lol. How's that for ya. She got the whole bank closed down while she was there. Then they drove 20 miles away and she went into a video store and asked if she could use someone's cell phone to call his mom. A lady gave it to her and told her to talk long as she wanted.

I say that's the work of our God. I don't think you'll agree, but that's ok.

September 21, 2006
9:11 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Mama,

Holy crap! Quite the warrior, aren't you. Really do take care of yourself, too---you know the food, sleep, good lovin' stuff.

I'd have to go with Free on this one. She been 'sperienced.

Maybe I'm mistaken, but...

I believe that "K" can ask for an ex-parte hearing too. I'd suggest for a DV protection order that asks for certain protections...like not removing the kids from the state, temporary custody, the car, etc... Heck, request that he surrender his firearms, too. That's always a nice touch.

If I am hearing correctly, "K" and the kids are residents of State A. Orders from State A will have more wieght and take precedence over orders from State B. What is it called..."appropriate venue," maybe.

The guy has a (hopefully supportable) history of alcoholism and parental abduction...a judge will probably go for that. I frightened woman almost always wins the first ex-parte round versus an absent man.

No reasonable judge will support removing children from the State of their legal residence into the custody of an alcoholic guy with a history of parental abduction. Not without lots and lots of evidence anyway.

Did I mention Holy Crap?

September 21, 2006
11:23 pm
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm just confused.

an ex parte hearing is an emergency hearing. It takes place over other calendared hearings. A judge only permits so many of them per day, depending on his/her calendar and their seriousness. If he filed a request for an ex parte, he would have done that at 8 a.m. the morning before a hearing was to be scheduled. the opposing party must be served 24 hrs before the actual hearing. He would have had to file a declaration with the courthouse. He would have found out if his hearing was granted the day before she was served, and then would have to serve her. It's my understanding that an ex parte hearing can't be held without her knowledge, as she has have the opportunity to agree or disagree with his requested relief.

so how did he get a court order without her knowledge? What she might have is an Oder to Show Cause, which is a filed declaration and request for a calendared hearing. In the order he can ask for suspended visitation and primary custody until the hearing. But the hearing would be calendared- a date would be on the front of the filed declaration. I don't understand why a judge would yank custody of a child from the mother, without any evidence, until further notice. Something's wrong here mamma. I don't get what is happening.

what did the attorney say today?

wd- tis but another day in the life of a woman attempting escape from an abusive man.

free

September 22, 2006
12:56 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good morning Free & WD:

Today, so far, things are lookin up for K. Just got back from State B and the attorney said the exparte is bogus and boy was he ticked. Problem there is that the judge signed it. So, if he gets one of the kids across the line into State B there is nothing we can do about it till a court date.

Free, I questioned him on the lack of court date on the ex parte and he said in State B they don't put one. I know in State A it is 10 days.

The attorney said, without saying, that she needs to stay hidden till the court date in State B and that will be 2-3 weeks. "how bout that".

We have appointment in State A w/ the attorney this afn and we're looking for a place she can stay in someone's family room or basement so she has her own space w/ her kids and she is not on the owner's nerves.

Talked to the cop here in town. We had to be a little forceful w/ him but he understands and knows he cannot pick up the kids now.

Will post more after State A attorney. Pray he will walk the exparte over this afn and put it into force.

Oh, K still doesn't want a divorce. Gonna try for Separation w/ full custody. She didn't like full custody, but I told her it cn be changed at any time. I know here that if you have full custody the cops will go get your kids asap. If you haove joint custody they don't care who is primary, they don't want to get involved. Again "how bout that"

lol

Have a great afn.

September 23, 2006
12:01 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Got State A taken care of now. The attorney said she'd not get a restraining order; not enough evidence for one. Papers for divorce w/ sole custody will be done on monday. Both attorneys said stay in hiding until the hearing which will be in 2 weeks, we hope. In the meantime he's callni everywhere, leavin threats.... I had her call him and let him talk to his kids and then she stated she was uncomfortable w/ him seeing the kids specially since he kidnapped the little girl 3 years ago. So, she would take this weekend as her visitation. Bye. He is not a happy camper. tsk tsk.

September 26, 2006
12:23 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

All is as calm as can be for the time being. Got the paperwork filed to dismiss in State B, hearing mid october. Got divorce filed for in State A, but no Order of Protection. Not enough evidence of abuse. Both states say stay in hiding till hearing in mid oct. Thank God the family she is w/ wants to keep her the next two weeks. Have backup plan for if he were to find her. So, all is calm at the moment except for thetears of a wife and mother that doesn't want her marriage to end and is scared to death her kids will be taken away from her.

As for B, she's faded out of the picture and avoiding. I hope this is all pulling at her heartstrings.

September 26, 2006
1:39 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi mamma

Try to get her into counseling asap. she's been brainwashed.

A marriage is a union where two people work together. Hers is not a marriage. never was It is a tyrany.

She might lose the kids. It's always a possibility. Time to face, accept, and own that fear. It won't be so powerful when and if she can.

Her kids can and WILL survive with or without her. If she dies tomorrow for some unforseen reason, they can, and will survive. Thay can, and will survive this as well. she's giving them a shot at breaking the cycle of abuse. That is something only she can give them, and is priceless.

If her worst fears come true and her kids are taken from her, or god forbid they someday go willingly, they will come back. They always come back to the one who loves them. A mother's love is something only she has to offer, and they will seek that out.

Get her into counseling. It's a long road, but the first few steps are the hardest.

free

September 26, 2006
8:18 am
Avatar
kasie919
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Free:

Please forgive me for posting to you on mama's thread, but I am curouse about how you broke the cycle and have become so strong and full of knowledge.

I know you have probably saw some of the posts ive written to mama, How do i stop him from stalking controlling and using my son??

I live in South CArolina, and here, the laws are older than dinasours, they even have a lawy here dates back long tims ago, that a man who is unhappy with his wife can one time a year bring her to the court house and slap her...

Need i say more???

Help!!!!!!!!

thanks, Kasie..

P.s. love to you mamac;;

September 26, 2006
11:08 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Kasie:

You are not breaking the thread here. You situation is just as what we are discussing anyway. Please honey you feel free to say anything you want, or ask anyone you want. I want you to have the best life and I don't have all the answers for you. Free is good at what she does and there are others here that could also give you great insight.

Free... do your magic here honey. 🙂
(you do know your stuff)

September 26, 2006
7:53 pm
Avatar
kasie919
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you mama,

you truly are a special person..

Today I let some of my co workers listen to the phone mesasges he has left me over the days, they cant beleive it..

He is becoming obssessed, and scairy, I had chance to talk with one of the local police officers, he didnt have much information that i didnt already have or know, but he said he suggested talking to a district attorney, or going to the court house to seek out a conforence with the judge..
I wont have another day off until next week i beleive, so maybe if i can i will go and do just that..

Im at a loss here, not sure how to go any more,
Im digging deep into my pockets to make ends meet, and falling so very very far behind, Im getting scaired..

But Im not going back, not now not ever~

Love to you..
Love to Jigs,

Kasie

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
33
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110914
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38535
Posts: 714196
Newest Members:
Striker1s, marcusz, Keara, Venn, Jolebio, loni89
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer