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Fianlly Loving Yourself
August 7, 2009
10:43 am
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It No Longer Matters
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First off this is probably not direct plagerism, but it is close enough. I follow Flylady.net. FLYing (Finally Loving Yourself) sets you free.

For those of a Christian bent it says in the Bible to "Love your neighbor as yourself". Somewhere along the line man came up with the "secret" to JOY being

Jesus

Others

Yourself

So we lost track of what it really means to love our neighbors as ourselves. The SECRET is to love yourself first. When you love yourself, you will fill yourself with what is good. When you are filled with what is good you will overflow with love and joy. Then and ONLY THEN can you truly love someone else.

I am not talking about being selfish and self centered here. I am talking about examinining yourself with all your flaws, assessing it and saying this is ME and I love me. Because I love me...Hey guess what I have some love to share.

Bitsy

August 7, 2009
4:27 pm
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darkeyes
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Hi bitsy.. yes i believe you have to love yourself 1st before you can begin to love anyone else, in a kind nuturing, caring way, not at the expense of others..and when you do that the love you give and share with others is on a different level. darkeeyes love to all.

August 8, 2009
11:27 am
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red blonde
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Bitsy!

You are right.

Loving myself first is not an easy thing for me to do... having been first isolated as a child by my mother (and, then, as an adult by others). I was taught very, very early on... to do things, and to the things that others wanted me to do, to please them, make them like me and to never think of myself first or at all. So that 'tape' is so deeply ingrained in my psyche, that it plays automatically and subconsciously. But... I AM learning!

First... I am learning that not everyone is my friend even though they pretend to be and do so just to use or take advantage of me in some way.

Second... I am learning to say 'no' and to stand up for myself, when I feel that not all is 'right'.

Having trouble with the 'loving myself' concept. It is hard to switch it from 'if I do this for that person, then that person will like or love me and return same.' (The 'Do unto others....' thing).

What can we do to start changing this mindset within ourselves?

I have affirmations all over my house and I keep falling back into the same 'role'... of 'Do unto(s)'.

Perhaps it is harder when you are 'lonely' or 'starved' for affection, nurturing or attention?

So where and how do we start?

Start an daily 'affirmation' thread where we keep that affirmation in our minds all day?

Love and Peace!

Red!

August 8, 2009
11:43 am
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Red, I tried a daily affirmation thread on the support side and didn't get a whole lot of responses. I anyone is interested I will start it on this side. I was taking it from the Daily Affirmation for Adult Children of Alcoholics but of course it applies to almost everyone.

I myself am lonely and starved for attentiion and affection. Last Saturday night I had people over for dinner. I drank too much wine and began to wonder if the neighbor ( whom I have known for a LONNNNNG time and know is not altogether there) would just crawl in the bed and hold me and let me sleep. Thankfully I did not act on it.

Night before last I dreamed that R took me out to dinner and I kept asking where D was (that's his latest victime) in the dream I realized I was sitting in a nice restaurant, trying to have a meal with a man who didn't "belong" to me. I told him I really didn't want to be there with him and I was going home. I am alone and lonely, but I think I would choose alone and lonely over being with someone and being lonely.

Someone on another forum said the song "I would have loved you anyway" by Trisha Yearwood reminded them of me. I think about the 3 relationships I have had with men whom I loved. The first two: Mr. Fiance' and Mr. Ex-Husband. Yes I would have loved them anyway. R? Hell no!

Perhaps, Red, we need to realize that the other side of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is The other person is doing unto you as they would have you do unto them"? People tell you how to treat them.

Make sense?

Bitsy

August 13, 2009
10:20 am
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red blonde
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Bitsy,

That makes sense...for the most part.

At the moment, I am living day to day, alone and lonely, sad and scared.
I feel like I am in this deep pit, trying to claw my way out... and the walls are caving in on me. Just getting very tired and discouraged. And I have lost a lot of belief in myself ... as well as other things.

This am I woke up panicky and crying. Sometimes it seems that most everything I try seems to fail - no matter how much effort has been put into it to have it succeed.

Just having a very down moment in my life today. Having problems financially..... you probably can relate to that.

((((((Bitsy)))))

August 13, 2009
1:29 pm
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CraigCo
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(Red)

I hear ya girl. Not easy out there for so many. All the work on ourselves won't change things economically. Frustrating to say the least. A desperate feeling to be falling financially, despite ones' best efforts to flourish. Come on Lotto - throw me a bone!!

Guess I'd better buy the odd ticket first though, huh? lol

Wishing peace for ya!

August 13, 2009
3:50 pm
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Red, Believe me when I say I know how you feel. I was thrown for a loop last night. Apparently R still loves me and wants to know that I am alright and thinks about me every day, blah, blah, blah. Funny, if he loved me he.

1. Wouldn't have cheated on me.

2. Wouldn't be living with another woman.

hmmmm

Bitsy

August 14, 2009
1:05 am
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red blonde
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((((Bitsy))))

Well.... kind of sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too!

So, there is trouble in paradise? She is lacking in some aspect or area...? and if he had you on the side... does that make him think you will make up for what she lacks?

Sheesh!

You are right...though... about 1 and 2.

You deserve better!!!

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