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Diary of guest_guest
May 21, 2006
12:10 pm
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Anonymous
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i predict that if you move, you will ask her to move with you, and offer to pay her way again until she finds a job there

May 21, 2006
12:31 pm
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heh.. sheet, maybe I'd do that. I think I might. I really have to convince myself against it.

A real empty day today.

May 21, 2006
6:09 pm
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justlooking
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Hang in there guest.

May 21, 2006
6:35 pm
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thankjs jl, will try. reading that self-esteem book

May 22, 2006
11:59 am
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Eeee. I met this really cute girl on the dating site, she seems really interested in me! lol. hopefully I'll be able to forget the old girl. I'll continue persuing. The key is self-respect. When I'm able to do that, I get good responses. I gotta be a master at that.

And there's another hottie from Brazil, gosh, she is HOT. She got my message and said "ah, something different for a change!" (guess all the guys must have been messaging her dirty). So lets see. If my frikking fear of failure doesnt get in the way, it would be nice.

May 22, 2006
4:39 pm
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I got one more year of my job finally, but I'm not as happy as I should be. why! Success anxiety maybe.

May 23, 2006
3:26 am
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guest-maybe u need a good thump on the noggin......success anxiety? :-

May 23, 2006
3:44 am
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j/k guest- i have a friend who, everytime she got a promotion would sabotage it. she didn't think she deserved it or worried about hurting someone else's feelings.(because she knew someone else wanted the job) took me along time to understand why she was doing it....low selfesteem

May 23, 2006
11:54 am
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yup thats right, thats the same thing. damn..!

May 23, 2006
12:44 pm
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guest-take heart-it can be overcome. she got on a good antidepressant. now she is supervisor of a nursing home. She is on celexa. it gave her the ability to not care so much about what everybody else thought. it seemed to quiet the voices of codependency in her head.(if u can understand that)

May 24, 2006
3:05 pm
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interesting, Celexa, i'll remember that.

I just sent lots of NASTY emails to this girl. She tried to be smart with me and make fun of ME so I thought wait a minute, I can do that 10 times better for her and with real reasons too.

Gosh the nasty emails I sent to her. BAM BAM. There you go.

I have to tell her of all the times she's flirted with other men and all that, just to remind her why I think we wouldnt be happy together. Those emails are hard, because they speak the horrible truth of her unfaithfulness and hypocricy. And this is a sour period anyway, that happens when things dont work out between people.

The lies this girl tells all the time - amazing. The times she flirts with other guys too. Then she wonders why the heck she cant have the relationship she wants. Its because she messes around with every 4th guy in the bar.

I told her, I'd rather have a girl only for myself, not for every 4th man in the bar.

Nasty huh? I dont care. This is true, so I didnt say anything wrong.

May 24, 2006
7:56 pm
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guest-what is the point u are trying to make with this girl. u are trying to convince her to be what u want. or what. why dont u just let it go. it's obvious she is not for u. u deserve better. what is the goal for the nasty emails? are u trying to fix her. correct her. punish her? what. are u trying to keep her in reality? it's no diff. than keep on telling a drunk they have a drinking problme. untill it becomes a problem for them, they dont want ot hear it. u are wasting your time and attention on a losing cause. do yourself a favor and let go............it would be the kindest thing u could do for yourself. for your peace of mind. for your self esteem, for your sanity.
sincerly
gup

May 24, 2006
8:03 pm
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guest-u can not change the values or the actions of someone else. i spent years wanting my h to be good. to be married. to not be a drunk. he kept on drinking and kept on solicity prostitutes. couldn't change him. let it go..............he's living with another girl now. treating her the same way. still whore hopping, still drinking, still a piece of shit.............it never had anything to do with me. it is what it is.

May 24, 2006
8:20 pm
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I'm trying to make sure she doesnt dare to come near me or contact me. I want her to push her away as fimrly as possible, while giving her the last pieces of advice. Hmm.

May 24, 2006
9:24 pm
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why waste your breath on someone that is not going to pay attention?

I say this because I should be learning it myself.

still trying to "make a difference" and the reality is, it's a waste of my time and energy....

walking away silently is the ONLY answer....and will teach them more in the long run than anything we could say in a twelve page letter.

May 24, 2006
10:20 pm
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yea, alicat-i practice walk away in silence. like my dad. he is an alchoholic. he claims to love me. oh boy. i tell him all the time respect the fact that i dont drink and i will respect the fact that u do. does that work? nope. went down there this afternoon just to vist. he is drunk. shoves a drink in my face. i say no. he cusses me out. i get up and leave. will i go back. no time soon. is there any point in saying anything? nope. can i change him. make him respect me? nope. all i can do is change myself. (sometimes i have the sudden urge to shove the drink right in his face as hard as i can. do i? nope) i leave. and i dont go back for longer and longer times. eventually i wont go back at all. does it hurt? hurts like all get out. but i see no other way....

sorry guest, i am useing your thread to vent, vent, vent.......

May 24, 2006
10:36 pm
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heh, my "exits" are always explosive. Everytime I've decided to stop talking to someone etc, I've had explosions, with me saying everything on my mind so they know exactly why I "exited".

Anwyay.. I sent her pics of these two hot girls who seem to like me right now. I gave her more doses about unfaithfulness, am reading the emails I sent to her and enjoying them. I told her again what the first thing was, which made me scared of her - her episodes with this MARRIED man, including the last one which was, her drinking beer with him alone in his office.

It started out with him giving her dirty looks up and down.

What the heck did she think, I cant find other hot girls? These two are totally cute! Gosh... I'd never imagine I'd find hot girls like this so fast. I hope they are nice, they seem like. Faithful, honest - most importantly.

The big question is, will it last? Yea.. thats the big one.

One of them told me, "it seems like you got a lot to say and I find that very sexy in a man", "seems you like got more going for you than just the hot looks" - and these girls are totally models themselves, lol.. eeee.

Gosh. Riding the high wave! Hopefully will keep myself grounded at all times - thats the ticket.

ahhh..... hmmmm. Being grounded and continuing to enjoy our own existence is totally crucial. Lets see how it goes.

hi guppy, use my thread all you like.. its FREE. All the other threads cost like 5 cents a word, but mine is free. I put in my own tax money so no on has to pay when they post. Thats why everyone posts here! (not.. heh).

Ok well.. I guess i'm feeling a little giddy, hehe. after seeing these hot girls getting the hots for me.

May 24, 2006
10:53 pm
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well, free as it is, i am going to use the heck out of it....
one GOOD thing is i dont fall for the fact my dad tells me he doesn't feel welcome at my house. WRONG. sober him is always welcome. drunk him. NOT. i'd put him on the front step so fast he wouldn't know what happen. no words needed. just the door shutting in his face. ha. and he knows it.he wont admit the dif. but i don't care. my next move should be to call first and ask . are u drinking dad? maybe i will try that sometime next month. when i get over being highly pissed and hurt. then i can make an informative decision and decide if i want to go down there or not..... do u have a better suggestion???

explostions dont work for me guest. i usually say way beyond what is called for and regret the snot out of it later. i always try my damndest not to burn a bridge so badly there is no way across , just in case i change my mind later. or the situation should change.....

May 24, 2006
11:08 pm
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notice, i am not asking why does he do that . why doesn;t he love me? why is he so mean? what is wrong with me. that doesn't cross my mind anymore. beyond that. now i am trying to figure out if i can make a boundry for myself that works for me besides 1/ continuely exposing myself to the abuse. strike that down. 2/ giving him up all together. tht will be last resort.......

May 24, 2006
11:10 pm
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I dont have any hope for her, want to burn this bridge without hurting her - now starting to feel sad (already regretting it heh!) because I BAM'd her very hard today by these tough emails. I said sorry to her just now, but that, I couldnt help speaking my mind.

But yea, I cant keep myself from speaking my mind, so.. I said what I said.

I dont want to keep her as a friend too, because the flirty kind she is, tomorrow me, my GF and her are sitting together and she'll continue to give me the flirty glances - putting my relationship in danger. I dont want that.

Yea I guess tell him straight, that you dont want to be around him when he's drunk - thats the only reason, so yea, you could all him before you go next time, and he should not come to your house if he's drunk.

May 24, 2006
11:11 pm
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Exactly thats great, you dont ask whether he loves you, you just have good boundaries and dont take nonsense. JustLooking could learn from your example!

Hey JL, are you reading this? guppy has the same problem - drunk parent. Ask guppy how she does it :). I know you can too.

May 24, 2006
11:12 pm
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ok, feel better. going to take a bubble bath....guppy likes bubbles..... πŸ™‚ good night.

May 24, 2006
11:20 pm
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thanku guest for your responses and the support. yea, ask guppy how she does it. one drunk gone out of my life.(h) one to deal with.....
guest i have told him many times how much i love him. not the drunk him. he refuses to hear it. now i am going to do what i got to do to protect ME. πŸ™‚ i have told him over and over he is welcome in my home always as long as he is sober. it is HIS decision to not accept that as truth. his problem....

May 24, 2006
11:24 pm
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Exactly, very good. I hope I also grow up into a tough little fish like you! I'd rather be a rough fish than a weak human. boohoo. heh.

May 25, 2006
12:27 am
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guest-u are not weak. and who ever said i was growed up.....;) glub, glub,glub........

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