Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Codependent No More CHAPTER 7
February 18, 2007
11:02 am
Avatar
bevdee
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MJ

I was punished for expressing my anger, too.

Here is something we have in common. I had to listen to my mother badmouthing my daddy, too. And it was really anger-making, because she left him for another man. All he was trying to do was be a daddy to us on visitation nights. And I had to stuff back my anger at this.

I have spent alot of years alternately stuffing back anger and spewing this inappropriate anger. Misdirected. Because I was not honest with myself about the true causes of my anger.

MJ? You be nice to yourself today- ok?

February 18, 2007
12:29 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yes, punished for expressing anger. Inappropriate anger rears its head at the most in opportune times. Thanks for honestly sharing parts of who you are today Bevdee! I appreciate that you can relate! You be kind to yourself as well!

February 18, 2007
1:15 pm
Avatar
bevdee
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MJ

How have you been punished for expressing your anger as an adult? From your husband? Others?

I have the example of my sister - since I had seen her anger and subsequent ostracism of those who showed their anger at her, I never dared.

When I expressed anger at my mother, I was hit until I was an adult, then she flogged me with her words and her guilt.

The extreme example- Luc, the abuser- I was still punished by being hit.

I think I express inappropriate anger because it might seem safer. Like sometimes I go ballistic on phone solicitors. That sounds crazy, but it is completely safe, I feel the release, and they can't do anything to me.

February 18, 2007
2:58 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

How have you been punished for expressing your anger as an adult? From your husband? Others?

On this site alone, when I have felt anger at some of our fellow posters, I have felt ganged up on. This in turn made me feel less than and ostracized. I was told that my comment was nasty. I was told that I was a piece of shit. Others told me that they had never been treated so abusive...etc. One friend here, wrote me an email ripping me and I refused to talk to her again. I have learned even as an adult, anytime I express anger that no one wants to hear it. I still feel like its not safe to get angry.

February 18, 2007
3:06 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Anger is intimidating to me.

I read what you wrote Bevdee and I like how you can site examples. I can be aggressive with phone solicitors by saying I am not interested and hanging up. This one day the solicitor called back. I said what part of no don't you understand. Please don't call here again. The phone solicitor called back. I couldn't believe it so I had my husband answer the call. The solicitor hung up. I think others can sense my wimpyness. They must be able to. I must be giving off a message that it is ok to intimidate me. I don't like that about me. I get hurt too by being ignored and not acknowledged too.

February 18, 2007
3:08 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MJ: Honey you still here?

February 18, 2007
3:12 pm
Avatar
bevdee
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MJ- you know I live in the country? Once when I was in a good mood, and a solicitor called, I let her go through almost the entire sales pitch, then said "ohmygod my pigs are loose" then screeched "SOOOEEEY!"

She hung up on me.

February 18, 2007
3:12 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi MamaCinnamon! Yes I am still here!

February 18, 2007
3:14 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

That's funny Bevdee! No I didn't know you lived in the country! How nice! I was raised in the country my first 12 years of my life.

February 18, 2007
3:15 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

HI 🙂

You had said I could call on you when I needed help. Please, I need the help. Could you post Chapter 8 please? My pain levels are so high I just cannot get it done. I truly do appreciate you. Thank You.

February 18, 2007
3:16 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yes, I can do that. I hope that you feel better soon. Take care of yourself!

February 18, 2007
3:19 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you again. 🙂

February 18, 2007
3:20 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Your welcome and do feel better soon. Pain is no fun. Love to YOU

February 18, 2007
3:30 pm
Avatar
bevdee
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Mamacinnamon)))

February 18, 2007
4:35 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2. In what ways (mentally, physically, emotionally, etc.) are you being controlled by whatever or whomever you are attempting to control?

Hey All,

In response to this question, I have a declaration to say....I am so proud of me!!!!

I was able to end a relationship with an invading female co-worker who forcefully asked me for my phone #. That was about last summer. Being the reserved person that I am, even tho I did NOT like her, yet, the shy me, I gave her my phone # when she asked Aggressively for it(Very Codep Conduct).

She started to call me once every week. I thought to myself, Good gried, this is too much too quick!!!
Yet, I did Have the Courage to tell her that she was Very aggressive & invading toward me. (Another Codep Conduct).

I took a risk on this co-worker and went ahead and to test my gut feelings and they were...as often RIGHT, Bingo!!!

Each time we would go out, she would either Control me, abuse me, push me around and I would really feel suffocated till I reach home. Only then, I would be able to breathe. Wheweeeeeeeeeee. How tiring manipulative and controlling people can be???

I posted a thread here; re-read Melody's book, listened to one of Joyce's speaches about controlling people. So, I collected my courage & Asked God to give me the gut to tell her that we were "simply not suited to each other due to our different personality."

So, I started by diplomacy, by simply Not returning her calls when she calls me hoping she would get the message. Nevertheless, and believe it or not....she was Persistent and relentless continued to call me against all odds even tho I was polite and not very friendly with her when we happen to speak over the phone. Nothing could discourage this aggressive woman whatsoever!!!

This pattern continuted by her and I continued to pray aking God to work on my courage and on being more straightforward by telling this woman the truth about our friendship.

This last January, she calls and I pick up the phone and she inquires that she left a message in December and if I received it or not. I said yes I did and then I told her the truth as lovingly and kindly as possible without feeling guilty.

What a relief to get rid of controlling and abusive so-called friends and co-workers in our life!!!!

I am so happy to become more honest, courageous and straightforward person. I know this is due to my restricting upbringhing. But with God ALL things are possible!!!!

Thanks for starting this smart thread! R

February 18, 2007
5:12 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Glad you could join us for our book study, Ras! Thanks for sharing!

February 19, 2007
8:24 am
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You're most welcome Mj! I am so proud of you too! You have really made big strides as well. I can see you blossoming.

Keep up the Great work (((Mj)))!!!

February 19, 2007
12:36 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks!

March 1, 2007
10:56 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

sixth week

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
30
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111138
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
OsbornWebb, alpino12, Warnisses, degastro, kojuyu, NathanielClark
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information