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Debate: just what IS wrong between men and women in our society?
June 26, 2005
9:55 am
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Worried_Dad
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So I'm trying to figure out what your problem with this guys is...

1) That is is into S&M?

2) That he is more attracted to HWP women than to overwieght women?

3) That he is willing to have an affair with a woman trapped in an unsatisfying marriage?

or

4) That he is willing to settle for some no-strings-attached sex while on his search for Ms. Right?

I dunno, on the one hand, he may be a sleaze. On the other hand, he may be Joe Normal.

June 26, 2005
9:57 am
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Worried_Dad
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Twinks,

I'm also curious about this part "also seems to see all women in the same light, as things to be exploited. "

How did you find that out? IF true, he would be a walking tragedy, of course.

June 26, 2005
12:01 pm
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angel4U
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WD - What's scarey to me is that I think you were serious about your statement "On the other hand, he may be Joe Normal".

June 26, 2005
1:35 pm
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on my way
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twinks, morning!!

without reading your thread first, i just basically asked a similar question in Support threads titled, "Codependency, are there any similarities?".

good thread by the way...but yes, answers would be nice!

June 26, 2005
2:06 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Twinks: You are a sly one, aren't you? I think thats a great idea and will have to remember that. SD

June 26, 2005
7:49 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Just checking, Twinksy...

Okay, I get it--you really checked him out and found him to be a dominating son of a bitch pretending to be Mr sensitive or something...I'll just trust you on that one...a woman has her ways....

It's the fact that he is pushy, arrogant, dominating of less the powerful that disgusted you I think--not the fact that he, like many men, can be easily distracted by the lure of easy sex...eh?

June 26, 2005
7:56 pm
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Rasputin
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Twinks,

Thank you for this smart and illuminating thread!!!

Please if find the answer to your quesiton, do not hesitate to post it right away; as we are as appalled as you by today's standards or morals and values!!!

~Love, RAS~

June 27, 2005
8:47 am
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Juanita
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Twinks,

Remember your words of wisdom to me....

Men need sex to feel loved.

Women need love to be in the mood for sex.

I don't think I'll ever forget these words you told me... They are so true.

Be good to yourself & remember to take men with a grain of salt, a dash of humor, & never too too seriously b/c it will drive you crazy...

Juanita

June 27, 2005
1:36 pm
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Rasputin
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Juanita,

This is so beautiful! Thank you for these lovely wise words. I will try to remember them.

The diffrences between Men & Women are driving me crazy. I wish I could understand men. Why couldn't we think alike? Why do we keep arguing...?

Could someone tell me that?!?

June 27, 2005
3:21 pm
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jamaicanwife
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I had a terrible relationship with y father, 3 sisters and no brother, went to an all-girl high school, didn't date until I was in my 20's, and married the first man I dated.

I don't know a thing about men.

June 28, 2005
8:34 am
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Juanita
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If we all understood one another, there would go one of the biggest mysteries in the World...

One man in my life was honest enough to tell me he was selfish. Of course I said "No..." Due to his profession, he gives of himself all the time (Dr.). But upon reflection, yep, he's right... In my thinking though another 'but' comes to light, shouldn't we all be a little selfish every now and again?

Another man in my life claims he does everything for me, would do anything for me. Yet, in thinking back, he is a master of subtle ways to get me to change my mind & think it was all my idea. He has admitted to being a manipulator but claims he never does it to me. I think he is so good, he does it all the time without realizing it. Nothing truly horrible, but subtle ways.

A counsellor told me to lead a man by example to demonstrate what I'd like. Oh yeah - THAT made my man happy.... I didn't notice any different behavior coming my way though except a 'thanks'.

Men are not all alike, just like we are not. There are selfish women and manipulative ones too. Some, though I do find it rarely (sorry), are geniune, trusting, caring, loving, and wouldn't hurt a soul... though contain an edge of cynicizm. (inward reflection - sorry all)

I guess we all have to just search out the 'one' or 'ones' out there with a similar agenda or personality such as ours, but yet counter balance that with the qualities to make up for what we lack so together we are a balanced team.

Sounds easy enough ...

You'd think if you jump into that haystack often enough you would find that needle!

All things in life that are worthwhile seem to take a bunch of work. Relationships are no different.

June 28, 2005
5:41 pm
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Rasputin
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Juanita,

Thank you for your last lovely post. I enjoyed reading it.

As for the men you encountered early on in your life, consider yourself lucky, at least they were honest upfrontly. I tell you whom I fear! I fear people who are outwardly correct and decent and even act wisely, yet inwardly they are sly, crafty, wearing mask. These are the people who scare me to death. I have encountered a number of them, both men and women, and I can honestly say that they are the SCARY ones.

I hope that enabled you to appreciate the fact that these men whom you came across were really decent and good ones!

~Love, RAS~

June 29, 2005
8:53 am
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Juanita
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I wanted to post some more yesterday, but had no time.

Men tend to think more along the analytical lines, logically, strategically....

Women tend to think more via thru emotion, react with emotion, analyze thru emotion or feelings... 'How do you FEEL', 'How did that make you FEEL', 'I FEEL so hurt', ' why don't you love me?'...

I think this is why WD & I have some of the conversations we do. He realizes that I am a caring sort, and he is logical. I think he tolerates what I try to send to him in my own gentle or caring way. Some days I love him to bits, others I want to clunk him.

Men being so practical, women feel emotionally deprived, a need un-meet or unfulfilled. Sad how men can have sex & feel fulfilled with their 'release', and women can remain unfulfilled by the same act (in general).

Women need to think more like men, and men need to express their feelings like women.

I also have found (and correct me if I'm wrong in your own findings).... have you ever noticed how the men in your family LOVE to tease and 'pick on' little girls? I mean, tease them almost unmercifully until they get the girl to cry, and then they laugh?
My Dad did it to me when I was little & my Uncle did it too till I thought he hated me. (Once my pain was relieved to my Uncle, he did say he loved me & wanted to adopt me - then I ran in fear he would take me home to live with him & I'd be teased all the time!) Now I see my husband, his Dad, and my Dad all doing this to my daughter. I hate this & they all think its funny. They claim, we are teaching her to react and cope with life, I say its akin to emotional torture if done too much, too often, too long, and not counterbalanced with equal amounts of "I love you, I was only teasing". Not only that, but my daughter WHINES, oh how I hate that sound! I tell her to tell them to 'knock it off!' and ignore them, but they know what buttons to push. Errrr (growl).

You have no idea how much the above bothered me as a child. Perhaps I was a sensitive child, or that made me sensitive. Who knows.

I am not one to play the mind games some men like. I'm the type that I say it, I mean it, I don't change my mind often. I can take alot without complaint, but when I snap, that is also it & I don't mend emotionally well.

Twinks, you have complimented me before, and I thank you. I don't know if I am all that wise... I tend to envision myself as a sturdy, reliable, plodding pack mule, somewhat stubborn too... not a beautiful high maintenance filly a lot of men prefer! (crazy huh?)

As with everyone else out there, I wish things or communications between the sexes were easier too.

I am still with my spouse Twinks, though as mentioned earlier, I have my emotional boo-boos. My male friend has been in touch by email recently, which is nice. I don't feel so abandoned or forgotten by him. As ever, its a work in process. Some days are better than others, but when your heart's been trampled on (at least mine), it is a slow slow process. Perhaps that too is my own fault, but as you know, it is hard to open up and completely trust once hurt. It's like, 'come on, kick me in the butt again - I didn't learn my lesson the first time!' (you know my sense of humor just envisioning this). Time will see us thru.

Well, everyone, here is wishing us all well for today! May we all be blessed with a little extra knowledge and compassion for dealing with our fellow human beings, especially those of the opposite sex...

J

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