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Feelings on Rotten Grandmother
June 12, 2006
9:27 am
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Anonymous
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Alot of people have the problem of having rotten parents,and how that is a stigma on their lives.How about people like me,who have a rotten grandmother who has made me miserable my whole life,and how now I have no empathy or sympathy for her suffering in her elderly age.
I had good parents,who only did the best they could,and never "abused" me in any way.I had a typical start in life,and I only recently learned how deep seeded my grandmother's seemed "resentment" of me goes.
I think maybe I just may feel better if I just get it all out in writing so that I can let go of certain feelings that plague me daily.
My mother was a young high school dropout when she met who she thought was a gorgeous dark haired man in a pool hall in the 70's.He was 9 years her senior,and attending college and had a full time job working with family in a large company,so he even had quite a bit of money by comparison to her family.They dated for a little over a year,when my mother discovered she was pregnant.My dad was gonna marry her anyway,they just had to move up the wedding date...but no big deal right?WRONG!!My paternal grandmother had been taking advantage of my father's money and good fortune(she lived with my dad in the house HE bought)for so long,she did not like this intrusion into her life of this girl who she wanted to believe got herself "in trouble" and was taking my dad for a ride.Things on that front did not get any better when I was born,I know this for a fact.I came into this world pale,redheaded,and green eyed.My father's entire family is of a slavic origin,and they are or were all dark haired,brown eyed,and tend to be of a well tanned complexion.My mother's family is light,red hair is predisposed,and green eyed is just a trait that got handed to me from her,she's green eyed.Most people would say,the wonders of genetics,and leave it.Not my grandmother.She has made me miserable for as long as I can remember for how I look,and although she bribed me and paid me off with gifts and toys and candy as a little girl and pretended she adored me in front of people,she has called me "bastard",and told of how I am not my father's child.It was not until I was 13 that she started spreading it to anyone who would listen to her.
My father is aware of the problem,but I am not sure if he realizes it is a LIFELONG problem,not just a thing that has not occured in some time,or has occured infrequently.
Now,I grew up in another atate,and she only visited us or we visited her periodically thru my childhood.The distance did not improve the treatment,and it was about 2 years ago that my dad and I went to her home and brought her here to live with my parents again.She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's,and had driven herself clean into the poorhouse and was damn near evicted and homeless when we retrieved her from her apartment.As we lived far away,it was my cousin and some other relatives who saw her daily or frequently who pointed out her plight to my dad.They said get home and do something,she's lost it,and gonna lose it all,if you don't come get her.He chose to take me over my sisters as he knew how much I loved visiting "home".We brought her here,and she has now become a daily problem that plagues us all.The funny thing about Alzheimer's...she wets her pants,can't remember what she had for lunch,and frequently becomes belligerent over whether or not she's been taking her medicine.She still remembers how to make me miserable though.

June 12, 2006
12:47 pm
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I shared some thoughts and feelings with my mother on this topic over the weekend,and I expressed to her that this woman they want me to regard as my grandmother is the reason why I do not frequently visit my parents home.Also,she is the reason why I do not jump at the chance to run home and away from my abusive husband.Why go from 1 abusive home to another?My mother told me that my grandmother is just a mean old woman and always has been,and now that she's 85 years old,I should just blow her off,and disregard her statements as jibberish.My mom fails to remember that's what she's always said concerning grandma.Here's a twist though,my mom sid my father will not "hate" me or disown me for standing up for myself to her,and I should sit next to her when I visit,or make it a point to take her with me somewhere,and see if she does abuse me in some way.Then I can blast her and let her know I am not a little girl she can hurt and pay for my silence anymore,right in front of my dad.It would be wonderful if it would work,but I don't think it will...advice?

June 12, 2006
4:21 pm
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garfield9547
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springs

Your grandmother is 85. i do not think she has the capacity to change.

She looks like she has some N traits,

I think you are also projecting everything on your grandmother while your mother and father might also share in what made you the way you are,

We are sometimes blind to the way our parents emotionally abused us.

Just my 2 cents

Garfield

June 12, 2006
4:58 pm
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I do know that my father has a small hand in what has turned me into an emotional doormat for men.But,alas the reason why my grandmother is getting the brunt of my harsh words and feelings of ill will is because she deserves them.I can vouch with no reservations that my mom has absolutely no bearing in any of this.She has only defended my existence to my grandmother,and my father has corraborated this fact,that my paternity is and never has been a question,except to her.I am not blind to the fact that my father has put himself out there to be my grandmother's financial security and only surviving child,so he feels a sense of responsibility to care for her.But,my father,like so many other men in this world,only did the best he could and has the proverbial think before you speak stupidity problem on more than one occasion,but the only person that abused me in my family was my grandmother.I don't care if she changes,I will probably never get answer or apology for why,only because I know why.I just want closure to say I once stood up for myself to this atrocious woman who beat me and shoved me in the muck for her own insecure and selfish reasons,all because I merely existed.

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