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Fed up of being an outcast - how can i change this?
September 28, 2013
10:55 am
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dissolved girl
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September 28, 2013
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Hi

I am sure there are many posts about this topic.

I am not sure how to begin this to be honest - i am 27 years old, female and i have a boyfriend of 7 ish years. I live in a smallish town.

I have friends. The problem is these friends never want to try anything new or have moved away to different cities. The ones left are an odd bunch of mismatches together including me of course. It's like we all came together because we don't fit in elsewhere. I am lucky to have the friends that i do but i feel so suffiocated. I never get to try anything new or meet new people. I am painfully quiet in large groups of people. I am fine one to one. Maybe this is why i have 5 or 6 very good friends. Most of my friends are men. I don't know why but i have never easily been able to make friends with women. I have a couple of close women friends but the majority i find difficult to get on with. I do miss female company. Obviously being friends with mostly men has it's problems - they end up either fancying you and the friendship ends or they get a girlfriend and you are forgotten about. As much as i appreciate the friends i do have they are not always around and to be honest because they never want to try anything new or go to the same old places i get fed up. I need to meet new people and try new things. There is so much going on in my local area but i have no one to go with. Yes i have my boyfriend but i want my own social life.

I haven't been invited out for the past three weekends and to be honest it's the same most weekends. I just cannot understand what i am doing so wrong. I know i am a good and trustworthy person. I worry perhaps i am not fun to be with because i am quiet. I would like a group of friends that i can always go out with but i feel like i am scrounging around for a social life half the time. I think people forget i am here.

I thought it would get easier as i got older but i am just as confused as ever. I would love to have friends with the same interests but i am too quiet to just walk up to people and start talking to them. I just posted an ad looking for friends in my local area and even replied to a couple i saw on the website. This is the last thing i can think to do. I thought about volunteering work but once the forms were completed nothing really came about.

Background on me is i am on anti depressants (only 20mg) - used to suffer with panic attacks quite badly (although not so much now) plus valium helps with that. Still get anxiety.

I guess you may have no new advice to give me, perhaps i am just looking for some reassurance but i feel so lost in this world. I don't know where to go from here without being totally honest with people and asking them to give me a chance! Yet that's kind of pathetic in a way. Help Frown

September 30, 2013
7:25 pm
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casabella
Laguna Beach, CA
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September 9, 2013
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Hi, After reading this I realized that you have answered most of your questions. If you want to change all that about your life, it's you who's going to have to make the effort. On the one hand you say that you have some very good friends. But you get suffocated in their company too. Why should you always expect them to do something that you may like? If they are your good friends, you can also suggest doing something you like. You want excitement in your life, bring it in yourself. When you guys are together, suggest doing something that makes you happy. I think you need to get out of the shell you've got yourself into. Do you have some kind of a hobby? Indulge in that. And who said you need hundreds of people to have fun? Your bf and you can spend time doing stuff that you both enjoy doing. As for meeting new people, you have to make an effort to do that. You know the words 'I am' are very powerful. Instead of telling yourself, 'I am an introvert' or 'I have no great friends in my life who love to do exciting stuff', tell yourself 'I am surrounded with great friends' ' I am living a good life, full of fun and happiness'. Sorry to be blunt but you need more positive thinking in your life. You have the power to bring about whatever change you want to bring in your life. Do it. Tell yourself you don't need those anti-depressants. What good are they doing? Have they changed your situation? Love yourself. If you don't already, pursue something that you love doing. I know it's easier said than done but instead of focussing on the negative, focus on the positive.

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