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Dating advice (guest_g)
December 8, 2008
4:47 pm
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Healing.. and peace
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Guest, ((( Mr. Kindness ))) lol

So tell me are you going to call her this evening... keep us updated.. all your AAC mom's want to know!

Healing and Peace

December 8, 2008
4:55 pm
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sdesigns
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ha ha, Healing and Peace. I feel like we're sending him to the prom or something!

sd

December 8, 2008
5:34 pm
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SD

Your right, but like the one's we have sent off to proms.. he will do just fine... or better because he's past that prom age.

Anyway I think you are ((( Guest ))) how old are you?

Healing and Peace

December 9, 2008
12:12 am
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lol I'm way old, I'm just over thirty now. Yea, sad 🙁 and I need all this coaching as if I'm 15. Thats fine, everyone has their own pace and circumstances in life. I wasnt born with a silver spoon in that sense, though it would have been nice.

Wellll, i didnt call her yet. I dont know... maybe tomorrow? My head is kind of clouded. I gotta read all you guys stuff here and think about it more.

Bevdee, wow that sounds great and the fact that he was training some men, means he had leadership which means, personality. Whats the situation now for you?

I'm tired, was working on some toy of mine.

December 9, 2008
11:55 am
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I dont know if I should give her anything for Christmas. A card or something? What should I do? I should have remembered the address of her parents, I could have sent them a greeting card.

December 9, 2008
11:58 am
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Ah yes i have their address. I could send them a holiday greeting card! But what about her then, what do I do. Send her one too? Send them all one card? Phew, totally confused. damn!

December 9, 2008
1:29 pm
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Guest, ((( Mr. Kind Man )))

You are going to do just fine, I swear, you are being so thoughtful thinking of her parents, and her.

Please call her and talk to her, let her know you felt bad about canceling and ask her if you can make it up to her.. in a nice but funny way.. she will appreciate it I swear to you. In one way or another, just do it,...like the NIKI commercial says.. I know your nervous, and you feel you don't have some sort of social gift when it comes to talking to women, but you don't need a gift to do this, just be yourself. No one in the beginning is really real comfortable with this, only if they are like what I would call (dogs) meaning they just want a piece. The antisapation of not knowing if she will say sure that would be great or no sorry I understand it hard for you but I will and have said, I think she does have a mutual attraction to you. You get what I'm saying? Your interested in her as a person and wanting to get to know her better, so it's always somewhat difficult to make those first few phone calls.. but it will get easier as you will see on how she responds to you.

Really, you can do this. And I will say that you will be so pleased that you were not only able to call her but to ask her to come over for dinner, or out somewhere. Even if she says she is busy you were able to make that phone call and you will be able to tell just by the conversation if she is being nice or distant.

As far as a Christmas gift for her, there are endless things you can do, or get her. And I would say go ahead and send her parents a card. They will appreciate it, who doesn't. They seemed to like you when you went over for Thanksgiving, so go ahead and get one for them.

You can even write in it that you apprecaited their invite to Thanksgiving and that your thankful they did because you enjoyed their company. I know, I could be writing for a card company know.. Will call them Be my Guest, Healing and Peace coming to a store near you soon. ha ha

Healing and Peace

December 9, 2008
7:35 pm
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bevdee
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G_,

Another good date I had was with Casinoman. He took me to see the fort he built for his sons. He had a picnic waiting in there for me. Toward the end our dinner, it started raining. He took me to the loft part of the fort, we zipped two sleeping bags together and we "snuggled and stuff". That was a good one.

As for Niceman? He was good at his job, and has been financially rewarded for it. But - he worked so much, I saw him less and less, so I called it off lat summer. I see him now and then, but I quit waiting for him to be free, because he hardly ever was.

December 10, 2008
10:27 am
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Healing thanks.

I should call her yes. Why though am I always afraid to pick up the phone? arghhh. Whyyy. I should try to find out

Gonna use the question answer technique by Nathaniel Branden:

I am afraid to call her because:

- I think she'll be disappointed with me

- I'll bore her

- She'll hate me

- she'll think I'm bugging her too much

- I just feel I dont have what it takes to make a successful phonecall.

- I'll come across as someone who sucks.

- I would rather not do anything than risk seeing failure

Soo.. I dont know how to deal with these negative thoughts.

>> And I will say that you will be so pleased that you were not only able to call her but to ask her to come over for dinner, or out somewhere.

Thats true though. I have always observed that after I've called her, it resolved a lot of tension and made it disappear.

Ok then I should think about sending her parents a card, yea. But I ask why am I doing this. Is it to win her over, or to just be nice? If its to win her over then its wrong - correct? See I make these decisions and then I backtrack and I freak out. aaaa.

December 10, 2008
10:30 am
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Thanks Bevdee, wish I could learn everything about how the dating thing went for you but thats not possible. I would definitely be inspired. The nicknames you choose for them are cute, niceman and casinoman lol. Thats a pity, Casinoman couldnt take out time for you.

December 10, 2008
12:37 pm
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Guest,

I don't know why, maybe some hidden past hurt or fear of not knowing what or how things will turn out. Were you degraded as a child?

!. there is nothing that you could say that would cause a nice kind person to be disapointed in you.
Unless you called her and said
"Hey I think your a &*&%.. then she might be disapointed to hear you think that way about her.

2. You of all people will bore her???
Umm .. impossible your too funny!

3. She won't hate you for calling her...she might hate that you didn't call her sooner... because she has been waiting for the phone call.

4. You are not bugging her by calling, if she is busy she will most likely say, I'm busy can I call you back... bugging is calling every hour or everyday three times a day for no reason... you just saying hi, is a reason to call her, and not bugging her.

5. You have your fingers, ears, and a mouth, so now the hard part it the courage to call.. you can do this.

6. There is no way that you will come off as you suck... unless you again tell her something really bad... that could make her think such.

7. There is nothing to fail at.. even if she rejects your offer to go out, the invitation to come over that isn't failure.. when you fail to take an oportunity, is failure to see results. Whether she excepts your invite, or not isn't failing at anything... your you and she is she, and there simply is no failure in this at all.

Maybe try to let go of any expectations at all, just go at it with the attitude that you would like to call her to see how she is doing, and just to say hello the first time. Then take it from there.. no expectations to know if she will say yes she would like to go out or not go out,...just to say hello.

Ask yourself, do you want to just send them a card to wish them a Merry Christmas or do you have a motive behind it? If there's a motive then don't send the card, if you truly want to send them your best wishes for the Holiday's then send it.

You can do this, keep telling yourself you can do this, let go of all expecations if it makes it easier.

I hope this helps you somewhat.. you can do this.. really and I do know you will feel better and relieved once you do.

Peace to you Healing and Peace

December 10, 2008
9:53 pm
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hi Healing, yea, I was abused (its a small word actually). My mom was an evil raging fire breathing monster to me when I was small.

You know I keep worrying about this: even if I do make it this phonecall, I wont be able to do the next one. I should just stop thinking like this and focus only on the present.

I will come back and read the rest of your post later - I'm so tired right now. I was working on a toy and didnt take my nap. Be back later soon!

December 10, 2008
11:38 pm
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Guest,

I'm so sorry to hear that your mom treated you like that... (((( Guest)))

Healing and Peace

December 11, 2008
12:03 am
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Actually, G_Dude, it was Niceman that didn't have time. But like I said, I still see him now and then. He's still nice, mannerly and so handsome. I have had some nice dates lately with Casinoman- all very proper and public. He's confusing the heck out of me. Then there's a bowling guy I have my eye on.

I agree with H& P- you can do it. Just take each experience as it comes. Try not to put the stuff from the past in front of you.

December 11, 2008
11:01 am
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Healing, thanks again. I hope i follow up with your advice, its really good and it makes sense. I wish I was like that. Thats exactly what I gotta do!

thanks bevdee! Good luck with the bowling guy!

December 12, 2008
12:35 pm
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MsGuided
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guest.since you're an athiest, and don't beleive in any sort of afterlife.

You only live once.

Stop being afraid!,and jump into the Deep (possible) Pools of Intimacy!

Give and Share.

Follow through with that Gal!
;0)

December 13, 2008
1:14 am
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I did :(((. I called her and she didnt answer. I called too late. I'm sad but I'm relaxed that atleast I called her. I did the right thing, just a bit late. Lets if she returns my call or not. Last time she did after two days. This time, I dont know. :(( sniff

December 13, 2008
2:28 am
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marypoppins
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good for you!! did you leave a message?

BAM

December 13, 2008
2:52 am
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CraigCo
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Hey guest,

Have you tried the "being a jerk" routine? Not that I'm really recommending that but, I've seen so many guys get & hang on to women that way. What the hell is that all about? Of course it wouldn't work for all women & the ones it does work on you probably wouldn't want anyway.
I saw a show awhile ago about women who love jerks. It turns out that the women interviewed that were like that claimed that it was because of their desire to feel that they alone could conquer the guys heart & bring out the tenderness from within, thereby validating themselves.

So, then what, I wonder? Once he starts being nice do they split? Move on to the next one?
Being a jerk to women goes against what I'm really about but, it's amazing how often it works for those with the capacity for being a-holes.
Not saying that you do though.
I've witnessed it firsthand time & time again. Ah women, so complex. Mind boggling sometimes. wtf?

I would just try to be myself & if they like it - fine. If not - that's fine too. The biggest part of it all boils down to ones self esteem I'm sure. To be confident but not cocky.
Decent but not ass kissing.

Fortunately I don't have to concern myself with the dating scene at this point. Lots of growing to do 1st. All the best to you in your pursuit of the fairer sex.

December 13, 2008
11:58 am
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I left her a message yes, but it was kind me fumbling in my mouht. I was confused and bleah. I will call her again tomorrow. Today they all go boating again.

Craigo

>> It turns out that the women interviewed that were like that claimed that it was because of their desire to feel that they alone could conquer the guys heart & bring out the tenderness from within, thereby validating themselves.

Interesting. Sadly, I'm simply unable to put up any kind of show, although, I can hardly be comfortable with being myself so yea.. go figure :(. I wish i could be a jerk and do it.

>> The biggest part of it all boils down to ones self esteem I'm sure.

Definitely true, for this and everything else in life too. I try to relax myself before I call her but somteimes it doesnt work.

Anyway yea, I will call her tomorrow, no problem.

December 13, 2008
12:12 pm
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sdesigns
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YAY, Guest!

OK, at least you called her AND left a message.

Now honestly- did you call her late because you think she wouldn't answer??

Since she didn't answer, you could have said (just a suggestion) that you'll call again tomorrow. Take the reins, don't leave it up to her to call back. And then DO call her again as you said you would. That way- you're making yourself follow thru by stating what you're going to do (obligation to yourself) and show her you do what you say you'll do.

Then, if she isn't home or whatever, ask her to call back. The ball is in her court then but you've accomplished your mission!

good luck.

sd

December 13, 2008
9:58 pm
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hi SD, nope, I called her at a comfortable time, but it was Friday night. I'm suspecting she didnt wanna call back or talk to me and didnt feel like it. its ok though, I'll still invite her. Maybe the distance for good, or maybe not and she's not interested in me anyway.

i did say I will call her later (didnt mention 'tomorrow') but should I call her tomorro then, or should I wait for her call?

Now that:

>> Then, if she isn't home or whatever, ask her to call back.

is really hard for me to do, to ask somoene to call me back especially her. I can do it with anyone else if this dating anxiety is not there. I dont know why I'm afraid of making this demand. I think its because I dont want to appear too eager. Its messed up, big time, yea. I wish I didnt have these problems.

What if she doesnt wanna call back and talk to me and doesnt like me making this demand? Ah.. I got problems with these rudimentary basic things. :(.

I'm just gonna wait for her to call back. I had the last girl tell me I wasnt assertive and its true. I dont know what makes me afraid to ask people for stuff.

December 14, 2008
10:55 am
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Guest,

I'm so proud of you and that you were able to call her.. That was a huge step for you... hope she calls you back or you call her back again.

Healing and Peace

December 14, 2008
2:14 pm
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thanks healing!

December 15, 2008
3:01 am
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bevdee
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G_,

Do you have your fridge stocked with beverages?

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