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Diary of guest_guest
May 25, 2006
4:33 am
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justlooking
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Just started reading again, what is going on here, more emails to her with conflicting messages? Tell me it's not true.

Guppy, you and I have something in common my thread is 'Here's the story' but I am going to start a new thread called Alcoholic parents so that we can discuss how to cope.

May 25, 2006
10:14 am
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hi JL, I'm trying to cut it off from her, dont want her to contact me again. The emails I sent yesterday were quite strong. I dont even wanna respond to her calls. All she is to me, is a memory of a painful romance and I want her out of my life, atleast at this point.

Feeling somewhat stiff and hesitant to contact that girl, but with time, I guess. Will try to be peaceful with myself.

May 25, 2006
10:19 am
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I just wrote that to her, that all she is to me, is a memory of a painful romance.

Trying to finish things with her.

May 25, 2006
10:43 am
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justlooking
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Good for you, I know it's easy for me to say but try not to fall into the same trap again.

May 25, 2006
10:52 am
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justlooking
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I am reading a book Awall recommended to me, Bad childhood, Good life, interesting so far, I'll let you know if I learn anything new from it.

Most of us know why we are doing the stuff we do and what is good for us. Why can't we stop?

May 25, 2006
10:57 am
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Some reviews were nice for that book, some were not so I didnt buy it, but i hope it works for you. Besides i'm reading the 6 pillars right now also, so holding back from buying more books for now.

Why cant we stop, because thts what we're been trained to do and have been doing for years and years. The momentum of that thing is huge. Its like a huge Ship running in reverse - good example huh? Gonna take a lot of effort to just make it STOP, before it can even go forward.

May 25, 2006
11:02 am
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guppy,

my dad is teh SAME way...threw a HUGE temper tantrum cuz I wouldn't let him in my house with a beer in his hand...banned me from coming in his, as retaliation (we live in adjoining apartments)....was hard on the heart....but knew it was just his two year old way of dealing with me....

the other day I got into a beef with him cuz he thinks I am not being supportive of him and shooting down all his plans to move south....which I am not....just shooting down his WAY of doing it....and not to his face either....trying to help fix it doesn't work....and trying to help him understand the RIGHT ways to do things isn't either...can't win for trying.

anyway, I know that every day is volatile with him and to just learn to walk away and not say anything.

he gets his jollies out of arguing with me...and in the past, he used to love arguing until I cried...which I did ALL the time...but NOW - I am soooooo much stronger and can walk away and boy does it KILL him....totally bursts his bubble...he wants tears...sad sad sad man.

May 25, 2006
11:20 am
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My dad just called and again wanted me to patch up with my mom. I told him, "look: your wife said your mother and sister were evil - was she right or wrong?"

He cant answer the question. He knows he's trapped. Gosh what a pain.

May 25, 2006
11:40 am
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thank u ali. yes, when u can just walk away. u are getting there i think. not to change them, but to keep your own peace of mind. i read where u are losing all the weight and feeling so much better about yourself. yyyyyeeeeaaa for alicat!!

guest-my latest stepmother tries to patch things up too. very codependent. falls for my dad;s boo hoos. it doesn't sway me. but it does make it harder to keep boundries. that's the HARD part, when the person u are in conflict with uses others to try and sway u to their bidding or their way....

May 25, 2006
12:06 pm
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Guest_guest
Maybe mother felt threatened or was jealous of the attention your father gave to his mother and sister.
Maybe they tried to warn him of her ways but he didn't listen, too caught-up.

May 25, 2006
12:08 pm
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My dad is also very CoD. He used to be better but after my mom started earning serious money, he got scared and stopped confronting her. He came more cowardly.

Ahh. He said the other 3 kids of his are OK but I'm abnormal. I said, well thanks for making me feel good. I told him what they do is their choice, what I do, is mine. Wont get the message ever.

May 25, 2006
12:20 pm
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I wonder what he was trying to achieve by saying such thing to you guest, maybe there is some guilt there about the past.

May 25, 2006
5:35 pm
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He was wanting to get me to talk to mom. I stopped talking to her. Seems he think he has to make us patchup because he's the "man" of the family. I told him to stop thinking that and leave me alone and not be responsible but he's an old guy, doesnt understand.

Oh well... bigger than that, my problem right now: feeling low. Gonna go home now.

May 25, 2006
6:15 pm
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I just sent her a final email, saying not to contact me again from now, unless for business reasons and for that, leave a mesg on my cell.

May 25, 2006
6:34 pm
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guest-yea for u. that is a reasonable boundry. let's see if u can keep it.......:-)

i'm sorry your dad sad that to u. that was really hurtful i'm sure.
(((guest))) it doesn't mean it's true, ya know. just means he might of been upset because he couldn't persuade u to do what he wanted. people are like that sometimes.

May 25, 2006
7:04 pm
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thankss. yea, you know. his sister used to beat him with boots while he was still in university. He was abused like that, who knows even worse.

as more generations come, socities will become civilized and self-esteem will rise overall.

ahhh.... restless me.

i'm gonna do some Cardio right now to get some fat off my tummy.

May 25, 2006
9:30 pm
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hey guppy,
i'm sorry you are having trouble with your dad. if there is anything i can do to help, listen, let me know.

hugs,
omw

May 25, 2006
11:17 pm
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thanks omw. as u can see, i just had to blow up and then reason it out. he doesn't bother me that much anymore. i am more into figuring out how to have a healthy enough boundry with him to keep me from being exposed to his stuff when totally obliterated. i am getting there. 🙂 today he has pulled the pathetic stunt by riding in front of the house over and over on his dunebuggy. i just happened to be outside settin up my smoker. so i waved and smiled every time he passed.....i dont buy into the games anymore.

May 26, 2006
6:04 am
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justlooking
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Does this sound silly? I used to watch 'The Waltons' as a kid and wish my family was like that, the father 'Charles' if only...... back to reality. I know it is fiction but kids don't register that.

May 26, 2006
12:53 pm
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dammm i'm feeling low! ahhhh. Whyyyyy

I feel those two girls, I'm gonna fail them. I should expect success and it would happen.

May 26, 2006
2:21 pm
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guest,

All pressure on yourself it doesn't have to be like that, if it doesn't work out it wasn't meant to be. Be yourself noone can ask for more.

May 26, 2006
2:37 pm
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want to guarantee success?

BE YOURSELF!!!!!!!

that's it.

will it guarantee you hit it off with that particular person? NO.

BUT - it will guarantee you hit it off with the RIGHT person.

If you be yourself - and it fails, it wasn't because you failed, it was because it wasn't right or meant to be.

If you don't be yourself - and it fails, then yeah, you failed - cuz you weren't true to yourself.

Be yourself - and you will come out a winner - and there will be no agony or stress trying to "conform" to what you think the other person wants from you.

And if they don't want you - on to the next one....until you find the RIGHT one.

May 26, 2006
2:44 pm
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i know you guys are right, BUT. what about moments in which I'm really need and I want the relationship too much. What about those times? If I be myself in those times, I end up scaring them away.

Being ourself is easy for a person with high self-esteem, but with me in my bad moods, what do I do? You know. I wish it was that easy.

These are real hotties.

Fear of failure and lack of peace, kills it for me - impossible to be myself usually. Like right now, I'm feeling nothing will work out.

So.. whats the solution now. HOW do I be myself? :((

May 26, 2006
2:46 pm
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typo: "in which I'm really NEEDY is what I meant."

I know, I have to STOP being afraid of people. How can I do that? 🙁

May 26, 2006
2:54 pm
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Well then be honest with them say this means alot to you and you would really like it to work out, they will be flattered.

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