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Diary of guest_guest
May 20, 2006
5:52 am
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justlooking
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Guest

funny link, thanks for making me giggle in the morning. When Guppy said "entertaining himself" I wasn't sure I wanted to watch that, ok dirty mind working over time, sorry.
Thanks for the info about curiosity killed the cat, curiosity killed the dog doesn't have the same ring to it anyway.

Seriously now, Guest you talked to 'that girl', well sometimes that's the best thing to do so your not left wondering, what if, glad you were honest with her. Sounds like she doesn't know what she really wants, best out of it.
Lastly do you really think it's a good idea to go straight into a relationship with someone else now, you may need to give yourself time to heal. If you want a g/f to forget 'that girl' maybe that's the wrong motivation.

Guppy, what's with the goat, do you live near a farm?

May 20, 2006
7:50 am
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oh my gosh, I cant beleive it, I asked her in email if we could have sex like we did before. Dont know whats gonna happen. This is the riskiest email I've ever sent in my life.

I spent an hour on it even though it was a few lines - couldnt decide what to send, or if to send. Oh my goshhh. What the f is gonna happen now?

She's fantasized about me before, she told me. And then we had sex 3 times. I think whatever the response is, will decide if I shut her out of my life or not. Either she'll hate me, or love me. lol.. goshhh... shit.

May 20, 2006
7:52 am
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guppy, hit a goat huh.

JL, i'm still playing my last card! If she doesnt want to have sex too, I'll back off for good, I think.

gosh. cant believe it. Well, now she knows. Atleast.. so.

May 20, 2006
7:59 am
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Guest, guest, guest, guest!

What are you doing, your deck of cards is never-ending, when are you going to cut that final cord and what is it you want from her, SEX, is that it?
Answer with the truth.

May 20, 2006
9:36 am
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just looking-no i live in the country. somebody had a pet goat. black goat, dark night.......car smacked the goat. gave goat a serious headache. (advil would not cure this one) damn goat.......

May 20, 2006
9:58 am
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JL I wanted her to be my GF, we had some wonderful peaceful joyful times together. She said yesterday she likes me because I make her smile. Now that she doesnt want to be with me, she doesnt want to think about a relationship, well - might as well have sex with her. She goes to two of her ex's homes and spends night with them anyway so I think she's liberal in that sense. I'd love to have sex with her too, cuddle and everything. Thats all I can get from her. I cant emotionally invest in her since she probably cant commit to me. Sex is it, yes. You know who initiated it the first time? Her. We could have been having sex all these 5 months, if I hadnt gone crazy and told her stuff like, we shouldnt have done it.

I dont know whats she gonna say now, IF she's going to say anything. Once she refuses sex, I think I can move from being obsessed about her becuase I know there's nothing to gain from her - as "low" as it seems.

I wanted to have a relationship with her, we've enjoyed so much together. I never wanted her just for sex but we connect really well and enjoy each other's company so I might as well have fun and just get sex, if not an exclusive relationship.

May 20, 2006
10:03 am
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if she feels disgusted by my email and hates me for it, I might be able to move away from her because I know there's little to pursue in her now.
Pursuing her is painful anyway, becuase she has a BF and she's liberal in terms of sex, I think. I bet this is not good for any of you to read .. eehh. But thats what I want.
If she agrees with me, that would be good too, we'll have fun. Lets see what happens.

May 20, 2006
11:17 am
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I've sort of already given up on her because of her wanton ways with men so I know a relationship will be hard unless she changes, becomes more truthful and faithful.

She said yesterday the reasons why she gives different every time to the same question is, she's confused. I feel sympathy for her still and I wish it could be different but she know, my main issue is her faithfulness.

Anyway .... a boring and possibly depressing, lonely day today. On 11am Saturday I always think of her, she once picked me up at that time and we went to get lunch and on the way back she asked me, why I was different (she meant in a positive way) than the other guys. Where are those days when she thought of me like this? Gone, sniff. and I'm lonely now.

i guess will try to think about the career and read the 6 pillars book today. Gonna get breakfast now.

May 20, 2006
11:18 am
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Guest,

you have been so honest about this I think it's good to see it for what it is and not get caught up in the romance. It sounds like this is all about lust, the problem is once that has gone you are not left with very much else,in my experience, and if she is perpared to be unfaithful to her b/f who she says she loves......well I can go on forever with reasons for you not to pursue this but in the end it's your life and I hardly know you. One day you will find the right path.

May 20, 2006
11:23 am
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Enjoy your breakfast guest, be kind to yourself today.

May 20, 2006
12:06 pm
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thanks! I had KFC. I still miss her, gosh. I miss the times we used to go to movies, the times she'd come here and want to talk to me. I have a heart, I told her I missed what was between us and I wished we could do something about it. You've said the same thing as others to leave this girl.

Now alicat is gonna read this and say what the HELL - he just said he left her and all that. Gosh. alicat, its not easy. I have feelings. I know you know its not easy.

May 20, 2006
12:25 pm
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Come on, guest you're worth more than this, don't waste anymore time thinking about it, focus on something else, something you enjoy doing, you have the gift of a life give it purpose and meaning.

May 20, 2006
12:37 pm
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i'll try. I just wrote to her how much I enjoyed our time together and that I miss her and like her very much, gosh lol.. I'm back to where I was, but I'm just playing my last cards I think. Should be able to get go. Very sad.

I think though its good to let these feelings out to her. I told her I hope I can stop missing her because its driving me crazy eeee.

Going to think about my job and read that 6 pillars book and listen to music.

I guess with time I'll be able to move on though it hurts so much right now.

May 20, 2006
12:42 pm
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jl, sorry, i just use this thread to rant a lot. I hope you dont feel indebted to respond to my posts, so you'll see me writing a lot just randomly. It helps me to write stuff even if no one responds. I dont expect anyone to respond too unless I ask a question - well bascially, I hope you dont feel you have to respond.

May 20, 2006
12:52 pm
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Ok, guest, one last word, I think this sounds like an addiction, you just can't help yourself, stop now. Take one day at a time.

I have a friend over for dinner sounds like she needs my help.jl

May 20, 2006
12:55 pm
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hope you enjoy the dinner. You're right its like an addiction lol. Gosh.

ah. will try to spend the day in peace.

May 20, 2006
7:04 pm
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At least I got a 'lol' instead of a 'sniff, sniff'

I had a lovely dinner, thank-you.

May 20, 2006
7:46 pm
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thats nice, i'm glad you had a nice dinner.
Here's some rant from me, feel free to ignore it(hehe):

I feel anxiety and real loneliness and low self-esteem today, after meeting her yesterday and sending her another barrage of crazy emails, this time they talked about how I missed her. heh.. damn.

I'm trying to convince myself how it wouldnt be ok wth her, but I feel very sad, I dont want to give up on her like this, I dont want to reject her. She's very nice hearted.

She said though, she bugs her boyfriend a lot when she's depressed (which she is 70% of the time, according to her. I estimate 80%).

I said "like what, getting mad at "Why didnt you turn the water off?" " ---- and she said 'maybe'.

I said, I wouldnt like to be like that. I'd like to live in peace and contentedness.

However, she said she liked me and that I made her smile. Sweet! oh my gosh. Very difficult right now.

Trying to be strong.

May 20, 2006
9:22 pm
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guest-guest,
i can still post, which is ok.
may i suggest that you take a look at TATLife.com. i do not practice this but you mya find it applicable so that it may work for you.

May 20, 2006
9:55 pm
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thanks OMW, im checking the site. Its sort of like the Callahan techniques I read. Hope you're having a nice break.

May 21, 2006
10:02 am
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isn't she rejecting you by not responding to your emails or requests to be with her?

you don't want to reject her, but I see her rejecting you ALL the time.

May 21, 2006
11:16 am
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She responded to one, which had some amount of self-respect (I was criticising Dalai Lala in that one). The others were very needy so I dont blame her. They were chaotic. Other than that, I mean there's a whole list of reasons why she probably couldnt be happy with me.

I did reject her, but then she called me on Friday and we had some good time together and she also told me not to send any of those emails to her again.

I even told her, she's a food that I cant have, so I'd rather not have it infront of me, so we shouldnt see each other.

Its a big chaos. I hope I can get over this so I can move on and biggest of all, I hope I'm ready and able to have a good relationship with the next girl. I have to focus on bringing peace to myself. Its just very hard sometimes and I end up in a lot of anxiety, like all throughout this weekend.

hopefully should be better with time.

May 21, 2006
11:19 am
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I think this is the maybe the 15th time I'm going through this. heh

May 21, 2006
11:43 am
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i suggest you post on the going around the mountain thread then and join the caravan.

May 21, 2006
11:52 am
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🙁 i dont feel like right now. Will try to read the self-esteem book.

Got to remember the things she's said like, she bugs her BF because of her depression even though he's nice. Her BF said recently he cant marry her.

OMG.. somoene help me. Wish I hadnt known this girl. Ch.

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