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Forgiveness and a New Start
September 10, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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BE
FOREWARNED. I INTEND TO TELL ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE WITH MY FORMER
PRIEST. IF YOU INTEND TO TELL ME HOW STUPID I AM FOR BEING A
CHRISTIAN PLEASE REFRAIN.

I have been
struggling for a long time. I feel I have sin in my past and I have
been struggling to get through it. I have read all the books, I
have done all the things, and I have prayed and I was stuck where I
was. I posted on the other side that that I was at the end of my
rope.

I finally broke
down yesterday and called my former priest (I am Espiscopalian) and
made an appointment with him. I told him everything going back to
2003 and what a wreck I have made of my life. I told him I
experience moments of happiness but I have not joy. He gave me
scripture that says God wants us to experience joy. We talked for
over an hour. The Episcopal Book of Common Prayer offer a service
for confession. We went through the service in his office and he
annointed me with oil and made the sign of the Cross on my forehead
and forgave me all my sins.

Perhaps now I can
move on from R and all that he entailed and represents in my mind.
Perhaps now I can start searching for true joy.

I realize that
most here do not believe as I believe but I found comfort in
talking to him and going through the service. He gave me some ideas
of how to start my search for joy. Today September 10, 2010 I make
a fresh start. The past is past and the future is what I
have.

Bitsy

September 10, 2010
12:00 am
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Shaney
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Good
for you, Bitsy. No judgment here ... forgiveness and letting the
past remain in the past, is healthy regardless of what religious
beliefs you practice. I hope that you feel a weight has been lifted
from your heart and you can move forward with God's blessing.
:o)

September 10, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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Dearest Bitsy -

How amazing that
you "cracked" and met with this compassionate man to unload the
burdens on your heart on Sept. 9th - ROSH HASHANAH...the head of
the New Year. You are indeed beginning a fresh, clean page in your
life! Although I do not confess my own sins and shortcomings to a
priest, I do (as Scripturally enjoined) confess them to my fellow
believers for accountability and encouragement. It is GOD who
forgives us when we ask in the Name of His Son, Jesus. And He does.
His mercies never end.

I believe you have
freed your soul (soul being your emotions, your thought-life and
your will) from a HUGE burden. I've experienced something very
similar on many occasions...always with a GOOD ending. Repentance
is good for the soul...even for our health.

And yes...God
wants us to experience joy. (Read Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3..."To
every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under
the heaven:...A time to weep; and a time to laugh; a time to mourn
and a time to dance..." And remember that "...the joy of the Lord
is my strength." Without that joy, we can be weakened to the point
of depression, despair and even collapse.

I pray that you
find more than just peace, Bitsy. I pray that you find laughter,
dancing and unspeakable joy. Jesus didn't take those nails for
nothing; He took them for YOU because He loves you. I also pray
that you find freshly renewed purpose for your life...and
HOPE.

- Ma

September 10, 2010
12:00 am
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If
you are looking for Joy, look no further. Tez will give you her
cell phone number right away!

I guess I should
stop there. Lol sorry, couldnt resist.

Well Birsy hmmmm,
I dont know. How's your health? Sleep, and resting well? How's your
general state of health?

So whats going on
in your life, what are your major worries.

Have you
experienced joy before and what were the reasons? How often are you
happy? (you said you experience moments of happiness).

Maybe the
happiness you experience is actually joy. To you, whats the
difference? Some genuine questions.

September 10, 2010
12:00 am
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truthBtold
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Hey
-

I was raised
Catholic. I am all about whatever makes you/us sleep well and good
and peaceful at night.

Bottom line ~
......

Though I currently
do not subscribe to the teachings of the Catholic church in its
present form....that's just me. Who am I, afterall to judge someone
else that has seeked and been offered a well-desereved element of
relief.

(Big,
huge...well-deserved sigh of relief.)

I am sure that
feeling a great relief being lifted off of your shoulders is
nothing that any of us can sneeze at and I say - hey girl - more
power to ya!

That is a good
feeling - a freeing feeling..any way you care to slice
it!

Good for you,
Bitsy!

All the best to
you on your new start!

September 10, 2010
12:00 am
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Bitsy, Guest_guest wrote to you:

"If you are
looking for Joy, look no further. Tez will give you her cell phone
number right away!

I guess I
should stop there. Lol sorry, couldnt resist."

Thanks, G_g for
the gut bustin' belly laugh that you just gave me. šŸ™‚

Bitsy:

Joy is my ex's
first name. Guest_guest is being a very naughty boy - but at least
he knows it. He knows that I don't miss much here and is trying to
engage me in a tate-a-tate again . It just won't happen.

Joy's off living
the life of a gypsy nomad travelling around Australia in an old bus
outfitted in the most primitive way. She has picked up with some
kind of gypsy guy - I'll say no more. After an initial trough of
self-pity, I moved on to a better life. "Sweet are the uses of
adversity ..." I've been with new and very lovely lady for 2
years now in October. She is presently overseas visiting with the
pyramids in Egypt. Apart from the odd hickup that all of us
experience from time to time, my life just seems to get better and
better. External situations haven't changed all that much. Internal
mental attitudes have. For me, I have had to relearn many times
over the fact that true joy comes from my own mind and nowhere else
- as does pure hell.

September 11, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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Bitsy,

best of luck to
you on your fresh start. From here, there is only going forward,
not back.

even though you
went to the priest to seek forgiveness, please remember to forgive
yourself. That is the most important. Forgiving yourself is what
will take the bitterness out of your heart.

We all make
mistakes, we are only human, More important is that we learn from
them and don't repeat them. I have learned to stop beating myself
up so much.

A friend of mine
used to say that after my ex stopped beating me up, I took over and
kept it up.

Give yourself a
break! You deserve it!

September 11, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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That's just it. I kept telling myself I forgive myself. I love
me. I am a good person. I deserve to be happy. I have posted here.
I have been to celebrate recovery I have read all the self help
books and still my life was spiralling out of control. I still felt
felt and rotten on the inside. The priest was able to listen and
let me unburden my soul and tell me I didn't cause my divorve all
by myself. I had help. My ex husband contributed by not being an
engage participating husband and father. It wasn't anything I did
or said alone that caused the relationship with R to go bad. I was
faithful he wasn't. It wasn't meant to be.

Episcopalions are
not hellfire and brimstone bang on the pulpit you are all doomed to
hell Christians. Mostly they teach that God is love and is our
parent who wants us to be happy and joyfully prase Him without
guilt.

There has been
this huge hole in my soul and to unburden all of that and have the
priest who has known me best to accept what I said go through the
confession and give me Gods blessing was a formality I needed. If
God can forgive me I can forgive me. I can move forward. I don't
expect everyone to understand why that was important to me. I cried
most of the time I was in his office but I felt so much better when
I left. I still feel better today.

I guess it is like
this. I have known many Catholics who for various reasons left the
church but as they were dying they hung on for the priest to give
them their last rites. It is just something ingrained in the fiber
of my being. It is almost as natural to me as breathing. My view of
God is not some mean old white haired man off in heaven with a
stick screwing with me life. My view of God is a benevolent parent
who might get angry at me at first but in the end smiles shakes His
head and says Bitsy what have you done now. What are we foing to do
about it. I have to get that back.

Bitsy

September 11, 2010
12:00 am
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bevdee
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Bitsy
- Episcopal, me too. On the rare occasions I go to church, I still
have the urge to genuflect.

Forgiving oneself
is tough.

hugs to you
sweety

September 12, 2010
12:00 am
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hi
Tez

>> For me, I
have had to relearn many times over the fact that true joy comes
from my own mind and nowhere else - as does pure hell.

Exactly
right.

Glad to know you
found a new friend. If the last one's name was Joy, whats this
one's name, Frustration? Just kidding. My GF's name is GOD because
she doesnt exist, not right now atleast.

September 12, 2010
12:00 am
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andii
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I
find forgiving others easy. Forgiving myself- different story. I
saw a movie years ago- can't think of the name, and at salvation
time it was ther person him/herself who passed judgement on
him/herself.

If that is in fact
the case, I'm in deep poop.

Hugs to you
all

September 12, 2010
12:00 am
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Glad
you found someone you could trust and could share your burdens
with. I find that joy and happiness comes in moments and I enjoy
those moments. I wake up each morning and thank God first of all
for allowing me to live on this earth and enjoy it for one more
day. Then I start counting my other blessings, my health, my
family, my ability to make a living at something that I love to do.
Having God in my life and knowing that he loves me regardless of
what I do or who I am. Knowing that he is control of my life and
whatever happens is because he is allowing it to happen and that
there is always a purpose for whatever he is allowing to
happen.

I have gone
through some tough times in my life, it hasnt been easy..but I
always know that there is a tomorrow and that 1 or 5 years from now
whatever is happening now is not going to matter that
much.

Bitsy...no one is
perfect and we all make mistakes. We just have to work hard at
forgiving ourselves and keep moving on. As long as we have a good
heart and have good intentions, thats all that matters to God. You
do not steal, lie, are mean to people or hurt others..so why be so
hard on yourself?

As far as your ex
husband and R, you have no control over their decisions, but you
have control as to what happens with your own life. God gives us
all a free will and they made their choices. Once you let go of
these relationships, you will be free to find happiness with
someone else. There is nothing you can do about the
past.

Life is great and
you have every right to be happy..it is in our
constitution.

Think of it one
day at a time, one moment at a time...start with being happy about
being alive and having your daughter in your life and being
grateful to that ex husband for allowing you to be a mother to this
child...then we have nature, the trees, flowers, a child's
smile.

I just got back
from Africa and I saw so many people who have so much less than we
do and they were happy with whatever they had...I love taking
pictures of the children and their smiles and their
contentment.

Anyway..my 2 cents
into your post as I am feeling really grateful today.

Have a great day
today!!

Ā 

Ā 

2bHappy

September 12, 2010
12:00 am
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I
went to a different church this morning. It is an Anglican church
and even though it is in the middle of the suburbs it has the
appearance of being a little chapel in the mountains. There are
gullies all around and they have worked that into the architecture.
I lot of the wood and doors are reclaimed. It was peaceful and
homey and as luck would have it the sermon was on the Good Shepherd
going after the one lost sheep.

There were several
things that made me feel at peace. The church I attended had had a
small chapel but we grew and they build a big church and then a
Christian Life Center with a basketball court. Was it in Life's
Little Instruction Book that the father told the son never to
attend a church with a Christian Life Center. A lot of the people
who left my old church were there and guess what. The former priest
that I talked to on Friday is now on sabbatical and he and his wife
were there. He sought me out and told me he was glad I was there.
The former deacon from my old church was there as well, serving as
the deacon. During the Peace he came to me and hugged me hard and
was glad to see me. Said he couldn't wait to tell his wife I was
there.

I felt at peace.
This afternoon I am showing condo's at the beach. Wish me
luck.

Bitsy

September 12, 2010
12:00 am
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truthBtold
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bevdee,

(Sorry to
temporarily hijack the thread for just a sec - )

You wrote: ".....I
still have the urge to genuflect.

Genuflect?

Really?

What's THAT
about?

Genuflect.

I really, really,
realy LIKE that word. Did you make it up all by
yourself?

(Kind of reminds
me of Comedy Central's: "The Cobert Report" in which his new word
(Stephen Cobert's)....'truthiness' was actually added to the
Oxford/Webster's dictionary 2009 or 2010 as a bonified word
šŸ™‚

Way to
go.

Genuflect!!!!!!

Oh
yeah.......(smiles)

I do believe that
I have probably 'genuflected' all over the place by now ~ ~ ~ FOR
YEARS - probably.....but just didn't know that there could ever
possibly be a word to describe it all.......until now.

šŸ˜‰

Genuflect.

Yep.

Good
one!

September 13, 2010
12:00 am
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bevdee
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Nah I
didn't make it up. It's what we did in the Episcopal church.
Catholics do it, too. You can google it.

September 13, 2010
12:00 am
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Bitsy,

I hope you had a
good day.

hugs? Pat on the
back? Zinging toward you.

September 13, 2010
12:00 am
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Thanks Bevdee. I don't want to read too much into too many
symbols and such but Saturday night I put myself in the bathtub and
started reading Eat, Pray, Love and she talked about going into the
library and finding the fountain with the ferns growing out of the
top. When I walkedd into the chapel yesterday there was a stylized
cross behind the alter. Because of where we live I am sure they
meant for them to be cat tails but it was reminiscent of the ferns
and I thought hmmmm.

The sermon
yesterday was on the parable of the lost sheep. I have been
spiritually, mentally, physically, and every other type of lost a
person can be for a while. Slowly I am finding my way
back.

Last night I had
some interesting text messages back and forth with a friend of mine
who found herself in White Plains on her anniversary yesterday. Her
family is back here at home. One of the things she said was that
she has known something was wrong with me for a long time and she
was waiting for me to talk to her but she also apologized for being
so busy.

She said that she
has always worried about how much I identify with my ex in laws.
She said I am me and they are them. She went on to say that her
husband tells her all the time that she doesn't trust anyone to
take care of her and that she thinks deep down I don't trust MYSELF
to take care of me.

Thinkgs to think
about.

Bitsy

September 14, 2010
12:00 am
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Bitsy,

I was reading on
CV's thread, and I had no idea that you ever wanted me to help you,
with a next step or anything else. It made me feel bad, like you
feel like I didn't want to help you.

I always try to
give you encouragement when I can. I did not want you to ever feel
like I am not supportive of you or I did not care.

I don't ever try
to tell anyone what they should or should not do. That is not my
nature. And most of the time people generally don't listen anyway.
We all have our choices to make.

When I explained
to CV that certain situations draw me in, I didn't mean that yours
doesn't.

It was just in
those moments with her, I felt like I had to say to her "STOP! STOP
RIGHT NOW!" because I had a feeling she was going to do something
right away, something you and I know would be the wrong thing. I
would normally never do that to someone. Even if we were all
talking in person, I would be saying "DON"T DO IT!" It's almost
like one of those times when you know a kid is going to run into
the street. Not to say that she is a kid, but you know what I mean.
That feeling of, you have to talk loudly, it's like an urgent
moment. If you don't say something, it's going to happen and
someone will be getting hurt.

I suppose that the
reason I have not made any suggestions to you, is maybe I hadn't
seen you ask a question.

When I read your
posts, it sounds like you are working it all out. You seem so sure,
like you know the direction you want to go in. And I have read your
ventings in the past, and thought they were just ventings. Maybe I
was wrong.

I don't claim to
have all of the answers, not by any means. I can only go by what I
am sensing, what I am seeing when I look at a situation. When I
read certain posts, I see images. They might not mean anything to
me, but I am sure they mean something to the person that posts. I
go by the energy.

I don't have a
"crystal ball". I won't say I can predict the future. I see things.
Sometimes these things turn out to be something in the future,
either for me, or for the person I am reading. I don't know it's
the future, until it happens. So I won't ever make anyone any
promises about anything.

Whatever I see, it
means something to someone, it is up to them to interpret
it.

If I had all the
answers, I definitely would not be having all the questions I do
about stuff that happens in my own life. At times I wish I could
just know everything that is going to happen, but then I realize
sometimes it's better not to.

Another thing that
I realized is that I recognize that you are every devout in your
faith, and these abilities that I have go against most religious
views. I did not want to offend you in any way.

You can imagine
how difficult it gets for me sometimes. I'm a Christian also, but
because I have these abilities, sometimes I feel like an outcast,
especially at my church. I don't talk about them with anyone there,
but I thnk they can figure it out by some of the things that I do
say. I know that God gave these gifts to me, but at times, it's
still hard to deal with.

Having these gifts
also conflicts with my psychology studies, where everything is
explained by science. I heard someone tonight at class call these
abilities "hocus pocus". Of course, I kept my mouth
shut.

So, now that you
are working on your new start, what answers are you hoping to
find?

September 14, 2010
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Chinadoll, I would love to ask you if I do A and B then C will
happen, right? I would love to know that one day I will find love
and caring again along with warmth and comfort, but like you I know
that sometimes the answer is to not know the answer. I would love
to know that in exactly 6 months from today that all my financial
woes would be behind me, but that is not what I sense your gift is
and if I were to ask these things of you it would be insulting as
if you were some sort of carnival side show and that is not the
feeling I get from you.

Just give me the
heads up if a boulder is about to land on my shoulders
LOL.

I am Southern
American. We are a little different. We mostly are Scotch/Irish
stock with a little American Indian thrown in for good measure (or
at least that is what I am). I do believe in God and I am a
Christian, BUT I do not discount your gifts. If you believe you
have them then I believe you have them (and that is not said in a
touchy feely I'm OK you're OK kind of way). I accept there are some
things and powers that I do not understand but I do not discount
them or say they are not real. My mother had the gift of people
appearing to her either before or as they died. She often told the
story of an aunt shaking her to wake her up. The aunt lived in
another city. My mother woke up and searched the house looking for
the aunt but she wasn't there. She thought it was a strange dream
(and at this point in my life I can't remember all the details) but
long story short the aunt had died sometime in the night. I think I
also told you that I had had these "preparations" myself. I fought
them because I did not understand them and I thought by having the
thoughts I had caused my grandfather to die. When it happened with
my father all I could do was say No, no, I don't want this to
happen.

After you revealed
on Robbie's thread that you are an empath and an Indigo person, I
googled the terms and read the descriptions. I do not think that I
am either of those things. That doesn't mean that I don't think you
are. You have revealed before that you are of Irish as well as
Asian descent. Those are two cultures that honor your gift. You
probably received this gift from two different directions. I honor
your gift.

You said that I
appear to be strong and headed in the right direction. That is one
of the things I deal with. By all outward appearances I AM strong.
I exude the appearance of being strong and knowing exactly where I
am going and what I am doing. This is both a gift and a curse. Only
I know that I am doubtful, unsure, weak, and a bowl full of jello
inside. Today I have exactly $5 to my name. The state has not
deposited the child support money in my account. The commission
check I was counting on the first of the month still hasn't
arrived. I need to get an offer in on a piece of property I have
the buyers on. I have the choice today of buying gas or buying
food. I guess it will have to be gas. I have things I can fix
myself to eat and not go hungry but I have a child who is a picky
eater. Somehow I have managed to dig something out of the pantry
and the freezer to feed her and she has no idea the situation we
are in. I did have good news from BP, I may qualify for some funds
from them. I just have to get them two more pieces of
documentation.

So please,
Chinadoll, don't ever think I discount your words or your
advice.

I am just
searching for my path...

Bitsy

September 14, 2010
12:00 am
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China
-

The "abilities"
which you have referenced in several of your postings are, indeed,
in conflict with the tenets of Christianity. Saul lost his
anointing because he chose to dabble in divination and consult a
seer, rather than seeking God as his source for guidance and
direction.

The "seer
anointing" can be corrupted by satan from the legitimately
God-given gift of prophecy into divination & consorting with
familiar spirits of darkness. Well-intentioned individuals believe
they are operating in a gift from God. In reality they are
consorting with (and receiving information from) familiar
spirits...NOT GOD. This data can be remarkably accurate. But the
SOURCE of the data is forbidden by God. It falls into the category
of the sin of witchcraft. And the consequences of this are dire, as
was the case with Saul.

"There shall not
be found among you any one that nmaketh his son or his daughter to
pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of
times, or an enchanger, or a witch,

Or a charmer, or a
CONSULTER WITH FAMILIAR SPIRITS, or a wizard, or a
netromancer.

For all that do
these things are AN ABOMINATION UNTO THE LORD..." [Deuteronomy
18:10-12]

I share this with
you because you have stated you are a Christian. Before becoming a
Christian, I, too, dabbled in "psychic giftings," functioning as a
medium, not realizing I was consorting with demonic familiar
spirits. Today, I operate in the God-given prophetic gifts...the
"real McCoy." God is my source...not familiars. And it is the
SOURCE which counts.

The glory goes to
God.

- Ma
Strong

September 14, 2010
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China
-

Since you are a
Christian, I should share additional, supporting Scriptures with
you, so you can study this through for yourself (just as I
did).

A classic New
Testament reference to consorting with familiars is found in Acts
16:16-18 -

"And it came to
pass, as we went to prayer, a certain damsel possessed with a
spirit of divination met us, which brought her masters much gain by
soothsaying:

The same followed
Paul and us, and cried, saying, These men are the servants of the
most high God, which shew unto us the way of salvation.

And this did she
many days. But Paul, being grieved, turned and said TO THE SPIRIT,
I command thee in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her. And
HE CAME OUT THE SAME HOUR."

As discerned by
Paul, it was a demonic spirit which was feeding this woman her
"data." And it WAS accurate, but the source was evil. God was not
her source. And that is what we are forbidden to do: rely upon
demonic sources of evil, rather than seeking God for the Truth and
guidance which we need.

- Ma
Strong

September 14, 2010
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So
today I found myself in a situation where there was conflict and I
calmly packed my computer up and left. I do not have to be in the
middle of conflict

Bitsy

September 14, 2010
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September 24, 2010
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Ma
& Bitsy,

This is where I
feel the conflict. I do look to God and keep Him first. When I
pray, I pray to Him. When I meditate, I wait to hear Him speak to
me.

As far as
divination and a lot of the "far out" things in the meta-physical,
I stay away from it. It actually scares me. I don't have any idea
how to use Tarot or similar things, or even want to
learn.

I don't claim to
be "a psychic", by any means. I just know that I see things. I am
also what is called clairsentient, where my senses take over and I
hear, smell, and taste things that are not tangible. Like if you
were telling a story, and mentioned smelling peach cobbler, I would
be able to smell it, just by going thru you and smelling what you
are smelling.

I've also had the
experience of watching a movie or a video, where someone sets
something on fire or burns something, and I can smell smoke and
fire, just by that experience.

Although I am a
Christian, I also study Taoism, because of my Asian descent. It
talks a lot about nature and harmony. I recognize a lot of what I
experience can be explained by Taoism.

When I seek help
and guidance, I do look to God, I always have. I don't always
undertsnd scriptures, but I will often speak to Him directly if I
have questions. I believe that He shows me things so I can find
answers.

Perhaps the way I
worship is not the "right" way, but it's the way I have always
known to do it. I have been hurt very badly in the past by
organized religion. I'm not against it in any way, but I only wish
to feel accepted for who I am. I am not seeking anyone's approval,
so I am sure this is where the conflict comes in.

I have always
danced to the beat of my own drum, ever since I was a little child.
I have endured bullying, and worse, so adversity is not something I
am unfamiliar with.

I used the terms
empath, clairvoyant, clairsentient, and Indigo as a way to describe
things, to try to explain things that are not easy to explain. I do
not use them to define or label myself, since I know that I am so
much more than just these things.

I use my empathic
ablilities to reach out to others and try to help them, by stepping
into their feelings and figuring out how to help them with what
they are going thru. This is why I try my best not to tell anyone
what they should or should not do. Our own strength is within us. I
try to help others to find their own strength.

I was told by a
friend, who is also an empath that we are angels in people's
clothing. That God sent us to help Him to reach out to others and
soothe their pain. I like to believe that this is what I am
doing.

September 14, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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September 27, 2010
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China, my conflict was in a work environment. Not on
here/

Bitsy

September 14, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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September 30, 2010
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OK.
Now THIS is funny. [Chuckling!]

- Ma

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