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Diary of guest_guest
May 17, 2006
6:00 pm
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yea, like wonk, wonk, wonk....or something like that. i love the one when they all go to summer camp and the girls and boys raft down the river. do u remember that one. snoopy is always up to something. doing his own thing. and lucy is always trying to best charlie. who was sally in love with....wasn't it linus. oh yea and patty liked charlie.

as much as guest talks about cleaning , u can't compare him to thigpen. remember him. the walking dust cloud. ha ha

Who was it that played the piano. that is the kid lucy drooled over. i can't remember his name.

May 17, 2006
6:16 pm
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guppy
lol, Schroeder was the blond kid that played the piano, but he wasn't in the least bit interested in Lucy with her talk of wedding bells.
How could you forget Woodstock, that funny looking little yellow bird.
Oops sorry Guest I don't know what this has to do with your dairy.

May 17, 2006
6:23 pm
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justlooking-i heard guest was lactos intolerent anyway.so we can use his DAIRY.!!!!!!

i remember woodstock. he's so cute. and only snoopy knew what the heck he was chirping about.....

May 17, 2006
6:42 pm
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Lol, can't spell at this time of night, in fact I'm not much better in the daytime.

As a kid I went to see Charlie Brown and friends live performance at a theatre, I can tell you the cartoon is much better.

May 17, 2006
6:48 pm
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i can one up ya.i saw em on the ice capades. ha!!!!

where in the world are u that u are in the dark. sun is still shinging in my neck of the woods......my fingers get dyslexic after dark too.

May 17, 2006
6:53 pm
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I'm in rainy old England and it's nearly midnight!

I'm going to bed soon, "sniff, sniff", I have a cold.

May 17, 2006
7:04 pm
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just looking-hope the cold gets better. u do know guest has a patent on the" sniff sniff" dont ya? took him six years to get it down pat.........if u start using it, i'm sure guest is going to start whine whine...ing. and there goes the friendship. u will have seriously wrecked his self esteem, and then he will be resisting beating u up for stealing his sniff sniffs. well, he prob. wont resist much.....:-)

May 17, 2006
7:11 pm
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yea!! 6 years, had to work hard.

Ok i tried napping but it did'nt work

you guys cna chat all you like.

I miss this girl! i sent her an email if she wanted to come over for a movie. This is the last time for now im gonna try contacting her. i did it so she's not thinking why i dont wanna get with her.

and my wrists, carpal tunnel, ah.

May 17, 2006
7:11 pm
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Guppy
I really blew it and this is only the second day of posting here.
This is too much for me, I'm going to have to say good night, thanks for making me laugh, guppy

May 17, 2006
7:32 pm
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guest - just catching up here.

you said that the real problem was that he cheated on me.

I wish I could say that was the real problem.

but, it was just a SYMPTOM of a bigger problem - probably like your girl.

He cheated - but before that, he was emotionally unavailable, wasn't very loving, didn't pay attention to MY needs, didn't THINK about how I felt, didn't THINK about what was right or wrong....said he WANTED the relationship, but didn't do a DAMN thing to have it - refused to do the work.

Ultimately, his fear of commitment kept him from being willing to pay attention to what he was doing and keep him out of trouble...he did what he wanted, and cried about the consequences later - instead of thinking before he acted and preventing the fallout.

Many many issues here, and saying 'he wasn't loyal' is really simplifying and minimizing what actually went on.

Your girl is not faithful - not loyal - and only shows you interest on her terms....you still didn't answer someone's question about what she gives you in exchange for all the attention and affection you offer her.....truth is, she doesn't give you much.....yet, you still want her.

you will get past this, someday...I did....and i feel awesome

May 17, 2006
7:39 pm
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i hope i will.

you make a lot of sense, yea. Cheating was just a symptom.

But .. isnt it impossible to always be lvoing, always understanding, taking care of the relationship as its fresh? I seem to think i wont be able to do that in the long term. I know its low self-esteemat work here. If i was relaxed and happy in my skin, i could always be caring and loving and positive, no matter how many years we spent together

May 17, 2006
8:01 pm
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if you want it, and are ready and willing to have it, it becomes second nature.

for instance, I didn't have to "think" before considering whether or not I should talk to another man secretively online - I have a base set of "morals" or "standards" and I don't think it's right...so I wouldn't even dream of doing it....don't need to do it, just KNOW not to.

but him - he has a different set of "standards". and in HIS mind, it's okay to talk to other women without my knowledge, okay to meet them and hang out with them without my knowledge - perhaps it is totally innocent - but the fact that he kept it secret bothered me. Once I told him that it hurt me, it was his job as my partner to consider this next time he had the option to meet her. And if he wanted to meet her, he would compromise and let me know, and not keep it secret - being careful of my feelings.

I think when you TRULY are in love - when you are TRULY ready to be commited, you don't have to "think" before you act - you know enough about your partner's feelings to know what's right or wrong.....my ex chose to live life by HIS rules - which is okay if he is single, but NOT okay if he is with someone that doesn't see eye to eye with his rules.

In the end, the best thing is to find someone who will see eye to eye with your standards for a relationship OR someone who is willing to meet your standards because they love you enough to not want to hurt you.

My BF wanted to "not think" his way thru life - and not have to worry about consequences....wanted all his goals handed to him - without effort.

well - no effort = no rewards....you don't think and act stupid, you pay the consequences.

does a police officer/judge accept "I wasn't thinking when I blew that red light, drove 120 miles an hour, ran that little old lady off the road, and hit that tree"?????no, absolutely not - you act irresponsible, you pay the price - the same goes with a relationship.

And my BF admits to not putting his effort into our relationship - and when asked "how did you think our relationship would surivive if you didn't keep up your end of things, if you stop trying, if you didn't show me you loved me"....his answer "I don't know, I didn't think about it".....reality is, this is the second time he has dropped the ball, the first time he lost his wife of 12 or more years....cuz he stopped being part of the relationship.

you don't get anything for free...and if you want it, you will keep up your end of things.

sometimes people take their partners for granted in long term relationships - but typically something shakes things up and they start paying attention again.

we all screw up, make mistakes - that's human....but if the overall relationship is a positive one, occasional mishaps don't affect the overall quality of the relationship....when it's a constant fuck up - yeah, the relationship is gonna suffer - and did.

also - it's good to point out "balance"...cuz it's important to pay attention to yoru OWN needs - and not always be giving to your partner.....in this case, had he made me "part of" his friendships with other women, I would have less issue than with the idea of these relationships being exclusive to him....if he had posted "in a relationship" on myspace, and not "single", I wouldn't have had issue, if there was a picture of the two of us on his site, again, no issue, if he ALLOWED me to be one of his "friends", again, no issue....but he totally acted like I didn't exist...and ultimately destroyed us.

He put his needs first - which is okay - if he is going to be single....but not okay when it hurt me.

balance - compromise - communication.....if you have that, you have success.

May 17, 2006
8:11 pm
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You know you say the exact same things as Dr nathaniel brande - to live conciously, to think in life before acting etc.

May 17, 2006
8:13 pm
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It escapes me but the creator of Charlie Brown...his name?? was rejected so many times before the comic strip actually took off. He never gave up.

May 17, 2006
9:07 pm
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omw-Charles M. Shulz

May 17, 2006
9:08 pm
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and to think, I never read his books - whoda thunk I could have come up with that on my own????

But if you think about it, it's not a hard concept - everything in life is about choice - do you put your right foot in the left shoe or right shoe?...well, if you put it on the wrong one, it won't feel good = consequences - reward would = putting on the right foot and having it feel good. Look before you cross the street - consequence for not looking = you get run over, reward for looking = getting to the other side safely, not putting a jacket on when it's cold, get chilled is the consequence, stay warm if you wear it is the reward.

Everything, I mean EVERYTHING in life is a choice - and tho we may not realize that we make those choices on a concious level - we make them on "some" level. From getting out of bed in the morning when the alarm goes off, to taking a shower, putting clothes on, eating....the ONLY involuntary thing we do is bodily functions....other than that, we control all we do.

So it is perfectly natural to extend that thinking to relationships - you want that "loving feeling" - then you have to be the loving person to your partner - act like an ass - get dumped - act like a loving considerate partner - you get loved back.

Now, the only flaw in THAT theory is that if you love someone who can't love back - ONLY then will all your efforts be lost - ONLY then will it show you that no matter how much you love someone, if they don't treat you well in return - you dont' get the reward.....the key is to find someone that will reward your love with their love and back and forth, give and take.....you can be the most loving person in the world and still get shit on by some asshole....which happened in my case....but the choice came down to accepting that treatment or moving on and finding true love....I made the choice to stop giving my love to someone that doesn't reward me for it, and look for someone who will.

it's all about choice...pay attention to the reality...pay attention to the choices...think things thru and make the right choices, and reap the rewards.

I dont have to have a PHD to figure it out.....but hey, if I can make the money he does, maybe ***I*** should write a book - then perhaps I would gain credibility in your eyes....perhaps then you might take what I say seriously....nah, who am I kidding....dr. n is your god, and that's fine by me....yes, sarcasm here.

charles schultz was creator of peanuts comic strip.

May 17, 2006
10:36 pm
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guest-u are doing the best u can. are u not. then so be it. we are all at diff. points on the road to growth and self awareness. nobody knows how u felt or delt with your childhood as well as u do. nobody else can do it for u. to belittle u or put u down because it isn't like we or i think u should be at is not nice. compassion is to have mercy on someone. to accept someone as they are. compassion is to cheer someone on as they evolve not belittle them because of where they are not. if someone does not like u as u are, then, ultimately they are not worth your time. they will belitle u and put u down in an effort to push u away because there is something not right in them to begin with. and most likely guest, it is compassion they lack. compassion is foregiveness, mercy, acceptance, love. u show alot of compassion on aac guest. u are always respectful, considerate, and caring. and that , my friend is a wonderful thing to have.

((guest))

May 18, 2006
7:03 am
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alicat
I think you should write a self help book, it would be a best-seller, 'Seven pillars of alicat'(seven sounds better than six).

May 18, 2006
10:08 am
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alicat

i was just reading this last night in 6 pillars of self-esteem. The more choices we have to take, the higher self-esteem we need. So we can either make the choices and be the center of our existence, or stand on the side, be a victim and watch life go by.

Hard making choices though! you know? I woke up this morning and sent the final email to her. I told her we're done and the reason was, she was liberal with other men and she lies to me. I said I dont want to do this anymore. I told her I want to put all this behind me and move on now - so I think I did the big strong thing finally. Makes me sad to know it cant work, cause she's just so f'ing sexy, but I cant keep myself in agony anymore. I know there are healthy girls for me out there who atleast wont cheat or lie.

I dont know how she'll respond, it doesnt matter. She screwed up, I think.

Oh i take you seriously! Every word of what you say makes a lot of sense, no doubt. Its just that I couldnt agree with anyone telling me to leave this girl when I could not because she's so cute and we're both attracted to each other. She may be the prettiest sexiest girl I would ever meet in my life, I dont know - I hope not. I know such physical attraction doesnt matter in the long run and later it comes down to being truthful and faithful, which she has not been - very sad. But DAMN it, she's too f'king sexy. ahhhhh. She's as beautiful and attractive as it gets.

hi guppy___

thanks for the praise! I hope i can show all those positive things to my relationship, whoever she will be.. IF she will be. sniff 🙁 hmm. I'm sad about letting this girl go. I'll be ok in some while. I hope my email makes her cry and realize the mistakes she did and I hope I can forget her and move on.

May 18, 2006
10:10 am
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and yea alicat, I'm stubborn and learn on my own often but what happens is, when I learn, then its re-inforced what what you guys say, like making choices here and being "concious". Then all the teachings come together and support my own discovery.. or atleast I hope they do.

May 18, 2006
3:09 pm
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That was a really, really strong email. Wonder whats going to happen. I'm prepared for "screw you too", or no response at all. I just want to move on, I hope i can.

Most of all, got to decide on my career what I want to do, get a job and move out of this city and start my career.

There are so many good women I can meet and I know I can, when I'm ready. I feel i almost am, but well - actually, there 30% only. I'll get there.

Oh ANOTHER thing, I discovered in the 6 pillars book. I dont have low self-esteem anymore. I have AVERAGE self-esteem which means periods of low and high self-esteem. Now thats a big improvment but the question is - did I always have average self-esteem? So did I make an improvement or not? Got to look back and see. Hmmmmmm

I would say ... I had low self-esteem, yes. And now I got average, yea? I think thats it. That explains the joyful peaceful peaks I have some times. I think so.. or I would LIKE to think so.

Cause that would suck if I havent improved my self-esteem.

May 18, 2006
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guest guest-just show compassion. sometimes people say the wrong thing when they are totally hurt. and u are right it was childish. i think she probably got the point and cried her eyes out over the truethful but ugly remarks. i heard she was moving on. no bad feelings? i wish u peace my friend. and happiness.

u were right about what u said she did. was not aware of it at the time. could not see it.....but to HURT somebody is not her style. that she got loud and clear.

why do some lessons have to be so hard to learn and cost so damn much.????????????? this lesson will haunt her for a long time.......only because of the cost

May 18, 2006
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guppy-oh yea, your friend said she wont be bugging guest guest anymore either....since she can see the whole truth and extent of this situation. she is really going to set u free. for both yoursakes.

May 18, 2006
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I dont know if she'll learn anything or not or if she'll cry or not, she might. Maybe she thinks I wouldnt be good for her too - but then she was all bonkers over me at times. Sometimes she'd look at me like a beggar would at a pot of gold.

I think I did show compassion in that email. I didnt say anything in real anger like what I've said before sometimes. I said things that were logically true and I did tell her, she had the best chance of a relationship with her bestfriend (one of her ex now) if she just committed to him. So I gave her a positive note too. I told her she was very pretty, intelligent and caring too and except those other two things (changing statements and being liberal with other guys), she was just fine.

I didnt get some of what you said. I didnt say anything she or I did was childish, or did I? What are you refering to?

You heard she was moving on, you mean to another city too? Yea, if she gets that job, I think she will. I dont want to have any feelings for her now. I had at one point and she betrayed me, thats how I think and I dont want to do anything with her again. Even being friends would remind me of the pain.

I cant explain the pain and sinking feeling I had when I went to her bf's house where we had had sex. I know its disgusting but we just got attracted, she initiated it and I wanted to do it so much ofcourse. The smell of that room triggered me into real sadness about how things had been at one time and the special times we'd spent together. How can she be like this? So unfaithful, its horrifying, now I think of it. How can she pass by that sofa - doesnt she remember the sex we had? I guess it doesnt bother her or something.. I mean, wtf. I hope I'll stay away from that house, infact if it comes up why I dont want to be there I'll let her know the reason.

She did hurt people, she hurt her ex (now her best friend who she says she trusts with her life, besides her brother and father too) when she cheated on him and when they split. If she cared about his feelings and of mine, she wouldnt hurt us like this so i'm done with her. I just hope I dont feel sadness anymore about her. I might for some time.

There's some really hot girls I'm talking to on a personal's site. See, nice girls exist everywhere. The success of that just depends on my readiness and self-esteem.

May 18, 2006
3:55 pm
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guppy, _which_ friend said she wont be bugging me either?? eeeh I didnt get it.

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