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10:59 pm
September 30, 2010
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Hi there Ma,
I really haven't had a minister tell me that I did not have a Biblical ground to remarry. But, when I married the second time the minister who married my ex and I said that we would be committing adultery, and had us pray for forgiveness.
There is a book entitled, "Til Death Do Us Part", and it talks about the more "legalist" side of divorce and remarriage according to scripture. It is actually pretty difficult to argue when you use this book as a reference point.
I wish I could with utmost confidence gladly latch onto your former post, but to be wrong would have grave consequences. To continue to languish single is also difficult for me. Although, day to day, when I am single I am pretty content. I just get lonely............
I am confused.......
1:53 pm
September 30, 2010
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I don't know what State/City you live in, but please google "Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship" (I think it is tacf.org) and pull up their listing of TACF-affiliated churches. I trust them. They are Biblically sound and totally Spirit-led.
You need to find a church where the ministry is Spirit-filled, non-legalistic and Biblically sound for your "deprograming" from the terrible teaching which has been inflicted upon you. Many Baptist (and other, non-Spirit-filled) churches are extremely legalistic. You need to find a church where you can be restored and set free from this oppressive doctrinal twisting.
- Ma
6:09 pm
September 30, 2010
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P.S. Burn that stupid book before someone else reads it and gets whacked with Legalism, too!
8:22 pm
September 30, 2010
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Hey there Ma,
I actually only was told/read to as far as the book goes by "r". He actually was standing for his marriage for awhile, and does not believe he ever can remarry according to the Bible. Well, you know what he did with regards to me.......I don't know. But, clearly I don't need to worry about that now.
Now, I need to develop strong boundaries with him. I need to go back to my recovery group. It is going to be hard to tell them about the relapse.
12:26 am
September 30, 2010
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Remember, dear Hopeinhim...
We are not what we DO; we are who we are in the heart.
Don't allow yourself to feel guilty or condemned. We are all in the same boat.
- Ma
7:45 pm
September 30, 2010
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And R is simply using the Word of God to mess with your head and justify his disgraceful mistreatment of you.
Fornication and rape are better than remarrying? WHOA. Sin is sin. End of story.
He is playing games with your heart and your head, trying to justify his despicable actions.
- Ma
11:03 pm
September 30, 2010
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Yeah Ma I agree - quite a discrepancy between trying to do what he perceives scripture saying in some areas, and not in others. Big time extremes, too. Way legalistic in one corner, and criminal in the other.
I hope things are beginning to look up for you this Thanksgiving.
Hope
1:52 pm
September 30, 2010
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They are, Hope. Thanks so much. Rays of HOPE are beaming into my life and my Ministry.
- Ma
1:10 pm
September 30, 2010
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Ma,
I am glad to hear it. I need to check the other thread, but it speaks volumes that you got all that TLC. I was amazed that you could support others so attentively in such crisis. I can scarcely keep track of who is who, but I am getting there.
BTW - "R" is upset with me.......I was annoyed with him, and he essentially hung up on ME. I am going to keep the no contact going. Back to principles for me, and no more self-indulgent flesh. ! will not be perfect, but I know I can focus on my kids, keep the clothes on, and stay sober.
Luv,
Hope
7:33 pm
September 30, 2010
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Maybe we need to start up a thread to help you maintain (and understand the power of) "No Contact." If you do a search on "No Contact," you can read some old threads that explain why it is so important and why it speeds up our painful recovery process.
You will still hurt, but you will recover faster. Each time you have any contact with him, (even through 3rd party information), it's like ripping the scab off an open wound.
Don't call him. Don't take his calls. Don't text him. You have said all that needs to be said. Close the door and move on. In dignity. Take back the reins (the power over) your life by initiating and maintaining strict "No Contact." It speaks a powerful message. He'll get it.
- Ma Strong
9:42 pm
September 30, 2010
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Thanks Ma,
Fortunately, there are not really any 3rd party contacts. It is just a tough time of year to be newly single. Also, I was financially devastated by being broken into.......it is going to be a rough month financially. So, it makes it tempting for me to go to what I know.
He will get it - he would always respect my boundaries when we broke up. It was just this last time that I got those emails from him. I was surprised that he was even protesting at all. I don't know what was different. It was the 4th time he relapsed when we were together.
How is your holiday season shaping up? The wonderful roommate I mentioned got us a real Christmas tree! Otherwise, it would have been up with the artificial tree!
12:11 pm
September 30, 2010
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Yup...it always seems harder to be single/alone during the Christmas Holidays. After six years, I have finally adjusted to it. Not very graciously, perhaps, but I have adjusted. (I was widowed six years ago...tried remarrying TWICE...both times to toxic men.) It is better to be alone, than married & miserable.
My Holiday will be quiet. My older son is getting married next Fall to BridZilla who does not want any social time/contact with me. So I will not see my older son during the Holidays. That will be sad, but nothing I can do about it.
My younger son will probably share Christmas dinner with me at a nice restaurant, then join up with some of his buddies somewhere. So, this will be a quiet time for me.
Next month, I will be VERY busy with ministry travel (Jacksonville, FL, Zurich, Switzerland and Tamarac, FL already lined up), so I am looking forward to the New Year and viewing this month as a time of rest and preparation for what lies ahead.
How will you be spending Christmas and New Year's Eve?
- Ma
10:25 pm
September 24, 2010
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I've been divorced 4 years now.I'm happy that my sons (and oldest one's fiancee*) and a nephew ( younger son's roommate) come for dinner once a week, and find time to be with me on holidays.Only so much time's allotted, though- they have other places to be, as well. Oldest lives with f*, and of course they will go to her family's too. We'll all go to my mother's house, an hour away, where my 9 sibs and their extended families will gather, for awhile. Nephew will go to his family's. My sons will also go to their dad's. The boys do a lot together, and were planning a New Year's party. Neither son drinks- they don't enjoy the kind of party where people overindulge (dad did. I was a pothead-never liked drinking) I've gotten to be more of a loner..not entirely satisfied or happy about it, but better no one than bad/wrong one. After busy Christmas, and crazy hectic retail work life, I am rather looking forward to a quiet New Year's Eve-me and cats. Peace is a nice way to welcome New Year. I'm a little melancholy about sons going their own way, and our family broken up, but life is all about accepting change, isn't it?
9:00 pm
September 30, 2010
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Hi Ma,
Christmas Eve will be spent with family, and Christmas morning will be just me and the children. Then, I actually work on-call Christmas swing.
2 of my children have their birthdays by Christmas to make things xtra interesting. But, what can you do? I honor the birthdays separately of course!
My laptop is being fixed, but I hope to have it back in 3 weeks at the latest. Thanks for telling me about adjusting to being single. It is hard, indeed.
Blessings to you on Christmas!
Tiffany
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