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Does anyone has an answer
February 12, 2000
9:25 am
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Jaytong
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I got a question...well, this seems not a big deal compare with those I seen from this webpage........but I feel very depressed.
I know a guy for years, but we were not very close friends. He had a girlfriend for 3 yrs, but they finally broke up. 6 months later we started to get closer and closer, and then we started our relationship. We were very happy with each other, however, one month after we started, he suddenly told
me that somehow his ex-girlfriend is still in his heart, he felt that this is unfair to me....I was very sad and left him. But later, he came back to me, telling me that he didn't mean to break up with me, he just wanted to tell me his problem, he said he does want to be with me, and asked me to give him time. As I want to be with him, I said I would give him time. Then, we were back to normal, like before, we had very happy time. However, after Christmas, he became very
"fluctuating". I noticed that he was unhappy, I asked what's the problem; but he didn't want to tell, he just discussed some "side" problems.......I asked if he really want to be with me. He reassured me twice
that he want to be with me and he want me to think the same too. So, I thought I should trust him. I've tried many things to make him happy, because I think, as his lover, I should do sth to relieve his unhappiness. However, his mood didn't improve no matter how hard I tried. 3 weeks ago, when I was
talking to him on the phone, I noticed that he is still very unhappy, I think I should deal with his problem directly. So, I asked him why he is so unhappy, he asked me, what do I think. I said, he was thinking if he really love me or not. Then, he's like
collapsed........He started to say many many
things......and he finally said he wants to give up......I was very sad....I can't help crying.....he kept talking and said many things.... I hung up because I can't listen to him anymore......but after that I was very
depressed....and there are still many questions that I don't understand, but I dare not to call him, I called his best friend instead, because he told me that his best friend is the only one who knows our problems the best. His friend said, he has many problems in his mind. He can't let go his first relationship (she is his first girlfriend & he didn't know why they have to
break up); at the same time, he falls in love with me, but in his mind, this is unfair to me as I am good to him, and he's the only person in my heart (he's my first boyfriend) while he's not. I don't know......after the last conversation with him, I miss him so much.....I was very sad, I can't sleep and eat well...can't concentrate on work, and I feel like I have no energy to do anything.....I know this is bad,
so I forced myself to eat even I don't really want to eat.......then I keep talking to my friends....but still I miss him very much ........I think of him every
minute.....I know I shouldn't do this but I can't let go of him.....I still want to be with him no matter what happens..........but in the meantime, there's nothing I can do, I am not a guy. I can't, say, keep
after him, there's nothing I can do........I feel very contradictory......The rational "me" told me what to do; but the other "me" don't want to forget about him......I feel very bad...I always think that it is not easy for anyone getting close and being together, that's why we treasure our time very much.....I really want to do something so that we can be together.......but all I know is if this problem persist, I will be mad....I really need some professional advice....would you please kindly give me a direction?

February 18, 2000
9:37 am
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site coordinator
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jaytong,

Sounds like you're being torn up inside...

Investigate Co-dependency Issues, you may find some direction.

Also, try posting this in the General Support.

Many people don't visit the Social Issues, so you'll likely do better to post in General Support.

Keep us updated.

SC

February 19, 2000
11:17 pm
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Jaytong
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SC,
Many thks for replying......I feel so much better after talking about it.....
I will look for some new direction thro' the co-dependency issues.
Also, I sent him an e-mail expressing my feelings to him, he replied me that he doesn't have an answer now. And he decided not to think about it at this moment. I accepted his decision, because I believe if he doesn't care, he won't even bother replying my e-mail / felt 'being not good enough to me'. I'm sure things will work out.

Jay

February 26, 2000
8:36 pm
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janes
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JT Keep writing and reading..you sound like you know what you want and if so you'll be able to go far.

February 29, 2000
5:01 am
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Jaytong
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um......sounds like I know what to do, but my heart doesn't goes along with my mind. it's difficult to be sure .....
I really feel fear that he'll finally goes away for his ex, who will never go back to him anymore.........

March 2, 2000
9:51 am
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janes
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And if goes away to his ex and she won't have him what then? If he is hurt...it isn't your fault at all.

March 3, 2000
7:34 am
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Jaytong
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right, I was worrying about him on 29-feb-00. but, on 3-mar-00, i understand "fixing myself" first is the #1 issue for me.
I want to be REAL !

March 4, 2000
9:16 am
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janes
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Hi jt.
Being real has always been a goal of mine too. To be true to self. to be REALLY REAL and not a fake or fraud. Codependency lead to the feeling of fakedom. I just am learning about codep myslef.

Went throgh lots of denial with the concept.

Esp. hard when you're a mom and codep can be pretty close to nurtuting sometimes.

Hope today is good for the REAL you!!!

March 24, 2000
10:28 pm
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Jaytong
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yes.......I am confused with the concepts too....now I feel very lost..............see sth but can't grab it .............I dont' know what stage I am in.....I don;t know where I am going........

April 4, 2000
9:46 am
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hootie-hoo
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What if you had married this person only to have him tell you after several years that he was still thinking about the other person? Look at this as a blessing from God!!! Don't question your blessings.

April 8, 2000
3:57 am
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Jasmine
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a blessing from god?
.........

April 13, 2000
10:15 pm
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farter
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forgive me but I take it your in a mis appropriated relationship. get help depression caves in on all of us due to alot of stress in life. dont waste another minute follow after someone who cares Jesus is a true friend.

April 16, 2000
7:47 am
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Jasmine
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I have no religion background.....I know nothing about Jesus/God. all I know is I am feeling extremely bad and confused .......... You think praying helps?

Jasmine/jaytong

April 17, 2000
5:17 pm
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Ladybug
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I think praying is your choice. Jaytong, I know what you are going through. I was there with a guy for five years and it is realy hard to move on . I have a question did you ever catch yourself listening to music and it made you think of him. What I did is the same think you did, start thinking about about myself. I think you are headed in the right direction. Just take it a day at a time.

April 20, 2000
8:21 am
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Jasmine
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Thank you for your post. I am working on it. but sometimes it's really difficult, becasue of the mood swing...... up and down ; up and down..... it's ... when I am falling down, I got to pour things out.........got to have someone to share .... that 's why i keep coming back here.........

anyway, thanks for listening..........i'll try

April 29, 2000
12:31 pm
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soos
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Jasmine, do pray. What can it hurt. Ask God if He's there to be real to you. If He's the God of the Bible, old and new, Abrahams Father, He is personally interested in you, and cares about your pain. I wish I were a better representative of His love for you. But He can use anyone or anything if He's pursuing you. Even an onlilne bulletin board.

Ask Him. He's good. He truly cares. He really offers a security and peace that surpass understanding. Don't worry about how He'll answer you. Just ask and begin listening and looking. I'll pray He puts people in your path who will support you in His love. There is Hope, Jasmine. Wonder what He's got in store for you....

April 29, 2000
2:52 pm
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ions
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and for those of us w/o god?

April 30, 2000
8:35 am
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Jasmine
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pray...can you pray in a chaotic environment? I want to get a place that is quiet, so that i can calm down, try praying...try to think / look into my real self. but the environment is so chaotic.....can He listen? I don't know..........i fail to listen to my true self. I am good one day, but I am still extremely sensitive, ....if sth goes wrong, I would go down at once.....is this my fault? should I ask him for help? or, the "help" is actually in myself?

.....

May 2, 2000
7:01 pm
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soos
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If God can't listen in a chaotic environment, He's not much of a God. The trouble is listening when all is chaos. Maybe God will help you find the strength in yourself, or maybe He will ease your burden Himself. Forgiveness (receiving it and giving it) relieves us of the majority of our burdens in our lives. The feeling bad, feeling sorry part is easy. I find I can wallow in that all day. But if I've done wrong, and I admit it and I ask God to forgive me, THEN I have to receive that forgiveness, and sometimes I get stuck there. He always forgives (see the book of I John chapter 1 verse 9) I just have to accept it. It takes a lot of humility. But there is nothing more genuine and nothing more real, and if indeed He is the creator of the universe and is personally involved in your life, If....then maybe your questions are His drawing you to Him. IF He is all the Bible says He is, then if you seek Him, you will find Him. (Jeremiah 29:11-13) What can it hurt? I have every confidence that He will meet you where you are and make Himself known to you. I think He already is. THe Bible also says, "Be still and know that I am God" It's not easy to be still, when you can't even find any quiet, but I encourage you to TRY! He has promised a peace that passes understanding, no matter what the circumstances. May He bless you, Jasmine and may you know His love and mercy and grace. May you find people who will love you in His love. Do you have a Bible? Can you get one?

Shameless proselytizing...
ions--are you so sure you are?

May 4, 2000
12:42 am
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Jasmine
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I'll try......... see if it works.

May 7, 2000
1:34 pm
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ions
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so sure i am w/o god? YES, very much so.

May 7, 2000
11:42 pm
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soos
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Ions-- how do you know? And have you ever tried praying? I don't mean that as a challenge, I'm really curious. To whom? Are you saying NO higher power? You reject the idea that there is any god, Judeo-Christian or otherwise? Are you an athiest or an agnostic or a self-proclaimed pagan like Hazza? Are you willing to talk about your beliefs? I'm very interested.

May 27, 2000
11:13 pm
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Jasmine
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oh, well. praying do calms a lot. but i guess it takes time to relieve everything.......

May 30, 2000
3:50 am
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I am not a self -proclaimed pagan! no-one knows what pagans belived anyway they died out, new age pagans are only guessing!!
I am a self proclaimed agnostic. I just don't know and neither does anyone else. The most anyone can do is believe. that is why it is called faith.

Jasmine, what ever way you can find towards the future and hope is the path you want. Call it prayer, positive thinking, assertiveness or whatever.
Either way, call it what you will, believe it is external (religion) or beieve it inside you, it all amounts to the same thing. You are deciding to move forward and feel the pain you are going through now, but know that you will come out the other side if you only keep travelling forward.

Find what feels right to YOU. There are many people out there who have great joy from their faith. There are many people out the who have great joy without any religious faith at all.

FInd out about YOU, what you really feel to be true, is for you true.

It matters nothing if it is not the same thing as I believe or anyone else here, or you famiy or anyone else.

Get to know YOU. sometimes you can really suprise yourself.

peace
Hazza

May 30, 2000
11:10 pm
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Frieda
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Don't you think religion is both outside and in? I have trouble with a world with no objective truth. The Bible says that everything in creation testifies to the existence of a creator God. The Qur'an says Allah impresses faith into the hearts of his followers. Agnosticism is quite logical, BUT if there is a personal God who cares intimately for me, I want to know Him. Y'know? Prayer is not magic. It is rather mystical. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. To be human is to hope. Some famous guy said that. Can't remember who. Getting to know ourselves ... I don't know just what to do with that. My SELF. Am I a created being with a purpose and destination? Am I to live for here and now, or is there an eternal perspective I need to consider? Are all these answers in my SELF? How do I even begin to look?

Hazza, here's a bit more humor, I PRAY won't hurt anyone's feelings:

Q. What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

A. A person who lies awake all night trying to decide if there really IS a doG.

I really hope no one takes offense...
Also, Hazza, you referred to yourself as a pagan, so don't get huffy with Soos!:)

To pray to God you have to believe that He is, right? At least to some degree. Isn't any other prayer simply positive thoughts in motion? Not that that is insignificant, but Shouldn't praying to a personal God be more like a conversation? Points to ponder....

Piece of Peace to all.

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