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Diary of guest_guest
May 26, 2006
2:56 pm
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What if they feel I'm too hurried and not taking it slow? I dont know what to do.

May 26, 2006
2:57 pm
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I mean, I'm supposed to be relaxed, arent I? I dont know. .gosh.

May 26, 2006
3:26 pm
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that's it, you just need to relax, and realize this PROCESS takes TIME - it does NOT happen overnight.

you can't make magic happen - you have to let REALITY happen.

take time to get to know them - inside and out before jumping to the idea you want them or not...and give them that same courtesy.

I know what you mean about being needy and clinging too tight...that is the ONLY thing I would suggest you work on restraining.....it's okay to be EAGER - just don't be overly aggressive....give it time, you got plenty....good things come to those who wait.

May 26, 2006
3:49 pm
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Remember you said the same thing to me when I was gonna see this first girl and it didnt work out πŸ™

I hope the same doesnt happen here.

I'll try to get to know them. That'll take a lot of controlling on my needy impulses.

TIME TIME TIME. gosh I need to give it time. But there are bigger problems. When I doubt myself, when I feel from inside that this is too good to be happening to me (e.g. this hottie finding me hot too).

I'm afraid if I give it too much time, they'll think I'm not interested and then run away. But more frequently what happens is, I panic and do it quickly and THEN they run away.

But when I'm the "flow", I'm totally hot. Just met another hottie on a dating site, gosh she was hot and she found me hot too. She was oggling on me as I was on her.

ahhhhh. Wish I could permanently be in this mood!

May 26, 2006
4:59 pm
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remember - it did NOT work the other way - rushing....so take it easy - try a new approach....can't hurt, you already know the outcome of the "other" way....and you don't like it....so try a new way.

May 26, 2006
5:29 pm
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you're right.. if I can just remember that. I'll try.

May 26, 2006
5:47 pm
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justlooking
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Guest,
I'm going to leave you in the capable hands of alicat, guggy and omw for a week, I'm going on holiday, praying for this rain to go away!
Whatever you do pay attention to what these friends have to say, they make alot of sense!

Be thinking of ya, jl.

May 26, 2006
6:18 pm
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yea, listen to guggy....lol...:) who's guggy????? πŸ˜‰

guppy will be gone next wednesday on vacation too. i dont know how long.....at least a week, probably longer.i hope when i come back guest u have lucked up with one of these hotties u are after. good luck. πŸ™‚

May 26, 2006
6:35 pm
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justlooking
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Sorry Guppy I told you I get dyslexic at night it's 11:30 p.m. here. Enjoy your holiday.

May 26, 2006
7:04 pm
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gazelle
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Hi again, Guesty. What does "hottie" mean?

And "hot"???

You seem to use these terms a lot - but here in England we don't. I don't watch American TV (or ANY tv ... I have a life, after all! lol) so I'm a little out of touvh with the latest trandy jargon.

Does it mean overtly , sexually provocative, like a prostitute? Or even being (or acting) sexually aroused, to gain attention?

These would seem to be the meanings here, in my neck of the woods. In which case, such immodest self-advertising on such a crude level (for physical stimulation & gratification only) would surely be morally reprehensible & counter-productive in the search for true head / heart / life / body connection with true interest, understanding, empathy etc required for a true, meaningful, mutually-nurturing connection?

Perhaps I'm sounding horribly judgemental & moralistic here. If so - sorry. I am terribly depressed these last months & not quite myself. But these are nevertheless my thought & feelings now. Perhaps not 'politically correct' - but from the heart.

I like you a lot, Guest & wish you strength, healing, self-confidence & the blessings of true, caring, equal Love. Your friend, Gazelle.

May 26, 2006
7:10 pm
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Don't you think /feel that there is more to a proper, satisfying, meaningful Love-relationship than physical stimulation & genital gratification? Don't you loong, like most people, to be understood, known, appreciated, encouraged, inspired ... & to feel those things in return ... & know you make a positive difference to someone,s life? Don't you long for a mental connection besides crude sexual excitement / gratification with someone ' on heat' like an animal? Please don't dumb down your Higher Self or squash your real yearnings just for the buzz & brief pleasure of sex with some shameless, self-interested, pleasure-seeking female.

May 26, 2006
7:38 pm
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Anonymous
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gazelle -

here in the states - hot means highly attractive....in a physical way.

the person guest is attracted to is based solely on physical attributes, as these new girls he has yet to really "know" and the other girl from his past had alot of issues and baggage that would make her "not hot" in the eyes of many.

Unfortunately, there is a certain percentage of men and women in this world who judge a person's ability to be a good partner on their looks.

And many of us "plain gals" really suffer from this - but then again maybe not....cuz I would much rather have a guy with substance, who looks beyond the outer beauty and sees the person inside....so if a guy is judging me on my looks alone, he can keep looking - cuz he is too shallow for me.

I think that some guys with low self esteem want a "hot" girl - cuz it's a trophy....one they can flaunt to other people, and make them feel good about themselves - inflate their self esteem because they have this "fine looking trophy".....instead of having an average person that nobody looks at.....I think it takes alot of maturity and respect to date a "plain" looking girl who is beautiful inside, and alot of maturity to look for someone who is beautiful inside.

Don't get me wrong - attraction DOES matter - we all need to feel attracted to our partner....but I found myself attracted to some guys who, on first glance, I would have ran from.....but I do have SOME requirements - like hygeine, clean, neat appearance, etc...adn will NEVER date a guy with black back hair, or hairy knuckles...turnoff....but once I said NO backhair, and ended up with a blondie who was furry, and ugly feet too...which was also an issue for me....but learned to accept it.

anyway, point is, beauty runs deeper than the skin.

off my soapbox

May 26, 2006
8:07 pm
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gazelle
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Thanks for the info, Ali. I agree. Attraction matters hugely to me too .... but that doesn't mean just physical attributes. Back hair, feet etc don't bother me at all. (Though I suppose I have my own 'turnoffs' too - like blond hair & conventional 'handsomeness' in men!!! To me, they spell looks-obsessed superficiality. I know that isn't logical: there just MIGHT be a few 'handsome', physically attractive men who aren't shallow.

But usually, those people of both sexes who have always got lots of attention & adulation purtely because of their looks are handicapped. They have never needed to develop depth of understanding, education, emotional empathy or closeness & supportiveness - simply because they have never needed to!

People, in my experience, get lazy & don't bother to address & develop inner issues & qualities if attention, admiration & 'love' come too easily, on account of their conventionally-pleasing good looks (according to the tastes of the time. NB these change between cultures & over time! Last century's 'gorgeous' becomes next century's 'weird', & so on. Trivial, fashion-led, superficial judgement based on physical attributes alone, which can now even be manipulated through surgery etc. How unauthentic!)

Ali my dear, you simply cannot be 'plain' - whatever that means. The way you engage with people on here, "in spirit and in Truth", demonstratres the opposite. I would rather by MILES know & love someone - male partner or female friend - who shows sincerity, integrity & depth. And a commitment to ongoing learning, growth & self-development - thus encouraging & inspiring others to join them on the most tremendous journey of Life: the one into our true, Better / Best, Higher Selves.

Outward 'looks' bear NO relation to inner, precious, soul-qualities that one can dig out & truly treasure. In my experince, fashion-followint obsession with outward appearance kills any real engagement with soul-content, and misses the whole point of finding what I believe we all, ulimately, long for at heart.

Love to you, lovely lady - gazelle.

May 26, 2006
8:18 pm
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gazelle,

I consider myself plain in a physical sense....typically cuz of my weight issues, also because I really am not "model" material.

But, I DO know how incredibly awesome my inner beauty is....and that is something I am confident and aware of.

Perhaps that's what makes me such an awesome salesperson - cuz I am good at convincing others of my worth - even if they don't see it when they first look at me. I work in sales in a male dominated environment, and it's suprising how many compliments I get for my ability to do my job well and my knowledge....I'm kicking butt this month in sales...!

May 26, 2006
8:19 pm
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jl-i hope u have a good vacation as well. πŸ™‚

May 26, 2006
11:53 pm
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i'll respond to you all later but for now she frikking sent me a job post.

I sent her back a barrage of emails to leave me the F alone and never contact me again. I would like to protect my peace of mind. I gave her the example of food, if its a food I like but cannot have, then I would like to forget it.

And I've told her many times in previous emails, that she's cheater and a liar and I cannot live with anyone like that.

Want her out of my LIFE.

Listen to this:

link

I sent her that and told her thats pretty much how I feel about her and probably she does too.

May 27, 2006
8:52 am
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hi JL thanks! have a good break!

____gazelle, hotties just means sexy, physically.

>> overtly , sexually provocative, like a prostitute? << nope nope, never. heh. It just means they're very pretty. I cant help being attracted. >> Don't you think /feel that there is more to a proper, satisfying, meaningful Love-relationship than physical stimulation & genital gratification? << gazelle, infact I'm like girls. I hate the idea of sex without any real like or connection between the people. I'd much rather do a cuddly snuggly with soemone I like/love, than sex with soemone I dont. I hope that clears it for you hehe. hey _____alicat, this other office girl was not really hot. She even needed braces (like I do, ah) and maybe not good teeth too but she was solid inside but damn gotta admit she was sexy otherwise. I'd have taken that other girl who came to visit me from abroad if she had a nice strong self-esteem but she seemed she was like me, except I do have times of high self-esteem. Maybe I'm not ready at this point to see more of the person inside. I know the more I do that, I could be slower and maybe able to have a good relationship. Eeeh. Hmmmmmm.

May 27, 2006
9:01 am
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Ok girls dont blame me for being attracted to the hotties, thats how its wired (right now) into us, men:

See, for men, physical attraction (sadly or not) is the first ranked thing for women:

Top-Ten Attributes

A researcher found that men and women, when asked to list and rank desirable attributes in the other gender, produced dramatically different lists.

Women seek in men:

-A record of achievement

-Leadership qualities

-Skill at his job

-Earning potential

-A sense of humour

-Intellectual ability

-Attentiveness

-Common sense

-Moral perception

-Good abstract reasoning

Men seek in women:

-Physical attractiveness

-Ability in bed

-Warmth and affection

-Social skills

-Homemaking ability

-Dress sense

-Sensitivity to others' needs

-Good taste

-Moral Perception

-Artistic creativity

now i feel less guilty. hehe.

May 27, 2006
9:04 am
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I know i know, its sad that we consider the outside as the most important thing. pretty sad huh. You know what, as time goes, this factor will be there for women as well. As they become more and more independent in every way.

Note the first 4 qualities women like are related to job and leadership stuff.

When women learn to lead for themselves, make their own decicions without looking at a man for *support*, these rankings will change.

Its no doubt, look at the personals ads for women. Women want a "MAN" - know what I mean? The sadness goes both ways.

May 27, 2006
10:47 am
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Guest-i'm glad u went in detail about your thoughts on relationships. i kinda thought u were awfully shallow for a while there, but i see there is more to guest that he lets on.....

May 27, 2006
11:09 am
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heh

May 27, 2006
11:27 am
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guppy, what was it what made you thikn I'm shallow and what was it that made you think I'm not?

May 27, 2006
2:16 pm
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well, mostly all u talk about is sex and the women being hot. i took it wrong and thought u were just talking about the woman being sexual. when u said u need to be friends or know the woman also that gives u more of a depth i didn't hear before instead of a shallow sam. imho.

May 27, 2006
2:22 pm
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guest-that doesn't make u more like a girl, that makes u more like a real man........

May 27, 2006
2:29 pm
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oh ok. yes.. thanks

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