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Concerned about Confidentiality
March 31, 2000
1:06 pm
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SimplyMad
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Hello! I'm new to this web-site. I have been thinking about going to counseling. However, I don't want my husband to know. So, I thought maybe I could just do on-line counseling. My husband is a computer guru. I don't know if there would be some record on our computer of the messages I post. I'm sure that sounds really paranoid, but I want to be sure. There are some things I have done that are really bothering me. I don't feel there is anyone I can talk to. I think I have completely lost my mind. I don't know what to do. Any feed-back would be much appreciated.

March 31, 2000
4:49 pm
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eve
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Hi Simply,

this site here ist not for on-line counseling. Most people here are like you and me, most of us just came across this site when they looked for advice on their own problems.

Your surfing the net will leave traces on the computer, but you can clear most of them. For example I set a bookmark for this page, so I find it again and don't have to type in my password each time. But everybody else looking through my bookmarks could find this place and my nickname. And my browser remembers the last sites where I was, but I can delete this information.

But enough of confidentiality: what is your problem? Can you give us some of it?

April 3, 2000
9:27 am
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SimplyMad
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Thank you for replying Eve. Well, I'm not sure where to start. I've been living with the father of my son for 7 years now. We just got married. Well, I've never claimed to be an innocent, but I did consider myself to have some morals until recently. If you have ever watched the movie "Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me" you can get an idea of how bizarre and out of control my life has become. I'm basically living a double-life. When I get off of work at night I sometimes go out for a drink or two. I have been unfaithful in ways I won't even get into right now. I don't know what is wrong with me. I would love to blame it on alcohol, but I know that's not what it is. I plan things in a perfectly sober state of mind that I shouldn't be doing. I feel so much shame that I won't even tell my best friend what's going on. I have no one to talk to. I have become a person I don't recognize and most certainly don't like. I sometimes find myself wondering why I'm still here. If I didn't have a son to raise, I probably wouldn't be. Any advice would be much appreciated.

April 3, 2000
9:56 am
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janes
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SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP IMMEDIATELY. There truly are "sex addictions". If you were not unfaithful until you were married then it may be a rebellion to the idea that your boyfriend has now become your "authority figure" i.e. husband.

Did you WANT to get married? If you did not want it then this may be a rebellion to that.

How are you feeling?

You say you wouldn't be here if not for your son...what if he finds out about your behavior? In the event you are found out...who will then get custody in a divorce settlement?

If your husband is a cumputer guru then use the Internet at your library...

Better yet..get professional help and just say you; have some issues that eed to be dealt with...and be vague about it.

Good Luck.

April 4, 2000
3:14 pm
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SimplyMad
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Thank you so much for replying Eve. Seek help immediately sounds like a really good idea. My son is three years old and doesn't do too well in the library.

I've always had difficulty staying faithful. I'm not sure why. I've never dated anyone that was faithful to me either, come to think of it. My husband got a better job offer in a different state so when we moved I stayed home for about 9 months. We don't do baby-sitters, so I just quit working for awhile. Things were going good. I was bored a lot and a bit stir-crazy, but my son was happy and well taken care of. Then I went back to work. I started meeting people. In a very short period of time I have become someone I don't know. Someone I don't want to know.

This will probably be my last post. I need to be careful. I am trying very hard to get a grip on things. The time has come to bury my dark side and never let it out again.

Thanks again, Eve. Your time is very much appreciated. I will come back and visit. Take care.

April 12, 2000
1:55 pm
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Ima
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If you find a permanent way to bury your dark side, I want to know about it! Me, it keeps popping up somewhere.

June 8, 2012
7:29 pm
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Junonia
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June 8, 2012
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The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders,
Volume Four describes sex addiction, under the category “Sexual Disorders Not
Otherwise Specified,” as “distress about a pattern of repeated sexual
relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by the
individual only as things to be used.” According to the manual, sex addiction
also involves “compulsive searching for multiple partners, compulsive fixation
on an unattainable partner, compulsive masturbation, compulsive love relationships
and compulsive sexuality in a relationship.”

Increasing sexual provocation in our society has spawned an
increase in the number of individuals engaging in a variety of unusual or
illicit sexual practices, such as phone sex, the use of escort services and
computer pornography. More of these individuals and their partners are seeking
help.

The same compulsive behavior that characterizes other addictions
also is typical of sex addiction. But these other addictions, including drug,
alcohol and gambling dependency, involve substances or activities with no
necessary relationship to our survival. For example, we can live normal and
happy lives without ever gambling, taking illicit drugs or drinking alcohol.
Even the most genetically vulnerable person will function well without ever
being exposed to, or provoked by, these addictive activities.

Sexual activity is different. Like eating, having sex is
necessary for human survival. Although some people are celibate — some not by
choice, while others choose celibacy for cultural or religious reasons —
healthy humans have a strong desire for sex. In fact, lack of interest or low
interest in sex can indicate a medical problem or psychiatric illness.

July 3, 2012
9:29 pm
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soofootoo
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May 6, 2011
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Do a google search and find an answer to your problem that way. Lots of good info. on the net.

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