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Dating advice (guest_g)
December 15, 2008
8:34 am
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no, not much. What should I get? Im gonna call her tonight.

December 15, 2008
8:54 pm
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Ok I called her and she didnt pick up the phone - again. :(. Thats it. I didnt leave a message. I feel she'll return my call though sometime later or, I really dont know. If she's run away I'll be really sad :((.

December 16, 2008
8:40 am
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Guest,

Remember it isn't failure if she doesn't call you back.. there are lot's of maybe's on why she may not have, or didn't answer. And even if a relationship doesn't come doesn't mean that it is a failure of any kind, just sometimes the way things happen. It's ok to feel disappointed if you don't hear from her, but it's not the worst that can or could happen. She may not want a relationship right now, or could be really too busy for a relationship.. everyone has their own reasons.

Glad you called her now twice.. she will or won't call you back so try to relax about it all, and whatever happens, happens now.

Have a great day.

Healing and Peace

December 16, 2008
11:34 am
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sdesigns
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Hi Guest:

I'm glad you've made the effort to call her. Like Healing said, now whatever happens will happen.

BUT consider the fact that you HAVE extended yourself and made the effort. Thats a huge step in personal growth for you.

If she doesn't come around don't take it out on yourself. Look at it as a learning experience. You've stepped into the dating pond and are learning how to manuever thru it.

Dating is a very hard thing to do and rejection is just part of the package. Don't give up if she doesn't call back. Just keep trying, keep the door open to meet someone else.

As we used to say on the dating thread, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Date more than one person, don't keep your focus on just one person in the beginning. Keep your options open, be optimistic, sometimes you'll be surprised what can happen.

sd

December 16, 2008
4:44 pm
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It is a failure for me because I know, if I was mentally healthy, there's no reason why she wouldnt be interested in me :(. I know that for sure.

Well, I tried. I'll still try to be friends with her if she wants. I cant do more than that. I feelreally hopeless. You're right though, it will help me improve for the next time.

December 16, 2008
5:21 pm
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Shaney
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Hey there :o)

The way I see it, is that you haven't really lost anything at all. You were already friends with her to begin with, and you still are. Your effort to call her a couple of times hasn't changed anything if you think about it. The status of your friendship wasn't changed by that. I think she'll call. And when/if she does, you can pick up where you left off, as friends. Nothing lost :o).

I have a friend who is a teacher, and is pretty much jumping through her own butthole taking care of everything before the kids go on Christmas break. She's extremely busy, and has pretty much put me off until she goes on break herself.

I think your friend is busy. Just see what happens and know that you didn't do anything out of the ordinary or weird. Waiting does feel hopeless, but if you can rest on the fact that nothing has really changed between you, and you're still friends - maybe you won't feel so anxious.

Calm the hell down guest. You need your energy for that damn dali lama thread.

December 16, 2008
6:54 pm
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Zebra
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Guest,

I am proud of you for calling her and starting to date.

I haven't even been asked out yet and not sure how I would react to it. I am newly divorced....7 months to be exact.

One guy did ask me out and I got scared. I can't even imagine going out with someone.

so you see...you are in a better place then me. Good job.

December 17, 2008
11:12 am
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Ok Shaney, I'm sorry if I'm upsetting you.

>> Calm the hell down guest. You need your energy for that damn dali lama thread.

You dont like that Dalai Lama thread eh? You dont need to give advice if you dont feel like it. I'm not forcing you.

Zebra, thanks. Good luck with dating yourself!

December 17, 2008
12:00 pm
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marypoppins
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Guest,

She may just be very busy, as others have said. But you got out there - out of your comfort zone. It's really the only way, step by step.

I don't think it would be a bad thing to call her again in a week or so and leave a message about getting together. If a guy called me but didn't leave a message, I might not call him back. Maybe I'd think he wasn't sure he wanted to talk to me.

And if you don't think you're "well" in some sense, what can you do to get better? As I've told you before, it's nice to see you opening up more. Have you considered meetings again or therapy?

I'm working on trying to just be friends with that guy from work. He's supposed to come over again to hang out. New friendships are very important, too.

And maybe I'll actually meet one of the guys who has expressed interest in me on the dating site I'm on - just coffee. I'm sure that after the first time, it will get easier.

Step by step. Good luck to all of us.

BAM

December 17, 2008
12:16 pm
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Getting out of my comfort zone, thats important yes? I guess. Why is it important? I dont know.

A week sounds like a good time, yea I might call her although I'm not obsessing about it as much now. I'm trying to except that she's just not into me like that. Thats infact the best attitude to have right now so I stop obsessing.

I did leave her a message the first time, it was kind of fumbly but the 2nd time I didnt leave a message. Meetings and therapy, dont know. Therapy doesnt work, I've tried it. Recently stopped seeing a doc. I never felt she cared. I wonder if a good therapist even exists who can really make a person change. Its just $100/hour for talking only because I have no friends with whom I can share the same.

good luck to you in all that too.

December 17, 2008
12:19 pm
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Shaney
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Upset? Not even close.

I was joking with you - being facetious.

December 17, 2008
1:13 pm
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((( Guest )))

Respectfully, and kindly it's truly not about wondering if there is a good therapist that even exists who can really make a person change at all. It's actually if you want a change, and choose to change. A good therapist will help you see things in a way that you may not have ever looked at them prior, they will help you see things in which you speak about that are bothering you, they can help pull issues out of you that may be hiden or repressed that may be hindering you in some way, but they absolutly can not make you change, the work is up to you to do in order to change, they can only offer the tools for you to work with in order for YOU to change, and heal.

Healing and Peace

December 18, 2008
10:08 am
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Therapy and stuff doesnt work, not even medicines. Medicines only stop a person from going into a really strong episode of strange behavior (extreme panic/anxiety). But if there's a low grade pervasive depression and stuff, that will always be there. I've never seen people change, never. It stays.

Well I'm giving up on this girl. She's not interested so I'll move on. I'll invite her to lunch though if she calls back.

December 20, 2008
1:31 am
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I had emailed her a holiday greeting and she emailed and said she'd been busy and we could get together sometime during the break. I dont know whatsup but it was nice to hear from her.

Shaney: stay away from this thread and if you dont have anything nice to say, then dont say it.

December 20, 2008
1:38 am
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Shaney
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Tez is HOT.

That was nice.

December 20, 2008
1:45 am
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blah blah .....

December 21, 2008
10:01 am
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peace4all
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Bless your heart, Have a very Merry Christmas. If in case you do not celebrate it..then, just have a nice holiday..Good luck with your new friend, we all just want to be happy and I hope you find all the happiness you disire.
Love in recovery, Peace4all

December 21, 2008
10:03 am
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thanks peace, same to you. happy holidays!

December 21, 2008
3:14 pm
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Hey guest! You proved what you and I discussed on another thread...someone told you Merry Christmas. You said Thanks and Happy Holidays. Isn't that the way we should be? Merry Hannakak! Happy Christmas and a Jolly Holiday to you!(did I cover them all? Oh, but I don't know how to spell Kwanza)

Bitsy

December 21, 2008
5:34 pm
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thanks Bitsy, same to you.

December 21, 2008
6:03 pm
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((( Guest ))))

Did you email her back or did she say she was going to call you. Did you say she is a teacher, maybe that's why she has been so busy, I know in college and in high school for the past couple weeks they have been taking a lot of final exams for this grading period. Maybe that's why she said you two will get together during the break... Holiday break?

I don't know what to say about how you feel about therapy, other then maybe you just didn't see the right one for you since you felt that she never cared,...none the less, you know you can talk on here, and there are lot's of people that care.

Healing and Peace

December 21, 2008
10:10 pm
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I dont know, Healing, I dont feel hopeful about the whole thing. Its that self-defeating belief of "I cannot" which limits me. But then hey I tried, now she would call back if she was interested. Nevertheless I'm going to make something nice in this week and invite her over.

I will cook because I want to, not because I want to impress her. Atleast that should be my goal. I have to pull myself over and over to the right place because I drift. Oh well.

Yea she's a teacher and its the holiday break.

Shaney: if you're reading this, please dont care to give your input. I will not read it. I don't care about people who find it easy to hurt others at their moments of vulnerability.

December 22, 2008
8:20 pm
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guest,

I think it is great to ask for advice, and you have received some great advice here from people who care about you.

Let me share something with you. I used to do the same thing to the point where I never beleived enough in myself so I kept asking for answers from other people. It only confused me more after awhile. It turned out that I was listening to so many other people that I lost track of what I thought was important and what I really wanted to do or say or who I was...I lose that, and so this person that I liked and wanted to please became confused about me as well.

My point, is that she was attracted to you at first for a reason..she like you and liked what she saw in you. Now she may be a little confused because you may be trying to be someone you aren't. There is NO ONE like you in the entire world, and never will be again. If you just act from your heart, do what you think is right, do what you want, BE who YOU are......instead of being who everyone tells you to be. I know that this thread is helpful and we are just trying to help you of course, but no one can be you and only you.

I just thought I would tell you about my experience with too much information coming at me trying to please this other person (it happened a long time ago) and now I just say, 'I will be me'.

December 22, 2008
8:29 pm
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hi OMW, you're totally right. There's a fundamental problem when I have to ask people on what to do which is - I dont know what to do. If thats true, then its not going to work no matter what people tell me. Yea I really have to listen to myself to find out what I want to do and just do that.

The problem with me is I stay "frozen" and dont do anything in fear of making a mistake. I gotta be ok with me making mistakes.

December 22, 2008
10:00 pm
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((( Guest )))

Just stopping by to say Hello.. and see how your doing today... will post soon.

Healing and Peace

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