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Cyndra and Lovinglife.....Please Read....
November 26, 2006
3:16 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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My Dear sweet sisters Kristine, and Tonya,

I do hope you read this with an open heart and an open mind. You are going to probably get more honesty and truth than you have ever gotten from me. I will do my best to not be too tough, but this is where I feel like I need to show tough love.

In 6-8 weeks, we built some of the closest relationships any of us had ever had. We learned to trust, love, and be comfortable. We pucked, and swore, cried, threw up, and laughed together. We chased good ole Astute around like his pants were on fire. We have done things that I know I never thought I could do again. TRUST, LOVE, and I gained a feeling that I had not had in as long as I can remember…HOPE. And in one day….it is gone?

Ok, the way it was handled was wrong…I admit that…….so did they. I don’t honestly believe that any one of them were telling us how to feel or how to heal. They made some observations…so we didn’t agree….SO WHAT. Are we really going to give up what we had gained over all of this? LL and Cyn, I am missing something…I fought with Cyn, over me thinking she was telling me how to feel. I was assured and reassured that it wasn’t the way that it was, and when I tried to run LL you stopped me. Why is it ok for you guys to run this time? Because of someone elses opinions? Are we going to run every time that we don’t like what someone says? That is part of our problem….NOW WE NEED TO STOP. We confront it head on, and we did. We don’t give up. Are we going to give up every time we get hurt? Seriously? I still get upset if I think about the way it was handled…so I don’t. I am going to let the dust settle. I am NOT willing to give up my healing process without a fight. We were asked to move to the other side…they didn’t ban as on a whole from support side. So that makes it a little less traveled…is that truly so bad? It wasn’t as if we didn’t know people were reading them. I could go on for hours about what happened in how this was handled and why it upsets me….but I am making a CHOICE. One to not give up, one to fight for my sisters, my friends. The only people that I have. I think that there was a lot of growth in this for MANY people….not just us. I think that ones that we were hurt by, learned a thing or two as well.

So let me see if I have this right. We were hurt, no doubt about it. We took things wrong, things were handled poorly, I didn’t help that. BUT, this is where I get confused…We were hurt….fully acceptable, so we are going to further hurt ourselves and each other. This is NOT making sense to me at all. Will one of you explain it please? LL, you aren’t comfortable here, you will not trust again, or be comfortable, you won’t be honest about feelings….but you weren’t willing to relinquish your rights? Why? It is important enough for you to stick around, but not to stay close to your sisters? C’mon. Cyn, you disappeared out of nowhere. I am thinking that may not have been quite the way you planned it, but none the less. We talked about EVERYTHING you guys. We are ALL in positions that we need support, and you walked away. I am supposed to just say ok. LL, yesterday after reading what you wrote, I wanted to choke you. I haven’t been that hurt since protective services removed me from my home 14 years ago. I cried and cried and cried. I almost felt like I had spent weeks pouring my heart out to someone who made me believe that they cared, to find out that I had been lied to that whole time. I was so hurt. We got hurt so screw us. I am not saying that you weren’t hurt. But so was I. I couldn’t walk away from where my heart has been for weeks. Here with my sisters. GG, has a major surgery coming up, Cyn has FIB she is dealing with, Need is going through hell on a regular basis, I am just falling completely apart, and you my sister are living with a verbally, sexually abusive ex. And you walked out on all of it. WHY? The hurt that you didn’t agree with was worth more to you than what we had here.

We can’t let them ruin us. And I don’t think that is what any of them truly want. We took it all as an attack. Was that ever how it was intended….? I don’t think so. It was a misunderstanding with some truth that maybe we needed to face. Does that mean we have to stop being us? NO. And I don’t think that is what anyone wants. Look at how many people have come forward and said they have been inspired by watching us. So we hinder their growth too. We can all learn a lot from this and move on. Or we can let it destroy us. I care too much to just let it destroy us, and to just give it up. I guess time will tell what you are going to let it do. I meant when I said that I wasn’t going anywhere…..we will see how bad you guys meant the same thing, It is our choice…Grow from it or let it destroy us? I want back what we had to bad to let it destroy us.
I love you both. But, I am hurt. You have both seriously hurt me. What caused this originally hasn’t caused the amount of pain that losing you two have. I hope you will both put some serious thought into this. I don’t blame you for what started this, I will take full responsibility for that…..BUT, I can’t control how you deal with it. Walking away isn’t solving anything.

I love you both with all of my heart. And LL, I don’t want you on the sidelines cheering me on. I want you right back where we were. Sure that may take some time….but that seems better to me than NEVER. Are you truly ok with just walking away? Because if it is, I have to tell you this….I buy that you never felt as honest about the sisters as I do, or as I thought you did. I can’t make your choices. I love you both. I am sorry if all of this sounds selfish or whatever. I don’t even care. This is my feelings.

Mich

November 26, 2006
4:06 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I will keep bumping this until I know it has been read. Please at least acknowledge that you read it when you do. Please.

November 26, 2006
5:57 pm
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Mich,

You are an inspiration!! You are a prime example of positive, assertive communication at it's best. You have taken what you could use here and are leaving the rest!!! Good for you!!!

Nobody should really care what the "sisters" are doing. It doesn't affect any of us in the least... but it DOES affect you guys, GREATLY!!! You need each other. That is apparent.

I think you should all do what you do best. Support, care for, listen to and LOVE each other!!!! Don't think about what anyone else who may be watching you may think. Don't worry about being judged. It's not about them. It's about you!!!! Take care of yourselves!!!

Mich, You are so strong. I hope you are proud of the way you have been able to express yourself over the past week or so. You have been tested BIG TIME and you have pulled through with flying colors!

Much love to you and the sisters.

TC

November 26, 2006
6:45 pm
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lollipop3
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(((Mich))),

TC wrote: "You are an inspiration!! You are a prime example of positive, assertive communication at it's best. You have taken what you could use here and are leaving the rest!!! Good for you!!! "

and...

"Mich, You are so strong. I hope you are proud of the way you have been able to express yourself over the past week or so. You have been tested BIG TIME and you have pulled through with flying colors!"

Ditto, ditto, ditto!!!!! I couldn't agree more!

November 26, 2006
8:01 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Lovinglife, and Cyn (if you can)

Please talk to us. PLEASE. This is hurting me, at least talk and tell us you're done if that is what you want...PLEASE. I needed you to know my feelings before you left us for good, at least tell me that you have read them and they don't matter. At least have that courtesy please.

I love you...
Mich

November 26, 2006
8:35 pm
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lovinglife
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Mich, GG & Need,

First, I love you Mich and nothing will ever change the way I feel – nothing. And you too lil shit and the middle shit as well : ) My pulling out has nothing to do with any of you and it hurts bad to think that any of you would feel like I don’t care, that I don’t love you, that I haven’t shed a few snotty tears over this, or that you wouldn’t think that you’re worth it to fight for, to hold on for. And worse to think that you would feel that I have abandoned you when I said there was no way in hell I would.

And now for my final ramble…after this there is nothing more that I can say...

This whole thing is making me think about the man I fall in love with (Mr Potato Head) and how he shut me out and since has continued to shut me out …and today don't believe that is what he ultimately wanted. I’m coming to the realization I hurt him just one too many times for him to go there again with me, for him to make his self vulnerable to me in the ways he had. Now there may be a few people here at AAC that would tell me it’s just wishful/distorted thinking on my part and that my not being able to let go of him is just my high codependent behavior. But the people here don’t know everything - and those that feel they do know and would feel moved to share their unsolicited “knowledge/advice” are only looking at it from perhaps the reading of a book/text and/or better yet, from the perspective of what I shared, from my perspective of being filled with pain and confusion- they weren’t there and they sure weren’t apart of the relationship. Or just tuning in and catching just a little bit of my story...not getting the FULL picture.

What is my point with the above? This place that I love, has hurt me just one too many times, one time too many for me to step back in and risk being hurt again, risk showing my still very vulnerable side even as much as I want to believe I am strong enough to handle it even as much as it has hurt to let this place, what I knew, and you girls go.

A person going through the shedding of past hurts, current hurts, pain, their deep issues becomes even more vulnerable then they were before they started the pucking. At least before they had strong defense mechanisms to feel protected but those walls come down when they feel totally safe with those they are entrusting their secrets, their shame, their pain as they are feeling so loved, so heard and so safe. And when someone who is not directly involved in the bonding, in the healing, pipes in with their “observations” at any given moment of this process, it throws a person for a loop and their defense and/or unhealthy coping mechanisms go back up. Just as both of you Mich & GG have just experienced with this whole ordeal.

Now it’s not so much that they weren’t directly involved or that they perhaps didn’t have very valid points, but its how they went about doing it. And once again for me I was involved in something here that is not my style of doing things nor want to be associated with (I don't initiate what I view as an attack on someone or a group of people - BUT something I am working on is that I will attack back viciously when a threat is precieved.) And as both of you girls (Mich & GG) have stated, it was not handled in the best way coming from their end, perhaps why it felt like an attack in the first place.

Now….. put yourself in my shoes girls and times that by 3…how would you feel??? Part of it is, is that I am not at the point that I am strong enough to handle what just happened once again and that is not about the valid points raised, or not about the S/C making a decision (I really like it here & the people too & was our goal anyways!), but I’ll tell ya, if it would have been just dropped – the valid points raised and then left to settle, I’d still be with you girls. We are an intelligent enough of a group of women that we would have worked through it. But like what I experienced before here…. wtf is this shit about beating the hell out of something?? My god. And then this last round there were A LOT of others that jumped on the bandwagon, and even what I perceived as mocking starting to happen on the afghan sister thread started over here {btw not you WD - felt your total sincerity-I have such a respect for you- sometimes a little in awe : ) }

Now putting aside the need to protect myself, and the fact that this was the third time …. what it really came down to girls, honestly.... is that I knew that if I backed out and just watched from the sidelines, cheering you three on (as I have been) in would come the love and understanding from those who were trying to beat the hell out of something, and who almost were looking like they were going to start the beating the hell out of two of my sisters that I completely love & adore.

Ok, to help you you three understand, here are two of following exchanges (there are more) from the sisters thread on this side that I based my final thoughts on….the one regarding GG hurt me deeply...

lollipop3
24-Nov-06

Mich,
I don't know if it will help ease your mind or not, but my concerns about unhealthy dependency were established long before the situation between you and Need. In fact, originally, my concerns had nothing to do with you at all.
Perhaps if I had said something then, you would not feel you are the cause of all of this now and I apologize for that.

I just thought you should know that.
Lolli

bevdee
24-Nov-06

Ahh Lolli!
"In fact, originally, my concerns had nothing to do with you at all."

lollipop3
24-Nov-06

bevdee?
Did my post give us some sort of "ah ha" moment? 🙂

bevdee
24-Nov-06

Lolli - about 2 weeks ago

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

bevdee
24-Nov-06

Mandy
What is it that made you so angry that you now want it to stop?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Now this is the following exchange that ultimately did it for me…my lil sis (Mich you take care of her)

ggfred4
24-Nov-06

I am so depressed over all of this and there is no way anyone else will understand...I am crying because mich seems like her mind is made up and I have a feeling I know...LL, when can we all talk? What is your work schedule?
If you read a post someone wrote to need, the dependency issue being written about is me and my dependency on mich...LL, you explained it once so well to me when I didn't understand it...If anyone should leave, it should just be me...I am too sensitive and can't take constructive criticism...but I really was working on that, but apparently not ready to handle this site...I feel so screwed up and depressed right now, and yes,LL,I broke the promise...and I just have so much going on right now to make any clear decisions...but I am the weakest of the group and I know it...

I feel like I would have to start over...don't know...just don't know...not even feeling free to write how I feel anymore...see, I can't handle it...I am not tough like you LL...I admire you for that...

I need to talk to my sisters!!!!I love all of you...feel so misunderstood....don't they know my life at work and home have improved because of my growing self-confidence which was rooted on this beautiful site?
wasting words here I feel,,,

lollipop3
24-Nov-06

GG,
Do you think it might be possible to listen and learn and grow and accept other people's opinions...without having to leave this site???
I have to be honest here...that is the one thing that I don't understand with all of the sisters.....why does it have to be so black or white?
Why can't people give their opinions without then feeling guilty for making you all want to leave? To be honest...it feels like emotional blackmail and I'm sorry if that upsets anyone that I said that but that is how it feels to me.

Isn't listening, learning, healing, growing, communicating, setting boundaries, resolving issues, etc...what this site is all about???? At least that is what I thought in the past 2 years that I have been coming here.

I don't know....I just don't understand it.

bevdee
24-Nov-06

Lolli!
"To be honest...it feels like emotional blackmail"
Ahhhhhhhhh

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mich, GG & Need….Cyndra & I didn’t desert you three- Cyndra and I are a little feisty and as your big sisters, think we both would have stirred the pot up big time had we both stayed on ; ) and I am hoping that with all that I just wrote, it won’t. Because for one, I’m out of here, and two it was/is not what you three need at all.

Mich, GG, & Need you three are at a point in your lives that AAC is going to help you grow as it has done me. I love this place and can’t express enough what it has done to help me grow, to help me to start to confront my fears, my issues, and even helped me learn just a little better in way of communicating. I didn’t want to put anything in here like I did from the above exchanges of posts to prove anything (I am way beyond that) however I wanted you three to know where I am coming from. And I will be pissed, really pissed if you three throw in the towel…it took me 3x’s…it only fair, right?! And this place needs you three as well: You’re awesome women with a lot of beauty, wisdom, and giving within your walls of hurt and pain that are being knock down…keep digging girls, keep growing, keep on holding each other.

Cyndra left the afghan of love, comfort & hope, and I’m leaving my bonker to use on each other when needed to get someone’s negative tapes to quit playing. USE IT! And if your not comfortable using a bonker, ask Matteo how one goes about it being just a little more sensitive (could never figure that one out!) AND with the attention we got (geeesh!) there are also a lot of others on this site that are just so freakin awesome and who are now able to be a part of the *sisters* whether directly or the giving of support, comfort & wisdom like Ma Strong, MamaC, Kousin K have and recently like Free & Turnabout has for example.

Girls I love you three and I say that from the bottom of my heart. And will be holding you three very close. Nothing has been done here in vain. Everything has its reasons for happening and I knew there’d be blessings coming out it, and for all of us, whether you can see or believe it right now, those blessings are already starting. Just have faith and believe. And know that I will be fine, and am fine...I am a fucking fighter - BIG TIME. I haven't gone through all the shit in my life and the recent pucking of more of the shit out with you all to give up, and having had my season here - I am now loaded with tools and the time has come that I really start using them : ) And I have experienced the love of you three (should say 4-you too Cyndra) that will give me the comfort & encouragement that I am on the right track.

((((((Mich ~ GG ~ Need )))))) I love you girls.

Your big sis forever. LL

PS. I just hope my computer skills didn't go all hay wire, and if so then that must mean there was something in there that really needed some attention : ) and no picking apart any "grammer" errors either : ) and most of all- I hope I made sense to you three and you know that you big sisters are still right here with you- just not actively apart of the sisterhood.

Here it goes..."send reply"

November 26, 2006
9:49 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL, yet you won't let it go completely to be able to stay in touch with us. I would give it all up for that. I want ym sister back. Everyone here is afraid to say anything to us, we aren't going to continue to grow here because we over-react to everything. We will not get honest opinions, we will not ever have what we had before. Even gg, is afraid to ask for love.

November 26, 2006
10:08 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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And LL, let me say this...

My three x's

1. ) the night I started talking to you when everyone else was ripping me to shreads.

2. ) Last Wednesday when this shit all started.

3. ) The second I finished reading your last post to us.

Those are my three. And the last one hurt the worst. I am done...

November 26, 2006
10:15 pm
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ggfred4
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LL,
We are lost now and need the big sis...You see what people are saying..they do not understand...I am scared just writing this...What you stated above, the comment to me...that hurt a lot...

I understand everything you wrote, really do...I am being selfish in wanting you back...This whole thing has crushed me....I can't even write anymore,,,lost the freedom...

LL, not to make you feel guilty, but I sure did need you this week...A LOT! I love you LL.....

November 26, 2006
10:40 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, that emotional blackmail remark and the backup remark...you knew that would hurt me deeply...see, you knew...you know me a lot...you understand me...you can help me...please!!!!!

November 26, 2006
11:14 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Goodbye LL, I will let you go, but I want you to understand, you took my hope, love, trust, faith and desire with you when you said goodbye. I think the other three of us are done here too. But we will make it more permanent that you are willing to do. I am sorry if my anger seems to be my most prominent emotion of display right now. That is where I am.

November 27, 2006
8:04 am
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LL, I can't stand you gone...feel like I have been at a funeral all week and not recovering well at all...I am trying to understand your letter, really I am, but there is too much pain still...Last night I was organizing things and I found some papers...the ones I copied and pasted, our info on each of us that we had dared to put in print at the time...remember, mich's idea...I read yours and cyn's and cried again...lost....again....never letting go of those papers...it is all of I have of you, a piece of paper...I love you LL

November 27, 2006
8:57 am
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needtoheal
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LL--

I am missing you so much... I still cannot believe that you are not here as well as Cyndra...

November 27, 2006
9:02 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL,

Let me just say this...Your actions speak far louder than your words, as will mine when I relinquish my rights. I am not near strong enough to deal with all of this. I cannot do this, and I am emailing Jim to tell him, it isn't worth his time for me either. I loved you the best I could, and my fight here is over. Goodbye.

November 27, 2006
9:24 am
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lollipop3
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LL,

Again I apologize if my comments are the actual reason that you decided to leave.

Having said that, I would like you to know that I was in no way mocking you, or anyone else....at any time, and neither was bevdee. In fact, I believe that I tried my very best to repeatedly explain myself so that you and the other sisters would know that my comments came from a place of helping...and nothing more.

I spoke my truth and my comments were based on my feelings. Some of the things that I said triggered something in Bevdee, that reminded her of her own family, which she spoke about at greater length on the support side. Those were her "realizatons" or "ah ha" moments that we were speaking of.

They were moments of growth for her....not a mockery of you.

I'm not trying to change your mind one way or the other. If you decide to leave that is your choice, but please make your decision based in fact, and not just what you perceive was happening. I would have been happy to explain this to you sooner...had you just asked.

Take care and good luck,
Lolli

November 27, 2006
9:43 am
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Thank you. Because of the triggers, when I first read this, I IMMEDIATELY went into this panic! Internalising it. THe responibility!!

Then - here is the beauty of this online ......stuff.

I walked away. I thought about it, re-read it and decided that it IS LL's decision. It is also anyone's decision who to blame their decisions on.

I also wondered if all the posts from support had been read.

Then another curious thing happened. Since none of the "sisters" were online, Mich posted me on the support thread she had created earlier to catch my attention. I was then faced with a decision of whether to slip into the role I had assumed since birth.

I sort of assumed it in a modified way. It felt odd to me. Familiar yet different. Familiar because of the push-pull, and different because of my new awareness. I guess.

I am still pondering all of it, and the "events" that played out afterward. Because of the volatility here, I won't feel free to discuss this for-I don't know? A while.

But I wanted to let you know I appreciate you - again.

Bevdee

November 27, 2006
9:54 am
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I think that we all put ourselves out on a limb when we decide to bare our souls on a message board. It is not a private chat room and it is completely open for others to review, criticise, judge and mock (even though I must say that I did not see ANY of that, especially from Lolli)... BUT... and this is a big BUT...

It is also open for others to HELP us!!!! We get to hear advice from people who have walked in our shoes, from people who have conquered some of the same fears that we have and who have overcome obstacles that we, ourselves find daunting and overwhelming. We come here for support and sometimes the support does not come in the form of a (((HUG)))... sometimes it comes in the form of tough love. Sometimes it comes in the form of constructive criticism. Sometimes it's a tough pill to swallow. Sometimes it hurts so badly that you want to run, hide and bury your head in the sand.

I have been there!!! I have felt completely misunderstood, defensive and downright angry with some of the people here at times... but once I calmed down, I realized that the opinions offered were just that... opinions! They didn't make me a bad person. They were offered for the sole purpose of helping me see things from a different angle. They were designed to help me climb out of my walls of confinement and venture out to a new (more healthy) way of thinking.

I don't think leaving the site completely is the answer. Maybe, taking a break would be a better option. Taking time to clear your head and be able to see things with more clarity is a less extreme solution.

I think that you all have hurt feelings and you are feeling totally exposed and vulnerable... but please try to remember... that we are all here for the same reason. To receive/give support to each other. I don't believe that there have been any malicious intents in any of the "advice" that's been offered up.

I think that feelings are RAW and you are feeling attacked.... but in the end... it's about YOU! Who cares what anyone else thinks!!!! If you all leave, you'll most likely be able to continue your friendship elsewhere, which is a beautiful thing BUT you'll be losing out on valuable insight, advice and support from soooo many other wonderful people here.

Think about that... and whatever you all decide... I wish you the best.

TC

November 27, 2006
11:15 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL,

Do you remember posting these words?

lovinglife
9-Nov-06

Mandy~ My Michigan : )
Gull darn it girl can’t we just hold you and love you enough to make it all better so I don’t have to share my feelings??? You’ve come to know I hate that- sharing what I feel and as the big sis here I need to stay strong - though somehow I think you could kick my *ss : ) couldn’t keep up with you last night while you were kicking some butt!! I went to bed last night just laughing-giggling about the whole ordeal.

Do you realize we first crossed paths on Oct 9th (a month ago exactly) and then on Oct 16th that within in 24 hrs between you, GG & myself we had close to 300 posts?! And ever since then, going strong with the additional of two more beautiful bouncing baby sisters (for me) Need & Cyndra, and our latest addition Friendma. What a beautiful sistership here that has been created because of you Mich, because of you.

There is something very special about you that if I could put into words what I feel I would… not sure why I can’t but its there-this warm spot within my heart for you. My prayer for you, is for you to see yourself the way you make others feel, to see yourself the way I feel about you but can’t express. For you to get to know that special, unique, gifted person who is are under all the hurt & pain you carry. And overall, for your pain to stop.

Now I have to say I haven’t laughed as much or hurt as much for another than I have during these past weeks. And also must say, I have grown just a touch more with you by my side – (or would that be running behind you?!). And with that, I thank you. I’m looking forward to moving onward with you on my journey while you continue yours getting equipped with just a few more outside tools and support.

We’re in this for the long haul. If Jim recommends inpatient care for you, do know that all the sisters will go on vacation until you get back as who the hell will hold us all together?? Wait, now that isn’t going to work….......We'd have to take care of GG for you - and to replace you in GG life’s for even just a short time it’s going to take all of the sisters AND the the ma's, AND the cousins...might even have to round some people up from the libs side and drag them over here to help out... working together, taking shifts… We will be busy, now won’t we?!!! {Love ya, ya lil sh*t : ) who told on me...}

I love you Michigan. I think you and your littlest twin are the most precious gift that I could have been given on my journey. And you brought into my life more gifts of...Cyndra, Need and Friendma - you’re awesome Mandy, you’re absolutely awesome.

Someday you will see this in yourself and when you do it will be freeing. Sometimes I wonder if my Higher Power’s most hurting creatures are the ones with the most beautiful souls. It’s what I have come to know.

Alrighty then, Mich- let’s go for GG’s dream here, together as a family...…and oh at the airport someday I will be the one with the t-shirt that says I'm the BIG sister and will be the one singing!!

Love you,

lovinglife

What happened to the long haul? What happpened to moving forward onthis journey together? It was all a lie. All of it. Keep this letter and keep telling yourself what it meant to you. I will never be able to tell you what it meant to me, and I am done telling you what it means to me now.

November 27, 2006
3:52 pm
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cyndra820
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GG, Mich & Need,

I've been reading the threads and had been deactivated for a few days. While I was in that status I had asked the site coordinator to post this for me:

Hello Sisters,

I have asked the site coordinator to post this to you because I cannot. She did as I requested and removed my privileges to log into the site and post. I have asked if I could come back and the answer was after a long break. Which is fair due to the current situation.

I don't want any of you to leave. This site is a wonderful tool and the people here are supportive. I know it may not seem like it all the time, but even criticism is supportive. I don't believe anyone meant any harm. We may not have cared for how it was done, but that doesn't mean the comments were without merit. So, please stay here. If it is too much to be involved on the Support side stay on the Libs side with the occasional visit to the other side to catch up with friends you've made and see who the newbies are.

Mich~ You did a very brave thing telling your story so completely. I am very proud of you. Please agree to disagree with Lolli, who is a wonderful person. Her views were concern not criticism. I know it hurt to read, but her views have merit. Don't leave. Step back, but don't go.

GG~ You do give insightful commentary when you respond. You are growing stronger and more confident. Good luck with the surgery. I'll be keeping you in my prayers and I'll be saying an extra long one at 8:30am EST on 30 November.

Need~ I hope you and the boys have a wonderful Christmas. You are an awesome mother and a wonderful friend.

LL~ The sage one of all of us. Finish what you started so you can have the life you deserve. You have earned the happiness you seek.

Alycia, Lolli, Snow, Isis, Zinnie, Dereka, Bevdee, Worried Dad, and anyone else I forgot, THANK YOU for caring enough to voice your opinions. Thank you so very much.

Take care everyone.

Love,
Cyndra

Now I see that you have all decided to stay. I am so very glad of that. This is a wonderful place full of love and concern. It has value.

Mandy,

LL's situation wasn't an easy one. Having been in her shoes at another time and place I understand her choice. She said she isn't strong enough to do it a third time. Let her go. She's not abandoning you, she's protecting herself.

Somtimes people will say things to us that trigger a memory. I can't say that's what happened, but something happened and LL feels the need to protect herself right now. As someone once said, she needs to caretake herself right now.

As for me, I'm here, but quieter. I think that's the best thing for a while. I'm still here, cheering you from the sidelines.

No matter what I said it didn't seem anyone heard. I had said to Lolli and Snow that they had valid points, but it kept going and going. I'm glad that it's settled down. I'm glad taht you are going to remain here and use it as a valuable tool to grow and heal.

Our recovery is our own. People may not agree with it, and that's their choice. They don't have to. When they voice their opinions either agree or not.

Love,
Cyndra

November 27, 2006
4:31 pm
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Amen, sister.

November 27, 2006
4:56 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Lovinglife,

I am sorry for being selfish and angry. I have said a lot of unfair things. Just know that I love you and want nothing but the best for you. I am just REALLY going to miss you, a LOT.

Mich

November 27, 2006
5:43 pm
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Isis
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(((Cyndra)))

November 27, 2006
7:25 pm
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ggfred4
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Cyndra, I miss you so much...I understand and wish I was as strong as you...I love you cyn!!!!

November 27, 2006
7:51 pm
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needtoheal
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I love you Cyndra.... Thank you for the compliments... I hope that you and your family have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year...
I have you in my thoughts and prayers...

miss you

--NEED

November 27, 2006
8:59 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, still missing you so much,,,do you have any idea? I hope so, you seem to always understand me.....Love, gg

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