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expresion of my hurts...
January 5, 2005
10:01 am
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hopyhoo
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September 30, 2010
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None of the things I though I was I am now…none of the things I dreamed about us .are going to Be
I don’t know who I am anymore I am all pain, emptiness….memories. .in front of the vast uncertainty no matter where I look I know is going to hurt, I know is going to brake me I know I’ll be lost for a while, I know is scary I know I let go the other trapeze with out seeing yet the other or knowing if it will come or what’s going to happened in the precipice of that what I was and what I was yet to be…I am mourning somebody that I steel see but yet I don’t know to me an empty shell ,In a sense is a dead because is something I can’t bring back ,something that can not be force. Intimacy, Love
The house is empty. For good or bad the kids are not here, the ages of thus who I didn’t have ,every little piece of them spread in the house...hurts ..i know he was in the middle...hurts
I put him also in the middle by option so I don’t have to jump
Why is so whirred mourning when you are not here but when I see you I can’ express my self that just make things more deeply painful.
"Your time alone"is a long journey to another worls where i know i will never have accsess to.
The day become a threat to me …many hours where the emptiness get to empowered me and kidnapping me many times during the day for a fraction of seconds. The air is much better, hurt less, when I am far from you and all I thought you were….but I steel miss you, who ever was there that got to make me dream and fall in this hole that I knew from before was there and didn’t want to look at ;the robbery of my self esteem. Happened so long ago …. It is a treasure… my life depend on it, but yet seams to be, ironically, something intangible and so painful to get it and so painful not to have it

January 5, 2005
9:12 pm
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CAMER
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thanks for posting, hopyhoo, and hope you are doing ok today. Wishing you comfort and peace (((camer)))

January 7, 2005
6:27 pm
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hopyhoo
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thank you cammer! i didn,t finish it..but i wanted to express my self...

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