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Desperately seeking seeker
January 10, 2006
11:21 pm
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hopeinhim
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seekerW,
May I pick your brain about when I date in the future?

You and I have the same Christian beliefs about sex before marriage. But, I don't have a lot of confidence that I will succeed.

I want to meet a man who has the same beliefs but I secretly fear that he would be gay or a one minute wonder! Help - when I remarry I want a good sex life, but I know if I wait it will be so rewarding. In tips on how to set the stage?

I hope you are on tonight!

Smiles, Hope

January 11, 2006
7:51 am
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hopeinhim,

Good to hear from you! I was wondering where you'd gone ... hadn't seen you post for a while. I suspected that was you from the thread title ... see, your powers of intuition are rubbing off on me! lol

Don't doubt your ability to succeed in this matter. God will help you. With a good strategy and prayer, you can succeed.

I think the key is avoiding getting too close to any person of the opposite sex. If you avoid one-on-one activities, you prevent any possibility of anything transpiring between you two. Difficult? Yes. Doable? Yes.

This post is getting too long. Do you want me to tell you about my strategy for staying celibate until I re-marry?

January 11, 2006
8:33 am
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hopeinhim
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seekerW,
Thanks for the reply - and, yes I would like to hear your strategy.

You knew it was me? Really? That is funny! I guess lately I have been kind of tired and some of the emotions have resolved.

I am filing for divorce today - he is agreeing to everything because he knows how bad he hurt me and that deep down what he has been doing is wrong.

He said, "There does not have to be a reason - adultery isn't the reason". No - we are divorcing just for the fun of it!

Oops - now I am getting too long winded.

Smiles,

Hope

January 11, 2006
9:56 pm
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Hi Hope,

Here's my strategy. Develop friendships with women through organizations that we both belong to (in my case, Toastmasters and CoDA). Get better acquainted with them at meetings and other functions.

Stay busy with work, volunteering, church, hobbies, etc. Get myself involved in worthwhile things.

Exchange emails with my women friends; that is a great way to get to know them one-on-one while maintaining a certain distance. But try not to get carried away with the emailing; limit them to one or two a day.

Cultivate some friendships with guys, too, and do some one-on-one things with them.

Let women know up front my situation with my wife, so as not to lead anybody on.

Then when I become available, I'll have a few pre-qualified women to date. What to do then, I haven't figured out yet! Maybe I'll stay friends with them all for a time. But when the time is right to re-marry, I want to move relatively quickly. This way, I'll be able to.

This is my strategy in a nutshell, from this nutcase ... lol. (I'm not serious; it just sounded poetic.)

It sounds like your divorce will go quickly. I know a couple whose divorce took only three weeks because they agreed on terms. Maybe yours will go as quickly. I have the feeling mine will drag on a bit.

Keep in mind the reason for your divorce, as sad and maddening as it must be -- he didn't want to do what he knew he should have done. Plain and simple. End of story. End of marriage. It's sad.

It sounds like you will be able to move on fairly quickly with your life. That's good, Hope. Maybe you won't have to wait as long as you think to be remarried.

{Oops - now I am getting too long winded.}

Darn, I like it when others get long winded. I tend to speak/write too much, and I like it when others follow suit. I feel like I'm not being too boorish that way.

See how long-winded I've gotten already, and I've been trying to pare it down. Take care, and I'll talk to you later.

Seek

January 11, 2006
11:18 pm
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Hope,

P.S. Did you model the thread title after "Desparately Seeking Susan"?

January 12, 2006
12:00 am
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hopeinhim
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SeekerW,

That kind of sounds like what I want to do - as for your plan. I want to move quickly, but believe I should know the person 2 years. Which sounds like forever to me!

But that would be a lot longer than I have ever courted anybody in my life. The longest I ever waited to have sex was 4 months with my high school sweetheart - but, giving in was all alcohol related and I know I can be stronger this time.

Toastmasters for the teetotaler, huh? I like it!

And yes, the post was after the movie though I am not about to give that one a review. I do admit I actually watched it as a teenager.

I was thinking that I would like to go dancing and learn swing, salsa, and some other fun dancing. My aunt could show me around and I could go stag. A man could hold me, and I could have that physical contact I love so much.

Take care, and thanks for the attention.

Welcome to the intuitive club - I have never specifically addressed somebody in a thread before so you are pretty good!

Smiles,
Hope

January 12, 2006
12:04 am
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hopeinhim
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Does seekerW stand for seeking wisdom?

January 12, 2006
8:09 am
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Hi Hope,

The "seeker" is because I'm always seeking knowledge, contact with others, etc. The "w", I would like to say is for "wisdom" (it makes for a better story), but it's my first initial -- "seeker" was already taken.

I didn't know a thing about "Desparately Seeking Susan" except the catchy title -- now I find out it made Madonna a star. Don't worry; I don't want a review. Questionable legacy, not that I have anything against her.

You want to know somebody two years before you marry him -- is this as a friend or acquaintance, or actual dating for two years? It seems like an awful long time if it's dating. A lot of temptation to have to withstand. Why two years, if I may ask? What can you learn in two years that you couldn't in, say, one year?

I think you said elsewhere you're abstaining now from alcohol -- good if that's true. Sounds like teetotaling would be the key point of your strategy.

Dancing, eh? I've thought about taking lessons myself. I'm a musician, though, not a dancer -- when I hear music, I want to join the band, not dance -- but this old dog could stand to learn a new trick.

Yes, this teetotaler toastmasters (I just invented a new verb -- let's call Webster!). I'm an odd sight as I toast with an empty glass, or with a glass of milk. Being mathematically inclined, I'm the designated deriver in my club -- bad joke.

Take care!

January 12, 2006
11:45 pm
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hopeinhim
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You are a musician, too? I know what you mean.....wanting to play instead of listen. What do you do.....sing?

As for the two years idea - it sounds like torture to tell you the truth. But, I have not done a good job of applying the wisdom of others in my relationships. I have ALWAYS rushed - so, maybe the law of averages will work out - one year it is! ha, ha

As for the friend versus committed dating relationship, maybe a combination would be good? Know them as a friend, but be able to see it develop into something more.

As far as dancing - it is not about the music it is about the movement. I have always had fun with dances you learn instead of just aimlessy girating around on the dance floor.

I guess I am getting long-winded now.

Smiles,
Hope

January 12, 2006
11:46 pm
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hopeinhim
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You are a musician, too? I know what you mean.....wanting to play instead of listen. What do you do.....sing?

As for the two years idea - it sounds like torture to tell you the truth. But, I have not done a good job of applying the wisdom of others in my relationships. I have ALWAYS rushed - so, maybe the law of averages will work out - one year it is! ha, ha

As for the friend versus committed dating relationship, maybe a combination would be good? Know them as a friend, but be able to see it develop into something more.

As far as dancing - it is not about the music it is about the movement. I have always had fun with dances you learn instead of just aimlessy girating around on the dance floor.

I guess I am getting long-winded now.

Smiles,
Hope

January 12, 2006
11:46 pm
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hopeinhim
Lake Stevens, WA
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You are a musician, too? I know what you mean.....wanting to play instead of listen. What do you do.....sing?

As for the two years idea - it sounds like torture to tell you the truth. But, I have not done a good job of applying the wisdom of others in my relationships. I have ALWAYS rushed - so, maybe the law of averages will work out - one year it is! ha, ha

As for the friend versus committed dating relationship, maybe a combination would be good? Know them as a friend, but be able to see it develop into something more.

As far as dancing - it is not about the music it is about the movement. I have always had fun with dances you learn instead of just aimlessy girating around on the dance floor.

I guess I am getting long-winded now.

Smiles,
Hope

January 13, 2006
1:46 am
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Hope,

My first instrument was the drums. I've drummed in several bands. Later I took up guitar because it's more versatile, and I like chords and melody and harmony as well as rhythm. I also sing and have taken to karaoking lately.

Are you a musician, then?

I get it with your two years idea. Same idea why they always make speed limits so darn slow -- nobody obeys them but they do slow folks down!

I intend to have become friends with my future wife for two years, date for a month and then propose, and elope the next day! Well, not quite like that but something similar. We'll date for two months so I can get to know her better first ... lol. I'm serious about eloping, however. It sounds so romantic to me.

I agree; dancing should have some purpose to its movements. I just don't memorize or relate to movements as well as rhythm and music.

Take care! It's okay with me if you get long-winded -- goodness knows I do it enough for the both of us as it is.

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