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Codependent No More CHAPTER 7
February 15, 2007
10:58 pm
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mj
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So what are our solutions Gals?

Detach, surrender, set goals that are healthy for ourselves, and start living a life that we want?

February 15, 2007
10:59 pm
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mj
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Step One says We admitted we are Powerless over others and that our lifes are unmanageable. 🙂

February 15, 2007
11:00 pm
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mamacinnamon
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MJ reality can be sad.

i have to add... Bevdee, made a comment about love, I can't believe, how I've sunk to years ago, begging and pleading for him not to go...to stay home...He use to be gone 1 night a week...I thought if he saw how much I loved him he would change his mind...I guess pleading and begging is not really love..

Again, me too.

Have ya'll noticed we are all in a sense looking for, begging for the same thing? So, what are we all missing??

February 15, 2007
11:00 pm
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armyleo
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mj,

Ah yes the gifts, we go and make them special personalize them, put love into them...and they are not received like we had hoped for...Sometimes I wouldn't even want something else, but just the acknowledgement that he thought It was special...

I stopped giving him gifts...I think the first year I did that was the hardest...because I use to put so much love and myself into it...

February 15, 2007
11:01 pm
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mamacinnamon
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I AM SORRY but I must step away for a few minutes. I'll catch up when I can return. I truly apologize.

February 15, 2007
11:01 pm
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mj
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Self-empowerment is taking back our own power to make choices that are healthy for us like attending this book study. Very healthy nurturing activity wouldn't you agree?

February 15, 2007
11:02 pm
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armyleo
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mj I guess we have already started by talking honestly about it...

February 15, 2007
11:03 pm
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mj
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Did you buy yourself anything for Valentines this year?

I bought me a cd!!!! I decided to give a gift to me. I figured I was worth it!

February 15, 2007
11:04 pm
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armyleo
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yes mj, I guess we need to start making choices...which include us...I can write about it...However, honestly how do we start?

I guess baby steps, and learning to detach and let go...

I have to tell myself, that if I start detaching and letting go, that this doesn't mean I don't love him...

February 15, 2007
11:05 pm
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mj
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I agree. Being honest is a great start!

February 15, 2007
11:06 pm
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mj
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I have a Poem about Letting Go that is from Hazelden!

Do you want me to share it?

February 15, 2007
11:06 pm
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armyleo
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no I didn't buy myself somthing, however, my 16 year old daughter, left me a card, and rose on my bed...I literally cried, I felt she was connecting to me...I felt real love...

But you know why I cried...It was because she is young, and not afraid to talk about her feelings...I have always been very closed, let no-one in even when I was little...

February 15, 2007
11:07 pm
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armyleo
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yes, please share...You always have wonderful, articles...

February 15, 2007
11:12 pm
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mj
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Letting Go Doesn't mean stop Caring.

To let go does not mean stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off; it's the realization that I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another; it is to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive. It is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept. It is not to nag, scold, or argue with, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anybody but to try and become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more without the harm to yourself.

February 15, 2007
11:14 pm
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mj
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That was so sweet of your daughter. It would have brought tears to my eyes too. ((((Army)))) You are worth lots of Love.

Thanks for your positive strokes about me having good articles.

February 15, 2007
11:15 pm
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mj
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You know, it feels good to be real. I like who you are. I like who I am. It is ok to be who we are today. Self Acceptance begats self love!

February 15, 2007
11:16 pm
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mj
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It's really late where you are at isn't it? How do you stay up so late?

February 15, 2007
11:17 pm
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armyleo
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mj, thanks that is a great poem...I will copy it tomorrow at work, and really read it...

I'm sorry you started out feeling good, and now are sad...

February 15, 2007
11:19 pm
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mj
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Did you give your Daughter a Valentine? I sent ecards to mine about family. I wanted them to know I loved them so much. They wrote me back too. I really want to be able to love myself as much as I love my family. I feel so much shame. Yesterday, I went off the deep end.

February 15, 2007
11:19 pm
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armyleo
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No it's early where I am...8:30, it's late for you guys....

mj, I'm sorry but my son just got home...lost his phone...eligable for an upgrade in 15 days...so he wants to see if I can find my old phone...

Do you have any children?

February 15, 2007
11:20 pm
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mj
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I think I fake it til I make it a lot in my life. I don't want to be sad so I just put on that PollyAnna type mask and pretend.

February 15, 2007
11:21 pm
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armyleo
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No I didn't give her a valentines...I felt sooo bad...I just thought of H, when it comes to valentines...I realize now...we can show everyone we care about love, and it's okay...

I have never been much of one for sharing my feelings...I think I learned here...and it's okay, sometimes it feels good to be able to do that...

February 15, 2007
11:23 pm
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mj
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OH cool! You are on the same time zone as I.

Sorry to hear about your son losing his phone.

My daughters live in other states and are 32 and 30, and I have 5 grandchildren. I also have a step-daughter who is 28. She lives in this state. She recently moved a few hours away for a job and we see her infrequently. Yesterday, we went and installed a new kitchen faucet for her to let her know we love her.

February 15, 2007
11:24 pm
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mj
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Yes, when we experience more self love then we have more to give away. You can love lots of people. Love is unlimited.

February 15, 2007
11:27 pm
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mj
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My husband came up so I am going to go. Have a good evening all.

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