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Does anybody else feel a certain frustration with forums?
February 24, 2007
11:31 am
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Anonymous
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I've limited my involvement with AAC lately because it frustrates me to an extent that I can't see my fellow posters in person. I'm not advocating that we contact each other off site; no, not at all. I established some offsite communications with a few others on AAC last summer, but found it only increased my feelings of frustration.

Written communication might be the only viable means of talking on an online forum, but these alone can leave me with a feeling of unfulfillment. After a time, I can get an intense desire to interact in person, which cannot be done for logistical reasons. So I respond by limiting my involvement here and minimizing this frustration.

Does anybody else feel anything like this?

Seeker

February 24, 2007
1:57 pm
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Loralei
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My frustration is similar in that there are a handful of people here that I would love to get to be friends with in person. To hang out, have great discussions, go places together, etc. It is so difficult to meet like-minded people where I live. And the ones I've met are so terribly much younger than I am, that we don't have many 'other' interests in common outside of our similar philosophy and perspective. I don't think that fact makes this site frustrating as much as just being frustrated with the lack of kindred spirits in my neck of the woods.

February 24, 2007
5:15 pm
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Hi Seek

Thanks for explaining why your presence has been rare since you returned. I had wondered.

I do encounter frustrations with this forum, but not related to being unable to meet other posters in person.

I try to take it for what it is. I found it very helpful when SC reminded us one time to use this place for our own personal growth as related to our issues around codependency. I try to remind myself of that whenever I start feeling frustrated! Hope that helps...

And thank you for being you.

love, kroiks

February 24, 2007
8:41 pm
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bevdee
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Hey Seeker

I don’t feel frustrated about not being able to meet anyone from this site. But I have wondered if I would feel as free to share my feelings with someone in person.

I have wondered - what if I got the opportunity to meet someone here that I had shared with, established a rapport with? And met them, and it fell apart? Sometimes it’s easier to be vulnerable with anonymity. I think of it as good practice to learn communication, insight, and human behaviour.

How did you do this? --"I established some offsite communications with a few others on AAC last summer,"

February 25, 2007
1:11 pm
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Anonymous
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kroika,

Thanks. That puts it in perspective, to view this site as a means for personal growth. When I think of it that way, it indeed puts it in a new light. And it makes sense to accept that certain relationships, such as on-line ones, have inherent limitations, and to give and take accordingly. I no longer feel frustrated with the site.

bevdee,

I agree -- it is easier to share when you know you're anonymous. There are things I've said here that I wouldn't dream of telling my friends.

About your question about establishing some "offsite communications with a few others on AAC last summer", here's how that happened. Before the SC started cracking down on sharing personal info on this site, I happened to see several instances of people posting their personal email addresses. I wrote them, discovered that some already had the addys of a few others, and started some email correspondences.

But one of these correspondences ended up introducing more problems than solutions, and they did not change the fact that they were still only virtual friendships, so that element of frustration remained.

I stronly support the SC's guidelines about not sharing personal information on this site.

February 25, 2007
1:15 pm
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Anonymous
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Loralei,

Thank you for your comments. Yes, that would be frustrating, to have a lack of kindred spirits where you are. I suppose in that sense, AAC could help by enabling you to interact at least in writing with other such spirits. So maybe this site decreases your frustration in this regard.

February 25, 2007
3:35 pm
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bevdee
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Hey Seeker-

That's right, I remember now. I have wondered how Guppy was doing.

February 25, 2007
5:24 pm
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bevdee,

Last I knew, Guppy is dating again and is doing well. We're still friends. She spends her time on another forum now.

February 27, 2007
10:28 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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DO I think that it is frustrating...sure. I believe in my heart that the relationships that I have developed with people here on this site have TRULY changed my life for the better. Do I think that it would be a bad thing on "the outside". No, I truly don't. I think that there is potential for only being hurt, or more hurt again after meeting "outside" of here, with certain people. But, I FULLY believe that I could have relationships with 3 or 4 people from this site on the outside and TRULY have it be beneficial. I think that it comes down to a LOT of what you choose to do with the relationships once you have gotten these people in your real life. I do not believe that you could just get outside of here and discuss EVERYTHING in a matter of no time, I think that it would take time, but I believe in my heart that wonderful friendships COULD be formed. I truly believe it comes down to how close you are, and how well you REALLY know each other. I think that you can get to know people here that would be neat to talk to outside of here, or I believe that you can meet people from here on the outside, and it can truly change your life. It just depends on the people involved. I think that it is sad that we may never know. And as far as it still being merely a relationship through a computer on the outside, that is by choice. If it is important enough to you, you will find a way to meet on the outside in person. I wish that could happen sometimes. I think that there are a lot of people that it could really help. But that is just my opinion, and my feelings on the subject. Yes, it is hard for me sometimes. It is frustrating, I would like to have the chance to know for myself. And yes, most of you know that I had that chance....I could have given up my rights along with others that I was close to, in exchange for email addresses....I opted not to do that. There are a lot of benefits to the site, but really....what I question is what might I be missing there? I see it from both sides...that makes it tough.

Mich

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